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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Oh god

149 replies

lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 17:43

I know I have posted loads.

So I wanted closure and yes mistakenly went to the boyfriends house to see what was going on.

I went in I stayed at the door bit and I asked what was happening.

"Nothing I am just tired" "thought I was seeing you tomorrow"

This has happened after a full day of ignoring my calls and texts.

I said I just wanted to know what was going on. Just wanted to know if he still wanted to be together. Then again "I thought I was seeing you tomorrow"

It's like he has me clinging on. Me feeling hopeless as I don't know what I have done.

This has happened since last week and going to bed drunk. When everyone there said I was fine.

Once again I am left in limbo. I can't even cry. Maybe it would be better if I could.

I don't even know what to do. My ex is getting married and seems to have the perfect life, where as me just seems to fuck everything up.

OP posts:
me4real · 22/05/2021 20:01

I've just deleted his number. Sod it

@lostsoul1989 Yay well done, now block him on everything else and don't go round there again, have nothing more to do with him and don't ask/let anyone tell you anything about him etc.

Assert to yourself that you deserve better than someone who makes you feel that way.

Notgoodenough32 · 22/05/2021 20:03

He sounds like a bloke I dated briefly.

We were only dating for about 8 weeks but he would go cold and distant as though I had said or done something to upset him - several times.

I didn't turn up to his house but I would be sat at home, anxious and on edge, wondering what I'd done wrong and whether he was ghosting me.

Long story short it was all premeditated and calculated, he got off on playing mind games and watching women squirm.

When I did think 'fuck this' and binned him off it was he who began with the frantic texts and long paragraphs trying to reel me back in.

Mind games OP.

You don't need it.

Don't contact him for three days. See how he reacts to you going no contact yourself. I would bet money on it he contacts you.

Then block him anyway.

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 20:13

Yeah I know. It's just the little things getting to me at the moment.

I won't be contacting him again.

Not going through that again.

I've apologised that's all I can do.

OP posts:
Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 20:37

Eeeeh god I've done it. I've took him off it all,

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/05/2021 20:40

Good for you, that's the best thing you could have done for yourself - well done Thanks

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 20:42

Thank you! Was sick of looking at pending

OP posts:
wishywashywoowoo70 · 22/05/2021 20:43

I've read your other posts.
You didn't do anything. You drank very little diluted wine. You were probably not even drunk.
He's being a dick.

Please listen to the many many people who are telling you to move on.
Focus on you and your kids and forget him
You'll be embarrassed at this in a few months and be mortified you kept on to him to forgive you for nothing at all.

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 20:49

I feel a bit embarrassed now to be fair.

I'm a stupid stupid woman.

OP posts:
wishywashywoowoo70 · 22/05/2021 20:51

You're not stupid. We've all done it. I speak from experience trust me.
He's not worth it. You deserve better

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 20:54

Be alright in a couple of days I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 21:01

@wishywashywoowoo70

You're not stupid. We've all done it. I speak from experience trust me. He's not worth it. You deserve better
Feel like a teenager again 😩
OP posts:
DoubleTweenQueen · 22/05/2021 21:01

@lostsoul1989 You are absolutely not stupid. I'm sure most of us have been in a similar place at some time. Stop being so harsh on yourself, and yes it will take time xx

unicornsarereal72 · 22/05/2021 21:02

I'm sure you have the answer. He is a dick. There isn't anything you have done he just isn't that into you. I know that is hard to except. His loss.

You need to believe your worth. I hung on to my ex until the bitter end and some more. After 14 years together I thought I was worth more. But I wasn't. It isn't about you or me. It is about them.

Have some dignity. And cut all contact.

And know fo the next fella that you aren't going to settle for crumbs. I'd rather be alone than be an option to someone.

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 21:15

Thank you for that. I just feel horrendous, stupid and awful If I have said or done anything. That is what I can't get out of my head.
Maybe I was asleep drunk and started and can't remember anything.
He said it was fine. I don't know, but this is why I can't sleep. That is all.

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 22/05/2021 21:31

Stop letting him get into your mind. No man is worth it. If you did something that upset him he should be up front. He isn't worth this amount of stress or upset. If someone loves you they would not want you to feel this way and do anything so that you didn't. He doesn't give a shit. He is telling you that in buckets. Why do you want to be with someone who treats you like that.

CooperLooper · 22/05/2021 21:32

Just a suggestion. Could you update on your existing posts rather than keep creating new ones? It's hard for posters to know how to advise without having the background info from your other posts...

thecatwithnoeyes · 22/05/2021 21:35

@CooperLooper

Just a suggestion. Could you update on your existing posts rather than keep creating new ones? It's hard for posters to know how to advise without having the background info from your other posts...

Yes to this

All i know is OP went to bed drunk Confused

Milliepossum · 22/05/2021 22:02

OP, you didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just been making you think you have so he can feel superior to you. He’s not worth it, no one needs to be stuffed around by people like him. Just concentrate on feeling better now that manipulator is gone.

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 22:30

Hahahah that's all that happened, went to bed drunk!

Probably using checking behaviours to see what I had done didn't help which has probably made him worse.

So asked some people if I was ok and probably told him so that's made him worse.

God knows

OP posts:
Queenie6655 · 22/05/2021 22:35

OP you sound like a very caring sensitive soul

He is an UTTER DICKHEAD

Block

Never ever go near him again

And please do not accept shit treatment from men

As someone who has been in your shoes it seems he is making some of this shit up to make you feel bad and because he is scum

You dodged a bullet here no doubt about it

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 22:39

I'm too bloody caring, I'm sick of it!

It's just not nice living in limbo

OP posts:
noirchatsdeux · 22/05/2021 22:55

Are you the poster who went to sleep in their boyfriend's bed drunk and pissed in it?

Faith50 · 22/05/2021 22:56

I am sorry op. He is leaving you to do all the chasing which is awful and eats away at your dignity. As others have said, let him go as he is treating you badly. You deserve better.

Reading your story reminds me of an ex from a long time ago. I used to do a lot of the chasing and hanging on in our relationship. I recall on many occasions just before leaving his flat he would say our relationship was not working and we needee to talk. He knew I would desparately try to fix things before making my way home. On another occasion we were due to go out with another couple. I rang him countless times about arranging a meeting point and he did not answer his phone all night. He admitted the next day that he deliberately did not answer my calls - no apology or even a lie. It was all about control and him pulling my strings. I put up with far more and it caused me severe emotional damage that I am still healing from 20 years later. I cannot quite believe I thought so little of myself.

As another poster has said, he is treating you like this because you are allowing it. You need to reach the point where you will no longer settle for this.

Strikethrough · 22/05/2021 22:58

Well done for deleting him.

You said in an earlier message that you're afraid of being lonely - I would imagine there would be no lonelier place to be than in a relationship with a man like this so you have done the best thing to protect yourself.

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 23:05

@noirchatsdeux

Are you the poster who went to sleep in their boyfriend's bed drunk and pissed in it?
Oh didn't wee It
OP posts: