Oh god

[lostsoul1989]

I know I have posted loads.

So I wanted closure and yes mistakenly went to the boyfriends house to see what was going on.

I went in I stayed at the door bit and I asked what was happening.

"Nothing I am just tired" "thought I was seeing you tomorrow"

This has happened after a full day of ignoring my calls and texts.

I said I just wanted to know what was going on. Just wanted to know if he still wanted to be together. Then again "I thought I was seeing you tomorrow"

It's like he has me clinging on. Me feeling hopeless as I don't know what I have done.

This has happened since last week and going to bed drunk. When everyone there said I was fine.

Once again I am left in limbo. I can't even cry. Maybe it would be better if I could.

I don't even know what to do. My ex is getting married and seems to have the perfect life, where as me just seems to fuck everything up.

This guy is not your last chance at a relationship or being happy, I promise you. And you need to learn to be OK with occasionally upsetting or annoying people, or you will spend your life living to suit others instead of yourself. No one can get through life without upsetting people, it's normal and it means you're being true to yourself. Don't twist yourself into unnatural shapes trying to be what you think someone else wants. It's not possible

You sound exhausted and you need to try to let this go. He doesn't want to talk, or fix things, or make you feel better. Which in a way is good because there's your answer - he's not invested in the way you are so there's no way you can have a healthy relationship and you need to let it go.

It sounds like you could do with some counselling to help your anxiety and to work on some coping mechanisms to stop you spiralling when things get on top of you, which (as someone who used to do so too) it sounds like you have a tendency to do?

@Gingernaut

Block him.

He's not into you at all and this obsessive search for closure is borderline harassment and stalking.

I haven't just went to his house everyday or rang everyday. I went to basically say "what the craic was?"

Maybe I am just desperate.

His daughter even messaged me to see if I was ok, which was nice.

You need to know that he's acting like this because he started detaching from you a long time ago. (ie he's looking out for number one) That's why his behaviour is shockingly calm. He's had time to consider whether he wants to make things work and what's going on and has decided that he has given up. He could have been at the point that you are weeks, months, even years before hence him seeking cold.

But why can't he just tell me that!

Honestly men are idiots.

Just fuck him off OP. It doesn't matter what you have or havent done, his behaviour is shitty.

Are you the poster who stormed out of the house in the middle of the night after he said he went to sleep in the spare room? And packed his bag and left it by the front door for him to find in the morning?

If so then I think you know what you’ve done for him to react like this.

@SimonedeBeauvoirscat

Are you the poster who stormed out of the house in the middle of the night after he said he went to sleep in the spare room? And packed his bag and left it by the front door for him to find in the morning?

If so then I think you know what you’ve done for him to react like this.

No not me. Not me at all, I'm the poster that went to bed drunk.

@lostsoul1989 You may not have done anything wrong, it just doesn't sound like it's going anywhere for either of you, and there's nothing you can do about that.
Best save your energy for yourself and someone new.
You can't fix this and you shouldn't need to if it's right.

Try to move on 💐

Its perfectly normal to have your own thoughts and feelings about things Op.
Without the constant worry you will upset him.
No one should tread on eggshells wondering if they have done something wrong all the time.
Its a method of control.
Hot, cold, hot, cold.
Its emotional manipulation.
I said on your other thread if you had said something/ done something , a rational, normal man would discuss it with you and if it was down to drink, support you in cutting back.
There is NOTHING in what you have posted that makes me think you said or did anything wrong.
He is choosing to fuck with your head.
He wants you confused and worried because he is a manipulator.
I agree that you could seek counselling.
Once your eyes have been opened you wont be anxious about upsetting him, you will be raging that he treated like this.

Thank you xx

@Templetreebreeze

Its perfectly normal to have your own thoughts and feelings about things Op. Without the constant worry you will upset him. No one should tread on eggshells wondering if they have done something wrong all the time. Its a method of control. Hot, cold, hot, cold. Its emotional manipulation. I said on your other thread if you had said something/ done something , a rational, normal man would discuss it with you and if it was down to drink, support you in cutting back. There is NOTHING in what you have posted that makes me think you said or did anything wrong. He is choosing to fuck with your head. He wants you confused and worried because he is a manipulator. I agree that you could seek counselling. Once your eyes have been opened you wont be anxious about upsetting him, you will be raging that he treated like this.

I know the funny thing is, I don't even drink. I hate it.

@lostsoul1989

But why can't he just tell me that!

Honestly men are idiots.

You nailed it! Hes hardly going to say " its because Im a shitty, manipulative twat" is he? He has learnt to behave like this in relationships so he doesnt know any better. But you do.

Hahahaha that made me laugh actually. I think the constant waiting for texts or phone calls has been making me bad to be honest.

Because I use to get it a lot so from going to loads to nothing is going to affect me I think.

It's just a not very nice situation to be in. I like to talk. I think that's the best way.

A lot of men are very cowardly about ending relationships, and wait for the other person to do it. I guess a fair few women do it too. He has pulled right away from you and you need to pull back and accept it's over. It will hurt but you have to go through it. Don't torment yourself the other ex and what his life looks like, you don't have to compare yourself to anyone, just look after yourself and have some time enjoying being single and not thinking about some guy all the time. Get your strength back

Ok my apologies. Your post reminded me of someone else. I’ve found your previous thread now. I would say that he is messing with your head and going round there is just playing into his game. He’s manipulating you and you sound vulnerable. You need to focus on yourself for a while and develop better barriers. Step back from dating.

Thank you for that. I keep going to press the block button then I don't.

Do you have many friends or family who are supportive? Sometimes we can rely too much on a relationship to make us feel OK, and it helps to build up other areas of your life, so you have lots of sources of self esteem, not just a relationship

@SimonedeBeauvoirscat

Ok my apologies. Your post reminded me of someone else. I’ve found your previous thread now. I would say that he is messing with your head and going round there is just playing into his game. He’s manipulating you and you sound vulnerable. You need to focus on yourself for a while and develop better barriers. Step back from dating.

I won't be dating for a while, to be fair we never really went anywhere anyway.

I think I needed to see this with a clear head.

@lostsoul1989

Thank you for that. I keep going to press the block button then I don't.

You can do it! Press that Block button!

@Notagain20

Do you have many friends or family who are supportive? Sometimes we can rely too much on a relationship to make us feel OK, and it helps to build up other areas of your life, so you have lots of sources of self esteem, not just a relationship

My Mam basically told me to fuck him off. My mates have said the same.

I think with lockdown and not being able to go out to that has affected me, even tho I worked through it all.

All my friends seem very happy, so maybe I have been wanting to be like them.

There's a great little book called Don't Call That Man, I think she updated it to Don't Text That Man, it's really good at explaining how we get into these obsessive hanging on situations and how to get out of them

I have a cracking headache mind, got some antibiotics today too as I got an infection now so that's not helping.

On the plus side I feel thin.

Honestly OP, you deserve more than this. If you'd done something terrible, he should tell you, tell you he's pissed off abd that he wants a bit if time, ir whatever. Not just keep you hanging, agonising over it. My ex did the silent treatment. He had me on a string for years. But gradually, I got fed up with it and just carried on with life, ignoring it, not getting upset. Then left. Best decision and should have done it years later.

EARLIER!