Emotional affair sexting and lust

[Lifeolife]

Iv been married 16 years together for 20 and I’m only 36. We have 3 kids 15,11 and 7 we have a beautiful home stable jobs lovely cars holidays etc but I don’t love or desire him. These feelings have gone on for years but I just put it all to the side to (keep up appearances) the thing is he’s a great bloke would do absolutely anything for me (no back bone) never says no to me. Which is not an attractive trait to have. Fast forward to the past two week and I got chatting to a guy at work (never met him in real life) we had banter and Iv never laughed so much it soon got flirty then it led to sexting one night it was amazing just all by txt no pictures or anything. I felt alive I felt sexy and desired! I was in a place of utter happiness I wasn’t a wife and a mother I was a person that was (wanted)

This has highlighted to me that this is what I’m missing this is what I crave (thought i didn’t like sex but oh my!!! I love it but just not with my husband. I don’t find him attractive but he’s a good stable hard working family man who deserves so much more than me. I told him everything and he said he will change but I keep saying (you don’t need to change) it’s the way I feel I can’t switch on a switch of love and desire for him.

I’m going to view a property this morning question is do I leave for the sake of wanting to be desired and for me to really really love and adore my lover or do I stay and live this boring stable life. My children’s lives would change but I would get therapy for them and give them stability love and emotional support. My dh would also always do the right thing by them emotionally and financially.

DH wants to give it a month but I can’t get the other guy of my mind he made me feel so good and is continuing to do so. He’s 40 never married or had kids (red flag perhaps) Iv got this guy on a pedestal. I’m so confused. Help!!!

You don't leave for the sake of beijgndesired, no. You leave for the sake of being a whole person.

The setting situation wasn't great but sometimes it takes a change from the norm to really open our eyes. You did the right thing by telling him and opening that dialogue.

Don't rush into anything with this other man. He is a symptom not the cause of your marriage difficulties. I can't imagine still being attracted to someone I might have dated at 16 tbh!

Take some time by yourself, for yourself if you really think your marriage is over.

Sexting not setting. My autocorrect doesn't like the word!

And you think once you leave this man who's never married or had children is going be the least bit interested in a real relationship with you?

Bloody hell op. You're leaving an amazing man to go to a man (who you've never had sex with) who has never committed at age 40? You're chasing cheap thrills that will mess you up and leave you with nothing.

The way to do this is to first invest in your relationship. Make it fun and sexy with him. Start going out with each other and having fun. Look at spicing up your sex life. Lingerie or whatever. Look at doing a sport or a hobby together.

I can imagine after so many years and with kids you have ended up just being parents and neglecting your relationship. At least give it a try.

@Jcre

And you think once you leave this man who's never married or had children is going be the least bit interested in a real relationship with you?

This. You come with kids that aren't his chances are he won't want to become step dad to them. He will run away as soon as you leave your husband probably, he may just like the thrill of a married woman. You have no idea because you barely know him.

If you want to leave, then leave. But don't continue anything with this other guy, definitely not at first. Your kids come first.

Please stop, take a big deep breath and sit down and think very very carefully. If you choose to leave your marriage it must be because there is nothing left for you in it and your husband will be better off finding someone who will love him. Leaving because of your limerence for this man will undoubtedly cause many problems. I will take a guess that this romance wont last the distance and your feelings will subside and then when the dust settles you will be alone. If you are excited to be alone in a new home and co parenting with your husband then that is your path. Otherwise try and fix what is missing at home first.

Two weeks of texting and you want to blow up your life? You think as you’re planning to get therapy for your kids it’ll all be okay?

If you’re unhappy in your marriage then get marriage counselling with your husband or plan a calm, civilised divorce. But do it for the right reasons but off the back of a crush with a bloke you barely know and haven’t even met.

You’re sounding impulsive and dramatic. You might like feeling you’re not a wife or mum but you are, those were choices you made, you have responsibilities and people who rely on you. Acting like a love struck, lust blinded adolescent is ridiculous.

@Tomyoneandonly I met him at 16 and I got married at 20 I hardly knew what bows meant. I’m a different person than I was then! I’m a grown up and I deserve to be happy in a loving relationship. Surly the right thing is to be honest? I won’t let you say I’m a nasty mother as your only judging this by my post to want to feel desired and have love. I’m the best mother that I can be.

Try sexting your husband - you may be surprised in the responses you get. The grass is greener where it is watered

You’re sounding impulsive and dramatic. You might like feeling you’re not a wife or mum but you are, those were choices you made, you have responsibilities and people who rely on you. Acting like a love struck, lust blinded adolescent is ridiculous.

This, really. Moreover, is this 40 year man with no children of his own interested in a relationship with someone with children? I wouldn't bet on it.

That said, you probably should leave your husband to find someone who doesn't think he has no backbone... two different issues though.

Erm. You want to leave your husband on 16 years because you sexted a work colleague. Why would you sext a work colleague in the first place.

@Tomyoneandonly

Your post is an exact description of a nasty mother and wife. Hope it's someone else you are talking about. Hope he finds his biggest back bone and kicks you out and doesn't let you see your dcs. As you obviously lied when you got married. No sympathy women like you are responsible for so many unhappy children.

What a horrible thing to say! The OP has changed as we all do over time has confessed to her husband and is looking at separation.

OP sounds like you have grown apart. I think the sexting fellow is a red herring and you should forget about him. I would recommend you have some time apart from your husband without the distraction of another man. You then may feel that the grass is not greener, or you may feel yes it is.

The problem with sext man is that it is fantasy so your poor old hubby is never going to compare, but but doesnt mean to say you have to settle for a marriage you have outgrown. Good luck to you all.

@Tomyoneandonly

So you was with him about 4 years before you both got married. At 20years you do understand responsibility and what vowels mean. I'm in an emotional abusive relationship and I believe you are emotionally abusive to your HUSBAND. You are full of bs. You don't deserve anything.

Vowels are AEIOU

[quote Lifeolife]@Tomyoneandonly I met him at 16 and I got married at 20 I hardly knew what bows meant. I’m a different person than I was then! I’m a grown up and I deserve to be happy in a loving relationship. Surly the right thing is to be honest? I won’t let you say I’m a nasty mother as your only judging this by my post to want to feel desired and have love. I’m the best mother that I can be.[/quote]
If the best mother you can be is one who puts her children's stability and mental health at risk by indulging in teenage sexting and thinks the sticking plaster if a bit of therapy will make it all better, then I'd suggest you are not as grown up as you think. Get some marriage counseling or start sensible divorce proceedings because it's the right thing to do, not because you've been sexting random strangers for a fortnight. Perhaps bear in mind once you're single and stuck with 3 kids you might not be as desirable as you think to the sort of men who just want to send sleazy texts down the phone to bored wives.

@Tomyoneandonly - sorry but I think you are projecting a little bit here?

OP, I know how you feel, I've been there. I know how nice it feels to feel alive again when you thought it would never happen again.

Having said that, I agree with PP that you are acting impulsively (I am the same, so I understand) and looking at this from the wrong side.
This man is a symptom and a way out of your marriage. It is OK if this affair has helped you realise that you want something else for your life, but do it for you. Then, you can meet someone else.

What the hell is going on with these demented threads at the moment? 😳

If this is true 🤨, what a repugnant selfish immature way to behave.

Leaving a marriage that you aren't happy in - completely fine.

Engaging in sexting with a random man, hurting your DH with the knowledge & looking for this to be sanctioned - repugnant, selfish & immature.

Well she must of left before growing apart surely. Also is it possible to grow apart or away from a marriage where children are concerned? How is it possible. Was she taught respect?

@Tomyoneandonly you sound very bitter maybe therapy for yourself may help.

Please think carefully OP.
I recently put a stop to a 3 year emotional affair.
It was with an old uni friend. Both of us married, both with children.
Started off as reconnecting on Facebook, chatting infrequently to chatting many times everyday, first thing in the morning “hello how are you x”, last thing at night “night x”, he lived abroad to start with, moved with family back to UK, lives 2 hours from me. Met up twice for day trips to London, innocent enough (but obviously not) handholds and pecks. Graduated to weekly sexting - amazing. Incredible highs but then the lows crept in and despite further highs, the lows were becoming more and more crippling.
I was in an unfulfilling marriage, together 17 years, bored, he had hobbies that took him away for 20 weekends in a row, he was the sole earner, I was the SAHM, he contributed financially but did nothing with the children or the home, he drank a lot and was often a drunk driver. I was seriously unhappy and my EA partner showed me what I was worth and capable of BUT it is all a fantasy. I knew deep down that we wouldn’t leave his wife and kids but it took me two years and frequent break ups with him to finally see the light.
What I am saying to you is that it all feels fantastic now with the OM but it is all a fantasy. It might take you some time to realise but the issue is your boredom, your lack of fulfilment, your lack of desire for your husband.
Please deal with your marriage before you continue with this other man; it will save you from the depths of despair later on.

Your poor kids. You sound bat shit.

Can I have your husband please? He sounds bloody brilliant.

This thread will definitely bring out all the lieing cheating and excusing ect. This is exactly what we need to learn info from to inform our children what society excepts. Deceitful personalities are a curse to the upbringing of our dcs. That's a fact. It's not OK however it's sugar coated.