Emotional affair sexting and lust

[Lifeolife]

Iv been married 16 years together for 20 and I’m only 36. We have 3 kids 15,11 and 7 we have a beautiful home stable jobs lovely cars holidays etc but I don’t love or desire him. These feelings have gone on for years but I just put it all to the side to (keep up appearances) the thing is he’s a great bloke would do absolutely anything for me (no back bone) never says no to me. Which is not an attractive trait to have. Fast forward to the past two week and I got chatting to a guy at work (never met him in real life) we had banter and Iv never laughed so much it soon got flirty then it led to sexting one night it was amazing just all by txt no pictures or anything. I felt alive I felt sexy and desired! I was in a place of utter happiness I wasn’t a wife and a mother I was a person that was (wanted)

This has highlighted to me that this is what I’m missing this is what I crave (thought i didn’t like sex but oh my!!! I love it but just not with my husband. I don’t find him attractive but he’s a good stable hard working family man who deserves so much more than me. I told him everything and he said he will change but I keep saying (you don’t need to change) it’s the way I feel I can’t switch on a switch of love and desire for him.

I’m going to view a property this morning question is do I leave for the sake of wanting to be desired and for me to really really love and adore my lover or do I stay and live this boring stable life. My children’s lives would change but I would get therapy for them and give them stability love and emotional support. My dh would also always do the right thing by them emotionally and financially.

DH wants to give it a month but I can’t get the other guy of my mind he made me feel so good and is continuing to do so. He’s 40 never married or had kids (red flag perhaps) Iv got this guy on a pedestal. I’m so confused. Help!!!

Just because someone would do absolutely anything for you and wouldn't say no doesn't mean that they have no backbone, unless you are treating them unfairly and asking for unreasonable requests.
You said it's not an attractive trait to have so I'm curious if you want the treat them mean keep them keen type or what kind of relationship is it that you do want?

Although you're excited by him and lusting after him now that could change to the ick pretty soon and you'd be wondering what the hell you were thinking!!

If you're not happy then end the relationship but please out of respect for your husband give it some time before you start seeing this man or any man. A marriage break up is hard enough for people, especially if he adores you, so it's going to take time to get past that alone, don't make it infinitely harder for him by jumping into anything straight away, do things the right way!

Also as a side note, you said your dh would do right by the children emotionally and financially. You would be incredibly surprised if you knew how many women genuinely believed that with their whole hearts before a break up but things often change!!
You mentioned also that you'd get therapy for them so you need to realise that if you want to do this the right way that you should not jump into anything with another man.

You WILL regret this when you end up leaving a wonderful, dedicated and caring man to inevitably end up in the (horrible and cruel and disappointing) world of dating, being strung along/ghosted/dumped/possibly ending up totally alone. What a huge and incredibly selfish rish. I promise you now, you will live to regret it if you leave. Nobody I know who has ever had a similar situation to yours has ended uo with anything otjer than regret and/or lonliness and/or a damaged relationship with their children who resent tjem when they grow up and learn about the reason for their parents marriage. What did you think marriage was?? You need to work at it. Your husband sounds lovely. How about you make some effort to fix things instead of blowing up all of upur lives for someone who I guarentee you won't end up with.

I think it would be the right thing to do to respect your hubby’s wishes and give it a month at least.

During this time I would get some relationship counselling and individual counselling before you make ANY life changing decisions.

This man could just enjoy flirting with you as there are no strings attached at this stage, he could be a serial flirt, you haven’t seen his behaviour around other people so he could be a jerk, or you could really have real chemistry. Regardless, there are other people including mini people who you really need to take into consideration.

Your comment about just getting therapy for your children did sound frivolous. Separation is really hard on kids. It can have a deep negative ongoing impact on them and their own future relationships.

I totally understand if you have just realised what’s missing in your life, but I do think that the lust and attention is getting in the way of your decision making.

It may be that you just need to separate for a while to see how you feel about your situation with your relationship (husband I mean), and see the impact that a real separation has on your family, without even bringing the new man into it....

...but separating because you think that this man is the answer to all your dreams, is quite foolhardy and immature. I guess if you have only had one relationship experience it’s difficult to compare and work out what feels right. Best of luck to you. X

Yeah I do need therapy and I'm getting it. All I do is talk about women like you. You make a genuine person's life a living hell.

@0606len amazing advice and it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one to have these feelings and be childish as other posters have said! Thanks so much I wish you well

Vowels are AEIOU

And sometimes Y!

OP, leave your husband if he doesn't make you happy, but you can't really justify it and say its a decent thing to do just because you've found someone who can give you orgasms via text message. It's not really.

@Tomyoneandonly I am genuinely sorry about what you have been through. Although you have vetted at me I don’t feel upset just empathy.

If you knew me you would understand that this is out of character and I didn’t choose to have these feelings. I’m not a bad person Iv just made silly mistakes that I’m trying to find clarity from. I will be taking up therapy as well.

@JemimaJoy wow your post gave me goosebumps what a very true reflection thanks so much for taking the time to tell me that I needed to hear it.

@mnhq I hope this post is removed. Whatever people feel about OPs situation the vile name calling and vilification are not on!

@Vegiepatch thanks so much for that sound advice I feel so bad atm like at a cross roads.

Lifeolife you are welcome. You have identified what is lacking in your life and you have the right to search for that and try to rectify things. If it cannot be sorted within your marriage, you are free to leave your marriage and start over. Just be clear about what you are looking for and be careful where you are looking, that’s all. Do not get swept up into a fantasy world, it can be amazing but also bring you emotional turmoil. Good luck x

Yes you did choose. Or are you a fool. Fools don't choose. We are all able to collect energy's from anywhere and it's a choice to except. You excepted the energy offered before leaving a relationship you don't feel love from. You are a fool.

@notatallsure313 he’s one of a kind he’s
Reliable
Hard working
Good dad
Doesn’t drink or smoke
Doesn’t spend money unless together
Will do any for me at the drop of a hat
Loyal
Kind
Gentle
Caring
Patient
Selfless
Stable
Wears nice clothes
He is perfect but I don’t want to rip his clothes off

All the things us girls need but apparently it’s not good enough for me and I see how awful that looks.

@Lifeolife
I think you want excitement. That’s ok .
You’ve been with your dh from a young age, so perhaps you missed out on nights out?
Therapy is a great idea. Talk to your husband. Maybe you could go sky diving together or alone? Do something different.
I think you are fed up. Change that. But I would think twice about breaking up your family.
Good luck

@rjacksmiss I will take this on board

@RickOShay yeah therapy is the only way I think as we don’t communicate well this is something he has always struggled with I want a man to chat to me but he doesn’t do much taking at all.I feel alone.

@RickOShay thanks btw

Beware, fantasy is often better than reality.

Sit down and ask yourself, if you was to leave your DH and sleep with the man and he is rubbish in bed. Would you feel like a fool or would you still be happy you left your marriage?

Lust can blind you. Fantasy's are often better in our heads.

@Tomyoneandonly can you tell me what it’s is that’s troubling you so much! I’m genuinely interested as I want to see from your point of view what it is that makes me so bad? I’m a human not a robot. I’m being respectful to you so I hope you can be respectful back. I want to hear what’s going on for you about my situation

@Orangesand yeah I think I would be guttered also guttered If he didn’t have the morals of my dh and then where would I be ( I get it ) just feel so confused. Thanks for your post

I nearly ruined everything I had by having an affair with a narcissist that starting with sexting because it made me feel alive and sexy. He ghosted me several times over 2 years and each time I ran back to be put through everything again and again. Don't do it - keep the life you have. I have ruined my mental health for the sake of a prick who wanted a shag without commitment and didn't think about me at all. I had a wonderful, kind husband who would walk over hot coals for me, that I found "boring". A man who stood by me through thick and thin. I too married at 20. Walk away and don't look back.

You already know he doesn’t have the morals of your husband. He’s sexting with a married woman.

To be fair, your own morals are pretty absent too.

He's sexting a married woman, OP. What morals does that speak to?

Snap, AnneLovesGilbert

@Notabunnyboiler you have made me see sense because the OM has started to ghost me a bit and I feel myself checking when he was last active like a stalker it’s the thrill of the chase then when they let you down your heartbroken and feel like huge not worthy. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions I feel like a bratty teenager who is excited for her boyfriend to txt her back. I’m incredibly needy for a man that iv not met. I don’t like it one bit.