Emotional affair sexting and lust

[Lifeolife]

Iv been married 16 years together for 20 and I’m only 36. We have 3 kids 15,11 and 7 we have a beautiful home stable jobs lovely cars holidays etc but I don’t love or desire him. These feelings have gone on for years but I just put it all to the side to (keep up appearances) the thing is he’s a great bloke would do absolutely anything for me (no back bone) never says no to me. Which is not an attractive trait to have. Fast forward to the past two week and I got chatting to a guy at work (never met him in real life) we had banter and Iv never laughed so much it soon got flirty then it led to sexting one night it was amazing just all by txt no pictures or anything. I felt alive I felt sexy and desired! I was in a place of utter happiness I wasn’t a wife and a mother I was a person that was (wanted)

This has highlighted to me that this is what I’m missing this is what I crave (thought i didn’t like sex but oh my!!! I love it but just not with my husband. I don’t find him attractive but he’s a good stable hard working family man who deserves so much more than me. I told him everything and he said he will change but I keep saying (you don’t need to change) it’s the way I feel I can’t switch on a switch of love and desire for him.

I’m going to view a property this morning question is do I leave for the sake of wanting to be desired and for me to really really love and adore my lover or do I stay and live this boring stable life. My children’s lives would change but I would get therapy for them and give them stability love and emotional support. My dh would also always do the right thing by them emotionally and financially.

DH wants to give it a month but I can’t get the other guy of my mind he made me feel so good and is continuing to do so. He’s 40 never married or had kids (red flag perhaps) Iv got this guy on a pedestal. I’m so confused. Help!!!

I would say that not many couples still want to rip each others clothes off after many years married. However at 36 you are still young. I think it is hard as a grown women and Mother to build your own happiness and fulfillment on disrupting your children's stable and secure home life with both parents, so that you and this man can be together. The thrill of being together will not maintain the current high and you will be left to pick up the pieces of the fall out for your children and the accompanying guilt, only you know if you can live with that. I had a friend who left a marriage like how you describe yours for another man when her children were young. She and the other man went on to be well suited and had a long relationship but her 'happiness' was compromised because of the effect her breaking up the marriage had on her children (which to them came completely out of the blue because everything seemed ok on the surface) The guilt was tremendous and ruined her peace of mind for many years. She always said that if she could have the time again she would have stayed for the children. You are in a difficult situation and it is easy for people to judge you, but they do not know how strong the pull of attraction is compared to the self sacrifice of staying in a marriage. I am 20 years older than you and I sometimes re-read the marriage vows I undertook so many years ago if I want to remind myself of how I felt when I took them and reflect on how well (or not!) we are both living them.

@Lifeolife - Good luck with the therapy and I hope it helps you both.

@Lifeolife, how did it all pan out in the end?

Agree OP living in a f*ing fantasy land. Wish we were all so lucky to have what she has. OP get a grip, yes your DH does deserve better than you.

This is a thread from last year so I guess alot will have changed since the post. Would be good to hear how things are going for you OP?

Uuurgh stop pulling up zombies to try and find out what happened a year and a half later. It's such a waste of time.

Urgh you sound absolutely awful. Please leave your husband and let him find someone who he can be happy with.

You don't deserve him.

Zombie

Please leave your husband so he can find someone with morals and some common decency.

yeah someone else pulled it up and noticed after I posted.. hope OP’s DH gave her the boot

Having only read the first page of this thread, I think you are doing the right thing looking for a place and thinking about moving on.

It's not a bad thing when marriages run their course, and you're clearly not satisfied in this marriage. Some people value comfort and that lovely ideal of a happy family way more than actual fulfillment. If a marriage ends after 16 years it isn't a "failed marriage" - that's a huge amount of time.

Go be fulfilled - good luck!

Oh wait it's a zombie post - still hope you're happy either way, OP!