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Original poster

Entering a relationship when my partner can’t handle me having kids

165 replies

Stormchaser500 · 19/05/2021 10:09

Hello everyone, longs story short I parted with my wife over a year ago and I have two young kids aged 4 and 9. I have met someone else who’s never been married or had kids as she said she never met the right person she wanted a family with. We’ve been seeing each other for 5 months now and speak every day but she lives 160 miles from me so we don’t get to spend much time together. She says she’s never felt this way about anyone before and she would like to start a family with me. We have arranged that I will move down to where she lives in Cornwall and will see my kids as often as I can which would hopefully be for two weekends a month. The issue is that because I have been married and have kids she feels that we couldn’t do any of that because I’ve done it before, she doesn’t know if she can have kids because of reproductive health problems either. She wants to see past it and have a life with me but she can’t get over my kids. I’ve suggested seeing a specialist and as I’ve said that me having kids won’t encroach on our lives together as I will be away from her when I see them. It just seems like there’s no moving past this and I don’t know what else to suggest

OP posts:
Grimsknee · 19/05/2021 10:11

🍿🍿🍿

KurtWilde · 19/05/2021 10:12
Biscuit
GoddessKali · 19/05/2021 10:14

Are you seriously considering choosing a new partner over your own children?!!!

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/05/2021 10:15

Don’t be so ridiculous.

Woodswoman · 19/05/2021 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Hullish · 19/05/2021 10:15

Just here for the comments

Sunshineandflipflops · 19/05/2021 10:16

If you enter into a relationship with someone who has kids and is a decent mum/dad then you shouldn't be surprised when that mum/dad want to spend time with their kids!

It was naive of her to think otherwise and she can't make you feel guilty for having a life before her.

You've already said you will move down to Cornwall to be with her (which I'm assuming from what you've said is 160 miles away from your kids) which I think is crazy after 5 months and not seeing a great deal of her and you will spend a lot of your weekends with your kids travelling (which doesn't make most people the best company anyway).

Basically, you are going to put your relationship with your kids at jeopardy to be with her and that' not enough for her because you potentially having children with her won't be your 'first time'.

I can understand her feelings but I think this is doomed and you will live a life of apologising for your children while you see less and less of them.

BIWI · 19/05/2021 10:16

Start thinking with your brain

Umberellatheweatha · 19/05/2021 10:16

Dont be a twat.

You're picking some woman you barely know from the internet who is already indicating she might create tension because you have kids...over your own kids.

You already have a family: Your children. Stay near them. This woman sounds like she has drama and strife written all over her.

JackieWeaverFever · 19/05/2021 10:17
Biscuit
THATbasicSNOWFLAKE · 19/05/2021 10:17

Wtf put your kids first you tool

Umberellatheweatha · 19/05/2021 10:18

*not 'barely know from the internet'. Just barely know.

Betty000 · 19/05/2021 10:18

I’m guessing this isn’t real but if it is PLEASE do not saddle your children with a stepmother who resents them. Just don’t.

StrapOnSallyChasedMeDownTheAli · 19/05/2021 10:20

The privilege of being a man; fucking of and leaving your ex to raise your kids while you fanny about with a 'new family'. Are you seriously considering ditching your children for a few month long distance relationship with someone who doesn't want your children?

grapewine · 19/05/2021 10:20

@Umberellatheweatha

Dont be a twat.

You're picking some woman you barely know from the internet who is already indicating she might create tension because you have kids...over your own kids.

You already have a family: Your children. Stay near them. This woman sounds like she has drama and strife written all over her.

This! Please engage your brain and prioritise your children. Like, come the fuck on.

FTR, this would be my exact answer to a woman as well.

StrapOnSallyChasedMeDownTheAli · 19/05/2021 10:20

*off

minmooch · 19/05/2021 10:21

Dear God! Those poor children - having a father who wants to move far away from them to be with a woman who already resents them.

I hope this is not real .......

Blackcountrychik · 19/05/2021 10:21

All this drama after 5 months ....

Jeez , you should be in the honeymoon period of the relationship not already discussing leaving your kids to live with someone miles away after only being with them for 5 months

Slow down and think of your kids !!!

PeskyRooks · 19/05/2021 10:21

Reassuring this woman that your kids won't encroach on your lives
Seeing your kids hopefully two weekends a month. Wow that's big of you.
Reading this made me feel sick. Your poor kids. You're a prick mate

malikaqi · 19/05/2021 10:22

This is a non starter. You have two children and they should be your priority. You should not be considering a move away from them for a woman you barely know. If she can't accept your kids, you need to end it

Overdueanamechange · 19/05/2021 10:22

I don't believe this is real. A reverse perhaps. Poor kids though if it is true. Of course you won't travel every other weekend from Cornwall, have you ever seen the summer traffic?

BunnyBerries · 19/05/2021 10:22

Sounds like you're with someone who wants you to be Harry Potter and magic your kids away invisible Daffodiland make sure you don't break the spell by even talking about them and moving away.

Wake up

crumpet · 19/05/2021 10:26

The only possible outcomes are:

  • Before you make any permanent decisions she fully embraces the fact that you have a family who will become pet of her life too.
  • If she cannot do the above your relationship with her ends.
  • If you cannot end the relationship based on the above, and do move to be with her your relationship with your children will be severely damaged, and may ultimately end.

Which of the 3 options you end up with is up to you.

moynomore · 19/05/2021 10:26

This makes for very sad reading. Hope it's not real. If it is, really sad and you don't deserve the children you have. HTH.

Umberellatheweatha · 19/05/2021 10:26

Also...is is just me or is it a bit fucking creepy that she is discussing starting a family with you when she has only known you (and not even seen you much) for 5 months.

And if I knew my partner had other kids when I did discuss it, then i would want my kids to be raised near their brothers and sisters.

I wouldnt pull a man away from his children anyway though. Nor would I have any trust in or respect for a man who would so quickly and readily move 160 miles away from his kids.