There’s no getting over this is there?

[HereWeGoAgainPart2]

I’ve been dating someone for nearly a year now and things seemed to be going really well. We were considering introducing each other to our kids and have been spending more and more time together.

We had a weekend together last weekend. On the Saturday night we both got a bit drunk. We often share a bottle of wine but I don’t like being drunk and he’s also said he hates being drunk as he always manages to upset people. Anyway we were drunkenly chatting and I was saying how much I liked him and that I really wasn’t expecting or wanting to meet anyone after my divorce but I’m really glad he did. He tried to reciprocate with something similar but ended up saying that he never thought he’d be happy with someone who was uneducated (I don’t have a degree due to having to drop out of uni to look after my dad but I don’t think I’m stupid, I read loads and can hold my own in most conversations). But what really hurt was he said that after the first time he saw me naked he was pretty shocked and realised my body would take some getting used to but he’s glad he stuck it out and he actually finds me quite attractive now. Due to an accident I have deformed ribs and a large amount of scarring on the left side of my chest and my left breast is deformed as a result of the scar tissue. It’s a massive issue for me. My ex husband never once saw me topless with the light on but this new man never seemed dazed by it at all and constantly told me I looked great.

As soon as he said it he must have seen my face and immediately started backtracking, saying it came out wrong and he didn’t mean it like that. I just went to bed and said that we’d talk about it in the morning. In the morning he was again hugely apologetic but I just couldn’t bear to have him near me. The thought of doing anything sexual with him ever again is just horrible knowing what he thinks about how I look. Deep down obviously I knew what he thought, there’s no way you can look at my chest and not be shocked. I’d just kind of forgotten about it with him and had actually been enjoying sex for the first time in my life.

He’s been calling me and I just don’t know what to say to him. I do love him and I know he’s sorry and I do think it just came out wrong because he was drunk. I don’t know what to do or if there’s a way I can get past it.

But the OP said she didn’t mind the memes at all, so perhaps he’s not that clueless (apart from when he’s drunk, obviously) and knows the OP better than us..

Yeah, you’re right , I wouldn’t like it but if op finds it fine than cool

At best, if he has previous form for upsetting people whilst drunk, he's learnt absolutely nothing from that has he? Part of being a mature adult is learning from your mistakes. He doesn't seem to be managing that, either by being very careful not to get drunk, or to guard his tongue carefully. Obviously only you know or will discover in time if you can get past it. I don't think I could, but I am me, and you are you

Regarding the intelligence, some of the most intelligent people I have met weren't university educated. On the other hand, as a mature student I met a few Wooperts, Wodneys and Henwiettas who were fairly stupid.... The fact that you got there is proof enough of your intelligence, which is making me think that he is a bit stupid for not acknowledging that. Good luck.

@HereWeGoAgainPart2

((((HUG))))

I'm sorry about whatever happened to cause these injuries and I'm sorry you're feeling so upset now.

I'm sorry (there must be another word!!) that you're now feeling less confident etc.

I've been where you are & it hurts. You know you're being ridiculous to think they just never noticed or never had any thoughts about it, but somehow you managed convince yourself that was the case the brain is both clever & stupid at the same time.

I don't think he was nasty or controlling or any of the other things done posters have said, I think he was just surprised when he first saw you naked (why wouldn't he be) and that it took him a little while to get used to you being slightly different than most.

I think he was just honest with you and once you get past this shock of hearing him verbalise it you'll be able to get past it. You felt confident with him, he's already told you he finds you attractive... you were enjoying sex with him. There isn't any reason to throw all of that away now that you know initially he was surprised by your scarring. There's really not.

About the 'educated' thing, I think you understand where he's coming from, and I don't think him admitting it was wrong, just a bit thoughtless in how he worded it.

I think he sounds like a nice guy who was trying to tell you how much he IS attracted to you & I hope that years down the line you can laugh together about his 'foot in mouth' confessions.

It would be very sad to break up with 'one of the good ones' over this.

Don't get me wrong, I totally understand how horrible the bubble being burst is, but don't cut off your nose to spite your face!! 💐

I think it was a real foot in mouth moment for him and I think what he was thinking just came out. Of course it shouldn't but seeing a deformity for the first time can be quite shocking, and he did say in the same drunken moment, that he now found you very attractive and didn't see the deformity any more. I could actually forgive that because it was honest but I would be very suspicious of his motives and wonder if he felt you should actually be grateful to him for picking you despite your difference??

It does sound as though he thinks he's done you a favour, and that would put me off more.