Dating thread 204 - surfing the SeaofTwits

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Onesmallstep67 and Mr Bookworm is really lovely, I agree 😊

@Heartbeats0708

Cross posted there *@SortingItOut*. I've had better 😂😂 but was looking forward to doing more and refining it a bit. I just liked him as a person as well. But it's a really shit move.

Sending you love and solidarity 💜

... he doesn't deserve you. Or anyone by the sounds of it ...

Sorry @Heartbeats0708 - it was indeed a really shit move. I just don’t understand how some people can behave like that - you deserve better

Bbub - thanks - that is good to hear - practice hopefully makes perfect!!

Thank you again for the support I've deleted and trying to move on! Will take a short break from dating though, see if I can get an appointment with my therapist and concentrate on home stuff and myself. Will stick around though. Hope the changes in covid rules makes dating an easier/drier experience for you all!

@Heartbeats0708 I'm glad you're moving on from him and a good idea to take a break and work on yourself and your home 💕

@Heartbeats0708

Thank you again for the support I've deleted and trying to move on! Will take a short break from dating though, see if I can get an appointment with my therapist and concentrate on home stuff and myself. Will stick around though. Hope the changes in covid rules makes dating an easier/drier experience for you all!

Good for you ♥️

We've all been there. It's shit but he's not worth wasting your precious energy on ♥️

Just re reading the rules...

The iron who I was meant to meet this week gave me his number....I messaged hello and the next thing I'm blocked on WA and the app!

No idea why...probably married or something else came along, but why are people so rude. Just say if you have changed your mind about meeting ffs, I hate the lack of manners old...makes me want to give up.

@bangheadhere40 i seem to see loads of married/partnered men on these sites. I do despair but try not to take it personally. He sounds like he was married as he had already seen your pics etc. It probably went a little too far when you actually messaged him.

@bangheadhere40

Just re reading the rules...

The iron who I was meant to meet this week gave me his number....I messaged hello and the next thing I'm blocked on WA and the app!

No idea why...probably married or something else came along, but why are people so rude. Just say if you have changed your mind about meeting ffs, I hate the lack of manners old...makes me want to give up.

@bangheadhere40 Shame on him. Don't let one rude twat make you want to give up. There is someone out there for you ❤️❤️❤️

@Heartbeats0708

Thank you again for the support I've deleted and trying to move on! Will take a short break from dating though, see if I can get an appointment with my therapist and concentrate on home stuff and myself. Will stick around though. Hope the changes in covid rules makes dating an easier/drier experience for you all!

@Heartbeats0708 ❤️❤️❤️

Thanks both, probably married eurgh...

When I first started old I thought it would be easy, I'm sure it was 10 years ago! Maybe I've got fussier as I've got older but it really does seem needle in haystack territory 🙂

I went on the brought forward date yesterday and I feel a bit rubbish but she wasn’t for me.

She was lovely, but I could tell how nervous/anxious she was and I realised how hard life would be. I’d always have to text first in the morning, she would never say how she feels. And compared to the fuckgirl I had an amazing connection with and never struggled for conversation at all, this was a bit of a damp squib.

I got home and text to say thank you and we messaged a little bit nothing today - probably because I didn’t text first! It made me realise how much I miss the relationship however screwed up that I had. Anyway, I’m back on Bumble and spoke to one lovely girl already but she’s on army training and will be back on Thursday and wants to talk.

@TheTruthAboutLove

I went on the brought forward date yesterday and I feel a bit rubbish but she wasn’t for me.

She was lovely, but I could tell how nervous/anxious she was and I realised how hard life would be. I’d always have to text first in the morning, she would never say how she feels. And compared to the fuckgirl I had an amazing connection with and never struggled for conversation at all, this was a bit of a damp squib.

I got home and text to say thank you and we messaged a little bit nothing today - probably because I didn’t text first! It made me realise how much I miss the relationship however screwed up that I had. Anyway, I’m back on Bumble and spoke to one lovely girl already but she’s on army training and will be back on Thursday and wants to talk.

@TheTruthAboutLove it's a shame that she wasn't for you, but at least you gave it a chance. ❤️

Hey lovely people. I haven't posted on this thread before but I used to post on the OLD in your 40s threads. I have a bit of a dilemma(sorry for the long post).

I took a break from OLD, my profile has been hidden for two months now and it has been the best thing I ever did. I had a rather difficult emotional rollercoaster with a previous match and I needed to take some time out to sort myself out (which I have been). If you read the OLD in your 40s threads you would know about Mr Computer Geek, if not chatted for 5 months, several dates cancelled, it turned out to be a complete head fuck (I was going through shit, he was going through shit), we did meet in March and I really liked him and I think it was mutual, we kissed etc. but he realised what a mess he was and that he wasn't ready and has gone off to sort himself out, he said he would be back when he has. We are still in touch, I haven't heard from him in a while but I sent him a message a couple of weeks ago which he read so I know I'm not blocked (it isn't the first time he has "disappeared" and read and not replied so I'm not too worried about being ghosted).

A few weeks ago I did unhide my Tinder profile for about half an hour and I matched with Mr Racing, he seemed nice at first, uncomplicated and I could find him online. The problem is it is so hard to talk to him, it doesn't flow as easily as it did with Computer Geek. I thought I would give it a bit longer but I don't have the same connection with him. I struggle to find things to talk about and I don't get excited when I get his messages. Computer Geek and I had the same sense of humour (I could send him a link to something I found funny and he would come back with the same reply that I was thinking), we had been through the same major life change (end of very long term relationship), we had the same interests so could talk about the gym etc. I think in the crazy world of Covid and lockdowns we started to depend on each other quite a bit. He said I had been there through the hardest time in his life with him and he really thanked me for that.

I feel like I can't just stop talking to Mr Racing but I don't see it going anywhere. I also don't think I'm over Computer Geek fully, even though I'm in a much better place I still miss him, but I'm not going to wait around on the off chance he will back and ready to date either. What do I do? How do I tell Mr Racing I'm not interested? We are due to meet for a drink (nothing arranged yet).

@bangheadhere40 I think it’s that the quality / behaviours of people on there have deteriorated over the years. But yeah sounds like he was caught out guilty there!!

Sending you @Heartbeats0708 x

@Isitreallyme77 reading your post, the thing that would be missing for me with Mr CG is the lack of closure and the thread of hope lingers as it doesn't seem to have been a 'no', just a 'not now'. Different things work for different people but I have found the best way to get over someone with no closure is to transfer to someone else - not the healthiest approach, but neither is sitting wallowing 🤷‍♀️ maybe Mr Racing will be better in RL, otherwise keep on the apps, I sometimes go on the apps through sheer boredom (am upfront I'm there for chat only) but perhaps something good will shine through for you even if your heart isn't in it at first

isitreally hello..remember you from the other thread.

You don't sound like you're feeling it either Mr racing so tell him you've changed your mind. If he gets arsey then block.

@Isitreallyme77

Hey lovely people. I haven't posted on this thread before but I used to post on the OLD in your 40s threads. I have a bit of a dilemma(sorry for the long post).

I took a break from OLD, my profile has been hidden for two months now and it has been the best thing I ever did. I had a rather difficult emotional rollercoaster with a previous match and I needed to take some time out to sort myself out (which I have been). If you read the OLD in your 40s threads you would know about Mr Computer Geek, if not chatted for 5 months, several dates cancelled, it turned out to be a complete head fuck (I was going through shit, he was going through shit), we did meet in March and I really liked him and I think it was mutual, we kissed etc. but he realised what a mess he was and that he wasn't ready and has gone off to sort himself out, he said he would be back when he has. We are still in touch, I haven't heard from him in a while but I sent him a message a couple of weeks ago which he read so I know I'm not blocked (it isn't the first time he has "disappeared" and read and not replied so I'm not too worried about being ghosted).

A few weeks ago I did unhide my Tinder profile for about half an hour and I matched with Mr Racing, he seemed nice at first, uncomplicated and I could find him online. The problem is it is so hard to talk to him, it doesn't flow as easily as it did with Computer Geek. I thought I would give it a bit longer but I don't have the same connection with him. I struggle to find things to talk about and I don't get excited when I get his messages. Computer Geek and I had the same sense of humour (I could send him a link to something I found funny and he would come back with the same reply that I was thinking), we had been through the same major life change (end of very long term relationship), we had the same interests so could talk about the gym etc. I think in the crazy world of Covid and lockdowns we started to depend on each other quite a bit. He said I had been there through the hardest time in his life with him and he really thanked me for that.

I feel like I can't just stop talking to Mr Racing but I don't see it going anywhere. I also don't think I'm over Computer Geek fully, even though I'm in a much better place I still miss him, but I'm not going to wait around on the off chance he will back and ready to date either. What do I do? How do I tell Mr Racing I'm not interested? We are due to meet for a drink (nothing arranged yet).

Just a different perspective but if no alarm bells about Mr Racing meet for a coffee nor a drink? Less commitment but still gets you out meeting someone. I thought Mr Bear was nice but not amazing and I was still getting over being dumped by Mr Scot. Now I'm head over heels with Mr Bear and realise what a lucky escape I had from Mr Scot.

@Isitreallyme77 - I’d agree to go for a date with Mr Racing. Just have a drink - and as you’re not that bothered you’ll be calmer and who knows?

I felt such a connection (over text and phone) with Mr S. but then we met and it didn’t translate into real life. And then he I thought rather cowardly let it fizzle out after agreeing to a second date rather than speaking up. So I was in limbo for 3 weeks, kept trying to text and getting half-arsed replies back so I was questioning every interaction by the end. Honestly I still feel gutted.

I’m meeting Mr Close for a dinner date , a curry, on Friday night. I sort of feel a bit meh , he’s not Mr S , but I’m going to go with an open mind, and just try and enjoy actually going out. Though he also asked for a full length photo so I don’t think I’m slim enough for his liking ! But I’ll wear an elastic waistband and scoff plenty of poppadums anyway !!!

Thanks everyone, it's good to get a different view. I'm so torn as I really wanted to get back out there now my head is in a better place.

@frankiefirstyear thank you yes I don't think the not now has helped. I sometimes think he is keeping me as a back up by not blocking me or actually saying goodbye and instead saying he will be back.

@bangheadhere40 hello. I get what you're saying completely, I feel too chicken though. Not had to do this before.

@BelladiMamma and @GaraMedouar yes part of me thinks I should just to get myself back out there and give it a go and see how it goes. I might see how the messaging goes tomorrow then decide.

Thought I'd been ghosted by MrPM as he took a day to reply to message, but he says he had a bad vaccine (either that or focussing on Tiffany, 29 from Tinder )

Not really sure what to suggest with the new lockdown stuff really so will just stay in touch and see how it pans out.

When I thought I'd been ghosted I kind of felt sad but also lots of work plans and other emotional stuff kicked in?

@Isitreallyme77

Is MrRacing a 6-7 for attraction or a 2-3?

If you think that you're "really forcing it and he gives you the ick" then I wouldn't force it. There's something disheartening for everyone about trying to pretend you're attracted to people you're not.

But if it's more "unknown quantity but ticks the basics" worth giving it a shot - you don't need to have instant physical intimacy, he might be a grower.

Just randomly, if things fizzle out with current round of dating, I'm not sure how to play it with social life and dating for the next few months?

I'm sort of feeling quite on edge/vulnerable in other areas of my life and not sure I'm resilient enough to cope with the rollercoaster of "am I being ghosted/how can I organise things" etc.

OTOH I know getting out there can be fairly good for me and I have a tendency to take my introversion to far and isolate myself a bit.

But maybe like pps have done try to focus on connection and meeting new people in other areas that aren't sex/romance/intimacy focussed?