Dating thread 204 - surfing the SeaofTwits

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@SpringlikeBunk I think he is probably a 5. I don't fancy him, he is attractive but I don't get the "dear god, he is fit" that I have done. As I said I'm still not completely over Computer Geek, he was fit and very much my type (he works out (and doesn't skip leg day either)so that was a major plus point for me especially after my ex who was extremely over weight by the end of our relationship). I'm really struggling with this one.

@Isitreallyme77

Wasn’t Computer Geek the guy you barely met who just chatted lots and was really flaky?

I’ve been there too with “limerance” for people I hardly know but have charm or look good or have the gift of the gab - might be worth trying to detach from him a bit so you can open to other options?

Search out threads on limerance lots of people in the same boat . It’s easily done with lots of texting/chatting but not much FTF time

@SpringlikeBunk yes that was him, Mr super flakey. I did get out of him why he was like that and I completely get the stage he was at as I've been there (I just didn't try and date). I'm in a much better place now so I should be able to detach myself from him more easily. And thank you I'll have a look.

Yeh @Isitreallyme77 I’m quite a dreamy wordy person and it’s so easy to get caught up in the “idea” of a person, especially with online apps (and online stalking/photos etc )

so I quite frequently find I’m obsessing over someone I’ve hardly met that much like a dreamy schoolgirl rather focussing on more practical dating options!

I try to step back and put boundaries on myself though so I don’t just spend months obsessing over one guy lol

Suggested that MrPM join me on a work (ish) weekend away as that kind of splits difference for travelling?

#threadhoebag

#maybeshotdowninflames

#holdthetissues

@SpringlikeBunk

Suggested that MrPM join me on a work (ish) weekend away as that kind of splits difference for travelling?

#threadhoebag

#maybeshotdowninflames

#holdthetissues

Tissues at the ready, @Spring! ❤️

So Mr Surgeon.. Trying to reschedule from our rained off Saturday date. I am quite busy this week but tried to accommodate.... I suggested 9pm weds or 8pm Fri.

He's just come back with 10PM ON Weds. 10PM?!

Is he mad?!

9pm seemed really late already but 10pm is a piss take right??

@Bbub

Is his job title in the name?

One of my irons at the moment is kind of similar though I’m not sure if we’ve fizzled out?

and I think it’s quite common with irons in this kind of work

can be incredibly charming and enthusiastic and personable and give good date -

but you’ll be expected to work around the “saving lives and needs 100% attention” schedule?

There’s no malice in it, but if they do a night shift or surgery then that comes first?

My iron did say honestly (after doing active chasing at the start) that his general expectation for a partner was they fit in with him and his work schedule ?

@Bbub

So Mr Surgeon.. Trying to reschedule from our rained off Saturday date. I am quite busy this week but tried to accommodate.... I suggested 9pm weds or 8pm Fri.

He's just come back with 10PM ON Weds. 10PM?!

Is he mad?!

9pm seemed really late already but 10pm is a piss take right??

@Bbub that does seem like a bit of a piss take to me. It's a bit iffy that he just would expect you to meet him at that time of an evening.

😂👍🏽 @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

@Isitreallyme77 hey, i remember you from the other thread too. Im sorry Mr Computer Geek is still messing with your head. The fact that he flaked so many times before you met always made me think either a catfish or was married and messing with your head. Definitely agree with @SpringlikeBunk about looking up limerance tales but i also think you need to give others a chance and meet them in order to help you get over Mr CG. I think almost everyone here has been there with the unrequited love thing but don't let it take over your life. There will be others!

Hey @Eesha I remember you telling me you thought he was cat fish. I did actually accuse him of being a cat fish or not single once. In fact I threw so much at him, he put up with it and was always so understanding. I was going through so much the past 12 months with my job going to shit, a friend's death, lockdowns, quite a serious car accident(we were lucky to walk away with just minor injuries), I wasn't sleeping and I was having nightmares when I was, my ex was falling apart, that my head was completely messed up and I became clingy. My ex put it perfectly though "you wanted to fix him but you couldn't fix him as only he can fix himself. Next time don't go for someone so broken".

I don't think Mr Racing is the one to take my mind off CG but I think everyone is right I do need to get back out there.

isitreally did I read on another thread Mr Racing has been sending dick pics and saying you are hard work ? You don't sound keen and he sounds a bit of a knob if it's the same one so cancel him.without feeling guilty.

@bangheadhere40

isitreally did I read on another thread Mr Racing has been sending dick pics and saying you are hard work ? You don't sound keen and he sounds a bit of a knob if it's the same one so cancel him.without feeling guilty.

If that's the case deffo cancel. Someone like that isn't worth a chance

@Eesha @SpringlikeBunk @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards are we all fellow insomniacs 😴😁

@bangheadhere40 yep that's him. My judgement is so off these days that I was willing to give him a chance but you're right I shouldn't feel guilty about cancelling on someone who told me I was hard work and cold. To be honest after that comment he should have been blocked anyway.

Just block him seriously ..you don't owe him an explanation after all that

Ah @Isitreallyme77 - I’ve changed my mind in light of the new information - dick pics, saying you’re hard work and cold - that’s now a big fat ‘No’ from me. There will definitely be someone better out there for you

@bangheadhere40 thank you I have just blocked and unmatched him. You're right he doesn't deserve an explanation and I deserve better.

@GaraMedouar thank you. Someone will come along who is right and not think I'm hard work.

@Isitreallyme77 I also changed my mind! I wouldn't see if he's better in RL either after that 💐

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards yes the job is in the name and similar to yours he started off being very keen. But it's impossible to plan anything with him and he's so slow to reply it's totally off putting.

Coincidentally, my other iron is a doctor as well (with an interest in surgery 🙄). I don't want either of these men for a relationship as I've been there done that with the whole Mr my job is so important thing, but can't even seem to plan a 1st date. They are both good at initiating convo but then leaving it hanging which just isn't for me. Might ditch them both.

@springlikebunk glad it's not just me, it's definitely weird for a 1st date..10pm on a school night 😳

Thanks both for the replies I didn't think anyone would be up 😆

Great....definitely the right thing to do !

[quote BelladiMamma]**@Eesha* @SpringlikeBunk* @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards are we all fellow insomniacs 😴😁[/quote]
@BelladiMamma looks like it 😂

@bbub the married to the job thing would put me off too. Been there, done that with ex dh and I am left resenting all the things he made me do alone because his job was more important- including being rushed to hospital losing our first child and needing lifesaving surgery - he arrived after work though 🤦‍♀️😣