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Original poster

Dating thread 204 - surfing the SeaofTwits

996 replies

Shayelle2009 · 13/05/2021 06:36

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Original poster
Shayelle2009 · 27/05/2021 07:59

I’ve just googled, this may or may not be correct as I know they update things all the time but on tinder you get 100 right swipes a day and when you run out you have to wait 12 hours before you can send more. So now I’m stuck unmatching a load of freaks and can’t actually swipe on anyone I like! But still.. it’s an experiment!!

@Isitreallyme77 do you think you would have found and matched with Mr Cricket anyway though, without doing the mad right swipe method?? ☺️

OP posts:
GaraMedouar · 27/05/2021 07:59

@Isitreallyme77 - hope date goes well today Smile

My second date this weekend is not going ahead with Mr Close as he can’t get a babysitter. He’s tried three but none available. He suggested daytime on Sunday with his daughter there too (I get the feeling that he’d really like to see me so was trying to find ways around the childcare issue) - but I said no too soon to meet daughter even if I was just introduced as ‘a pal’. I also have a DD similar age so would ultimately work ok in the future to have days out with the kids but I said not yet! His DD is only 7 , mine is nearly 10 so a bit more savvy and grills me.
Also - if I’m going on a date - I want some ‘me time’, adult time and don’t want to have to be nice to a random child - my ideal date is to escape mine !!! Grin I love my kids really ……

SpringlikeBunk · 27/05/2021 08:00

Yes @Isitreallyme77 I agree - just blocked him and MrSecretChild too.

I sent one saying (honestly and politely) that with the lockdown situation (high risk area we're not allowed out) things were on hold for another week or so.

And got one back saying either I could come out of the city (breaking rules) or have him round at mine. Just too pushy .

I also got a shitty message from MrSecretChild going "that was short and sweet" with a paggro smiley face as if I'd done something wrong.

I reckon he knows full well he tries to "trick" women into thinking he's childfree initially?

I mean if he was honest on his profile (don't need details, just "one great DS" would do) then fair enough, but it's the "trying too hard to build a connection then little white lies" that creeped me out.

It's like there's things about me that I'm aware would potentially be not on someone's list (been a mature student so live frugally and not financially loaded, moving away soon, can't host easily)

so I'm upfront about them not to waste anyone's time?

I can't trick/force someone who wants to date someone with a nice house to meet with me? So it annoys me when guys make stuff up to manipulate me to meet.

What else is he lying about - age, other children, relationship status...?

(I don't know and will never find out as he's blocked haha).

On the "no love but enjoying being assertive bench" here!

Original poster
Shayelle2009 · 27/05/2021 08:01

Aww @GaraMedouar. He’s probably worrying you’re going to go out with someone else now! 😊

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 27/05/2021 08:01

Good luck on your date isitreally! CG are my old iron sound so similar it's uncanny - huge ex issues, won't meet up, text all day, want free counselling etc. It still scares me now thinking how much it fucked with my head! Hopefully your date today isn't my cricket wanker ex 😆

shayelle I briefly tried the trick but got messages from so many odd ones so quickly deleted and rejoined.

I would also advise against stressed out bloke...sorry can't remember who asked.

Original poster
Shayelle2009 · 27/05/2021 08:02

@SpringlikeBunk you have to do what’s right for you! He sounded deceptive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shayelle2009 · 27/05/2021 08:03

Oh my lordy an absolute hotty has just matched - and messaged - me!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Shayelle2009 · 27/05/2021 08:03

@Isitreallyme77 I’m excited for your crickety date later!! What have you git planned? x

OP posts:
SpringlikeBunk · 27/05/2021 08:03

@Heartbeats0708

No plans with MrC as yet - he's uber-reliable and we live walking distance and he'll be "off off" when he's back so hopefully we can do something.

Again, I'm not really that drawn to intensity right now - I want to go out a bit and do nice shit but I don't really want some passionate encounter (with him or anyone really!)? Just lunch or a coffee or a meal out.

SpringlikeBunk · 27/05/2021 08:06

Yeh that's it @Shayelle2009 - he looked great, stuff in common, seemed very chatty and confident and content to "lead" (and I'd have agreed to meet a few years ago) but the pushiness and the deceptiveness was/is a bad character trait!

I do find this - often the guys who do a lot of "chasing" are doing it for a reason and it's not always a good one....

bangheadhere40 · 27/05/2021 08:11

spring so this guy put he was childfree but actually wasn't? I don't understand that and why you would lie.

bangheadhere40 · 27/05/2021 08:12

Ooh Mr Hot shayelle...🤞

Original poster
Shayelle2009 · 27/05/2021 08:18

I agree @SpringlikeBunk that pushiness is an instant red flag, like why do that? What’s the motive?? I think you’ve done the right thing there.

@bangheadhere40 mm hm he’s playing hockey or something in his pics. He looks really posh 😂 haha. You should see the thighs in his pics 😋 😈 x

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 27/05/2021 08:20

I like nice thighs....

bangheadhere40 · 27/05/2021 08:20

And don't mind the posh ones, send him over here if it goes nowhere 😆

SpringlikeBunk · 27/05/2021 08:26

@bangheadhere40 and @Shayelle2009

Yes on his Bumble profile he'd put "don't want children" (not "have and don't want more")

And referred to enjoying his nieces and nephews but not his son! So clearly not just forgetting.

He cancelled our meet on Monday and I was a bit "suspicious" as it felt a bit weird - he'd been very chatty before, claimed it was a "forgotten hospital appointment"

then when I asked if everything was ok was very evasive before wanting to message loads late that night.

I suspect now Monday meet was cancelled related to his child (or children) and he was being dishonest?

Then he finally dropped in the son....(pointing out that his son was older and working so it's like he "knows he's being sneaky and trying to attract childfree women who are slightly younger").

That makes me sounds like I'm really anti-children but I'm not - it's just the guy being sneaky that's bad?

Like he hasn't accepted that he's not in the "younger childfree bracket" now and wants to pretend he has a life he doesn't.

It also put me in a very awkward situation - like he wanted me to say directly "oh I don't want to date someone with children"?

Too much trouble all round!

Original poster
Shayelle2009 · 27/05/2021 08:42

We can have one each @bangheadhere40 there’s plenty to go round 😍😂😂

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 27/05/2021 08:48

Sounds really shifty spring and dishonest.

I hate the way he's lied as well! Throw that one back into the SOT where he belongs.

bangheadhere40 · 27/05/2021 08:54

🤣🤣🤣 one thigh is better than no thigh I suppose.

SpringlikeBunk · 27/05/2021 09:28

He's actually blocked @bangheadhere40

I was planning on quietly detaching/drifting as I thought the cancellation excuse was a bit shabby

but he was being pushy as well so the block was necessary - it's just shameless and manipulative!

I agreed to meet thinking he was childfree and then "using that" to try to then guilt me into still meeting him is complete nonsense.

I think there's a few SecretChilders around - sometimes there's a child in a photo.

There's one guy who I've seen around a bit on apps for a while (very good looking, good job so was surprised he wasn't snapped up?) who sullenly put something like "I have a son as that seems to matter to SOME" on his most recent ad.

I imagine that he's basically been dating trying to pretend he doesn't have a child and it's been offputting for those who have found out.

Seems pretty bad as well to "deny a childs existence" just to get extra dates.

I don't feel comfortable seeing photos, but just put something like "I have a great DD, 8". Job done!

SortingItOut · 27/05/2021 09:42

@frankiefirstyear Sorry to hear Mr M is being flaky, you were only meeting every few weeks anyway do how does he think a relationship develops if he cant even do that.

Is he the one who called it off because one of his kids didn't like him dating?

I know your situation is hard as you have your children 100% but surely you deserve better than this.
Now a lot more people are working from home they are likely to be available for dates in the day time which might work better

VanGoghsDog · 27/05/2021 09:52

Hmm.....the guy I had the walk with on Monday has a 7yo, not mentioned on profile (Tinder, so no tick box option anyway) and two adult sons as well.

If I'm honest, a 7yo he has 50% care of does put me off. At my age, I'm really expecting teens as the youngest I'll have to think about. Young adults more likely. 7yo just isn't in my sights as wanting to have in my life if a relationship develops. Nor having to work around for dating.

But, I'll see him again next week and see how it goes. I've not got a free evening until next Friday though!

SpringlikeBunk · 27/05/2021 09:58

@VanGoghsDog

Mine had ticked the (inaccurate) box or I’d definitely have checked/asked in advance.

Isitreallyme77 · 27/05/2021 10:03

Thank you @GaraMedouar
@bangheadhere40. Thank you. Oh and yes they sound very similar, it was a complete head fuck if I'm honest. I think he needed me at the time and when I told him I felt used(he said something that triggered that) he turned on me and we had a massive row.

@Shayelle2009 I might have swiped I don't know as I was on the verge of hiding my profile again (coincidentally he was on the verge of deleting his). We are going for coffee, so it will be quite nice and relaxed hopefully. Oh and hockey players have some good do's apparently (so my friend says Grin) so I say go for it.

bangheadhere40 · 27/05/2021 10:07

How old is he vangough? I'm put off with men with very young kids and I'm nearly 40...mine are teens though.

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