Dating thread 204 - surfing the SeaofTwits

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Actually, now that I write that, his profile even mentions "how he likes hanging out with his nieces and nephews" as if he wants to be seen as a childfree guy who is a "favourite uncle" - but not his son!?????

That sounds like a safeguarding issue!

Lol @VanGoghsDog

Definitely suss! But I’ll trust my spider senses and just leave it.

Shame as he looked really cute and we seemed to have a lot in common , but the whole “doing the hard sell to build a connection but forgetting to mention child” was a bit off!

Even yesterday after he cancelled I thought the communication was a bit weird (long break then randomly starting late at night). It’s the deceptiveness that’s a turn-off

@Shayelle2009 thank you for your kind words.

FML!

I actually decided today I like who I am, I'd rather be me and alone than pretend to be someone else to have a companion

I like your way of thinking @cravingthelook I think we all should be like that. I said to my housemate earlier if Mr Cricket doesn't like me in jeans and trainers then he isn't the man for me (I'm not wearing trainers now , as I was putting my gym shoes away I saw my Sebago boat shoes and thought they'll do nicely with my jeans).

@SpringlikeBunk

Oh, MrC has said he is back next week and heavily hinted he still fancies me and wants to go on holiday with me.

And I have a meet with a cofounder for a start-up I want to do which would be more exciting than a hot date.

This morning I had a really shit annoying chat with someone on bumble.

I think my ASD is completely overstimulated right now!

The gym is open and I got back in the pool today and signed up for my summer membership and that will get me back on an even keel hopefully!

Sounds like there is loads going on for you that is non dating focused ... such a good feeling as life kicks back into gear. I'm really enjoying seeing the outside world come back to life 😊 and I hope you unwind the asd triggers as quickly as they come up

@cravingthelook

FML!

I actually decided today I like who I am, I'd rather be me and alone than pretend to be someone else to have a companion

AMEN

@havecourage8bekind

Hey everyone! Life has been so hectic that I haven't opened Mumsnet in so long! Hope you're all doing okay. Got some exciting news that I had to share with you....I'VE GOT A BOYFRIEND! I feel 13 even writing that but yeah..me and MrImpressions made it official last night after two months of dating and it just feeling right. I remember posting on here after date one saying we were like magnets and I'd never experienced it before..it's still the same about 15 dates later. Can't believe I've actually been so lucky and found something like this on tinder - esp when I only downloaded it looking for a bit of fun! Hope this gives you all some hope that there is decent men on there. X

Yayyyy 👏🏿

[quote Isitreallyme77]@BelladiMamma my ex and I used to meet after work on a Wednesday and then at the weekend. We did talk on the phone most nights but never constant texts. You're right it was a nice treat when we did see each other as we had stuff to talk about.

@VanGoghsDog it sounds like it went well. Will you see him again?[/quote]
The old days weren't all bad ... ☎️

Think I am scraping the bottom of the barrel with my current matches.
One who claims to be a doctor but can't find him on the GMC register.
One who is a 'footballer' but not signed and 'in training for trials'

Back into the sea of twits I go

Thank you craving, spring, one small step for your advice ☺️

Must say how I marvel at the spy capabilities on this thread! I'm useless, wouldn't have a clue where to start! Anyone fancy doing some free freelancing, give me a shout 😅

I'm chatting to an old iron (Mr Love Island) I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not. The first time I dipped my toe into OLD a few years ago he stood me up and ghosted me. It was the catalyst for me sorting myself out though. I'm such a different person than I was back then and so much more confident, I'm happy with who I am (except for the lockdown weight). I matched with him earlier this year but decided it wasn't right and I disappeared. I matched with him again yesterday and we started chatting and we agreed we should go for a drink. We do have a lot in common and some of my friends know some of his friends.

I feel after Computer Geek my judgement may be off slightly and I might be making a mistake though. There is obviously a reason he keeps matching with me(I do it to see if he matches with me) and he remembers who I am. People do change and lockdown has changed everybody but am I an idiot for even considering going back there?

As for Mr Cricket I'm going to message him later to confirm everything, it has been quite liberating not constantly messaging an iron all the time.

There's no harm in having a drink @Isitreallyme77 if you are boundaried about what you want?

One positive for me of the way things are just now is being able to filter people out with a video chat. Some refuse to do it - fair enough, up to them - but some give away that they want to talk over you all the time and that saves the energy of going out to meet someone who talks over me iyswim.

Video call last night with MrThespian - having had the application form problem explained! - my cats were trying to climb on the laptop continuously which didn't help! But will hopefully meet him in person.

Date with MrSailor on Friday - he's been cheery and complimentary and interested - so am quite looking forward to a nice flirty evening.

And Mr Army who said he could meet "anytime" but is away all weekend and lives 2 hrs away so a bit far for an evening imo. So that's not any time all that soon! Will see if he sticks to next weekend. His kids live in Scotland and he seems pretty content to not see much of them which makes me a bit but we'll see.

Lovely to hear some of the good news here 💓

@PyjamasOClock

There's no harm in having a drink *@Isitreallyme77* if you are boundaried about what you want?

One positive for me of the way things are just now is being able to filter people out with a video chat. Some refuse to do it - fair enough, up to them - but some give away that they want to talk over you all the time and that saves the energy of going out to meet someone who talks over me iyswim.

Video call last night with MrThespian - having had the application form problem explained! - my cats were trying to climb on the laptop continuously which didn't help! But will hopefully meet him in person.

Date with MrSailor on Friday - he's been cheery and complimentary and interested - so am quite looking forward to a nice flirty evening.

And Mr Army who said he could meet "anytime" but is away all weekend and lives 2 hrs away so a bit far for an evening imo. So that's not any time all that soon! Will see if he sticks to next weekend. His kids live in Scotland and he seems pretty content to not see much of them which makes me a bit but we'll see.

Lovely to hear some of the good news here 💓

Great news, @Pyjamas ❤️

Bloody good for you @cravingthelook long may the attitude continue!
It would seem that there is too much water under the bridge between me and Mr O. It's a terrible shame because I thought we had figured out what went wrong. I do wonder if all the change we've both experienced just means we aren't right for each other any more.
Dipped my toe in the sea for some light hearted chat. The waters aren't too bad but I'm very much on the friendship bench for now.

Got a late message from MrSecretChild last night which I ignored so hopefully that's that. It's the whole being manipulative thing that's a turn-off.

And once you've met and bonded it's harder to detach really - especially if he's charming and chatty - 75% great but 25% off is a lethal combination ...

Also someone I exchanged numbers with on Tinder who I was tentatively thinking about meeting changed their status on whatsapp (not sure if that's the right phrase?) to something a bit like "I'm in a world of pain" so I'm not sure if there's some issues there?

Obviously its sad if they're struggling but I have enough of my own issues!

It's a relief thinking "I have no reason to check my phone" now, for good or for bad, and just think about enjoying getting to the gym etc solo now!

I'm definitely with @cravingthelook on the bench.

@PyjamasOClock

That's actually such a good idea with the video calls.

I kind of wonder if that's a way of breaking out of the dating fatigue I'm feeling - just put a line on my profile about "first meet video call" and that saves a lot of time?

Still chatting to Mr HT. he did say he wonders why I bother with him. I said yeah you're the least worst 😂

Mr Teddy and I meeting 15 June - he's adorable but I think it's going to be too far to realistically see each other often.

Mr roads is back next week

I feel a bit crap, sore throat. Got a covid test and it's negative. Think I'll just chill and see what the universe brings me.

So date with Mr Cricket confirmed for tomorrow (eek) , we are messaging a little bit today just general chit chat which is nice and breaks the ice a little. But he is busy and I'm busy so it's quite nice to actually be able to concentrate on work.

@cravingthelook

I actually think a bit of flirty chat with someone I know is all I can cope with right now - maybe that's the best place to categorise MrHT?

I think with lockdown and other pressures I just want to get out and "do slightly nice stuff" now and trying to co-ordinate socialising with others (especially if they're not tried and tested) is too ambitious?

I don't want the new CV variant to take off and we're locked again, and I've spent all the free time "waiting on texts from someone I hardly know"?

Good luck @Isitreallyme77

@SpringlikeBunk thank you. I actually feel like you too, my diary for June has been booked up with seeing friends again and I'm taking this weekend as a quiet weekend to spend time on myself, I may go shopping on Saturday and buy myself some new underwear (desperately needed) and have a chilled hour or so in the gym but I'm going to not do anything social. I do worry that we will have it all taken away again and so I'm reluctant to plan too much.

Yes @SpringlikeBunk Mr HT is familiar and funny and we have the best flirty chat. I just need to not expect more from him. Though he did check in to see if I was feeling ok today.

Stressed out bloke has just messaged me

It’s tough as he looks handsome and seems nice but projecting a “potentially needy” vibe and I don’t want to meet someone, get on, and then have to play counsellor....

@SpringlikeBunk sticking it on your profile would definitely set the boundary. I'm less resentful of 45 minutes from the comfort of my living room than I would be of the time it would take to go out and meet someone who's just not for me.

But I'm really with those of you who feel that seeing friends again is just such a joy and seeing someone I don't know doesn't quite compare, given my free time is precious and I don't know how much longer we'll be able to meet up with people. So am prioritising - am off until Tuesday now. Like @Onwards I have a chronic health condition- for me that means I have to pace myself anyway.