Dating thread 204 - surfing the SeaofTwits

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@havecourage8bekind

Hey everyone! Life has been so hectic that I haven't opened Mumsnet in so long! Hope you're all doing okay. Got some exciting news that I had to share with you....I'VE GOT A BOYFRIEND! I feel 13 even writing that but yeah..me and MrImpressions made it official last night after two months of dating and it just feeling right. I remember posting on here after date one saying we were like magnets and I'd never experienced it before..it's still the same about 15 dates later. Can't believe I've actually been so lucky and found something like this on tinder - esp when I only downloaded it looking for a bit of fun! Hope this gives you all some hope that there is decent men on there. X

Congratulations @havecourage8bekind! That's fantastic news ❤️

[quote Shayelle2009]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards ahh I know, that’s how I feel too.. I love posting and chatting on here and everyone’s lovely 🥰 plus there are some really wise ladies (and gents!) whose advice I personally find invaluable!

@Isitreallyme77 fingers crossed for Mr Cricket, are you going to meet up, has he said anything about a plan?

@GaraMedouar that’s a nice feeling that someone’s keen to go out again! You’re brave eating in front of someone new, I think id struggle with that! (Love food though.. haha)[/quote]
@Shayelle2009 me too

@GaraMedouar thank you.

@VanGoghsDog I really struggle with the what do you want question. I ultimately want a relationship, and always say meet someone and see how it goes but for me all this app dating is weird as when I last dated, you met someone in a pub or club spent the evening flirting, kissed, possibly took them home (I did with my ex) and if you wanted more and actually liked each other you started seeing each other, you didn't have the exclusive talk, you didn't keep seeing other people. Mr Cricket put it perfectly the other night, all these OLD questions makes you feel like you are having a job interview and that is how I'm feeling right. Will I be good enough, will he like me.

@VanGoghsDog

I've said yes to meeting up next week for a drink.

Though, his actions have highlighted an issue with OLD that I have been formulating a response to for a while.

He said originally "I just want a friend, have a drink, see how it goes". I said OK.

Tonight he says something about "first date". I said it's not a date
Texting this evening he said something about will this drink be a date then?
So I sent him a screenshot of his Tinder message saying he wants a friend and said "given this, why would it be a date?"
He said because he likes me.
I said well, that moved fast!

Anyway, I think people saying they are looking for a friend and see how it goes are being dishonest. Because if I say to this guy now that I just want to be friends, now he "likes" me, he's not going to be keen on that, is he?

Plus, I do not need any more friends anyway, with Neckkisser and Decorator I'm juggling enough, and that's without MrWG (who actually is a friend).
But why does he get to now decide it's moved from "friend" to "date"? It's annoying!

I might've picked this up wrong but... if a profile says 'friend but see where it goes' then (imo) that means they'd like to meet new friends but if there's mutual attraction then it can develop Also, you say you have got enough friends, but you met up with this guy seeing that he was looking for friends? I would say he's messaged you and established he wants to be friends, so had a meet up with you and has seen potential for more, so is acting upon this feeling. Things are ever changing, I would prefer this keeping transparency of feelings/developments, than being blindsided by a 'I think I'm falling for you' after a few meets.

Great news @havecouage8bekind

Congratulations @havecourage8bekind!!!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards have fun on your date, he really sounds lovely!

@Eesha

Congratulations *@havecourage8bekind*!!!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards have fun on your date, he really sounds lovely!

Thank you @Eesha! He is extremely lovely ❤️

Aww @havecourage8bekind that is so lovely to read, so happy for you it must feel amazing!! So nice to read a happy story!

@VanGoghsDog I wouldnt say it was dishonest it’s maybe more someone who is perhaps nervous of involvement and wants to build a friendship first before anything else... only because it’s the sort of thing I say.. but maybe he’s met you and just really likes you??

@Isitreallyme77 another bit of an exciting update... eek for Thursday 😆 of course you are good enough - better than good enough, he needs to be good enough for you!!

Congratulations courage and yes, when is your date onwards?

Thanks all! Feeling super giddy today xx

So glad for you @havecourage8bekind enjoy!

That’s great @havecourage8bekind
Excited for you

And you @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Looking for help on how to word (to an old FWB) 'I want to find someone but not going to be you' 😬 unfortunately its one of those situations where I was really in a bad place when we briefly had a fling, I have tried to just be friends with him but it's giving me the total creeps as he keeps asking about being my 'filler' sort of deal then saying 'ok I won't ask again' then asking again a few weeks/months later. I have told him I have a bf but he just isn't put off, he first came on to me when I (and he!) was married so has absolutely zero respect for any relationships. I feel bad just blocking him but maybe that's what needs to happen, I'd just be cringing if he just turned up at my house etc so would like to put a stop to it in some clear, hopefully not brutal, way?!

My romantic status is “drowned and lost at sea in SeaOfTwats”

Guy I was meant to meet yesterday cancelled - gave notice and we were meant to be meeting very locally to me so wasn’t put out but still annoying!

Kind of felt excuse was a bit suss and we’re still messaging but not going to “book time out” for rescheduling

Had a couple of annoying chats and just deleted apps - I guess I feel like I’m connecting with work contacts and it’s awesome and moving forward in life

and then having all these really shallow frustrating encounters with slightly rude people on the dating scene (micro aggressions all building up?)

Oh, and cancel guy just mentioned he’s going away with his SON (on his bumble profile he’s marked “don’t want kids” not “have and don’t want more”)

That rescheduling isn’t going to be happening....

He’s asked me if I’m free Thursday evening 😬🤔

@SpringlikeBunk

That’s great *@havecourage8bekind* Excited for you

And you @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

@SpringlikeBunk ❤️

@frankiefirstyear just say 'sorry I'm not feeling physical attraction to you anymore I appreciate the offer of being a filler but it's not a distraction I'm looking for, so please put your energy into finding the right woman for you'

Sometimes you need to be straight up

I hate those kind of ones @frankiefirstyear. Creeps!!

“I appreciate the offer of being a filler”.... hehe 😬

@frankiefirstyear

"I don't want to see you or be in touch any more. Your contact makes me uncomfortable. Don't contact me again. Frankie"

Then block.

Most creepy guys know they're being creepy and making you feel uncomfortable -they just go round every woman they know and assume some are "too polite" to say no, or worry they've "led them on" even if they haven't?

I definitely used to be fairly vulnerable to them as I projected vibes that I "didn't want to hurt their feelings" and wanted to "be polite" and they KNEW this and just tried to push my boundaries even more.

@SpringlikeBunk, I don't know whether Mr Reschedule is frustrating or irritating. It seems like there are a lot of matches having sudden issues crop up. It all adds to the stress/ uncertainty of OLD hugely. What's the current state of play with Mr PM ?
@havecourage8bekind, lovely update. So pleased you are happy and excited about your new RS.
@frankiefirstyear, I think craving put it really well. I'd probably soften it a little and leave out the physical attraction comment although if he keeps coming back you are going to have to resort to something in words of one syllable.

@Onesmallstep67

MrPM has agreed to meet, but also it just seems a bit too much like hard work at a distance?

I kind of feel I'm going to be stuck with the organising load and I want to give my full attention to my own work right now not a second date with someone.

Maybe we'll catch up when he's back in the area.

(That makes me sound a bit high-maintenance, but he's taking ages to reply to messages so I've just left the last one!

He's cool enough so I want to stay in touch and not close the door but equally I hate feeling like I'm "overfunctioning"!)

MrReschedule is a goner due to the son thing.

Again that makes me sound high-maintenance but I think it's the lying by omission that was the turn-off?

He cancelled yesterday "due to a forgotten about appointment that overran" and I kind of got the vibe something was off with that excuse? Like he'd always been chatty and then it was very "terse" about the appointment.

Then today he brought the son in (remembering to comment he was older and working).

His Bumble profile doesn't mention the child and also doesn't say he has any kids (the option is there if you remember?)

I think it's that he's sitting there working out how to present himself so that he appeals to younger childfree women that's the turn-off for me? (he's 40 so 4 older than me).

It just feels a bit dishonest - like I felt a bit guilty about turning him down this week but also like he'd tried to "lure me in" then brought out the key piece of information?

Actually, now that I write that, his profile even mentions "how he likes hanging out with his nieces and nephews" as if he wants to be seen as a childfree guy who is a "favourite uncle" - but not his son!?????

Oh, MrC has said he is back next week and heavily hinted he still fancies me and wants to go on holiday with me.

And I have a meet with a cofounder for a start-up I want to do which would be more exciting than a hot date.

This morning I had a really shit annoying chat with someone on bumble.

I think my ASD is completely overstimulated right now!

The gym is open and I got back in the pool today and signed up for my summer membership and that will get me back on an even keel hopefully!

@bangheadhere40

Congratulations courage and yes, when is your date onwards?

@bangheadhere40 we're going to start planning it next weekend. I'll keep you all posted! ❤️