Dating thread 204 - surfing the SeaofTwits

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Urgh just had an awful encounter with a man who read me the riot act for just wanting to chat - which I put in my profile. I think I'm now going to compile a photo file of everyone I match with and add them to a 'sea of (scary) twats' album so I know to avoid in RL too!

@frankiefirstyear - sorry that happened ! When I first started on OLD had a weird text encounter with a guy - who was all flattering and firing msgs at me, then within about 10 msgs (and 2 min) he’d asked for my number , then started attacking me accusing me of just being on the site to collect likes and for an ego boost . Was bizarre. And actually really upset me. I came off the site for a couple of weeks to recover

So my evening of just swiping right brought me a lot of scary men,a lot of men not my type and one I'm actually chatting to. He feels like me about OLD and said he is on the verge of deleting his account (something I'm on the verge of doing). He suggested going for coffee.

I'm worried though that no man will do as they're not bloody Computer Geek and that is now really beginning to annoy me as I should be over him by now. I really wish there was a switch i could flick and it would be fine.

I need advice. I joined tinder....I’m getting no matches at all, every time I log on I’m seeing the exact same people. Please tell me it’s a problem with Tinder.....and I’m not a minger!!

I’ve had an awful experience so need help on how to recognise abusive men. I had met someone on Tinder 14 months ago, was meeting him once a week, but I’ve realised he was using me and deliberately messing with my head to keep me in check. Hes now back online, and his profile says he’s looking for everything I’m not......I’m convinced he’s written it knowing I’d see it. A character assassination. How to do know if someone is genuine? I seem to be an attractor of narcs.
But, Tinder.......am I doing something wrong or am I just not swipe right worthy?

Well Miss "No Contact with Ex" is another one to add to the list of stories to my OLD book if I ever write one! I managed to survive the grilling about when I last spoke to all my exes, so we got back to chatting. However she messaged this morning to say that she doesn't like endless chat, so goodbye and good luck.

Now she's been working all weekend, and we've only been chatting since Friday evening! Another bullet dodged I think. So I pulled my "reply and unmatch" trick on Tinder so she'll see I replied but will never know what I said...

Now I'm back to zero matches, and about to dip my toes into the SoT again.

As for the mysteries of Tinder swiping - I have read that the algorithms are a bit more complex, and also look at the quality of the people you match with. E.g., if Cindy Crawford is on there, she'll be swiped by a lot of guys, and if she swipes me back they figure that I must be more attractive than other guys, so they'll send me more women they think are more attractive. I wouldn't be surprised if they look at all sorts of metrics to figure out who to put in your feed, even down to how long people spend looking at the photos before swiping left or tight.

Also if you swipe on someone, it usually puts you in their feed fairly quickly so the chances are if you have lots of likes, a lot of the people you see as you swipe have liked you already, hence why you get lots of matches.

@Isitreallyme77 you're not alone in worrying that no one will match up to a particular person. It is annoying, and upsetting at times - but I have always felt this after every breakup I've had, and then someone comes along to make me realise that there was someone better out there after all. So I guess we all need to hang in there, and it will happen at some point!

@Mylifestartstoday have you checked your distance settings? It may just be showing you people within a very small radius. You could also try deleting your account and re-creating it a day or two later - this resets everything, and puts you on the top of the pile again. But I think most people on this thread will agree, it is tough going on there and at times seems like you're forever destined to never find anyone decent.

@Mylifestartstoday the only positive thing I can say that I've gotten out of dating/relationships with abusive men are that if ANYTHING reminds you of any of them, then at very least red flag it, but I tend to desist and try again. This is one reason I like to date those I know in RL. I also have a sort of detachment from people , though they don't seem to be aware of this as I'm very loving outwardly.
Your ex will be doing it to mess with you further I'm sure, they try every trick they can think of. Please just block and try to forget. He deserves zero headspace from you!
Tinder can be a bit weird but mostly only shows those who are online at the time so maybe if you're trying at same time of day it may keep showing same ones, or if (like me) you live rurally there's not much choice in the area.
Good luck

Bullet dodged indeed cat!

@TheCatWithTheHat. Thank you I'm so glad it's not just me. I think my problem is its been 18 years since I've dated and I have no clue how it works anymore and I fell hard for Computer Geek as he was the first one(first kiss, first man, first hand hold etc) who wasn't my ex in 18 years.

I think I might go for this coffee with Mr Cricket, see how it goes it might even help me move past Computer Geek.

You definitely dodged a bullet there with that one too.

So, I've just gone back on the apps. Had one date where he decided he was still in love with his ex and decided to leave.

And one other where, he pinned me down to another date/day but wouldn't give a specific time, location and the date wasn't in a close time span.

I was chatting to one guy who decided he hated the app, I said just use it to meet people rather than get invested, he said he hated it though, so I suggested he might be better meeting people IRL, to which I got a you're a *, people like you are the problem and I'm not surprised you're still on here as no one would want you. I'd been on under a week.

SOT indeed!

I think the first one after a long relationship is the hardest. I fell hard for my first since my 8 year relationship ended, and still haven't met anyone I like as much as I did her.

I always struggle to believe I'll meet anyone as good as my ex after a breakup, and when I finally did it hurt even more when it ended.

@TheCatWithTheHat definitely. This was the first one since a very long marriage. I fell hard for him, I feel I’m going to struggle to find anyone like him (which is probably a relief, but I don’t feel that way at the minute)

Hi everyone,

I've got a VC with Mr. Bookworm today. He's feeling much better, which is a relief.

I've had a bad week with my pain unfortunately. Just lots of shoulder and hand pain. I don't really like talking about it with him though. I don't want him to think he's making a mistake being involved with me, like my ex did.

I know that sounds stupid, but I do get anxious about those sorts of things. ❤️

Aww enjoy @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards 😃

@frankiefirstyear

Aww enjoy *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* 😃

Thank you @frankie! 😀

Oh I got this yesterday.

Thing is if I was going to be luring men in with my small bank balance I’d want someone like 22 and model good looking with great dress sense. I’d want a cultured, classy toy boy.

Maybe like an international classical music student or something?

This was from a plumber three years younger than me with a baseball cap on in every photo

🤣 charm school rejects all round atm!

This made me laugh too - Tbf it’s actually fairly honest which is something.

@SpringlikeBunk someone asked me (not on OLD) whether I thought about being a sugar momma and I had no idea what she was on about. Now I do. Jeez I think I'm too innocent and naive for OLD.

Lol @Isitreallyme77

It’s all these “phrases” and hints that I still need to learn about!

Though I’ve definitely sharpened up a lot - the more you use the apps the more you learn?

My first go at Tinder I let through MrMilitary (emotions there but bad flaky signals from the start), arranged to go for a drink with someone “near his flat”, and agreed to meet with a travelling American who looked cool on paper but was a bit pushy and ill-mannered and dull.

Nothing terrible happened but it’s all been and still is a steep learning curve!

@SpringlikeBunk

Oh I got this yesterday.

Thing is if I was going to be luring men in with my small bank balance I’d want someone like 22 and model good looking with great dress sense. I’d want a cultured, classy toy boy.

Maybe like an international classical music student or something?

This was from a plumber three years younger than me with a baseball cap on in every photo

Ugh.

SeaOfTwats is a feast for the senses

This guy doesn’t have time to go to the toilet.

Hi everyone,

Just got off the phone with Mr Bookworm 😀

he's got his first COVID jab booked on Tuesday and he's said that we can start planning our first face to face date next weekend! Woohoo! So excited ❤️

Sounds great @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards all the planning fun!