Dating thread 204 - surfing the SeaofTwits

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Yes I’m not sure if I’ll live to regret this but I’ve had the same experience as @Tinseltangle

Going to try to stop swiping and focus on the chats I have - ones moved to WhatsApp and two are mooting meets

Weirdly enough the guys I’m liking chatting to I wouldn’t have picked after a “thoughtful/choosy” swiping session - nothing wrong with them or any red flags, would have just gone for others over them (top 20-30% of choices rather than top 5%)

On the negative side, some of the scary men I’ve matched with (thinking I’d be murdered in my bed) HAVEN’T messaged me.

So I’m clearly not good enough for them 😂

Hi everyone,
Been here a couple of times before under different names and got some brilliant advice, so thank you!

Anyway, hoping to keep this new username for a while and hang around this time!

Quick bio: separated from abusive XD 2012. Put me off men (felt physically sick of any man finding me attractive) til last year, Covid prompted a turn around! So met someone on the apps, Match. Lets call him Mr Puppy. Thought he was emotionally stable and decent. I ended up falling head over heels in lurve with him, however I can't see red flags due to my mental colour blindness, he sexually assaulted me (grim, not scary) and had erectile dysfunction (which are NOT the words you want to hear after 8 years of fecking celibacy).

I would really love to find someone else (because I've run out of hair vests) but not having much luck on the apps...I feel like I'm being too picky...so tell me, what is this blind swiping??

@MrsDevery

I’ve only been on a couple days doing this so I may be talking shite....

Tinder app algorithm ranks you based on how new you are and how many matches you get.

So if you’re swiping “selectively” and don’t get many matches per swiping session

then the app ranks you as “MissUnpopular” and puts you in the same category as all the “
“MrUnpopulars”

Which (I think) is why often I’ve joined, had a good run on the first session then a day later it’s like all the really “scary looking types” (not being snobbish but in terms of having made no profile effort/looking creepy/aggressive/downright threatening etc)

The algorithm isn’t thinking “Bunk only likes men who are a bit geeky and live locally so we’ll give her similar types ”

it’s thinking “Bunk is in the bottom 2% for her area so pair her off with the bottom 2% of guys”

So swiping yes on EVERYONE (unless there’s a good practical reason not to - neighbour or ex or boss) even if you don’t like the look of them or you’re not compatible means more matches

which means the algorithm says you’re a “popular female”, so you start getting placed with the “popular guys”....

And you filter after initial matches then?

It all sounds very cynical but it seems to have worked so far for me ! I think bumble is different ?

@Tinseltangle

If you are looking seriously ladies I urge you to swipe like your life depends upon it. My phone battery is nearly dead due to overuse 😂

Makes a change from my other device batteries being dead.......

So, I've just swiped another twenty in a row, seven matches. Selection about to happen.

I'm scared by the amount of men with better eyebrows than me.

I've just literally swiped like 30 and only got 2 matches. Obviously I'm just not good enough to be swiped on. 😂

Hahaha the guys who do “bad skin smoothing filters as well”

@Isitreallyme77 is it worth deleting profile and starting a new one? There always seems to be a better run of guys at the start

Thank you @SpringlikeBunk, good explanation!

It explains, a lot...re men various apps claim are the 'match of the day', my arse.

I'm on POF, Badoo (where many men seem to think I'm a dominatrix and Match on a fake profile with no picture, no bio. Interestingly the guys who have liked me on that are the ones who generally pester me with a pic. And I go all guilt trippy...but then if they will swipe a like with no pic or bio...

Sorry that was unclear, if they will swipe a like on me on Match with no picture or bio, but on another app where I do have a picture of myself, they pester me with messages, it doesnt say to me they are too bothered who they are talking to.

Can I ask for those who have children - do you tell them you are dating? Last night I had my curry date - I have a 10 year DD and a 17 yr DS at home - 17 yr DS can babysit which is good. It doesn’t work just saying I’m meeting a friend , as I never normally go out (sad but true even before Covid ) - and they are both but particularly my DD very nosey ! She insists on knowing who exactly !!!

Last night I lied and said I was meeting my friend ‘Lisa’ who my DD knows and does an evening class with me when we’re not in Covid - so she accepted that. But I can’t keep seeing Lisa every weekend ! That would be strange. Obviously I wouldn’t bring Mr Close round , at this stage - but I’m wondering if I should just say I’ve met this guy who’s asked me in a date. I don’t actually want to say off OLD as I’ve always told my children not to meet strangers online!!!

Not sure about Mr Close but he wants to take me out again this weekend , he seems quite keen. He’s nice enough. Chat flowed well. He’s quite ranty but then I am - I am a middle aged woman , cross between Jenny Eclair and Victor Meldrew I think!!!

I don’t know if I look at things too analytically and overthink (yes I definitely do !!) logistically it works - he’s 20 min away, has a young child too so childcare responsibilities etc, could work quite well. I’d be quite happy seeing someone once a week for a night out and once a week daytime sex - he wfh too. Could be a perfect set up. Given I’ve been single nearly 5 years - could be the answer to my problems.

But - I don’t feel huge spark (sort of ambivalent).
Maybe I should just give it a go .
Also - he’s used to dating younger attractive women on his arm , that he pays for - and I’m used to paying my own way. Given I was always the breadwinner and last exP was a cocklodger I’m not used to that - I’m very independent and intolerant. Are we going to fight over who wears the trousers ?!!!

I am thinking too much - I will drink my wine ……

@Isitreallyme77

I'm scared by the amount of men with better eyebrows than me.

I've just literally swiped like 30 and only got 2 matches. Obviously I'm just not good enough to be swiped on. 😂

@Isitreallyme77 - I have often found that I don’t get immediate matches. I think some men see the matches and then swipe later on, it’s not often I get an immediate match.

But then I haven’t done the ‘swipe right on all the potatoes’ thing - maybe I should give it a go.

@GaraMedouar

Can I ask for those who have children - do you tell them you are dating? Last night I had my curry date - I have a 10 year DD and a 17 yr DS at home - 17 yr DS can babysit which is good. It doesn’t work just saying I’m meeting a friend , as I never normally go out (sad but true even before Covid ) - and they are both but particularly my DD very nosey ! She insists on knowing who exactly !!!

Last night I lied and said I was meeting my friend ‘Lisa’ who my DD knows and does an evening class with me when we’re not in Covid - so she accepted that. But I can’t keep seeing Lisa every weekend ! That would be strange. Obviously I wouldn’t bring Mr Close round , at this stage - but I’m wondering if I should just say I’ve met this guy who’s asked me in a date. I don’t actually want to say off OLD as I’ve always told my children not to meet strangers online!!!

Not sure about Mr Close but he wants to take me out again this weekend , he seems quite keen. He’s nice enough. Chat flowed well. He’s quite ranty but then I am - I am a middle aged woman , cross between Jenny Eclair and Victor Meldrew I think!!!

I don’t know if I look at things too analytically and overthink (yes I definitely do !!) logistically it works - he’s 20 min away, has a young child too so childcare responsibilities etc, could work quite well. I’d be quite happy seeing someone once a week for a night out and once a week daytime sex - he wfh too. Could be a perfect set up. Given I’ve been single nearly 5 years - could be the answer to my problems.

But - I don’t feel huge spark (sort of ambivalent).
Maybe I should just give it a go .
Also - he’s used to dating younger attractive women on his arm , that he pays for - and I’m used to paying my own way. Given I was always the breadwinner and last exP was a cocklodger I’m not used to that - I’m very independent and intolerant. Are we going to fight over who wears the trousers ?!!!

I am thinking too much - I will drink my wine ……

So I just said to my two (14 & 18) that I thought I was ready for dating again and might dip my toe in. Just to plant the seed. Then at some point in the future, I'll see I've met a particular person that I'm going on dates with. Then a little while after that I'll ask them if they want to meet him. (The problem is they could always say no to meeting him in which case I'll just have to leave it for a few months again 😂).

Everyone on the swiping thing - I never swiped on anyone that gave me the ick as then I got a series of icky twats, as on Bumble that seemed to open the magic door of the algorithm to them, which truly is a waste of time.

Part of my theory about this is that the genuine guys don't oversell themselves so they don't get tons of matches.

Hey @TheCatWithTheHat 😊👋 thank you!! 🎂 it sounds like you’re swimming in the SoT just like the rest of us!!
Though I managed to make it to dry land - sacked tinder off and I’m app free again, for the foreseeable, I just can’t be arsed with any of it! Mr india seemed nice but seemed to cool off when I said I’d prefer if we kept chatting on the app for now, so I’m glad I didn’t grace him with my digits after all!! I just don’t want a phone full of blocked random tinder twats.

Loving the SeaOfTwats imagery we’ve got going on here. Between us all we’re like the Shakespeare of online dating.

SeaOfTwats can be:

Surfed
Dived into
Swum

I imagine there’s a “WhirlpoolOfTwats” or “StormOfTwats” where you’ve got one flaky guy, your crazy ex, and a couple other nutters on the go

A PuddleOfTwats where everyone is shallow!

From my swipe right on everyone I've unmatched with each one that matched. I'm going to go back to only swiping on someone who if I saw them out I would think "oooh they're nice".

I did download Bumble earlier and it's no better than Tinder, and POF is just a pain.

TsunamiOfTwats where everyone sends messages like this.....(no preliminary chat apart from “what have you been doing this weekend?”)

@SpringlikeBunk

Loving the SeaOfTwats imagery we’ve got going on here. Between us all we’re like the Shakespeare of online dating.

SeaOfTwats can be:

Surfed
Dived into
Swum

I imagine there’s a “WhirlpoolOfTwats” or “StormOfTwats” where you’ve got one flaky guy, your crazy ex, and a couple other nutters on the go

😂😂😂

@SpringlikeBunk

TsunamiOfTwats where everyone sends messages like this.....(no preliminary chat apart from “what have you been doing this weekend?”)

🤮

Thank god I never 👎🏽 got anything like this on OLD - just from wannabe cocklodgers with tenuous connections

Haha 😂😂 @SpringlikeBunk you’re funny 😂😂 ‘and a couple of other nutters on the go’.... lol!!

At least they politely enquired if you wanted to see it?!? That’s a well mannered twat.

@BelladiMamma

To be fair I don’t generally get a lot of penis related things - more “trying to sneak hookups in”.

😂😂

It just goes to show about preliminary screening and swiping though - his profile was very normal, bit geeky, mainstream photos doing wholesome activities, good job....

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

To be fair I don’t generally get a lot of penis related things - more “trying to sneak hookups in”.

😂😂

It just goes to show about preliminary screening and swiping though - his profile was very normal, bit geeky, mainstream photos doing wholesome activities, good job....[/quote]
Where does this polite potential shower of his penis go in the tsunami of twats? Bobbling along at the raw sewage outlet downstream from your whirlpool?

Would many women really reply ‘yes please, I’d love to see your penis’?