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Original poster

Dating thread 204 - surfing the SeaofTwits

996 replies

Shayelle2009 · 13/05/2021 06:36

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Onesmallstep67 · 22/05/2021 16:01

As ever Sorting tons of spot on observations and thank you to everyone sharing their own difficult stories. Mr V is due any minute. I clearly have lots to think about and address with him. I will update when I can. And thank you again. I’m not taking any of this lightly but I have been hardened off a little over the last few years and I will disengage from him if that’s what is needed.

TheCatWithTheHat · 22/05/2021 16:26

@Isitreallyme77 sorry to hear he did that to you. I was talking to someone who saw some research on OLD (she worked in TV, and this was for a documentary) that said 1 in 4 guys on the apps are married or have partners. It seems a lot of guys will get a date agreed just as a kick but have no intention of going through with it so it seems like this was the case with him. He was another salty, wet twat it seems.

@Shayelle2009 glad you had a great birthday! For moving to WhatsApp, some people prefer it, but no reason you have to just because he wants to unless you're happy to do so. One reason for moving to WhatsApp is so you can send photos, so just be wary in case he wants to send dodgy pics.

I had a call on the phone with someone in the week, and we then continued to WhatsApp for a few days. I'm into cars, and do a fair bit of car stuff so there's a pic of mine on my profile. She asked what it was, and then slated it - telling me only old people drove them, and how unreliable they were. Then slated the choice of cars of my friends while criticising them for being materialistic. This was despite telling me how much her house was worth, and that her dream was to buy (well, meet a guy who could buy) a £2m yacht. So I suggested we probably weren't a good match, and it was best if we left it there. To which I received a really abusive and rude reply. Nice!

I've just started chatting to someone on Tinder who seems nice, but she's just asked if I'm still in touch with any of my exes, or if I have them on my Facebook, or their numbers saved in my phone still. I guess it's a fair question, but seems a little intense I think? I'm half expecting her to ask to check my WhatsApp chat history next!

BelladiMamma · 22/05/2021 16:29

[quote TheCatWithTheHat]@Isitreallyme77 sorry to hear he did that to you. I was talking to someone who saw some research on OLD (she worked in TV, and this was for a documentary) that said 1 in 4 guys on the apps are married or have partners. It seems a lot of guys will get a date agreed just as a kick but have no intention of going through with it so it seems like this was the case with him. He was another salty, wet twat it seems.

@Shayelle2009 glad you had a great birthday! For moving to WhatsApp, some people prefer it, but no reason you have to just because he wants to unless you're happy to do so. One reason for moving to WhatsApp is so you can send photos, so just be wary in case he wants to send dodgy pics.

I had a call on the phone with someone in the week, and we then continued to WhatsApp for a few days. I'm into cars, and do a fair bit of car stuff so there's a pic of mine on my profile. She asked what it was, and then slated it - telling me only old people drove them, and how unreliable they were. Then slated the choice of cars of my friends while criticising them for being materialistic. This was despite telling me how much her house was worth, and that her dream was to buy (well, meet a guy who could buy) a £2m yacht. So I suggested we probably weren't a good match, and it was best if we left it there. To which I received a really abusive and rude reply. Nice!

I've just started chatting to someone on Tinder who seems nice, but she's just asked if I'm still in touch with any of my exes, or if I have them on my Facebook, or their numbers saved in my phone still. I guess it's a fair question, but seems a little intense I think? I'm half expecting her to ask to check my WhatsApp chat history next![/quote]
God people are rude. I can't believe that about the car 🚗

Hmmm 🤔 not sure how I'd take that about the exes. Sounds like a red flag to me. She's only known you five minutes, what business is it of her's? FWIW I have always thought that a cordial but distant relationship with exes is actually a good sign.

TheCatWithTheHat · 22/05/2021 16:32

@Onesmallstep67 one thing I've learnt with lending money to friends/partners is that you should assume you won't get it back, otherwise it can cause issues. So if I was in your position, I'd only lend it if you mentally write it off now, and just see it as a bonus if it gets repaid.

Personally, I'd be wary doing this with someone in the early stages of a relationship, and if I was him I would be asking everyone else I knew to help before the woman I was dating, as I wouldn't want to add any pressure to the relationship.

TheCatWithTheHat · 22/05/2021 16:38

Well apparently her last ex cheated on her with his ex, so I guess she's a bit wary. I'm not a big fan of people being friends with exes either, although an ex from nearly 20 years ago started following me on Instagram recently so I followed her back - but that is very ancient history, and she's happily married living in another country now, so 0% change of anything untoward happening there!

Isitreallyme77 · 22/05/2021 16:52

@TheCatWithTheHat thank you, yes I get the feeling a lot of men aren't single and just want a bit of fun to relieve their bored married life.

BelladiMamma · 22/05/2021 16:56

@TheCatWithTheHat

Well apparently her last ex cheated on her with his ex, so I guess she's a bit wary. I'm not a big fan of people being friends with exes either, although an ex from nearly 20 years ago started following me on Instagram recently so I followed her back - but that is very ancient history, and she's happily married living in another country now, so 0% change of anything untoward happening there!
So I am friends with exes who I have to be in contact with (ex dh, have children together) and 2 exes who became like family as in I'm friends with their siblings and parents and new partners. Both of them were there for me during an extremely difficult time in my life (bereavement and sexual assault) and honestly I feel like they're a big part of my 'recovery' story and feel very bonded to them BUT zero chance of anything happening because they're like family. All out in the open with anyone I have a relationship with. I find it odd that people choose to never see people again that they've had a positive relationship with that's run it's course. But that's maybe just me and part of my bohemian parents baggage 😂
SortingItOut · 22/05/2021 17:02

@TheCatWithTheHat would she not date someone with children if she doesn't like friendships with ex's?
For me 2 separated parents who get on is a good thing for the children.

Seems controlling to me too, she is basically telling you that you cannot be friends with any ex's...

TheCatWithTheHat · 22/05/2021 17:05

I totally get if someone is on good terms with their ex if kids are involved - it would be more weird if they didn't, but I've never been in that situation myself.

I've always gone for no contact after a break up to help get over it, and then once I'm actually over them I find there's no real desire to have them in my life again. Normally I've moved on and met someone else by that point, so I'm happy to just have fond memories.

Also I've been hurt a few times when people I've fallen for have ended up going back to an ex. I think also Miss C had an ex on the scene who appeared to ramp up his contact when she was seeing me hence why I'm not a big fan. However I'd never expect or demand someone delete them from their phone, or not contact them. I'll see how this one goes - I can see why she's a bit wary to trust someone again.

TheCatWithTheHat · 22/05/2021 17:08

@SortingItOut I'm not sure - she has asked if I have kids, but hasn't said if she's only looking to date guys without kids. It does seem quite controlling, so will see if there are any more red flags. I'll have to keep an eye out for private detectives following me around outside now Grin

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 22/05/2021 17:15

@Heartbeats0708

I think you've had some good advice here *@Onesmallstep67* and I don't want to weigh in with more. All I will say is try to think this through with your head not your heart. *@cravingthelook* how's it going with Mr HT?! I'm not ready for my many confessions yet 😂 *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* good to hear you & Mr Bookworm are still getting along. I hope you get to meet soon and things feel as good in person!
@Heartbeats0708 thank you ❤️
SortingItOut · 22/05/2021 17:19

@TheCatWithTheHat 😂
Its fine for her to have it as one of her boundaries but it doesn't mean you have to fit in that.
My concern would be her policing of that...imagine you were together and your ex from 20yrs ago friend requested you, you wouldn't have been able to accept and would you 'be in trouble' because your ex did that whether you accepted or not?
How far back is acceptable? People I dated at school are on my facebook, is that permitted? I could see you easily tripping yourself up if you were in a relationship with her if you didn't know the 'rules'

Tinseltangle · 22/05/2021 17:34

The blind swiping works!!! Oh my word, I am awash in the sea of twats, 2 of whom I am enjoying chatting to. Thank you to whoever suggested it, it even brought out an old work collegue 😂😂😂

frankiefirstyear · 22/05/2021 17:34

If you block someone on WhatsApp does it delete the chat on their phone and your phone number?

frankiefirstyear · 22/05/2021 17:35

@Tinseltangle

The blind swiping works!!! Oh my word, I am awash in the sea of twats, 2 of whom I am enjoying chatting to. Thank you to whoever suggested it, it even brought out an old work collegue 😂😂😂
Which app are you using please? I'm about to dive head first in the sea of twats on tinder tonight
BelladiMamma · 22/05/2021 17:42

@frankiefirstyear no it just deletes your profile photo so they can't see it anymore and they just get one grey tick when they message you. Make sure they're blocked on your mobile too so that they can't twat text you to moan about being blocked

Tinseltangle · 22/05/2021 17:51

I'm on bumble, tinder and pof. Pof has been my most successful at getting responses but bumble seems to have more genuine men who actually want to meet. Having a call with one tonight from my mad bumble swipe today, so will let you know the outcome.

BelladiMamma · 22/05/2021 17:55

@Tinseltangle

I'm on bumble, tinder and pof. Pof has been my most successful at getting responses but bumble seems to have more genuine men who actually want to meet. Having a call with one tonight from my mad bumble swipe today, so will let you know the outcome.
Hurrah 😃
Tinseltangle · 22/05/2021 17:59

Its even getting me messages from ones I didnt swipe and some of them are very nice. Where were they hiding????

BelladiMamma · 22/05/2021 18:01

@Tinseltangle

Its even getting me messages from ones I didnt swipe and some of them are very nice. Where were they hiding????
Behind the frigging algorithm!!! Not even their fault. I think we get put in a different stack if we are not active on it.
OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 22/05/2021 18:05

@Tinseltangle

I'm on bumble, tinder and pof. Pof has been my most successful at getting responses but bumble seems to have more genuine men who actually want to meet. Having a call with one tonight from my mad bumble swipe today, so will let you know the outcome.
@Tinseltangle good luck for your call ❤️
Tinseltangle · 22/05/2021 18:08

If you are looking seriously ladies I urge you to swipe like your life depends upon it. My phone battery is nearly dead due to overuse 😂

frankiefirstyear · 22/05/2021 18:11

[quote BelladiMamma]@frankiefirstyear no it just deletes your profile photo so they can't see it anymore and they just get one grey tick when they message you. Make sure they're blocked on your mobile too so that they can't twat text you to moan about being blocked [/quote]
Thank you 😊

BelladiMamma · 22/05/2021 18:14

@Tinseltangle

If you are looking seriously ladies I urge you to swipe like your life depends upon it. My phone battery is nearly dead due to overuse 😂
I swear to the dating gods this is the only thing that worked for me. Yes it was a bit manic for a few days but I totally treated it like a job. That also meant I just got my work head on, didn't over invest and felt ok about it.

That was from having quite frankly hit the absolute fucking bottom of the barrel with my year of supremely unsuccessful dating.

Isitreallyme77 · 22/05/2021 18:16

@TheCatWithTheHat I'm really good friends with my ex, in fact he knows all about Computer Geek and even gave me a high five when I told him I kissed him, I went to him for advice at the beginning which was why I was probably very understanding, kept giving CG the benefit of the doubt and chance after chance. I know it's probably really weird to some people but by the end we really were just friends. He is a non-negotiable and we have always said we are still family but we will never get back together.