Dating thread 204 - surfing the SeaofTwits

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards thank you, it did feel the right thing to do. As you say I think I would always question whether he would do it again.

I'm currently chatting to an old friend, when I was with my ex he always had a problem with this friend and thought we would do something (think whenever we were talking my ex would appear and go all lovey dovey). I'm not sure about dating a friend but he did say he always wanted to get to know me more and we're having a little flirt.

The man at work who makes me uncomfortable came in to my office again today, there was no reason for him to be there at all. I was preparing to tell him to leave me alone when he tripped over a sign and fell flat on his face 🤣 The whole office was in stitches. Is it wrong that I laughed my head off? Its made me feel so much better and hopefully he wont be in any rush to come back.
Theres nothing happening on the apps and the messages I get are from people I would never date. Maybe its a sign I need to take a break from it all.

[quote Isitreallyme77]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards thank you, it did feel the right thing to do. As you say I think I would always question whether he would do it again.

I'm currently chatting to an old friend, when I was with my ex he always had a problem with this friend and thought we would do something (think whenever we were talking my ex would appear and go all lovey dovey). I'm not sure about dating a friend but he did say he always wanted to get to know me more and we're having a little flirt.[/quote]
@Isitreallyme77

@Tinseltangle

The man at work who makes me uncomfortable came in to my office again today, there was no reason for him to be there at all. I was preparing to tell him to leave me alone when he tripped over a sign and fell flat on his face 🤣 The whole office was in stitches. Is it wrong that I laughed my head off? Its made me feel so much better and hopefully he wont be in any rush to come back. Theres nothing happening on the apps and the messages I get are from people I would never date. Maybe its a sign I need to take a break from it all.

@Tinseltangle I don't think it's wrong if other people in the office were laughing as well. Hopefully, he won't bother you again ❤️

Contact with MrPM still seems to be progressing at snails pace which feels very frustrating!

Not doing to jump to any conclusions till we’ve had a second meet or until I know for sure if it’s not going to be happening/very delayed.

I’m a bit angsty in other areas of my life so kind of want a distraction - that’s colouring my view a bit.

[quote TheCatWithTheHat]@frankiefirstyear I've been out and about taking photos, which is mostly helping keep myself occupied with the vague hope that maybe I might bump into someone. I did look at dance classes, but it looks like I might need to wait until June before they start up again properly so that's on hold at the moment. That's a shame you're not able to get out and join the Monday ones! Do any of the classes offer childcare facilities so you take your child with you?[/quote]
Sorry I meant the classes started up on Monday ie.17th when indoor things re-opened, but no, none of the classes around here have childcare facilities, plus they're all after bedtime. Glad the photography is going well for you 😊 I find the apps a bit of a rollercoaster so have managed to stay off them despite having no dates for almost a month 😫

Quickly set up another tinder good LORD it’s depressing

I don’t even think it’s bad matches- looking at all the profiles just really irritates me now !

That said, this gentleman is free if anyone wants me to slip their number across,..

....he looks like the back end of a bus 🚎

@SpringlikeBunk

....he looks like the back end of a bus 🚎

They always seem to be the ones who think highly of themselves

I'm slim, but I identify as big. To avoid twats like him.

Back in the Sea of Twats he goes.......

@SpringlikeBunk

....he looks like the back end of a bus 🚎

@SpringlikeBunk he sounds like a keeper

I read on medium today that if you always swipe right on tinder, the algorithm boosts your profile as more matches = more activity = more popular. Dive headfirst into the SoT

I have a question. If I just unmatch someone on Tinder and don't block will I show up in their stack again? I unmatched Mr Racing but didn't block and am thinking I should unmatch Mr Transfer too.

I'm thinking I might hide my profile again (I won't delete in case Computer Geek wants to get in touch) but in case I don't I don't want to appear in their stacks.

@DudeFromThatLondon love that concept

“Diving headfirst into the Sea of twats.”

Arguably, with a limited amount of time/swipes per day saying yes to most and then filtering from those who contact you might work?

Obviously any obvious nutcases/your ex say no but trying to “make deductions” and plan based on very brief profiles might just be too time consuming

@Isitreallyme77

I’m not 100% sure tbh but I wouldn’t worry too much - just don’t swipe yes on them or if you do unmatch?

I used to get paranoid about things like this

but tbh there’s such a big turnover of faces no one really notices

Or if someone crops up and makes a comment just detach, you’re not friends and they have no power over you.

. If someone is harassing you block them, don’t need to give a reason.

@SpringlikeBunk

....he looks like the back end of a bus 🚎

What a charmer

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@Isitreallyme77

I’m not 100% sure tbh but I wouldn’t worry too much - just don’t swipe yes on them or if you do unmatch?

I used to get paranoid about things like this

but tbh there’s such a big turnover of faces no one really notices

Or if someone crops up and makes a comment just detach, you’re not friends and they have no power over you.

. If someone is harassing you block them, don’t need to give a reason.[/quote]
100% agree with this 👍🏻

@SpringlikeBunk and @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

thanks, I don't know why it makes me worry, it's not as if I've met them yet.

I'm so glad I came on this thread now, sometimes you need others opinions as it's not always easy to work things out in your own head.

Diving head first into the sea of twats I might make that my next strategy! I wondered about setting a profile up over the weekend but I know deep down I'm nowhere near ready and it's be through boredom and loneliness.

First time posting on the dating thread and hoping for some advice!

I have just started OLD again after some previous unsuccessful attempts. I've now started to chatting to a man 12 days ago, let's call him Mr Grey. We got on well through text right away and quickly moved on to speaking on the phone. We had a lovely, enjoyable chat that flowed well. We don't live that close to each other and both have kids so we've not managed to meet yet, though we've talked about it.

The thing is that he is being quite full on. Texts me every morning and then throughout the day. As soon as I respond to a message he comes online and messages back. If I don't respond for a few hours he will send another message. Then we have an intense text conversation or 1-2 hour phone call every evening. It's always initiated by him. Yesterday he sent me one selfie, one video and a photo of a drawing he'd made. I guess it is sweet that he is so keen and thinking of me, but I sometimes wait a while to reply as I don't want to spend all day texting.

Last night we spoke on the phone and I felt like he put me on the spot a bit. He asked me about taking long to respond, saying he felt unsure if I wanted to speak to him. Asking if we are really going to meet and when. He was polite in his tone and I appreciate that he was being honest about how he felt, but I can't help but feel that it's all a bit full on. We've not even met yet and chatting for a couple of weeks before meeting feels within the normal range to me. It's not like it's been months. The phone call just left me with an odd feeling afterwards.

What do you think, is he just being keen and honest or is it a bit weird/too much?

@HopefulDoubtful Sounds a lot like lovebombing to me, he's made you the centre of his world after 2 weeks of chatting and phone calls.

What does he do in his spare time? How does he have so much time to be able to text and chat?

Chatting and texting builds up a false closeness that might not be there in real life.

I'd be telling him that you have a job, children, family, friends and hobbies so you're not free all the time.

@HopefulDoubtful Mr Transfer is like that, I find it odd as he is never working. I know he runs his own business but even so. On the 2nd day of messaging he sent me pictures of what he was buying for his house and asking me what I thought . I text a lot, but even I have my limits.

@SortingItOut I think you are right about the false closeness. I've made that mistake in the past so I am much more realistic now and aware that it's all hypothetical at this stage. He seems new to OLD so maybe hasn't learnt those lessons. I'd never normally text/call so much with someone I've yet to meet.

@Isitreallyme77 I guess lots of people are working from and hungry for some social interaction after the year we've had. I think the thing that put me off more than all the texts was the call we had last night, it almost felt confrontational.

@HopefulDoubtful, I would maybe try to address it in a pleasant way with him if he brings it up again. In these kind of early , pre meeting chats I think I usually said that from past experience until we meet IRL neither of us will be truly able to gauge if there is a connection.

@Onesmallstep67 Yes, I think you are right. I did say something similar last night. I also said that it's best not to overthink these things too much and just see what happens.