Dating thread 204 - surfing the SeaofTwits

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@whatsthecomingoverthehill I personally wouldn't want to go near someone living with their ex. BUT it's probably quite a common thing so you may well meet understanding people. Please be upfront about it in your initial convos though.

Also about the bumble friends section that a PP mentioned, a guy seeking female friends is not someone I'd entertain personally. I think the dating section but making it clear you're not after a serious commitment right now is the way to go. But you can always try both!

@whatsthecomingoverthehill personally i wouldn't date anyone still living with their ex. I went on a date with an actor who was doing that and as he hadn't hit the big time yet, the situation wasn't likely to change any time soon. He and his ex would watch tv together at night. It just felt very awkward for me looking in. Perhaps just wait till youre in a better position to date.

[quote Eesha]@whatsthecomingoverthehill personally i wouldn't date anyone still living with their ex. I went on a date with an actor who was doing that and as he hadn't hit the big time yet, the situation wasn't likely to change any time soon. He and his ex would watch tv together at night. It just felt very awkward for me looking in. Perhaps just wait till youre in a better position to date.[/quote]
Snap is this the same actor I had a disastrous fling with? One of the many wannabe cocklodgers 😆😳🤬

@whatsthecomingoverthehill I lived with my ex for a good while after splitting up. We both met new partners while living together and we're both upfront to the newcomers. Gradually we separated homes (he moved out first but moved back in for weekends, to spend times with our pets and his new gf stayed with him too while her ex moved into her house to look after their child 🤪) all very amicable and pleasant. I wouldn't be put off by someone living with their ex at all.

delurks Bumble BFF isn't for FWBs, its only for platonic friendships. You'd be better off on the dating section. People can be reported and may have their membership cancelled if they breach the BFF guidelines.

From a frequent reporter of men on BFF.

Thanks everyone for your opinion. I know it will definitely put a lot of people off, but reassured that it's not a total write off. On bumble I've said "don't know yet" for what I want, not that it matters as I've had zero messages!

@Onesmallstep67 @HairyArsedMan thanks both so much, really needed the pep talk. So I didn’t say anything about ‘what are we’ because maybe you’re right it’s too early.

Next time I will be going to see him so at least it’s a bit more equal in terms of travel.

He did say before he left that he’ll miss me and that we’ll figure it out (whatever that means)

Happy mug here 😊😊

Can someone come and shake/slap me out of my pity party for one please.
Down to 0 irons and when I do match with seemingly a nice potential they moan that I'm too far away, my location settings are on and it's not my fault if they can't read.
I am meant to be prepping for another interview next week but all I can think about is that there might be better people for the job so what's the point. The current job is ruining my confidence in my abilities as my skills aren't being utilised. I just feel like a zoom link provider.

I just want a nice man who is local or willing to travel and a job I enjoy where my skills are utilised. Seems like I'm asking for the moon and the stars at the moment.

@BelladiMamma oooooo where was yours? Mine was North London.

Hi all, haven't updated for a bit.
I'm a little frustrated. Had a few new irons in recent days -
MrHouse - nice chatty messages - then asked something more serious which I replied, and then messaged back to say he's not really feeling it as I'm too intense. Can't win with some people

MrThespian - also nice in messages, lost his job during the pandemic but is doing a few things since, said he needs several days space from messaging as he's filling in an application from today. I'm a little about that but not sure why else he would say it.

MrClothes - video call yesterday, he talked over me loads about his eBay business and clearly couldn't remember what I did and was taken aback by me being a medic/lecturer. So just not feeling it with him.

I've read with interest the thoughts on essentially my male peers . They are probably learning from the generation before us many of whom had much more traditional gender roles in their relationships. It's a tough one but I'd probably not go out with a doctor.

@Dancerinthemoonlight Do you have pineapple and cheese on sticks, and decent music at your pity party? If so, can I join you?

I feel the same way about dating and job hunting. I'm finding job searching is very much like dating - I've applied for quite a few jobs where I'd be a good match, had a few interviews but all I get is "just not feeling the spark". And that's if I'm lucky enough to get a reply - I thought ghosting was just a dating thing, but I've had interviews with companies where I hear absolutely nothing back afterwards.

I re-joined Bumble a few days ago - managed to get 18 messages after the initial 24 hours of being popular, but I ended up deleting them all yesterday and pausing my account as they either didn't reply to my next message, or didn't show any interest in asking me questions. I despair - no one seems able or willing to have a decent conversation, and no one seems to be that interested in me.

I think I'm actually getting to the point where I hate OLD. It's definitely bad for my mental health as I notice a huge difference in my mood and happiness when I'm not on the apps and doing stuff for me, vs when I sign up and start swiping again. But I also want to meet someone, and so keep being drawn back in again.

I wondered how you were getting on cat, are you able to get out a bit more to meet someone IRL doing something interesting like the terrarium etc? Did you sign up for dancing, there's classes on around here started on Monday and absolutely desperate to join but they're all on an evening and I have no childcare other than the odd morning 🤦‍♀️

[quote Eesha]@BelladiMamma oooooo where was yours? Mine was North London.[/quote]
Not north London but I'm sure that's where many of this species can be found (said in a David Attenborough type voiceover)

I've cancelled on Mr Transfer, I just can't get past the fact he cheated on his ex. I also did a bit of Facebook stalking and he isn't really my type. I don't want to settle anymore and I think I would be. He did seem nice except for the cheating part which was a stumbling block for me.

@Isitreallyme77

I've cancelled on Mr Transfer, I just can't get past the fact he cheated on his ex. I also did a bit of Facebook stalking and he isn't really my type. I don't want to settle anymore and I think I would be. He did seem nice except for the cheating part which was a stumbling block for me.

@Isitreallyme77 that sounds sensible. To be honest, if I was you I would always wonder about his potential to stray again if he hit a bad patch in a new relationship.

There are plenty more guys out there for you ❤️

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Can someone come and shake/slap me out of my pity party for one please. Down to 0 irons and when I do match with seemingly a nice potential they moan that I'm too far away, my location settings are on and it's not my fault if they can't read. I am meant to be prepping for another interview next week but all I can think about is that there might be better people for the job so what's the point. The current job is ruining my confidence in my abilities as my skills aren't being utilised. I just feel like a zoom link provider.

I just want a nice man who is local or willing to travel and a job I enjoy where my skills are utilised. Seems like I'm asking for the moon and the stars at the moment.

@Dancerinthemoonlight it's not asking for the moon and stars to meet a nice man. Everyone deserves happiness in love, and you wholeheartedly deserve to meet someone ❤️

Do what you can to prepare with your job interview and you will smash it!

@Dancerinthemoonlight sending you love and hugs ❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗

@Dancerinthemoonlight

is there any option of you relocating? Or even thinking about it and how it could practically happen over the next few years?

Just if you’re young and childfree and looking to meet someone maybe being somewhere a bit more urban/populous/connected could help? Cities are full of wankers but also people at a similar life stage to you.

And if you’re not tied to work then even better - more flexibility!

Sounds like it went well @Bbub and you have some ideas of how you'd like to pace it. Hope he reigns himself in.
I couldn't be with a cheater I'm afraid, it'd be a deal-breaker for me. Many of us have had "rough patches" and managed not to sleep around, it's a poor excuse imo.
Sorry to hear you're both down about dating and job hunting cat and dancer I'm in a similar position. Giving dating/men a wide berth just now, I haven't got a thick enough skin and they all seem to be out for one thing.

@SpringlikeBunk I have thought about relocating but it would be to another rural location as I lived in a city for a year and hated it. It's just not the lifestyle I like.

@onwardseverstridingonwards thank you. I would like this job and have all the skills set out in the person specification. I get so nervous in interviews. I'd sooner be on a stage performing in front of hundred of people or at an event with everything going wrong than in an interview.
Doesn't help that apparently I was the front runner for a recent job opportunity after both rounds of interviews but they decided to go with someone £5,000 cheaper. At least in the interview I have next week it's a set salary band that I'm happy with the minimum.

@SpringlikeBunk I am going to think about the possibility of maybe somewhere in the middle. Like sub-urban still with green spaces and gardens but not as rural.
If people in London have their settings to 40 miles then they come across my profile and don't look at the distance. Just assume that I live there.

Speaking as someone who has lived with their ex for years, including through a year-long relationship, as long as it's communicated immediately (at the latest, date zero) it should not be a problem. It's usually for financial reasons.

Cheating is not necessarily a hard no, but making excuses and showing no contrition is. If you minimise it, you don't think it matters.

I too am fed up with the OLD. My also single friend gave me "Little Miss Shy Goes Online Dating" for my birthday. Spoiler alert: she ends up with Mr Quiet and they find happiness living together apart!

I'm now invisible on Tinder, but still chatting very occasionally with Mr Carpenter, who wasn't lying when he cancelled our date for a family emergency. I've said we can meet when I've moved, which I hope to do in the next few weeks.

Good luck to those job hunting, as well as the date hunters.

@frankiefirstyear I've been out and about taking photos, which is mostly helping keep myself occupied with the vague hope that maybe I might bump into someone. I did look at dance classes, but it looks like I might need to wait until June before they start up again properly so that's on hold at the moment. That's a shame you're not able to get out and join the Monday ones! Do any of the classes offer childcare facilities so you take your child with you?

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@SpringlikeBunk I have thought about relocating but it would be to another rural location as I lived in a city for a year and hated it. It's just not the lifestyle I like.

@onwardseverstridingonwards thank you. I would like this job and have all the skills set out in the person specification. I get so nervous in interviews. I'd sooner be on a stage performing in front of hundred of people or at an event with everything going wrong than in an interview.
Doesn't help that apparently I was the front runner for a recent job opportunity after both rounds of interviews but they decided to go with someone £5,000 cheaper. At least in the interview I have next week it's a set salary band that I'm happy with the minimum.[/quote]
@Dancerinthemoonlight I get nervous at interviews too, so I can imagine how you're feeling. ❤️

A good trick of mine is to imagine the interviewers as new friends that you want to big yourself up to. Always makes me feel more confident and like I can face anything that the interview can throw at me

@Dancerinthemoonlight and I know how frustrating it is to think of old opportunities. Just think like every interview you have is a new chance to show yourself off ❤️