Dating thread 204 - surfing the SeaofTwits

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

No dates for me in the end, after a phone call I decided to cancel my first date and the second one ghosted me. Ive cleared the dating decks but Im not feeling it at the moment.
I am being approached by a man at work who I am not interested in and its making me uncomfortable. Not sure if I am being over sensitive as I can usually laugh stuff like that off, but I just want him to leave me alone. My ex father in law then messaged me out of the blue yesterday which also knocked me off kilter.

Bbub 😃

@Tinseltangle

No dates for me in the end, after a phone call I decided to cancel my first date and the second one ghosted me. Ive cleared the dating decks but Im not feeling it at the moment. I am being approached by a man at work who I am not interested in and its making me uncomfortable. Not sure if I am being over sensitive as I can usually laugh stuff like that off, but I just want him to leave me alone. My ex father in law then messaged me out of the blue yesterday which also knocked me off kilter.

Sorry to hear that you've been ghosted @Tinsel. What a shitty thing to happen.

Regarding the guy at work, have you told him to leave you alone? ❤️

@Bbub hope your date with Mr Surgeon went well ❤️

@Bbub and @VanGoghsDog - sounds like you both had great evenings - yay.
Bbub - do you think you’ll have a second date?

Hi all - so to remind everyone I'm divorced and have a 3 yr old. I'm 30, so is the guy I'm seeing. He was never married and no kids. Last night he called up asking where this is going. I thought we had agreed to be exclusive 4 weeks ago but he said he needs reassuring as he wasn't sure where he stood. He was raised by single mom who had 2 long term relationships after her divorce and said he has been the kid in this situation but not the other man, and just wants to make sure we keep talking and ensuring that my daughter is comfortable. Haven't introduced her yet as it's been just 1.5 months. Anyway I take this as a good sign and that he's considerate. Reiterated I want to be exclusive and turns out we are still on the same page.

That's lovely namechange the way he needs reassurance is quite endearing, also seems positive that he actively seeks 'talks' that lots of men avoid like the plague! Nice to hear positive stories here atm 😃

@namechanged9999

Hi all - so to remind everyone I'm divorced and have a 3 yr old. I'm 30, so is the guy I'm seeing. He was never married and no kids. Last night he called up asking where this is going. I thought we had agreed to be exclusive 4 weeks ago but he said he needs reassuring as he wasn't sure where he stood. He was raised by single mom who had 2 long term relationships after her divorce and said he has been the kid in this situation but not the other man, and just wants to make sure we keep talking and ensuring that my daughter is comfortable. Haven't introduced her yet as it's been just 1.5 months. Anyway I take this as a good sign and that he's considerate. Reiterated I want to be exclusive and turns out we are still on the same page.

@namechanged9999 I like the sound of that. He sounds really considerate ❤️

So I did a bit more fishing with Mr Transfer last night, he seems quite forthcoming with the information about why he cheated. He said they had been going through a rough patch, constantly bickering and someone showed him some attention,he regretted it instantly but the damage was done. I did say why didn't he walk away before he did that and he said he stayed for the kids. I can't help feeling that my ex and I constantly bickered for three years before we split but neither of us cheated and what I would have done for some affection from a man at the time.

@Isitreallyme77

So I did a bit more fishing with Mr Transfer last night, he seems quite forthcoming with the information about why he cheated. He said they had been going through a rough patch, constantly bickering and someone showed him some attention,he regretted it instantly but the damage was done. I did say why didn't he walk away before he did that and he said he stayed for the kids. I can't help feeling that my ex and I constantly bickered for three years before we split but neither of us cheated and what I would have done for some affection from a man at the time.

@Isitreallyme77 it's great that he has opened up to you. 👍🏻 Are you planning to see him again? ❤️

Hi everyone,

Really happy to read about all the dates that are happening at the moment.

Nothing really to report with me- did a practical last night for college (a performance review role play) and I don't think I did brilliantly, to be honest. I have a habit of going blank and stuttering when I'm nervous or under pressure, and I found the role play difficult.

I spoke to Mr. Bookworm about it though, and he really cheered me up and showed me the good side of it a bit, so that was great ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards tomorrow would be our first meeting. We are only planning on going for a walk so there is no pressure or time limit.

[quote Isitreallyme77]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards tomorrow would be our first meeting. We are only planning on going for a walk so there is no pressure or time limit.[/quote]
@Isitreallyme77 that's good. at least you can take your time with everything. Hope you have a great time ❤️

Help guys!

Mr a&e is here, 5th date, first time DTD. Now i kinda wanna know where I stand - how do I do this?

I mean he’s driven a 3 hour round trip to see me on every date, has refused to ever let me pay for anything so on some level he must like me. HOWEVER he hasn’t yet asked when I’m next free and is banging on about the enormous number of extra shifts he plans on picking up over the next few months - meaning (in my head) basically no time to see me.

How do I do this? PS he’s currently asleep next to me 🤦‍♂️

Give him chance to get to know you @Iamclearlyamug and vice versa. It's early days yet - clearly he wants to see you, wants to spend time with you. Just enjoy that process. It might not be right for you, it might not turn out to be right for him, but you're both clearly giving it a good honest try - you can't ask for much more than that right now.

Since he's currently snoozing after presumably expending some energy with you, and is actually with you, the thought of when next to see you probably hasn't become a priority for him , so just bring it up with him later about when you can next meet. Just say directly to him 'hey let's work out when next to meet' before he leaves. You both need to plan around your day to day commitments. He ought to know his current shift arrangements and can work extra shifts around your mutual planning - so see how enthusiastic he is participating in that discussion.

@Iamclearlyamug , I'm not an expert and maybe others would have a different view but I think I would just try to open up a conversation about how he usually organises his time for dating when he's busy with work. Obviously I don't know your situation but if you have child care to organise then you could talk about how you need to be organised with that so planning ahead works for you ? Is it possible for you to make the trip sometimes to see him ? Could you suggest that for the next date ? It's sounds like you are both keen at the moment but you are really still in the getting to know each other/working out how you feel stage. Say to him it'd be nice to keep the momentum up and does he know when he's next free day/evening is ?

Great minds ... Hairy

• his next free day is.

Hi everyone, just wondering if a newbie (to the dating thread, not Mumsnet) guy can join in? And also, a bit of a straw poll as to how delusional I am!

My wife split up with me recently because she has realised she's gay (there is more backstory, but it's not really relevant). We're still living together though, and are perfectly amicable with each other. We are spending lots of time apart but it doesn't look like the living situation is going to be changing all that soon.

Am I completely mad to want to start dating again? I don't want a full on relationship, but someone to spend a bit of time, get out and do fun stuff (I don't mean sex!) Or is it too awkward a situation that anyone with any sense would run away?

@namechanged9999 this sounds lovely and promising!

@whatsthecomingoverthehill

Hi everyone, just wondering if a newbie (to the dating thread, not Mumsnet) guy can join in? And also, a bit of a straw poll as to how delusional I am!

My wife split up with me recently because she has realised she's gay (there is more backstory, but it's not really relevant). We're still living together though, and are perfectly amicable with each other. We are spending lots of time apart but it doesn't look like the living situation is going to be changing all that soon.

Am I completely mad to want to start dating again? I don't want a full on relationship, but someone to spend a bit of time, get out and do fun stuff (I don't mean sex!) Or is it too awkward a situation that anyone with any sense would run away?

Hi there, we've had some discussion upthread & on previous ones about this. I think the conclusion is rule of thumb that so long as you're upfront about your situation, have some realistic goals around timing that you're happy to share, that's great.

I recently met an iron, Mr Italian, whom I liked but didn't know until we met that he was still living with his ex. I didn't fancy the extra complication of it as I have children and my ability to host is relatively restricted & I'm also finally at the end of a very long and drawn out divorce process. So didn't fancy going through it all again from the sidelines. I was also a little wary as he hadn't been upfront about this despite a lot of back and forth on WhatsApp before our meet. Having said all that he's a lovely guy and I am happy to stay in touch with him. So if he'd been upfront earlier I might have been prepared to go out out with him but not host too much. (No one comes here if my kids are here).

People will come along with other perspectives I'm sure.

In any case good luck with everything and it's great to think these things through before taking the plunge. 🍀

@Iamclearlyamug

Help guys!

Mr a&e is here, 5th date, first time DTD. Now i kinda wanna know where I stand - how do I do this?

I mean he’s driven a 3 hour round trip to see me on every date, has refused to ever let me pay for anything so on some level he must like me. HOWEVER he hasn’t yet asked when I’m next free and is banging on about the enormous number of extra shifts he plans on picking up over the next few months - meaning (in my head) basically no time to see me.

How do I do this? PS he’s currently asleep next to me 🤦‍♂️

If he's keen he'll probably want to know exactly the same as you! So hope it goes well and keeping my fingers crossed for you 🤞🏽

@whatsthecomingoverthehill I had to cohabit for around 6 months with ex- after breakup. I didn't dream of dating, or a next relationship but I did have friends to get away with on alternate weekends and also spent a lot of time processing stuff on my own staying away from the home.

I don't think you're delusional - there will be others in the same position as you - trying to rebuild and figure out where they are at and escape their situation for a while. I think if you're totally upfront with people about where you're at. Consider using Bumble - it has a 'dating' section and also a 'want to meet new friends' section - maybe try it in 'friends mode' if you are unsure about your dating readiness. Maybe some of the women here could comment on what they would make of a bloke seeking only female friends on there ...

So Mr Surgeon turned up and was gorgeous, better than pics which were nice already. Very posh and smart, not my usual cup of tea. shirt, blazer, jeans and smart shiny leather shoes! And to think I nearly wore a tshirt on the date 🤭

He was very forward about asking questions about my life and what was I looking for etc which I liked, but this directness also came across in talking about sex and he made it very clear he wanted to have sex with me which was way too much considering we'd hardly texted before meeting! I'm not against sex on the 1st date but not if I'm not comfortable obviously! We had a kiss and it was decent enough 😅

I told him he's too full on for such an early stage and if he tones it down I'll see him again (I would like to sleep with him just not yet). If he doesn't seem to respect my boundaries he has to go in the bin 🚮

@whatsthecomingoverthehill I was in your situation once, it's hard. I wouldn't worry too much if a guy I liked was still sharing a house with his ex as things are difficult and I've been there myself. Just be honest from the start is all I would say.