Bf does not like giving oral

[thedukeofed]

We're a few months in and all is wonderful. He told me from the first intimate occasion that he didn't Like giving oral but he felt that he had too.
He said that it's so warm , clammy down there and in the past didn't like the smell.
I'm not pushed on oral sex. It's never given me any pleasurable moments so I'm not upset that Im missing out. I could take or leave it .
He is a generous lover,always and we enjoy a spicy and varied sex life .
Is my Bar too low or would you be offended?
I explained that I would never want any intimate partner to feel that they' had' to do something that clearly disliked .

@Doghead

Isn't it wierd how many posters on here wouldn't stay with someone who doesn't give them oral. Let's turn it around.....would you expect a man to leave you because you didn't want his dick in your mouth?

Yes, I sure would. If that was a dealbreaker for him, then I'm all for it.

@Summercocktailsinthesnow
He pleasures me with his fingers and hands..
I can't see that I will change at this stage of life ... I'm a bit meh about receiving as I said... it makes me jumpy and ticklish .
I love to give but perhaps that is because I am experiencing a sexual reawakening after years of miserable, selfish and coercive sex and
Making up for years of dissatisfaction .
My current boyfriend is the most generous lover I've ever been with . He just doesn't like giving oral sex but feels he should .

It is not right that he should do anything he is uncomfortable with, but I would feel oddly uncomfortable pleasuring him in that way, and it suggests an imbalance to me.

Is he generous in all other ways?

@Summercocktailsinthesnow . He has never described my body like that. He said that he didn't like giving oral sex for those reasons.
He loves that I get so wet when a roused and that gets him off.
Again he is the least selfish lover I've ever had . He puts me first always .

@Summercocktailsinthesnow .. generous sexually or in general?

In general, what is he like? Does he put you first?

He is describing women in that way, including you. I am sorry but the language seems negative to me, and would make me personally feel self conscious and not 'to this taste' so it wouldn't be for me, and I would probably look for someone that liked women as they are.

In general he is a giver .
His children come first and then he prioritises me.
He is thoughtful , generous , kind .
I would describe us as a 50/50 couple, mostly.
Balanced .

I am one that doesn't want to give blowjobs. The taste of cum is disgusting. I don't like the way your face looks when it's in your mouth. Find it a chore!

I dont expect a man to do it to me unless he chooses to.

People are hopefully clean and hygienic. But overall I can understand that it's abit off-putting for some. Alot goes on down there. Periods. Discharge. Hair. Different Smells especially depending on what you've eaten lol. I can understand that some people don't want to put other people's bits in their mouths lol.

He's taking the piss OP

If you don't have a problem with it, then it's a non issue.

But... It sounds to me like you've never experienced good oral. I've been in your position and it was a swift 'thank you, next' because if a man really is a good lover, he'd not be skimping out on what is likely the best orgasm you'll have, if he does it well.

You say you've had an awakening from some poor previous experiences. I'd say you've only gone half way...

I can understand, I hate giving blowjobs. Do it maybe once a year for my partner and he's fine with that. If you're not fussed then it's no issue, it's not his fault he's not turned on by it. Would be different if he was saying vulvas were disgusting or something, but he's just saying he personally finds it unpleasant me

@hummingbirds49

Whilst we are on the subject I can not stand giving BJ - I am convinced this has ended many relationships as all guys want one. What is wrong with me? I am so scared I am doing it wrong and the whole thing repulses me as does oral on me

You're fine and normal. It's just preference. I hate it too. DP is fine with that and so I don't do it much.

You sound like you're convincing yourself he's the bee's knees.

...also l don’t particularly like giving blow-jobs ! Which l was brave enough to say “ errr....actually that’s not on the menu”

PurpleDaisies think you misread. Mrslighthouse is saying she did tell her DH she didn't want to.

What @osbertthesyrianhamster said

"You sound like you're convincing yourself he's the bee's knees"

It feels like he's an improvement on the last one, but, you can do better. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at the previous suggestions that men don't really like doing it and pretend to to get it reciprocated.

I've had multiple lovers who loved giving, and never expected in return. In fact, I can only think of one, who, as I alluded to was a swift 'next'

Selfish in bed, selfish in life..

@Aunthe

...also l don’t particularly like giving blow-jobs ! Which l was brave enough to say “ errr....actually that’s not on the menu”

PurpleDaisies think you misread. Mrslighthouse is saying she did tell her DH she didn't want to.

She corrected in her next post saying “which” was “wish”.

I think it’s fine. Why should he do something he dislikes and isn’t comfortable with? I would feel really uncomfortable receiving it if someone wasn’t totally into it.

Sex is messy. A well-given BJ is going to be spitty and also involve using both your hands. His referring to a woman as clammy, smelly and damp would put me off but each to their own.

Some people have different reactions and sensitivities to sensory things. Could easily be that. Men can say vile misogynistic things about women being smelly, wet, etc, but it really doesn’t seem like this is happening here.

Some truly bizarre answers on here ... since when has a sexual act become a bargaining tool ... if you don’t do x then I won’t do y. Or if I do x then you must do y. Total double standard here that would never apply if the sexes were reversed.
The ONLY thing that counts in any sexual relationship is that both parties are comfortable and happy with what the other one both asks from them AND wants from them.

So, he centers your pleasure, is generous in bed, and he doesn't particularly like engaging in a sex act that you don't really care about.

I don't see why there's a problem here.

@Noname99

Some truly bizarre answers on here ... since when has a sexual act become a bargaining tool ... if you don’t do x then I won’t do y. Or if I do x then you must do y. Total double standard here that would never apply if the sexes were reversed. The ONLY thing that counts in any sexual relationship is that both parties are comfortable and happy with what the other one both asks from them AND wants from them.

sounds like you've done this before 🤣

Everyone is entitled to their own choices. In my case it would be a deal breaker. I enjoy penetrative sex but l like oral more.

For me, it’s a discussion to be had (in a casual gentle way) before a first time with someone new. No oral - no entry - no exceptions.

I can't think why you'd question this if you aren't actually bothered about receiving it. His experiences of not enjoying it (smell etc) aren't even with you so even less reason to feel offended. I could absolutely live without it if effort was put in to other things.

Good on him though for saying he doesn't like doing it ,nobody regardless of gender should do something sexually that they dont want to do .
That being said I wouldn't give him a bj if he didnt like giving.

Oral is a big part of my sex life with my partner but different strokes for different folks ,if you aren't bothered it's a non issue