What would you think/do if partner said this: sex related?

[again2020]

Posting here for traffic rather than in sex.

Within the last 6 months partner has said the following to me:

"You're a bit loose 'down there'" (I have a DD, natural birth)

"You don't deserve oral sex anymore"

They did hurt me. We've had a bumpy ride during the past year and a bit (like many couples). We do have sex maybe once a fortnight/month. He isn't well endowed. I'm open about sex toys and was thinking about suggesting something but he is 'vanilla' and I think he wouldn't take it well 😔

Any advice?

Well I wouldn't want to have sex with anyone who obviously had no respect for me. Sorry.

Surely you mean ex?

@Aprilwasverywet Not ex, no.

"Perhaps it's the size of your cock, rather than me"

"Well you don't deserve my love, bye"

What a wanker

Definitely nasty things to say to you. What is the context? You mention things have been “bumpy”. Were these said in the heat of an argument? You know where (usually) both partners lash out and say nasty things out of anger to hurt the other?

I would think they were unkind and dump them.

I'd think I can find a man who is better in bed.

Dump and replace.

Those are hurtful and ignorant comments

You’ve asked what others would do and think. I think that he’s totally out of line, juvenile and disrespectful. In terms of what is do I would not even consider having sex with a man who spoke to me in such terms particularly if I had given birth to HIS child.

I honestly don’t think I could sustain a relationship with such a prick

He's expressing his feelings of inadequacy by trying to project it on to you.

I couldn't share a bed (or life) with someone like that.

@PlanDeRaccordement We've argued a lot during the pandemic and found it tough as partner has been very busy setting up own business and I was furloughed looking after DD at home (not unusual for many people last year I know).

Both these comments were made during or after sex and I wasn't expecting them beforehand. I did ask for oral sex and got that reply ..felt very undesirable!

My advice would be tell him to get him and his little penis to fuck.

That’s pretty shit of him. Is this typical of the way he treats you?

"I can't even feel you inside me"

"You're not remotely hard enough, feels really spongey"

"Reminds me of a chipolata"

Then I would leave him

Please ask yourself why he isn't an ex...
Raise your bar op...
Would you want your dd belittled like this in a relationship?

Erm I'm just a bit flummoxed at not deserving oral sex tbh. Clearly he doesn't deserve blowjobs.

Being loose.... Ffs you had a baby, did he think it was like an elastic band that just snapped back?

Admittedly I was worried about this so used kegal balls however that was for me and my self confidence.

My husband never made comment, well he did but it was after using them as he said it felt different when I asked about sex post birth he said it was fine and that I hadn't needed to do the exercises.... But I done it for me not him. That's the difference.

The loose comments shit on its own. You’ve pushed a small human out of it ffs, what does he expect? Also what context was the oral sex thing in? Did he mean you don’t deserve it because you’re ‘loose’. They’re extremely upsetting and pretty abusive things to say to your partner. And on top of that he’s hardly a fucking stud himself, with a small willy and no sense of fun to the point you can’t even introduce a few toys into the bedroom? He’s shite in bed and he knows it. I’m thinking these nasty comments and insults designed to make you ashamed of your body is his attempt to make you feel shitty about yourself so he feels better about him.

You don’t deserve oral sex anymore? You’re a ‘bit loose’?

Your ‘D’P and his undoubtedly tiny cock don’t deserve a place in your life anymore.
LTB

I would be telling him. No I'm not loose at all you have a small penis

The loose comments shit on its own. You’ve pushed a small human out of it ffs, what does he expect? Also what context was the oral sex thing in? Did he mean you don’t deserve it because you’re ‘loose’. They’re extremely upsetting and pretty abusive things to say to your partner. And on top of that he’s hardly a fucking stud himself, with a small willy and no sense of fun to the point you can’t even introduce a few toys into the bedroom? He’s shite in bed and he knows it. I’m thinking these nasty comments and insults designed to make you ashamed of your body is his attempt to make you feel shitty about yourself so he feels better about him.

I wouldn't even attempt to get over comments like that. But there would be no more sex on the menu while I mulled the relationship and I'd be telling him that.

I wouldn't even attempt to get over comments like that. But there would be no more sex on the menu while I mulled the relationship and I'd be telling him that.

Time for the old MN classic.
"That look like a penis, only smaller."

This isn't a sex problem, this is a 'my partner is a dickhead' problem.

Well if he thinks you’re too loose down there then he doesn’t get to have sex with you anymore. No more oral for him until it’s reciprocated.

Like everyone else has said, raise the bar. I’d be fuming and I’d never ever be able to salvage the relationship if it was said to me.

Insulting someone during sex or post-sex is really hitting someone at their most vulnerable. Life is too short to be with a mean man. A mean man who sounds like he's quite boring in bed.