Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would you think/do if partner said this: sex related?

130 replies

again2020 · 12/05/2021 13:37

Posting here for traffic rather than in sex.

Within the last 6 months partner has said the following to me:

"You're a bit loose 'down there'" (I have a DD, natural birth)

"You don't deserve oral sex anymore"

They did hurt me. We've had a bumpy ride during the past year and a bit (like many couples). We do have sex maybe once a fortnight/month. He isn't well endowed. I'm open about sex toys and was thinking about suggesting something but he is 'vanilla' and I think he wouldn't take it well 😔

Any advice?

OP posts:
BraxtonChic · 12/05/2021 19:05

I don't understand why your family have any say in whether you stay or leave, OP?

Your life, your decision.

Mylittlepony374 · 12/05/2021 19:11

Leave. Now. He's a cunt. You will find someone who cares about you and treats you well. Ask yourself this, if your daughter posted this question, if your daughters husband said that nasty shit to her, what would you tell her to do?

BlueVelvetStars · 12/05/2021 19:14

What a horrible C**T

saleorbouy · 12/05/2021 19:17

He sounds a lovely understanding partner, definitely a keeper!

awesomekillick · 12/05/2021 19:17

Jesus wept. I cannot imagine ever having sex again with a man who said either of those things to me. He needs a counsellor ASAP to sort out his attitude to his partner, to women,S genitals, and the mother of his child. Dear god. What a prize he is.

CheaperByTheHalfDozen · 12/05/2021 19:21

What would I do? Dump him. That's what I'd do.

As an aside, any man who expects a woman to feel "tight" during sex doesn't know how to pleasure a woman. The vagina lubricates and relaxes during arousal, so a man expecting tightness is a man who has never properly aroused a woman.

Shit attitude, shit in bed, what's the point of him?

AnyFucker · 12/05/2021 19:26

He despises you

You don’t seem to have a problem with that. Imagine your daughter being with someone who treated her like that. Why do you deserve less ?

Original poster
again2020 · 12/05/2021 21:33

Thanks everyone. Its nice to know I'm not wrong in feeling as I did Flowers

Please someone tell me what a Tracy's dog is?!

OP posts:
MrsHastingslikethebattle · 12/05/2021 21:54

I'd rather die a virgin than fuck this vile selfish nasty arrogant cunt.

Miasicarisatia · 12/05/2021 22:03

I suspect Tracy's dog might be a typo for a vibrator?

CombatBarbie · 12/05/2021 22:28

It's def not a typo!!!! Just google it.... Best £50 you'll spend!!

PermanentTemporary · 12/05/2021 22:35

I had the first thing said to me by my husband. We got past it, sort of. He died some years later and the first few partners I had after that I couldn't stop myself asking them if they thought I felt normal. They all said so (they would, of course). It hurts, that sort of comment. And my husband was actually quite small, not that it bothered me, and was so sensitive about it he would have been crushed if I'd said anything about it.

It depends what the rest of the relationship is like. Everyone has bad moments. But he should apologise and you should talk.

My current boyfriend said something very complimentary to me about the way I felt, and it was on my birthday. I'm the least woo person ever but it almost felt like an apology present from my late husband...

Tiffbiff · 12/05/2021 22:49

You don’t get head- he doesn’t get head. Simple :)

Original poster
again2020 · 12/05/2021 23:19

@CombatBarbie Thank you! 😁 I can't wait to get one!

Thanks all. I can't leave him yet but I've promised myself I'm not stuck with him forever. When you hear things like this it grinds your self esteem down and you feel like you are worthless, but I know I'm not.
I used to have amazing sex when I was young...wonder what happened to that girl!

@PermanentTemporary Thanks for the answer. I'm glad you are happy now.

I wish we could talk but he doesn't talk about sex much at all, he's pretty closed off, even slightly prudish about it.

I love oral, and it's difficult to imagine I may not have it again for the foreseeable...if only a toy could do that!

OP posts:
VenusTiger · 12/05/2021 23:37

What a sad future for your DD OP - being tied to him 'because of mortgage blah blah' - that's pretty shit! As for your family, I'm presuming they don't know about his disrespectful drunken behaviour and telling you how crap you are - if not, tell them (you don't have to tell them what he said) - as them keeping you there is despicable!!!!!!
I just hope for your sake and your DD's that he doesn't turn on her one day "you're not pretty enough", "you don't deserve my attention" - OP he clearly has emotional issues and there is NO way I would ever want to be intimate with him ever again.
Seek legal advice - don't waste your one life with this disgusting excuse for a "partner".

me4real · 12/05/2021 23:42

I love oral, and it's difficult to imagine I may not have it again for the foreseeable...if only a toy could do that!

@again2020 Some of the toys such as the Tracy's Dog (which does both 'oral' and penetration apparently) and the Womanizer, which a lot of women like, are designed to mimic oral.

I'm not an oral person, but I love Magic Wand toys, you could experiment with that too if you like. It's like an external massager. I don't need a man now. Grin It's women's liberation. Grin

MarshmallowAra · 12/05/2021 23:58

Well if oral sex in marriage is a reward for staying up alone all night with an unwell child while the other person gets drunk and enjoys themselves; I guess that's what he'll be doing before his next BJ?

Don't deserve it anymore sounds like ..
I can't be arsed giving it anymore and I think you'll take that because you've hitched your wagon to me and see going nowhere.

The fact that he gave it as some kind of good behaviour reward suggests he never enjoyed it anyway (?) Not really a good match for you if you enjoy it and get off on it.

The loose comment is cruel; you've had his baby, talk about ingratitude, lack of realism, lack of tact, I could go on.

Maybe you'd be better with a man with a bigger dick (who actually enjoys oral).

RantyAnty · 13/05/2021 00:10

How long have you been together?

It is possible to leave. The house can be sold.
Bother you and your DD would be better off not having to be exposed to that.

MintyCedric · 13/05/2021 00:19

I love oral, and it's difficult to imagine I may not have it again for the foreseeable...if only a toy could do that!

Ahem...

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B008TM6ATQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_P33T486PM5E5YJ3RJNN0?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

CombatBarbie · 13/05/2021 01:25

@again2020 this toy will be your new best friend.... First time I used it I was a quivering wreck in about 15 seconds!!

KatherineJaneway · 14/05/2021 17:34

@Tiffbiff

You don’t get head- he doesn’t get head. Simple :)
Exactly
SmileyClare · 14/05/2021 17:42

Nearly everything's been said here but it's particularly cruel to make cutting remarks during sex, when you're at your most intimate and vulnerable.

He's exhibiting nasty abusive behaviour. You sound like you have a zest for life Op and an upbeat personality. Don't let him drain you of your esteem so much that you no longer have the confidence to leave.

SmileyClare · 14/05/2021 18:10

[quote CombatBarbie]@again2020 this toy will be your new best friend.... First time I used it I was a quivering wreck in about 15 seconds!! [/quote]
Mixed reviews for the oral toy although made interesting reading Grin One reads "I received this in my secret Santa" poor woman, what idiot thought that was a good idea!

Sorry Op, as you were.

Sakurami · 15/05/2021 16:40

Fuck what your family says, you don't need to stay with him! You can still split up even if you need to live together for a while.

And one thing is sure is that I would never ever have sex with a man who said either of those things. I wouldn't retaliate with the size of his knob because I am not spiteful and wouldn't want to give him a complex but I would split up with him.

What country are you in?