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Original poster

What would you think/do if partner said this: sex related?

130 replies

again2020 · 12/05/2021 13:37

Posting here for traffic rather than in sex.

Within the last 6 months partner has said the following to me:

"You're a bit loose 'down there'" (I have a DD, natural birth)

"You don't deserve oral sex anymore"

They did hurt me. We've had a bumpy ride during the past year and a bit (like many couples). We do have sex maybe once a fortnight/month. He isn't well endowed. I'm open about sex toys and was thinking about suggesting something but he is 'vanilla' and I think he wouldn't take it well 😔

Any advice?

OP posts:
sallievp · 12/05/2021 14:30

No one who loved you or even liked you would say those things. You deserve much much better.

snowdropsandcrocuses · 12/05/2021 14:30

Leaving can always be an option. It just might take you some planning.

However if you do intend to stay in the relationship at least ensure you have boundaries. Sex would be off the table for anyone that spoke to me like that. If he wants a sexual relationship with you he needs to learn respect. Perhaps couples counselling could help. To be honest though he sounds like an awful man and I would give you a very rare LTB.

sallievp · 12/05/2021 14:31

No one who loved you or even liked you would say those things. You deserve much much better.

LaBellina · 12/05/2021 14:32

If dumping him now is not an option, at least start planning/ working towards your ‘escape’ often things that falling into place then. This man is an abuser and this relationship is doomed if the respect is gone.
He is a vile, vile man and doesn’t deserve to ever have sex with anyone again after treating the mother of his child like this.
He is a misogynistic twat that deserves to be dumped.

aiwblam · 12/05/2021 14:35

What a bully.

Statement: You’re a bit loose down there
Answer: Got a death grip from too much wanking or has your cock just shrunk?

Statement: You don’t deserve oral sex
Answer: Yes I do. You don’t deserve me.

But I’d consider getting rid of him. How can this situation improve?
Make plans before talking to this wanker about it.
And don’t have sex with him anymore.

LaBellina · 12/05/2021 14:35

If dumping him now is not an option, at least start planning/ working towards your ‘escape’ often things that falling into place then. This man is an abuser and this relationship is doomed if the respect is gone.
He is a vile, vile man and doesn’t deserve to ever have sex with anyone again after treating the mother of his child like this.
He is a misogynistic twat that deserves to be dumped.

SavannahLands · 12/05/2021 14:37

Firstly he should not be saying these things to you, and secondly how long ago did you give birth to your Daughter? A lot of women take quite some time to regain muscle tone in the pelvic area, and may need a bit of medical help to return to shape. This can also result in slight bladder weakness whenever you cough, sneeze or laugh, the leakage might be tiny, but it is quite possible that during oral sex and orgasm some leakage may occur. Locally we have a specialist Nurse who deals with such problems, as well, in both male and female patients, as men can suffer similarly due to an enlarged Prostate gland.
If you feel that you would like to be referred for this type of help locally, and to check if indeed this applies to you, have a word with your health visitor or GP regarding a referral. Treatment is often just a series of exercises especially designed to tighten and tone the muscles that can be weakened and over stretched during pregnancy and childbirth.

As goes for DH, tell him to go try a Male vacuum Pump or a packet of Viagra, see how he likes being told what to do!

liloandstench · 12/05/2021 14:39

My DP one said I was "bigger" below, insinuating loose due to birth. He didn't mean it in an insulting way, but obviously it was.
Lucky for him I'm always right now, as I'm not aroused🙄

Original poster
again2020 · 12/05/2021 14:39

Thanks everyone.

Dumping not an option I'm afraid, at least not yet; we have a mortgage and child together and difficult financial situations.

@me4real I'll be honest, me 'deserving' it seems to be referring to if I'm nice to him or do favours for him. Sorry if TMI...but last time he gave oral to me was after I'd gotten back from a weekend with his family and been up with DD at night while he got drunk. Not good is it Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
again2020 · 12/05/2021 14:42

Thanks everyone.

Dumping not an option I'm afraid, at least not yet; we have a mortgage and child together and difficult financial situations.

@me4real I'll be honest, me 'deserving' it seems to be referring to if I'm nice to him or do favours for him. Sorry if TMI...but last time he gave oral to me was after I'd gotten back from a weekend with his family and been up with DD at night while he got drunk. Not good is it Sad

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 12/05/2021 14:43

"The door's over there. Take your weeny peeny and fuck off."

MizMoonshine · 12/05/2021 14:44

I can't believe you're even asking about this.
Of course you've loosened up after having a baby.
And you don't deserve oral from him.

You need to make more of an effort.

You should look at the sex toy avenue. Go and buy something sexy, set the scene, go down on him...

Then bite his knob off while you're down there. Throw him out of your house and have a night of enjoyment with your new sex toys.

You don't deserve to have that cretin even look at your pussy, never mind touch it.

You need to make more of an effort to not be with such a trashbag of a man.

Honestly. Tell him he has a small cock, too.

Workinghardeveryday · 12/05/2021 14:56

I agree with previous, I think he knows he has a little willy and is blaming you. I certainly would not be having sex with him. I would get some toys for myself and tell him so!
How dare he say you don’t deserve oral!!! Who even says that!!!
If he got arsey about it I would be explaining how I could hardly feel him before I got pregnant and the problem is his!!! ....

19Bears · 12/05/2021 15:00

What an arse. How dare he??! You've pushed another human being out of your vagina and brought your daughter into the world. What exactly has he done with his dick to make it so small?? Nothing. It's just his natural inadequacy. What an absolute child he is. He does realise he will never get any sex, loose or otherwise, ever again??? I know you say you can't leave now, but please make plans to do so. You deserve so much better than this. I'm furious for you Flowers

MirandaMarple · 12/05/2021 15:03

You want to spare his feelings but he isn't bothered about yours?

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/05/2021 15:10

Does he have to 'deserve' blowjobs?

19Bears · 12/05/2021 15:10

What an arse. How dare he??! You've pushed another human being out of your vagina and brought your daughter into the world. What exactly has he done with his dick to make it so small?? Nothing. It's just his natural inadequacy. What an absolute child he is. He does realise he will never get any sex, loose or otherwise, ever again??? I know you say you can't leave now, but please make plans to do so. You deserve so much better than this. I'm furious for you Flowers

19Bears · 12/05/2021 15:13

What an arse. How dare he??! You've pushed another human being out of your vagina and brought your daughter into the world. What exactly has he done with his dick to make it so small?? Nothing. It's just his natural inadequacy. What an absolute child he is. He does realise he will never get any sex, loose or otherwise, ever again??? I know you say you can't leave now, but please make plans to do so. You deserve so much better than this. I'm furious for you Flowers

FinallyHere · 12/05/2021 15:14

You don't deserve oral sex anymore"

Heave him overboard, simples.

Eviethyme · 12/05/2021 15:14

Of course dumping is an option - _- he sounds horrid

Sure it takes a bit of planning but be a grown up and think about your DD because she will notice that you get treated like shit and what type of man do you think she will go for?

Disgusting.

19Bears · 12/05/2021 15:15

What an arse. How dare he??! You've pushed another human being out of your vagina and brought your daughter into the world. What exactly has he done with his dick to make it so small?? Nothing. It's just his natural inadequacy. What an absolute child he is. He does realise he will never get any sex, loose or otherwise, ever again??? I know you say you can't leave now, but please make plans to do so. You deserve so much better than this. I'm furious for you Flowers

Original poster
again2020 · 12/05/2021 15:25

@aiwblam Glad you asked that! No, due to financial reasons my family have basically told me to stay put until DD is older.

OP posts:
Couchbettato · 12/05/2021 15:28

I wouldn't have any kind of sex with this man.

You don't do sexual favours for people because they've earned it, or have racked up enough sex points for that prize.

You do it because you want to and it makes you and them feel good.

OP if you're having financial troubles speak with someone like stepchange. I sing their praises so bloody much. Got me down from paying £1400 in debt monthly to £300, with a view to clear it all via bankruptcy any way.

Houses come and go. Separate. Force a sale. Look at what you'd be entitled to as a single parent, visit the entitledto website to calculate that, and make plans to leave.

This man does not respect you. He does not love you, because you don't say things like that to people you love. And he doesn't deserve you and he knows it. That's why he's trying to break down your confidence, because that way you'll never leave.

And guess what? At the minute it's working because you're just listing the reasons you can't leave instead of finding out how to leave.

Couchbettato · 12/05/2021 15:32

I wouldn't have any kind of sex with this man.

You don't do sexual favours for people because they've earned it, or have racked up enough sex points for that prize.

You do it because you want to and it makes you and them feel good.

OP if you're having financial troubles speak with someone like stepchange. I sing their praises so bloody much. Got me down from paying £1400 in debt monthly to £300, with a view to clear it all via bankruptcy any way.

Houses come and go. Separate. Force a sale. Look at what you'd be entitled to as a single parent, visit the entitledto website to calculate that, and make plans to leave.

This man does not respect you. He does not love you, because you don't say things like that to people you love. And he doesn't deserve you and he knows it. That's why he's trying to break down your confidence, because that way you'll never leave.

And guess what? At the minute it's working because you're just listing the reasons you can't leave instead of finding out how to leave.

Mammma91 · 12/05/2021 15:38

What a horrible thing for him to say. He could’ve wrecked your confidence!!! I also had a natural birth and my partner has never said either of those things.
OP, tell him its his dick thats shit and he’s the problem! I hope your ok OP Flowers