Innocent Message!

[Tiann92]

Hello

Ok I might be crazy but is this message innocent?

It's just the term babe is used .

Your self esteem must be in your boots. Deep down you've known from the start this man is bad news. He lied and cheated on you for a year but you still ignored those huge red flags to marry him. You must know it's not love. He's just filling a hole in your life. But you really, really, really, don't need this relationship. You are better than that. Take your time and start pulling back from it all. Look for a new job and whatever you do dont get prenant.

You are too young to be tied to a man like this. Do your future self a favour and get out now.

I understand it must really hurt. But you’re so young. Don’t stay with this scumbag another minute. I agree that it essential to report him to immigration. He used you and reporting him will help to bring you closure. It’s sad you didn’t realise this and end it when you found out he’d been stringing another woman along for the first year you were ‘together’.

He’s the one upsetting his family.

This is not your fault

Repeat to yourself 10x a day. Can you tell someone in real life?

I'm glad to see you know the truth now. It must be tough, but hopefully you can get away from him and start afresh. As far as his family, how sure are you that the people you met were actually his family? He has lied about plenty, so it wouldn't be entirely surprising if he had presented you with a fake family to get what he wanted?

I was about to ask if he was Nigerian and further down you confirmed it.
Some use that term but for him to have refused to show you his phone .It's definitely dodgy .
Be very sensitive and watch closely .Nigeria is very tough now and everyone is desperate to get out of the country so he may only be using you to get his papers .key word here is may.
I can bet he has another relationship in Nigeria and that's why she's calling him babe .
What part of nigeria is he from?south?yourba speaking or where?

I also think he's in another relationship in Nigeria, his family are probably well aware of it too so I wouldn't feel sorry for them at all! The plan likely always was to get the visa and bring the "girlfriend" over, I'm so sorry OP.

Do you have any support in real life right now? I think you need to let family and friends know what's going on if possible? Please don't feel foolish or embarrassed, this is a common scam for a reason, because they're so very convincing and lots of people fall for it.

last month I discovered that for the first year I thought we was in a relationship he was actually in another long distance relationship with someone else

Come on, OP. You know he’s lying and using you.

I’m sorry.

I just read your latest update now .
You need to kick him out asap.
He will eventually leave you when he gets his papers through you .Do not fall for any form of begging from his family.They are all in it together .
Are you sure his actual age is 27?
A Nigerian friend married another Nigerian and she left him within a month of reaching here .claiming she's going to london to look for job ,they live in Manchester .he hasn't seen her since January and she has changed her number.Her family keep begging him but they were all in on it.
He won't scrounge off you .He needs to work to send money back home and he wants his own spending money too so don't delude yourself.
All the best

Sorry to read your update.

You need to report this to UK Border Force - this is 'immigration fraud' by means of a sham marriage.

If you were to have had a baby with him it would have given him additional rights to remain even if you were no longer married. No doubt that's what the baby plans were about.

I am so sorry you have been duped. In your place I would be contacting immigration, leaving him and getting the marriage annulled.
You deserve better.

BAE is before anyone else.

We met online in a trading group we were just friends to begin with .

Strangely enough last month I discovered that for the first year I thought we was in a relationship he was actually in another long distance relationship with someone else .
I forgave him for that. Because although i thought we was together we were still getting to know each other .*

Sorry OP this really sounds like he was after a visa. Don't ignore the signs just because you will be sad. The longer this drags on the more time you will have wasted. I'm so sorry.

@MarshmallowAra is right about polygamy in WA.

Please don't have a child with this man.

Oh just read your update.
Get out of there op. Have you got anyone you could go and stay with?

Agree with others .Scam. Contact someone for help, (Women's Aid - Citizens Advice (others will know better) and start a divorce. MAke yourself safe. (I'd also contact the police).

You need to get out and make sure you are safe.

@Tiann92, sorry but I agree with other posters saying this is not a relationship you deserve. Women's Aid has been mentioned and it would be really worth you while having a look through their website and chatting thing through with them.
www.womensaid.org.uk/

I met him twice, also his family which they are generally lovely, I don't believe it's a scam, I think he is just not a loyal person. This is the real him he didn't show me before

Why don’t his family believe it is a scam? Have you asked them.

I have a friend who this has happened to and there are so many red flags in your updates where all his actions are about controlling and gaslighting you and you seemingly explaining away the lies.

From my friends experience I can only say Run as fast as you can away from this guy.

And flag him up to immigration and be very careful you don’t become pregnant because you will never be rid of him

There are different ‘depths’ of marriage scams though.

There’s the full on catfish and marry a woman come to the uk then run off.

But plenty of people just decide they will probably have a better life if they marry someone from the west and move there. They will marry you or Susan from Leeds or Jill from Glasgow. Whoever seems to have the best living conditions and ability to provide them with a better life compared to the one they have now.

I’m married to a non EU man and the visa process is a tricky one. People seem to think you can just marry someone and then they are in.

He is no good OP, he's cheating on you and gas lighting you to make you think you're crazy. Please don't give him the chance to completely destroy you. Leave him now and get help and support for yourself so you don't end up in a similar situation again. You sound lovely and deserve much better.

I'm sure that must have misread this.

You met him a couple of times, married in 2019 but he only moved over at the beginning of this year?

Either way you know now that you need to split.

*married in 2019 but he only moved over at the beginning of this year?
*You can't just marry someone and then they get a visa straight away. It's a loooong process. Also Covid probably didn't help.

www.gov.uk/uk-family-visa/partner-spouse

I don't think it matters what any of us say on here, you'll stay with him because he's got you right where he wants you. You feel trapped! You are not trapped though, you had a care job before, you could walk into a care job tomorrow, they are crying out for carers.
You are the same age as me and I can't believe you're married to this disgusting man and thinking of staying with him because of a job and his family . It's not your job to worry about his family, it's your job to look after yourself. Come on OP you're stronger than this.

So you've been in a relationship for 4 years, met him twice, married in 2019 and he came over to the UK in January.
Where did you get married and how did you meet his family to get the impression that they are so lovely?