New Fab & Glam (Part 2 - happy endings?!)

[Baffy]

Lets hope this is the thread where we all find our happy endings

Happy birthday Sugar
Thanks Baffy would love too but think it is just too far for me to make it, but thanks for the thought. Am actually hoping to make it to the pub next Thurs to meet some friends if Martha will take a bottle of expressed milk but dp had a quiet look of horror on his face when i mentioned it
Hope you all doing ok !

I sound so sad that the highlight of my day is mumsnet threads! But with 3 ill dc's no sleep for 3 nights and dosed to the eyeballs with painkillers due to an alien in me ( a whole other thread) its all i could muster!

I havent messaged about anyones situations on here as i dont trust myself to make sense at the moment but i do think of all of you and i alway look hoping your aall haappy.

Lily thankyou. How is martha? I love babbies but next step for me is to be a nana which im hoping is still many years away!

Hi everyone. How are you all?

I?m doing OK. Haven?t been posting much as there?s nothing much to tell. I?ve had a few drama free weeks and I?ve enjoyed it. DH has made an appointment to see an alcohol related counsellor at the GP?s (he saw a different doctor who took it a lot more seriously), and he?s been sober every time I?ve seen him for well over 2 weeks now. I still won?t let him move back in, but we are talking and he is doing and saying all the right things. I?m trying not to be hopeful, as I?ve been so let down before, but things are calm now, particularly in the house and the dc seem happier.

So my life has become rather boring lately ? its great!!

Here we go then Baffy - well done for organising us all!!

Tanee

Paddlechick - can make 24th Feb (&16th Mar?)

Baffy - can make 24th Feb & 16th March

Sugar - 16th Mar ok

Sunshine

HappyWoman

Macdoodle - 16th Mar ok

Fubsy

Ginnedup - 16th OK (if lunchtime?)

TFM

Cashncarry

Lilyloo

Dior

Lilybubble

MoH?
Ernest?

Sorry, Ive confused myself i think. Are we talking about a meet-up in London now?

Dont think I can do that sadly, XP is planning his own trips out and about and as usual seems to have totally forgotten that dads are supposed to see their DCs regularly, not when it doesnt get in the way of his social life.

Also I am so broke its untrue, and I just cant stop spending. Its taking over from comfort eating tho, so I suppose I am slowly starting to lose weight.

Really sorry I cant come down. Id love to meet you all.

Sugar, happy birthday!

Ginned up, sounds like the message may be getting through! Youre being very strong, I really admire that.

Everyone else - hope things get a bit more positive soon!

Yes, I think we're looking at a lunch time meet up in London now as a little celebration for Tanee's birthday, so that dc's can come too. So hopefully Dior, PC and macd can come too, and SG if we can co-ordinate it?

We could maybe do a more central meet up in a few months and then hopefully you could make it too lily. My 30th will be a good excuse for another meet Make sure you get yourself down to the pub on Thurdsay though - sounds like a lovely idea. And you know they'll cope just fine

Tanee, glad dp is on the same wavelength about getting rid of the lodger! and fourposter sounds gorgeous!

Ginnedup I'm really really pleased he's seen a more supportive doctor and seems to be keeping things up this time. Boring is great isn't it! But you're totally right to just keep taking things slowly. You don't have to make any compromises anymore, he needs to do his bit now. I have everything crossed for you that he sticks to it. Most of all though I'm glad things are settled for all of you.

Dior are you ok? Can we help?

Sugar did you have a nice night last night? Are the dc any better?
Must admit I was pmsl at that thread too. Didn't feel like I should really contribute but it's all so familiar!

Hi everyone,

Will be up for the lunch time meet up and could give anyone a lift if they want (dior i know i could you).

Not feeling too well at the moment - dont think it is your cold though dior so dont worry. I have an awful headache which i cant seem to shift - sleep would help but i just cant get comfortable. DD is off school today too as she is very hot and feeling generally unwell, so we could both be suffering the same thing.

I am meant to be going out tonight but only if i can shift this pain.

Anyway have a good weekend everyone.

Great HW, is the 16th March ok for you?

Hope you feel better for tonight.

hmm, hang on let me check my diary for 16th March.
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oh looks like i have something pencilled in already
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oh no, silly me, it was just a squashed moth!

Count me in then

pmsl!

are you ok pc? saw your comment on the other thread

yeah am okay thanks. today is a reasonable day instead of a hellish one!

have had probs with neighbours this week which has contributed to general stress levels.

Message withdrawn

Hi Dior, sorry youre feeling rough again. Are your eyes better? Mine felt horrible the other day, dry and itchy, but I think it was a combination of too much computer time, wearing the wrong glasses and an oncoming migraine.

Its a shame your boss is moving your sister. Will you know anyone left at your office? Something like that could haoppen to us, but it could be soon, or ages away, or it might never happen. In the NHS you tend to get fed bullshit until it finally happens.

Everyone else - apologies I wont be able to meet up. But if anything happens later in the year, things might have changed and I will be ab;le to come.

Hope you feel better soon Dior. DS2 has got this horrible virus and was off school yesterday. He looks all pale and pathetic, but he never complains bless him. I know how you feel about changes at work. 2 of my bosses are leaving this month so I'll have to start again and get to know 2 new people.
DP is really doing well, he's not drinking and he's being really sweet, like the man I love again. I'm still being really strong though and keeping something back, I can't let myself get attached to him again. Funnily enough this is like a challenge to him, the more I hold back, the more he makes an effort!
Looking forward to meeting you all on 16th March. It will be great

Hi all, sorry not been on for a while. Had a pretty rubbish month really, like it sounds quite a few of us have. Just not had the time to get on here to write but have been lurking occasionally.

I'm definitely up for a meet up, and either of those dates sound fine, so:

Tanee

Paddlechick - can make 24th Feb (&16th Mar?)

Baffy - can make 24th Feb & 16th March

Sugar - 16th Mar ok

Sunshine

HappyWoman

Macdoodle - 16th Mar ok

Fubsy

Ginnedup - 16th OK (if lunchtime?)

TFM

Cashncarry

Lilyloo

Dior

Lilybubble - can make 24th Feb and 16th Mar

MoH?
Ernest?

Will write a proper update soon. Thinking of you all

Tanee 16th March

Paddlechick - can make 24th Feb (&16th Mar?)

Baffy - can make 24th Feb & 16th March

Sugar - 16th Mar ok

Sunshine

HappyWoman

Macdoodle - 16th Mar ok

Fubsy

Ginnedup - 16th OK (if lunchtime?)

TFM

Cashncarry

Lilyloo

Dior

Lilybubble - can make 24th Feb and 16th Mar

MoH?
Ernest?

And i REALLY need a good moan. DP really went off on one last night - all because DD had the computer in her room again for two days (he said 3, but that wasn't so, and anyway he & I were doing other stuff all Friday). His complaint is that he needs to get online to look for jobs - but he really overdid it. Things were fine in the morning, but then he just went out without a word - I assumed he'd gone to the pub to watch the rugby - but I knew something was wrong as he didn't say goodbye, He came home about 8.30 and went straight up to the bedroom and put Radio 5 Live on really loud, and we didn't see him again. So I went to bed, found him asleep in his clothes and just turned the radio off and crept into bed - after 10 minutes he suddenly got up and flung out of the room and downstairs, banging doors etc, so I went after him and I've never HEARD such language! He even kicked our nice Jaeger carrier bag of recycling all over the kitchen (I can see he must have been a good player for the Cardiff Under 18s FC!!) - and then said he was going out. SO off he went, bottle of wine under his arm (of course) into the night - it was about 1am by now.

Haven't seen him since. DD was awake and really sweet, gave me a big hug and said she felt bad that she'd caused it. But I assured her it's him, not her. He's miserable about work and using this to vent his frustration. But It's NOT FAIR to her - or me - he said he felt I put her and the cats first, and that he's 'invisible'. I find it hard to see that - I do so much for him - but that's his perception.

Oh GOd, feeling really fed up with it all.

Lodger was really nice about it this morning. Of course she heard every word as well, but she said oh, we all go off on one sometimes, he'll be back, and off she went to an audition. And I suppose he WILL be back - but then he'll just go to bed and sleep it off.

The pity of it is, he should have been in such a good mood - we'd had a lovely night out with friends on Friday and Wales won the rugby. But he's spoiled it all.

So much for starting to decorate our bedroom!

Ginnedup, SO glad your dh is making the right moves. I really hope things work out. Maybe I should try throwing DP out as well ?

Fubsy, hope to see you at another meetup

And our lovely roofer is here !!

Message withdrawn

Oh Tannee poor you. Is he home yet? He needs a good kick in the pants for treating you like that. Don't let him off lightly. I've been there (as you know) with the middle of the night strops, and its just not fair on you or your dd. It sounds like he's being a bit of a spoilt brat.
DP has been really great this weekend as ds2 has been ill, and its been good to be able to rely on him (I'd have gone mad stuck indoors all weekend on my own otherwise) ... BUT he's still trying to impress me. I want to see what he's like when that wears off and life is normal again. I honestly don't know if I'll ever trust him enough to let him move in again. He's been like this before and it always goes the same way I'm just waiting to see how his counselling goes before I think about it too much. I am very aware that at some point I'm going to have to decide to get back together properly or split up for good, but I'm really not ready to do that yet.
How are you feeling now Dior?

Dior - same here! I will have to settle for virtual friends for now

Tanee - has DP calmed down yet? That sounded horrible.

GU - glad you got some support at the WE. Hope he can keep it up this time. Maybe the counselling will help?

Hi
Pretty sure the 16th is ok for me - but as i said before with the kids stuff it may well change.

Dior - hope you are feeling better soon, my headache has turned into sinus pain (which i am prone to anyway) and i am still hoping it is not your virus.

Had a great heart to heart with h over the weekend - after our last counselling session where he walked out angry! I do think every couple of months we need to air these things as i am unable to just forget the past and move forward. He was great and it feels as if another piece of the puzzle is fittng into place.

I am feeling February is going to be a lot more possitive, and i hope it is for all of you too.

That's great news HW

Ginnedup, so happy for you too, I really hope he keeps it up. You don't need to decide anything just yet if you're not ready, like you say, just keep protecting your heart, don't let him back 100%, and see how it goes. You'll know what feels right

Tanee I'm so sorry to hear what dp was like, he is a drama queen, almost acting like a big kid because he's not getting his own way! if he desperately needs the computer why can't he just calmly say to dd, I'd really like to do a bit of job hunting for an hour at xx time, would it be ok if you bring the computer back down then please... it's really not hard. But I guess it's totally normal, we always take our frustrations out on those we love the most don't we Have you managed to talk to him yet?

screwing up the courage to instruct the solicitor today.

feel sick........

tanee, hope things are better for you guys today. agree with the others that dp is behaving very childishly and suspect it's a big excuse to flounce around and vent his emotions.

sorry i haven't got around to sending you those books however this book is one h's psychiatrist recommended and also lots of people on MN have said it's very good.

www.amazon.co.uk/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/0898621283/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1202121 723&sr=1-1

it is a series of excercises that help you deal with how your mood dictates your behaviours.

maybe i should get it LOL.

Sending you lots of positive vibes and courage PC. Need to find some of that for myself at the moment too. Really thinking of you.

I had a total meltdown yesterday. DS is a typical 2 year old, although actually extremely well behaved 99% of the time. But has started biting out of frustration.
He bit his cousin (who is older and who was winding him up holding toys out of his reach - no excuse though!) and it was the final straw for me. I was devastated he'd hurt his cousin so badly. Ashamed that my child was so naughty in front of all the family. Felt like a crap mum. Embarrassed that even when I told ds off he just didn't seem to take it in 'sorry mummy' then runs off

Parenting alone, whilst so rewarding sometimes, is the hardest thing in the world. And working full time in such a stressful job on top of it all. It's killing me. I seriously don't know if I want to chop H's head off, or beg him to come back. Never been more confused in my whole life!

thanks baffy.

totally understand where you're at with ds. me too with dd. she is an incredibly well behaved child but she's still only 2 years old.

i expect way too much of her and she get's way too much fall out from my own emotional state.

i too am mortified when she misbehaves and find it all too overwhelming sometimes.

thing is, she always goes to bed happy and i know that on balance we do okay.

easy to say (and believe me, i struggle to really keep this on board) try not to give yourself a hard time. we are doing the hardest job in the world with the added stress of our marriages breaking down and our dc's fathers behaving like utter pricks.

it won't alway be like this, we'll come out the other side and the kids won't remember.

my BF is a sahm and i called yesterday arvo and she was in complete meltdown over her dc! her dh is a fabulous dad and their relationship is really very good and they are a fabulous family. but, they still have meltdowns with their kids!

scarily i'm told that 2 is heaps easier than 3 and 4 especially with girls

thanks pc

we did have a big talk about it when I got him home and lots of cuddles, and like you say, he went to bed happy.

thing is, I know he'll do it again next time he's frustrated.

I'd just love to be able to say every now and again, 'H, would you mind just speaking to him/watching him/playing with him, while I do xyz'.

Not having to think... how am I going to make tea, clean the house, do the washing and ironing and the 40 million other things I need to do, whilst catching up with those tax returns I need to do and the 10 reports I need to write for work, at the same time as having quality time playing and learning new things with ds!
I need 50 hours a day!