New Fab & Glam (Part 2 - happy endings?!)

[Baffy]

Lets hope this is the thread where we all find our happy endings

Lilyloo - good luck for tomorrow. At last the wait is nearly over!! Be sure to update us as soon as you can
Baffy - I wish I could take off with you. I really need a break and to get away from this awful mess that is my life at the moment. Have a lovely time and I look forward to seeing the photos on FB!!!
I met a friend for lunch today and she agreed with everything you have all said about xp's operation. He's off on another bender today so I'm staying well away from him. It will be the hardest thing I've ever done but I'm going to have to walk away from him, even though he will need me. I want to help him, but I realise now that I can't let him back into the house, whatever the circumstances.
I'll feel so guilty though. Crap!

oh lordy! i would so love to come! seriously seriuosly would love to!

can't tho

best friends kids' birthday party on sunday and it will likely be the last we will get together as they're going back to NZ in march.

if not for that i would've come. am sure DM would've held teh thought.

hope you've found someone to join you now mate.

very

ps: glad you're still going despite NM issues.

Your friend sounds vary wise ginnedup!

I know you'll find it so hard, but like you know, if he really was that bothered about you, and making amends, he really wouldn't be out on a bender today His best bahaviour needs to start lasting a bit longer!!!

Sorry - I have my assertive head on at the moment!

Have told H he has until I get back on Monday to get the papers signed.

NM can go and find someone else to be hard work for. I already have 1 child, I don't need another!

Time for us to stand up and be strong. We don't need them! I tell you, if this holiday destinantion was somewhere I could go alone I bloody would! I'm just not sure it's safe for a woman alone
If there is any way you can come, any way, then let me know!!

oh no pc

that's 2 down!

how many of us on this thread... there has to be someone. I'm great company you know!!

hold the thought? wtf! i meant hold the fort!

GUP, have to agree with everyone. this will be the clearest message you can give him. he will be playing the sympathy and guilt cards to the hilt. even now he can't even be bothered to put himself on best behaviour in order to "woo" you into looking after him whilst he's recovering.

look at the facts, he's on a bender and you feel guilty for contemplating not helping him. he should be doing everything he possibly can to get you back onside. the fact that he isn't tells me that he's secure in the belief that you will always roll over and do as he wishes you to.

lily, good luck for tomorrow. you never know things might just kick off tonight! really hope so.

i have booked a sol appt for a week on monday.

dior, hope situ with ds is sorted.

fubsy, sorry he's being such a git.

tannee, he's lucky to have you and at least he seems to appreciate that fact.

i read all the relationship threads and our thread and wonder why i still even want to be bothered with men sometimes.

but i am lonely and fed up with always being responsible for everything. in my heart i know there's pretty much no hope for me and H for so many reasons but i don't want him to not want me.

i know it's pathetic adn defeatist but i figure if he doesn't want me in his desperate state then who in their right mind would?

where's your flight going from? can't access FB at work

pc

I talked to my counsellor only this morning about the fact that sometimes, I think I won't give up because I can't accept that he doesn't want me. I want (need?) him to want me.
But in reality I'm not sure I really do want him back and not sure it could ever work due to the complete lack of trust and the memories I'd have every time I looked at him.
I just want him to say he wants me back, iykwim, so that I can be the one to say 'no thanks'!

Rejection is hard to take. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to come to terms with.

But knowing how similar our H's are, here's my take on it...

He doesn't want you because he is selfish, insular and totally unable to face up to his responsibilities. A pattern he keeps repeating. (One that these men will probably repeat for the rest of their lives. Do we want to live with the uncertainty and fear of when it will happen again. Which it probably will.)

You, are a strong, independent and capable woman who outshines him in every way. Any man in their right mind would not only appreciate how amazing you are, but have to pinch themselves every day to believe how lucky they are to have found you.

And any man who doesn't do that, isn't worth having!

Remember when it comes to your H this is not about you, it never has been, it's always been about him.

from Manchester

baffy if it the same place i went to last year you may be ok as a lone woman although i totally understand your fears.

I do so wish i could come and escape for a bit of me time.

Have talked over my feelings with a couple of good friends and think it really is just the time of year.

It is coming up to a year since my new life started with h moving in with us when we all moved, so i think there is some of that too.

right girlies I have to run now so chin up and hopefully there will be some on here when I get back

if anyone can make the trip then text me!!

xx

That's spot on Baffy - you are so wise!
I wish dp would stop wanting me. I'm so strong and determined but then he says "I love you" and I question myself. He knows this and he uses it against me time and again. I wish there was a switch in my head that I could flick and all feelings for him would vanish. I read my posts on here and I feel pathetic, like Baffy said he's on a bender and I'm sitting here feeling guilty .
Well one of his "friends" can nurse him, funny how they'll all disappear when he's not on the lash yet they all crawl out of the woodwork when he's in the pub with a full wallet.
PC - its because your H is in this state that he behaves like that. Anyone in their right mind would be proud to have you in their life. You have got a lot to offer - you just need to believe it. He's taken away your confidence and you need to find a way to get it back.

Have a lovely time Baffy

Hi all

Hi lilyloo im sorry your home birth plans look unlikely to happen but by tomorrow night you will be holding a very precious dd or ds in your arms.Will be thinking of you good luck xx

Tanee You seem to have the patience of a saint!

Happy woman hi!

Baffy So i know i could sneak out but im certain at some point over the weekend dh might actually notice im gone!! Have a wonderful time.

Ginnedup. Its a tough one. But i think you should do whats best for you and dc's regardless of dp. I know that sounds harsh but he may try it as an excuse to move back in. Its your choice but just be happy x

Pc sorry about your dads anniversary i hate anniversaries. I go sad on everyone in march.Its a hard time as i have 2 ds's b/days in march and ds3 shares his birthday with dh but a few days before theirs its my little boys anniversary he would have been 19 this year. It doesnt get any easier.

Ernest. wow time has gone quick cant believe your 17 weeks already! Fwiw i think you have made an enormous leap of faith and trust without realising it. I know you didnt want o move to milan and by going imo it shows that you have come along way in trusting dh again. As for the ow i had similar thoughts of dh's xow. But you know what she is still single still ugly and miserable what better punishment.Stay in touch more lets us know your doing ok. and next time your in kent we'll have to meet up x

Dior Im sorry ds is being bullied but as the mum of a " special needs" child its not that they get treated better its simply they do not always understand what they have done wrong. Ds will see boys play fighting and laughing but when he does it he is bullying his a tiny thing for his age but he has amazing strenght and simply doesnt understand when his gone too rough. I hope the school are supportive to both sides and i hope ds is ok.

Sugar, a saint - yes, can't you see my halo???

Baffy, have a fabulous time - wish I could have joined you but have to pay for too many bills so am doing overtime tomorrow.

GUP - please don't feel guilty. He's done it to himself. I know what you mean - they say 'I love you' and we melt. But they have to show it by actions (I should take some of that advice myself, shouldn't I, but saints have to suffer ).

And Lilyloo, will be thinking of you tomorrow!

lillyloo - thinking of you too. there is still a chance of your home bith, my last came just before midnight and i was due to go in at 8am the next day!! i was 40 + 15 so couldnt hang on a second later really, and i got my wish of a lovely (well as lovely as any birth can be) birth.

I know you have gone baffy but sending you vibes of a good time - save some room in your suitcase for all those bargins!!!

Message withdrawn

Dior no i wasnt offended . Its just that i can see it from both sides as i already explained about ds2. DD1 (12) has been bullied and just before xmas dd2(9) who is best friends with a boy at her school who has some serious behaviour and anger issues. Did he best to break her arm cos he was in a strop!

So i really do get it. We are all mothers who turn into snarling animals at the mere thought of someone harming our kids! Perfectly normal!

Message withdrawn

my answer to teachers who start giving me a gazillion reasons why someone is bullying my child is

" well i am very sorry if the child in question has some kind of problem at home, difficulties in understand the repercussions of their behaviour, etc, but it is not my child's fault, and it is your duty to ensure it stops. so what are you going to do about it?"

Message withdrawn

and you are absolutely right

Good for you Dior - I would have zero tolerance if this happened to DD. She actually did have some problems with a couple of 'friends' in year 7 - they were twins and played 'good cop bad cop' - I suspected something was going on (they were always VERY polite when they met me but she seemed unhappy) - luckily before things reached the stage where I had to intervene, they annoyed so many that the whole class turned against them - and then their parents moved and they went to another school. I could see that they had problems - huge family, parents on benefits, poor living conditions etc, but I wasn't prepared for dd to suffer for their deprived background - especially as she had enough to cope with herself, with my divorce and DP being around.

As the rain poured down my bathroom wall yesterday (on the INSIDE) - I thought of Baffy heading for warmer climes ... . At least DP seems to be over his latest bout of depression, his task for today, to find a roofer.

Grrr haven?t been able to get online at all?..am so sorry how shit it is for all of us....
PC I get the bills thing I have to do the same only as he is hopeless and as we are not divorced and everything is all in joint names if he goes under so do I and I really cannot go bankrupt for career reasons
Lilyloo been thinking off you hope all went well and you have lovely LO safe and sound
Baffy have a good time
Everyone else chin up god it really has to get better?and for those it is going well for (Dior, Ernest) it gives us all hope
Update on OW shenanigans.....now remember I am 2 weeks after a c section alone with a 6 year old and breast feeding a 2 week old....
Apparently I have had time to send a letter to her parents accusing her of being mentally ill and interfering between me and my H and such like.... apart from why the hell would I bother I would like to know when I had the time or inclination to do so...
So she rang up H and ranted at him that I am mad and she is angry cos he doesn't pay her any money and only sees her baby when it suits him (my guess this is the real motive as he has spent so much time here with new baby) and then??her mother arrives on my doorstep to ?have a word with me? ? luckily my sister was here and sent her away with a flea (I was BF upstairs)?
Am so angry I could spit?.when I knew she was pregnant I backed off completely ? have behaved impeccably, ?allowed? my H to do what he feels he needed to/the right thing at an emotional cost to myself and my DC, have tried not to be angry or resent her child?and my payment for this is to have not only raving OW but her effing mother when I am 2 weeks after a section alone with a 6 year old and a newborn?WTF I am the victim here, I have done eff all wrong, I let her have her baby in peace and let MY H (yes he is my fucking H you stupid dirty little family wrecking lying manipulative selfish immature little slut) bond with her child?.can she let me and my baby and DD be in peace - no of course not?
I suspect she has written letter herself (past actions in similar vein)?H has told her and her mother to stay away from me and my family or I will call police?and has asked her if he can see this so called letter !!!
Sorry for rant but I am doing so well by myself I can do without her in my life?and I know that I have this to deal with forever?..how can I or my DDs ever have a mature sensible relationship with this child who is blameless and a half sib to my DC?.
I wish he would walk away from me and let me go ?I wish he would leave me alone ? stop telling me he loves me but making no real effort to show me or change or be a proper H and father?and am still so angry with him it hurts more than anything else sometimes
This just proves what I know in my heart that I have to divorce him to protect me and my DC not only emotionally but financially from this demented little cow?
And to top it all off he feels now is the time to tell our DD1 about OW baby and am terrified how she will react and TBH I really don?t want to deal with it myself and mostly just block it out?..

Message withdrawn