New Fab & Glam (Part 2 - happy endings?!)

[Baffy]

Lets hope this is the thread where we all find our happy endings

hi everyone
Sunshinegirl, it was very sudden i hadnt got a clue till i found a text, and that day he just up and left, and hes never looked back
Glad your feeling positive though

So have I Baffy x

I'm laying low atm. (X)dp hasn't had a drink since 27th December when it all kicked off. I'm letting him in the house to see the boys and have some meals etc but he's not moved back in yet. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I'm not at all sure what to do or even what I want to do. He has stuck to his word and not even been to a pub or anything since that awful night, but I'm scared that as soon as I let him move back in it will all start again, so now we are in limbo. Sort of seeing each other (and getting on well when we do) but I'm too scared to trust him not to do it again, and if I'm honest I don't think I'll ever believe that he won't.
Part of me is goes back on the drink so the decision is made for me - how terrible is that
I'm still lurking on here and on FB, but my head is spinning too much to post anything remotely sensible (as you can see from the above ramblings!)

sorry - part of me is hoping he goes back on the drink
Very thick tonight!

Thanks everyone

I didn't get back onto facebook last night and can no longer get on from work that they expect me to actually work
but I will catch up as soon as I can later. I really appreciate all the replies and the time you take.

ds is very unsettled at the moment, he does tend to pick up when things are bad for me. So I had quite a battle last night just settling him down to bed, I even had to eat my tea with him on my knee! It's not his fault, he can sense something's not right and doesn't want to leave my side. I don't know if you remember but he was like this when H first left too. Poor little man
We were up at midnight and then pretty much every hour after that. In a way I was glad to have his company so to speak because it stopped me from having the nightmares

Ah well.

Enough self pity!
On a positive note my job is going really well and I feel really happy and settled here. So at least getting up in the mornings isn't filled with dread anymore!

lilyloo I have no idea who newyearnewname is. They're a name changer though and if it is a friend I'm more than happy to see people on here. The more people to chat to the better
But if it's someone playing games then I think it's pretty nasty as it's plain to see what I'm going through I just hope they get in touch soon or I'm tempted to just call it a day on here. Especially after last time.
Any news from you??

ginnedup I really do understand how hard this is for you but my honest advice... is not to let him move back in. Not yet anyway.
I know you want to, and I know you love him so much and want to believe he's changed this time. But you've heard these promises so many times before. What happened over Christmas is too big to forgive in just a few short weeks. I think you need to see real committment over a good period of time before you should consider allowing him back into your lives full time.
You've all been through enough.
And I really do think it's time that he proves himself. You need to show him that although you love and support him, you're absolutely not prepared to tolerate that behaviour anymore.
If you let him back now, imho, it just gives him the message that it's ok and no matter what he does you will forgive him.
I really hope and pray he gets the help he needs and you can all be happy and together again. But after what you went through and what your little boy had to witness, he has a lot to prove xx

Message withdrawn

5lbs not to bad at all! I bet I've put on twice that amount - have had to wear my 'comfy' work pants today!

baffy i just wanted to say sorry for my last post, i had drank a few glasses of wine on the night i seen this and i jumped in before thinking, i cant believe its such a small world that you would be the same person that i was thinking of but i take it from the initials that you are.

i know you only have my word but i promise i wont reveal anything on here to anyone, i have used this in the past when i have had problems and would be gutted if someone sussed who i was, i dont have the cat facility and want to stay anon anyway ( considering i kind of outed you)

i think you are doing really well with what you have had to deal with and i really dont want to get in the way of any support you have been getting, i only namechanged before posting because part of my name is in my mumsnet name, we dont actually know each other but i had heard my sister talking about someone she knew and it fitted with your story.

i will check this later incase there is anything else you want to ask me but i promise after that i wont be coming onto this thread again.

once again i am sorry and can only blame it on the wine i was drinking (and the fact it takes my brain a while to engage sometimes)

Hallo girls,

Lilyloo - still bouncing?

Ginnedup - agree with the others - it's good he's kept off the booze but it's only been a week - he REALLY needs to prove himself longterm - so keep the door open, but let him know that you won't let him in until you can be sure he'll not do it again. Trouble is, of course, that the temptation to drink will always be there. Have you suggested he seek help?

As for me - I didn't give DP the letter after all. His mother gave me a (rather naff) imitation battery operated 'candle' for Christmas (we have an addiction to the real things but batteries? ) Anyway, when he went on his wanderings this past week, I took to putting it in the window for him, 'To light your way home', I said. Well, last night, I drove home to find he'd put it in the window for me . And he greeted me with a big hug - which I needed SO much after the day I'd had, and said he was glad I'd spoken up the night before, it had to be said, he was sorry and he'd really try - though we agreed it was likely he'd have episodes again. But he said I MUST talk to him if he acts like a bear again. And he came to bed at the same time as me, so we were able to cuddle and sleep in happy companionship.

So this morning I put the letter in his bag - and then took it out again. He's gone home to have a tooth taken out (so is unlikely to drink at his mum's), & I thought he'd be apprehensive enough without finding this two page analysis of us tucked into his book - and he'll be in pain tomorrow and feeling vulnerable. So I've put the letter away and I'll see how he is over the next weeks. But if he behaves badly again, the letter's coming out. At least I have it all on the pc so I can alter it as needed and it states things reasonably clearly.

And ... he had less than a bottle of wine - as I helped by taking two glasses off him! And we watched an Erich Rohmer film and felt like a couple again.

tanee I think you did the right thing fingers crossed for you but it sounds like he did listen and take in what you said.

newnamefornewyear I'm not really sure what to say. (I would do this off board but don't think there is any way to do it if you don't have CAT )

Once before, someone on here posted pretending to be the woman that H had the affair with. They knew her name and everything. It took a lot for me to ignore it and keep using the board for support.
Yesterday I have to admit that I got mumsnet to delete a lot of my posts

I do believe you, but at the same time it is very unnerving to think that someone knows who you are but you don't know who they are.

I don't want you to ignore the thread, or feel that you need to ignore it - you may have some good advice!

But at the same time I think it's just human nature that I would like to know who you are, to put my mind at rest more than anything.

From your post I guess you may have some understanding of how it would feel to be recognised when you've posted some of your innermost thoughts on here, and you do sound very thoughtful.

I guessed from the time on Saturday night that it was either somebody playing games or a glass of wine or two were involved

I have made some good friends here and there are people who now know who I am in RL. I don't mind that because it's a two way thing iyswim.

But without some idea if you're genuine (and I truly want to believe you are) I just feel no option but to change my posting name, leave this thread and start again.

Wracking my brains to think who out of my friends has a sister with children and who would know my full name... thinking I shouldn't be so daft and I should be able to guess!!

I hope you understand. I do appreciate you getting back to me though

No news yet here but have given up on the bouncing just have to accept it will happen when it does !
Baffy how about i put my email addy on here and Newname could just mail me her rl name so you could be sure of who it was ?
Although i don't have CAT but have had messages sent to me from other mnetters so maybe if she contacts mnet she could get a messsage to you anyway ?
It would be such a shame for you to leave as it's down to you we all met especially when things seem so hard for you at the moment.
Newname i am sure there is a way you can let Baffy know who you are and then it could be left at that ( although admit i didn't see Sat post)

CAT only costs £5 for a year I did it when I thought OW was someone on here turns out I was wrong and all harmless..hope this is the case here as it is very unnerving ...

thanks guys
lily that's really kind you just need to concentrate on getting that baby out!

Hope this can be sorted out as we need you, Baffy!

ah thank you

I do think newname sounds lovely and genuine from her post. I wish I could be more trusting and just accept the explanation and not be cautious. I suppose past events have turned me into a cynic

I don't know newname's actual MN posting name though so even if I find out who you are I wouldn't be able to 'out' you, or even recognise you on MN for that matter. It would just mean I know that you're not H... OW... or MIL or something...!!

Pictures on my profile finally am so proud of my girls

Aw - lovely photos MacD! You look a lot better than I did in the delivery room - I look like death warmed up in my photos

Your daughters are beautiful. How is DD1 coping with being a big sister?

Tanee - your DP sounds like he really does care. I think you did the right think re the letter, but as you say, there may come a time when you really have to let him know what is on your mind. Will you be together for a while when he comes back from his Mums. or will he be working away again at some point?

Mac d what beautiful dd's. Am so at dd2's hair dd3 is 18months and still hardly a crop!

You should be proud they are beautiful well done you x

Baffy completely understandable you being cautious aafter everything you have been through.

Pc pmsl @ you having the shits with me and dior just love the way you put it.

Tanee that you had a nice evening with dp

Ginned up can def understand where your coming from.Think its good that dp is trying to show you that he wants you ie not going to pub. But it is early days and after what happened he needs to understand he has a lot to prove and its not just a sorry and not go to the pub for a week and its all ok. Its hard because you love him i do understand. Hey i left mine to sleep on park benches to get it accross i wasnt going to accept yeah im sorry and move on. Cant tell you how much that hurt knowing he was out there every night. But he put himself there not me and he had to realise that.

Its late now and im startin gto ramble.

Lily loo keep us updated x

gorgeous photos macd xxxx

McD, I am feeling SOOO broody now. They're gorgeous!

Fubsy, yes, I do know he cares - or I wouldn't agonise so much. It's just he gets locked into his little world - which is typical of depression, I know, but it hurts.

We will be together - he hasn't anything definite in the pipeline until May - but not much privacy still, as he has friends from Spain staying with us next week, and then friends from France over Easter. Would really like some weekends with just the two of us soon.

Plus my brand new lovely plasma TV that my Dad gave me for Christmas broke down last night - just two weeks old - so no Mighty Boosh. That makes the third TV to break down in two months. Are we jinxed or what?

McD, I am feeling SOOO broody now. They're gorgeous!

Fubsy, yes, I do know he cares - or I wouldn't agonise so much. It's just he gets locked into his little world - which is typical of depression, I know, but it hurts.

We will be together - he hasn't anything definite in the pipeline until May - but not much privacy still, as he has friends from Spain staying with us next week, and then friends from France over Easter. Would really like some weekends with just the two of us soon.

Plus my brand new lovely plasma TV that my Dad gave me for Christmas broke down last night - just two weeks old - so no Mighty Boosh. That makes the third TV to break down in two months. Are we jinxed or what?

Message withdrawn

Hello

Any news from lilyloo??

Still no FB in work I did a quick update last night but ds was jumping around wanting to get in the bath so I didn't have long!

Any news on what's happening with the possible break away? Who's definitely going, who can't go and who is undecided?!

I have provisionally booked the week of 24th March off, the week that begins with Easter Monday, so even if we could just do a 1 day meet up it would be great!

Won't write too much as still haven't heard from newname - but anyone got any tips on how to break it off with someone in a 'nice' way Is that possible?!

Well I will still be on maternity leave so free and would love to meet my teabags - need to know cost and details but sounds fab

great! that's 3 of us so far then!

I get first choice on looking after Lily though!

Anyone heard from HW, Ernest or lilybubble lately?