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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New Fab & Glam (Part 2 - happy endings?!)

1000 replies

Baffy · 15/11/2007 10:08

Lets hope this is the thread where we all find our happy endings

OP posts:
Paddlechick666 · 02/01/2008 18:21

New topic on FB, need your esteemed opinions please.

Baffy, am and at H. You are amazing in retaining your dignity. Don't let him take the p*ss tho eh.

Not much happening on the H front. He is, apparently, very effing busy! Supposed to be having a family day on Saturday but we'll see I guess.

Sugar, good to see you. How's DS?

Cashncarry · 02/01/2008 18:24

Baffy - Hi just wanted to say how well I think you're doing - as usual!

H can't hold it off forever - threaten to make an application for deemed service (all you need to do is submit an affidavit to the court stating that he's made it clear to you that he's received the papers). That way the need for him to complete an acknowledgement of service is effectively "leap-frogged" and he can't hold you to ransom.

Paddlechick - new year, new resolutions to be a better friend Am off to fb to see if I can help at all.

Nice to see everyone else and special congrats to Mac xx

Baffy · 03/01/2008 08:52

hello cnc good to see you!

thanks for that advice too - it always helps when I can sound like I know what I'm talking about!!

and pc I won't let him take the piss anymore - promise.

off to FB now...

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HappyWoman · 03/01/2008 09:05

Hi Baffy
Sounds as though he is in denial, and is about to lose the plot big time. I would say get ready for the begging soon too.

Could you get someone to phone him to speed up the signing - someone who could say they are from the solicitors?

lilyloo · 03/01/2008 09:14

Well morning ladies i still here with a huuuge bump that seems to have decided to saty put due to the cold weather! Everything seemed to stop yesterday so went back to bed and feel much more prepared after a great's night sleep ! Oh well let's see what today brings will keep you posted am sure that this could be a boy!
Will try to pop on later but dp taking lap top to work and computer all dismantled to make way for birth pool so might be tonight unless new baby here by then!
Massive thanks for all the well wishes xx

Baffy · 03/01/2008 09:22

ooh good luck lily! glad you had a good sleep too! keep us posted (when you can! I know you'll be busy )

thanks HW - I do think he may be about to lose it. he's so up and down at the moment it's scary.

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sugar34plum · 03/01/2008 09:53

lily jog on the spot gently worked for me! Goodluck tho and def keep us posted.

Hi pc ds is doing great like a different child. His so much happier now his not so frustrated. We even have some words being spoken. Im counting the days when he can say "mum i love you". But just seeing him smile more makes that awful day worthwhile. I will always be grateful to you for being there for us that day.

Baffy · 03/01/2008 10:02

sugar that's lovely news about ds

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Paddlechick666 · 03/01/2008 10:48

hi all, back in work today so no FB for me

lily, hope things get moving soon eh, can't say i blame your bub as it's blardy freezin out there!

looks like H will have to be out of house by next weds but hasn't done anything about finding anywhere else to live. what is it with these men? he just hides behind work being busy. i've bloody well managed and i have 100% more demands on my time than he does grrr

am working myself up to contact solicitor.....

sugar, great news about ds and no need to thank me (again ) it was so good to meet you and we had such a good chat that day it helped me too.

i so feel like whacking a week in the sun onto my credit card. can't tho, dd starts pre-school next week and work is crazy and i am considering shelling out £200 to buy myself out of my mobile phone contract so's I can use my new iphone.

can i really justify £200 to buy myself out? i am a total gadget head and am desperate to use my iphone! i have not opened the box yet, am forbidding myself because i know that once i do all will be lost and i will do anything to get it working!

i am a saddo!

Fubsy · 03/01/2008 11:09

Oooh Lily, a birthing pool!

I signed up for the hospital pool, then after 3 days of inducing , having my waters broken and one contraction, I was screaming for an epi!

Good luck - my rl friend had a home birth with a pool, and said it was great.

Sugar - good to hear DS is doing well. DDs friend has a cochlear implant, and she is making great progress.

Baffy · 03/01/2008 11:21

go for it pc - what's £200 in the scheme of things

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Tanee58 · 03/01/2008 17:13

Hi Teabags, Happy New Year!!

Congrats on Lily, McD, that's fantastic news.

Ginned up, really, really sorry how things went - I had a bit of a bad evening with DP on 30th, but nothing like - and he seems better now. I really do wish they could moderate their alcohol intake - after all, we do. How are you today?

Baffy, glad NM has only slipped off his pedestal slightly - after all, nobody's perfect, and he's sounded SO perfect, we've been green with envy .

More when I get the chance to read through the thread properly - got to go to Tesco's (have avoided it since 8am on Christmas Eve).

Tanee58 · 03/01/2008 17:14

Good luck Lilyloo, keep eating curry !

lilyloo · 03/01/2008 18:50

Thanks ladies well after two hours of ironing i have now got the kids spacehopper down and have been boucning on that in the absence of a birthing ball and obviously the dc's now need to have a go on it despite it being in the cupboard untouched for the last year
Have just had a mexican for tea so am determined this baby is coming out in the warmth of my house in my pool and not in the hospital!
Thanks for all good wishes and i shall keep on bouncing!

Fubsy · 03/01/2008 20:11

Im sorry Lily, but the picture of a 40/40 pregnant lady bouncing on a space hopper is enough to have me pissing myself

sunshinegirl · 03/01/2008 22:45

Hi all

Baffy , sorry your H is being such a twat, what is it with these men ffs

Glad to hear NM being supportive tho

Hope everyone else is ok? I'm having a crap time too atm. H announced yesterday after knowing his NW for only a few weeks that he wants to get divorced. It was only last week that we had sex & he was thinking about whether or not we could make things work Apparently she asked him before xmas if we were getting a divorce and he said yes

Then he was talking hypothetically about the future and said "well if me and ... are married in a few years..." wtf??? Oh and he'd have to speak to her and arrange their dates before he could arrange to see dc's

I cannot belive what a twat (being polite ) he's being, I really am starting to hate him atm which is not a good place to be in

Sorry for not being here more regularly but feeling very low.. thinking of you all xx

sugar34plum · 04/01/2008 07:01

sunshine girl what shit bag for you. What is with these men. Im so sorry your going through such a rotten time. sorry im not great with this advice this morning been up all night with dd3.

take care x

Paddlechick666 · 04/01/2008 07:59

right! what utter arses these men really are.

SG, this has nothing to do with you y'know. but everything to do with H's feeling like he's got some sort of 2nd chance elsewhere and the grass is always greener crap.

he will be feeling very flattered and quite smug at all the attention OW is giving him. not to mention the effect it's having on your behaviour towards him. he'll be trying to keep her sweet as he's desperately afraid of losing that attention etc.

ultimately tho, he's attaching himself to her for the wrong reasons and it won't make either of them happy longterm IMO.

Anyways, sorry for the rant! I was only popping on quickly to tell everyone to get over to FB and register their interest in my latest thread.

Baffy · 04/01/2008 10:37

SG what a complete arse! I had such hope for you working things out after the other week.

I think PC has just hit the nail on the head and I second everything she says. The grass is greener now and he is totally caught up in the moment, loving the new attention, and scared to death of losing that and actually having to put in some effort to be with his wife and family

I don't know what to say. I truly hope he comes to his senses before it's too late.

Can understand you hating him though. There's a fine line isn't there. I'm in the same place!

Lovely to read lily's update though - made me Typical that the children haven't wanted the space hopper for months and now want it because you're using it!!

OP posts:
ginnedupudding · 04/01/2008 12:02

Just a quickie this morning as I'm back at work.
I've been really quite down since New Year, so haven't been on MN hardly at all. Just trying to get through the days and looking forward to bedtime
DS2 started school this week and although I'm glad he's enjoying it its made me feel worse. He's my little baby and I wanted him to stay that way forever!
I'll put some pics of him in his uniform on FB later and you can all marvel at his gorgeous-ness!

Fubsy · 04/01/2008 12:13

SG, Im so angry for you. Why do they talk such shite? A couple of weeks with someone and he wants to arrange his whole life sround her. Pathetic. Totally agree with PC tho.

Also {sad] for GUM.

Baffy · 04/01/2008 12:31

hi guys

you're going to hate me for my latest 10 page rant topic on FB but it's stuff I've been bottling up for weeks about NM and I just had to get it all out

feel free to ignore...

or tell me I'm a bitch who needs to be a lot more understanding of people's differences

all criticism advice welcomed!!

GUM Are you ok? (Daft question!) Looking forward to seeing the pictures .

OP posts:
Baffy · 04/01/2008 12:31

oops that was supposed to be

'looking forward to seeing the pictures '

so used to sad faces lately!

OP posts:
Tanee58 · 04/01/2008 12:48

SG, ditto to what everyone's said. I really have come to the conclusion that when men were created, some vital component (ie adulthood) was left out of their genetic makeup.

Which has led me to the conclusion that God is definitely a Man, as no Woman would make that mistake!

Lily, you're giving that baby motionsickness !

Sorry girls, my turn to add to the post festive gloom.

I'm very pissed off with dp again, sorry to say. He's had two episodes of depression since Christmas. He shook the first one off very quickly and apologised (again - how many apologies can one take?) and we had a lovely New Year - unlike last year, when he pissed off to his mother's and left dd and me alone for NY with no parties to go to. But yesterday he had his Jobseekers interview & came home all revved up to start jobhunting on the internet - to find dd had taken the laptop to her room - quite validly, as she was doing GCSE course work. So he stomped off to the library - all the pcs were booked up. So what constructive thing does he do? Spend the rest of the day somewhere, getting pissed. Came home mid evening, was nice to me and I tried my best to be loving, left him to himself in the kitchen, where he drank a bottle of sickly sweet cheap wine and went to bed early. But then got up in the night and spent the rest of the night back in the kitchen, and I suspect, drinking again, as when I got up he was just off to bed again, and obviously still very drunk. He's currently sleeping it off & quite frankly, the longer he takes, the better as far as I'm concerned.

The thing is, I can handle the depression - it's something he's had since his teens, and it's had the obvious trigger of post Christmas facing the reality of unemployment. What annoys me is that, both times in the past week, he's blamed DD for it - first, her very presence, returning from her father's last week, and yesterday, taking the laptop to her room. It just isn't fair to her and makes her feel awkward around him, and I'm stuck in the middle. She's done SO well in the past 5 years, from hating his guts to tolerating him as a permanent household feature - and he's going to undermine all that if he's not careful.

And what I hate most about his depressions is that he hits the bottle - so there's no speaking to him when he's depressed AND drunk.

I suppose I should tackle him about it - once he's sober. No point last night, he'd have just lost it with me. He says he loves me, but if this becomes a regular pattern, he's going to kill my love for him - and I love him so much, it would be such a tragedy for both of us.

When I'm feeling down, I DO something - clear out a cupboard, watch an old movie, anything, but I DON't drink - I prefer to drink when I'm happy. I so wish he'd do the same.

So GUM, you have my absolute sympathy .

Am taking DD to see St Trinian's later - hope that cheers me up.

Baffy · 04/01/2008 13:02

Tanee

I'm not sure what to say really. I think like you said, perhaps your only option is to try and talk this out with him when he's sober.

It sounds like a nightmare, and the fact that it can be triggered by such a relatively small thing. But why he couldn't come home and chat too dd about him perhaps having the laptop for an hour or so later in the day, or book a pc in the library for the next day, like you say, just DO something. And preferably something positive, not just drown his sorrows.

I think you should try and explain what you wrote here. Especially about the stuff with dd too. Not in a negative way, but more perhaps about better ways to deal with his emotions and perhaps suggest him coming to talk to you when he's feeling like he just wants to hit the bottle - so that you can work out a solution together.

He needs to realise that there is only so much you can do and so much you can take. You sound amazingly patient and understanding. I hope he realises that, and quickly!

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