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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New Fab & Glam (Part 2 - happy endings?!)

1000 replies

Baffy · 15/11/2007 10:08

Lets hope this is the thread where we all find our happy endings

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macdoodle · 20/12/2007 16:13

oh well got the wonderful wife /love you lots card today - wasn't really sure what he wanted to say - he gave me a very similar card for my birthday last year exactly a week before I found out what he was up to and it all kicked off - when i asked him why he give me a card (last year that is - still with me here??)....when he was lying cheating and shagging some tart - he says he was trying to tell me he still loved me....BLOODY funny way of showing it then.....so hard to have ANY faith in him at all and can't help wonder whether he gave her a card as well ...... oh fed up - part of me does wish I could believe him and trust him and we could "fix" this mess - the other part of me knows we can't, I have lost that core of faith trust and respect in him..though I do still love him...and I am soooo angry that if he loves me (and truly wants me) he treated me sooo badly and still can't really make a sustained effort to change

Tanee58 · 20/12/2007 17:10

McD - . What does he think he's doing? Or does he think at all ?

Actually, where DO men keep their brains????

AnneMayesR · 20/12/2007 17:27

Brains?

In their pants...if they have any.

Fubsyinapeartree · 20/12/2007 20:42

mac - stange thing to do? He really doesnt know what he wants doea he.

XP is being quite cold towards me, although to give him his due he is helping me at the moment by letting me use his car.

Sadly it was the gear box that had gone on mine. £1200+ bill!

Im going to have to look at getting another car, as in the long run I think itll be cheaper. But goodness knows how Im going to afford it.

The puppy is almost definitely going to have to go.

I just keep wondering if things can get any worse.

Then I trawl through MN and realise that for a lot of people it is far worse.

ginnedupudding · 20/12/2007 22:14

I really can't understand how men can treat their dp so despicably and then buy a slushy card and think that will make us fall into their arms! Are they all insane?
It's the same as when they treat us like dirt, but then buy flowers as if that makes it all OK again. Idiots - all of them .
Baffy and HW - you were right to rise above it and keep your dignity. You should be proud of yourselves for not lowering yourselves to the OW level. Your dc will be proud of you in the future too, you are teaching them a valuable lesson.
(Btw my 2 ds's are going to be perfect husband material - nothing like their father - any takers!!)

macdoodle · 20/12/2007 22:18

I will have 2 gorgeous girls need to make sure they have decent caring men to treat them like princesses :}

mummyofaprincess · 20/12/2007 22:18

I`ll have one for my DD please

ginnedupudding, don`t want DD to get hurt like i did

ginnedupudding · 20/12/2007 22:43

And I'm going to be a fab MIL too - not like the nightmares we see on here!

macdoodle · 20/12/2007 23:05

The builders have now dismantled my broadband connection...but am miraculously connected to my best friends secure broadband via wifi - she lives across the road and the connection is erratic but a lifesaver ......her suggestion she came across with her codes to see if I could pick it up

Paddlechick666 · 21/12/2007 10:13

i am feeling very glum and i don't really know why.

had a row with my mum last night and i still feel guilty about it.

i really just want the house to myself when i get home from work and have put dd to bed. i constantly feel mean and nasty for not being nicer/more grateful etc. DM puts herself out hugely and has done heaps and heaps for me with the move etc. plus i have invited 2 friends to come to her place for xmas and i feel guilty about doing that too.

i absolutely hate being beholden to anyone adn i guess i am currently drowning in beholden-ness!

i feel really quite sick and anxious and out of sorts and i just can't shake it.....

there's a kids' party at work today adn i wish i'd put the effort in to bring dd. feel a bit bereft with all these cuties running around but not my little girl!

comms with H are going quite well. he even returned a call yesterday! i am keeping things amicable but nothing more. i feel quite that he is spending xmas day on his own in the partly furnished old house miles and miles from his kids/family. i know he's brought it on himself but it's still a pretty poor situation......

sorry for my self indulgent whinge, i just don't know why i'm feeling so down

ps: maybe just i'm tired and developing dd's cold and want to sleep for a year!

TimeForMe · 21/12/2007 12:10

Hi everyone

Just a quick visit to say hi to you all and let you know that i'm still thinking of you, despite not being able to get on here.

PC - I don't think any of us will blame you for feeling how you do. I think you have the complete right to want to do what you want to do without feeling guilty for it. In fact, it may be the guilt that you feel that is making you feel so glum at the moment. What worries me is, if you don't manage to assert yourself, state your piece and live your own life how you feel fit then, you won't have benefited from your move of house, you will have just swapped one set of problems for another.
As for DH, are you happy for him not to be spending Christmas with you ro, is it thoughts of what other people will think that is stopping you from inviting him? PC sweetie, life is so short, you have to do what makes you happy. Even if it is only for one day. Other peoples opinions are not your problem, that is for them to deal with!

Keep smiling love xx

DavidTennantsMistress · 21/12/2007 20:18

hiya guys,

don't know if you all remember me or not, was on the other thread. things here have changed so much over the last month or so - i've gone from a feeble shadow of myself back to the full person again which is good - have stopped taking crap from H - and biding my time till I move out (found a house so can move home next month hopefully). H is staying here for xmas - his family is 200 miles away and it seems daft for us both to be on our own so he's stopping on the sofa xmas eve/day. I have no intrest in getting back with him thou - and have had it pretty much confrimed that he had the oppertunity to go off with a girl I thought from work (who H was telling me there was nothing in it) so that annoyed me but she's welcome to him and all of his crap as I don't have the energy for him anymore!

DS seems to be settling down (apart from the terrible 2's! lol) which is good.

and i've got a new friend which is nice! lol. so it's all go for the next month I think just hoping for once everything goes smoothly.

how are you girls getting on?

OhComeLetUsADiorHim · 21/12/2007 20:30

DTM - you sound really positive! That is fab.

Tanee58 · 22/12/2007 18:42

Hi DTM, it sounds like things are really looking up. Good for you!

PC, sorry you're feeling low - I too wonder if it's partly that you're not doing what people expect of you - being charitable to H etc. But you may feel worse if you force yourself, when you really want to enjoy some time to yourself. I know it goes against all that Christmas is supposed to be about, but trying to do the whole 'ho ho ho' lark seems to make so many people miserable. I say, hang it, be selfish and do what YOU want - be really nice to yourself and have a great Christmas with dd. I would.

Our Christmas is cranking up in rusty fashion. DD & I had a great time in Covent Garden yesterday - she got herself a trendy short bob haircut - looks very glam in a rock/emo kind of way. Ginned up, can I join the queue for one of your dss - if dd doesn't mind having a toyboy? Luckily she's very picky about boys and I think will be messed about with less than I was. She turned down one of her classmates because she says he's an idiot - he drinks too much and has anger management issues. Sounds like she has her head screwed on ok. Just hope she doesn't get swept away by some prat of a man when she's older.

DP is crawling around with a hangover from his company party yesterday - so not much fun coming from that direction.

Remember Norfolk Lady? She sent DP a card - no mention of me in it, surprise surprise, and signed 'lots of love xxxxx' indeed ! I asked DP if he'd sent her a card, & he said yes, and had he put my name in? And he said, no. I pointed out that in future, it might be better to include me, to rub it in ever so gently that he IS in a steady relationship and not a free agent - and that I'd be very happy to sign it in person and add LOTS of kisses . Hope I wasn't being unreasonable - and he agreed that that might be sensible...

Tanee58 · 22/12/2007 18:44

Just got to wave our lodger off - her parents are taking her home now. Catch up with you all later .

Baffy · 22/12/2007 20:37

DTM great to hear from you and see such a positive post. Brilliant news. Hope you have a fab christmas!

PC - I tend to agree with TFM and if you think it would make you happy to have H with you and dd on xmas day then that's what you should do. Although my guess is that you're be terrified of inviting him, looking forward to it, and then him letting you both down at the last minute.

I think that despite everything your mum has done for you, you have to keep reminding yourself that at the end of the day, she's your mum. Of course she doesn't have to help, and you can be so grateful for everything, but put yourself in her shoes, if it was your dd wouldn't you actually want to do everything you possibly could to be there for her and help her to be happy?

You should absolutely not feel guilty or beholden to her. Just love her and appreciate what a fab mum she is. But live your life the way that makes you happy. Because at the end of the day that is what your mum really wants.

Tannee - send Norfolk lady a card from both of you! With a little family picture and one of those letters where you tell people what a brilliant year you've had and what you and your amazing family have been up to

OP posts:
Baffy · 22/12/2007 20:38

p.s. macd what a fab freind letting you use her internet connection - that's what friends are for!

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Baffy · 22/12/2007 20:39

ooh one more thing - my best friend in the world had her baby this morning.

9lb 4oz!!!! William. All doing well.

Best christmas present ever!!

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bahKewcHumbug · 22/12/2007 20:50

Just a quick gatecrash for PC - we have the same motehrs you and I as you know. I think you should be honest with your mum. Tell her that you adore her for how supportive she has been to you and that you really couldn't manage without her but that you do find the lack of privacy and issue at tiems as I'm sure she does, and thats your's sorry if you are grumpy about it at times but that you can't see a way around it.

You wouldn't be the person you are if you didn't feel sorry for H. Doesn't mean that he deserves it or that if you try to make things "better" for him it will actually make you (or him) feel any better. Ultimately it isn't up to you to "fix" him - he's a grown man he could/can work out a way to send the day with some part of his family if he really wanted to. If it were you and DD separated at Xmas you would be camped at a B&B down the road so that you could see her for tea or at least part of the day (or simialr with his boys). It isn't beyond the wit of man to sort something out ("man" generically not this particular man though!)

macdoodle · 22/12/2007 20:50

Wow fab big baby
See my threads on childbirth
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/1365/444448?ts=1198356558274

bahKewcHumbug · 22/12/2007 20:51

PS drinks at mine moved to the day after boxing day if you're around...

sunshinegirl · 22/12/2007 21:05

Hi all

Sorry communication has been patchy from me lately but have been feeling very down. Things have all gone very weird here with H & I'm unsure what to do for Christmas. I had planned to stay here with dc's so we could all spend Xmas together but am so unhappy I'm now thinking I should perhaps take dc's away and spend it with my Mum instead as I don't know if H will let us down and not turn up. Can't belive it's bloody 3 days before Xmas and I'm having such a crap time

Anyway, I hope you are all ok. I really came on here to wish you all a brilliant Christmas & thankyou for all your support this year. I hope that 2008 will bring all of us some peace and happiness xx

Baffy · 22/12/2007 21:09

{{{sg}}}}

I know what you mean about it being days before christmas and everything being so rubbish. Things bad here too.

Only advice I have really is to make plans so that you can't be let down. If you go to your parents you may be sad that you don't get to spend lots of quality time with H as a family, but you'll be happy with people who love you and want to be with you.
If you plan your day around H and he lets you down then that would be much worse.

Start putting yourself first. If we don't do that then nobody else will!

Hope you have a wonderful christmas xx

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sunshinegirl · 22/12/2007 21:20

Thanks Baffy

What's happened your end? Sorry I things are crap & I haven't been around, I had no idea. I hope you're ok, am around for a chat if you want?

IKWYM about plans for Xmas. I have no one else here to see if H should let us down and recent track record not looking good. As you say at least at my Mum's I would have people who love me around to help with dc's. I don't know, I really hoped so much that we could have xmas together esp for dc's but he has spoilt everything now. I know that my happiness and well being is important for dc's too and the way things are going here I am making myself ill. I am swaying on the side of going to have some much needed support.

Baffy · 22/12/2007 21:37

Thanks

I do think getting some support for yourself right now is the key. If you're happy then the dc's will be. So sad spending time apart from your H I know, especially this time of year. But you have to look after yourself now.

Things here are just a bit of a mess. It's 12 months since H left, so coupled with xmas the memories are difficult. H is still lying. And NM also let me down really badly last night which resulted in me being in town alone and having to ring my dad and brother and gatecrash their lads night out so that I had someone to get a taxi home with
Just seems that things get harder not easier.
I refuse to let it get me down though! Not going to let it beat me!!

I'm just going to put ds to bed and I'll hopefully be back on later (unless I fall asleep with ds - which is likely )

Thanks again. Catch up soon xx

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