New Fab & Glam (Part 2 - happy endings?!)

[Baffy]

Lets hope this is the thread where we all find our happy endings

mac, have posted on FB.

fubsy, they're infuriating aren't they? so sorry you're having to go thru this. it's happened to me in the past with H too.

this year i have just gone ahead and made my plans without even considering him. his suddenly re-appearing into our lives this last week or so has not had the same effect of sending me into a spin. primarily because i feel, to a certain extent, i have nothing riding on his behaviour anymore.

this will be dd's 3rd xmas and he's only managed one (last year) with me and dd. i'm dragging 2 antipodean friends to my parents with me. just hope that doesn't turn into a meltdown but knowing my mother she's already simmering ready to explode!

good advice here tho, tell him what time he can come, what time he has to leave and make sure you have some event planned that means he has to leave when you've agreed.

even if it's just taking the puppy out for a walk. you call the shots here and he needs to A) understand that and B) absolutely not see that his behaviour has upset you in any way.

really hope you work it out okay. there are days when you just want to cry, totally understand that.

dd is on the mend i think thanks. went back to the hospital on sunday and demanded an inhaler after saturday night was worse.

she didn't have a great night last night and ended up in with me. but it was cute sleeping together. first time she's really slept like a person in bed with me as opposed to a baby iyswim.....

still under self imposed house arrest and i have to say, we are both going a bit stir crazy.........

ps: yes H did ring at 5pm that evening and also rang last evening and again this morning

btw, where is TFM? Hope she's okay.....

I'm sure she'll be keeping an eye on us

Glad dd is ok pc - quite at H's level of interest/communication. Why is it that when we finally give up on them they turn the tables yet again!

oh Fubsy and MOP
I have opposite problem H wants to stay over xmas eve and xmas day - but I know he will be slinking off to pub and ???to see OW and her baby who knows...and I would end up simmering with resentment as always trying not to make a scene and ruin xmas - don't really want him here but know would make DD happy and with LO imminent will be easier for me
Struggling at moment with buried emotions - know he took DD to buy xmas card for me and she told me he got one for me too - I know it will be a "wonderful wife" lovey one with a "thank you for standing by me written inside"....so went to get one from DD and me today and just could not do it...head was full of thoughts of OW and her baby - is she getting him one from baby (to daddy ) will she get one from her (to who exactly ?the one I love)will H get a mummy one from her baby to OW (I guess he will).....walked out of shop almost in tears and I know that this will never go away now and will proably get worse as all the children get older...
He came to finish painting tomorrow and jokingly said - would be good if baby came tomorrow then I will have 3 all born on 19th will just have to remember the months (my DD 19 Sept OW baby 19 July)...don't think he has any idea how comments liek that just break my heart
Oh dear sorry for jumbled rant all bit too much at moment - always seems worse when he is being "good"......

Insensitive prat! How can he chat about it like its nothing out of the ordinary

I'm so at these arsehole men treating such lovely kind women so badly. What is wrong with them all?!!

I've answered on FB too by the way.

Thats just it though I really think he has no idea how much it hurts me Its almost like he thinks oh well its done lets just get on with it

mac and so for you. what a complete tosser he is throwing comments out like that. at least H is wise enough to keep schtum about his indescretions....

mind you, i don't see enough of him for him to really say much at all LOL.

i too have had the christmas dilemma. was firmly in the zero camp till he has told me he got something for me! told him i wasn't planning on getting anything for him this year, he said he wasn't expecting anything.

i will get him a card from dd but not from myself. i too have had all the wifey cards thru the last 2 years full of thankyous for standing by him etc. these days i'm standing 2 steps ahead of him IMO.

i really feel for you, tough decisions to make. wish i could offer some useful advice but i only have empathy and sympathy.

maybe he is just not thinking - we all know they dont do much of it.

You have buried your emotions very deep and maybe he thinks its ok to now 'joke' about it.

I know it is not easy but you really do need to let out that anger as it seems to be building up inside and that is not good for the baby either.

Dont worry too much - i have had a few bad days as i knew i would this time of year. I just dont want to always have the 'ghost' of christmas past in our lives but she is just hanging on in there (at work i mean). Made much worse by the party season (but he is being very good and giving me lots of information about who was there etc.

Mcd - you are doing so very well - she will always be linked to you but that will be as much her problem as yours too -(little comfort i know).
You can hold your head up high with true grace and dignity and never have to be ashamed of anything - just hold that thought.

Christmas cards are a load of wasted paper unless there is true meaning in them. But again i know it is easier to think than feel that. Dont worry if you dont get him one at all.

Hope the rest of the preperations are going well though and good luck for next few weeks.

Thanks for all youe comments. It makes me feel a bit better knowing I can offlaod somewhere. My parents would just do the I told you so bit, RL friend thinks he's a bastard, but then she went through the dssame thing last year.

MOP and Mac, sorry you are having similar crap. I still think its a control thing.

PC and Baffy, Ill try to be in control, but my trouble is that I ooze tears when Im feeling emotional. He's always found tyhat annoying, because his mother used tears as a way of controlling men, and he thinks Im doing that too. Its not - Im perfectly capable of arguing my point, its just the pent up emotion.

Hope DD is getting better. Sounds nice that you had an excuse to share a bed tho. Im so tempted to do that, but DD wiould want to move in!

I cry too when I get emotional - angry sad passionate etc...H hates it as well says I am manipulating him

Evening ladies just checking in to see how dd is PC glad she on the mend.
McD how awful what an insensitive thing to say poor you it's just the last thing you need at this time isn't it. How are you and baby doing ? Is it next Wed your due ?
As for the rest of you hope you all manage to sort out christmas for your dc's and yourselves first and foremost and if it has to include them so be it it's a shame they don't realise how lucky they are that you even consider them.
It must be so hard having to try and be the only one doing the right thing all the time.

macdoodle your not alone with the x saying stuff about the OW, she hasnt got any children but he happily sits in my home (once ours) and says how happy he is, and that he doesnt know what hes getting her for xmas also that hes going out with her, shopping cinema drinks you name it.

It tears me up inside, i don`t show him that it hurts but it does, its like he is taking more of my heart everytime he mentions OW in my house!!

She has took my partner and now she is changing him into a man i don`t know anymore (i know it takes two though!)

I have got xp a daddy card from DD and bump, but he didn`t even say thankyou to me for it (was i expecting to much for a simple thankyou

He hasn`t got me a mummy card!!!

My sister has got me a mummy card off DD (he doesn`t know this though)

I sometimes think i wish i never bothered but i know that it was in my DDs best interests.

I will also get him a little something for xmas off DD!

I was thinking of giving him a card but i know he wouldn`t be pleased and it will look like i still want him etc...

So i have said to myself forget about him hes not worth your time.

I`m also very teary and cry at almost anything lol

PC i`m glad you DD is getting better my DDs got a cold but it seems to be going slowly.

I look just realised i can`t spell LOL mind you i always post then look at it and think to myself derrr!! oh well it made me smile

Hi everyone

Sorry I haven't been around recently. DD caught the dreaded sick and poo bug and guess who she chose to share it with, yes, ME!
PC, I can totally empathise with your little dd if it's the same bug she had, it's nasty! I'm still feeling rather delicate in the tummy area, needless to say, dd is back to full strength and full of beans, counting sleeps til Santa comes I would love to be able to go to bed for a week and just sleep!

Right, thats enough about me! I hope all my fellow Teabags are faring well and not letting things (or people) get them down. Although, you can be forgiven for going a bit soft, it is Christmas afterall, peace to all men and all that...

Please forgive me but, I can't leave without just one 'mother hen' comment, all these ex's that are wanting sleepovers over Christmas, really not a good idea, not unless it's what you really want. After all ladies, a wife is for life, not just for Christmas. They made their choices, they made their beds, now let them lie in them over Christmas!!
BUT, if the season of good cheer gets to you and you find yourself handing him the duvet, don't worry, you will be forgiven

Lots of love XXX

Fubsy - so sorry . Can't type much now, but will hopefully be back tonight.

Oh no TFM, sounds awful

Glad you and dd are getting better now. Just in time for a lovely Christmas

And I definitely won't be handing the duvet to anyone this Christmas! There's only room in that bed for me and my super-snuggly ds right now, and that's how it's going to be for me this Christmas

Am determined to raise ds to be a wonderful, considerate and loving man. They are few and far between!!

Glad you and DD are on the mend, TFM. Im just waiting for something like that to happen now, just to complete a very shit week.

Car starting playing up in a loud and frightening way yesterday, so couldnt get to work today. Taking the car to a garage this pm, not looking forward to the bill.

DDs teacher told me her concentration and behaviour were really poor. Dont I know it! Now convinced she has ADHD. Spoke to one of the paeds I know, and broke down in tears. Talk about an over anxious mum. She did help tho, and gave me some good advice.

Dont think I can cope with everything and the pup. Friend is looking for a new home for him, and I feel like shit. But I wake up every morning with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, and I know its depression.

Baffy, I think you were right when you said did I want to have XP round on Xmas day. I was hoping we could be a bit more relaxed, and talk through some unfinished business. Thats not going to happen for a long time.

Trouble is, im so tearful at the moment, he's probably thinking Im crying over him, and in fact I dont feel anything, just numb.

Fubsy, definately sounds like depression. Really sorry things are so tough for you right now.

Hae you had any experience of depression before? TFM knows some excellent herbal remedies but otherwise I'd advise a trip to the gp quicksmart so you can get some meds and start to feel better soon.

you have so much on yuor plate and you've done so brilliantly already this year. i totally understand how it feels when just about everything just feels like it's too much/too hard/too painful etc etc.

IMO the desire to retreat to the comfort zone of xmas day with xp is absolutely normal when you've been faced with so much change this year already.

i think we have so much strength and ability when we're really in the hot water of that tea cup and we achieve so much to get us out. then we're left all squished up on the drainer and we're left a bit vulnerable and thats when we get sick or depressed.

i am waiting to see what happens to me in the new year as i have a feeling i might end up that way. after all the high drama of the last few weeks i can see myself falling apart at the first sign of any opportunity to do so!

can't get on FB today but will update later on what happened last night with H.....

TFM, so sorry to hear you got the lurgy. It's awful isn't it? Hope you're feeling better soon. On a "silver lining" note, at least you won't have to worry about indulging yourself over Xmas as I'm sure you've lost a few pounds from the bug.

Mac, how're you doing today?

MOAP, seen your posts elsewhere on relationships and am full of admiration for how you're coping and refusing to let things bring you down.

Dior, watching your thread too. Am not really at the office revelations but am at the thougth that he's gonna get what's coming to him now!

Tanee, where ya at? Hope all well? Did you get rid of your lodger yet?

Lily, how're you doing? Tell your DP i am still hugely indebted to him and loving my new place.

HW, how's it going with you? Are the DC all on the mend now? Am sure this is a tough time of year for you too and I hope you are able to create wonderful new memories to overwrite those that you have from the bad times.

Baffy, really hope you're doing okay too. Your DS is a lucky little guy and I am sure he will grow up to be a great son, husband and father. With you at the helm there's no way anything else would be possible.

I may have to reserve him for possible husband material for dd

Yes I have had depression before, but never had it just appear out of the blue like this. No doubt it is due to stress.

I take medication for stress incontinence which is adtually an AD that is licensed for two uses. So God knows how id be if I wasnt taking that!

Unfortunately it means I cant take St Johns Wort or anything like that, although i am swigging the old rescue remedy.

If things dont pick up, Ill make an appt with GP, but theyre a pain as theres very few regular docs there now, just lots of locums, or one doc who always has appts free, probably because everyone has wworked out that he's crap.

lol pc - ds is reserved!!

I have my old work christmas party tonight. Then my new work christmas party tomorrow!

So I won't be around for a while - I'll probably be unable to speak or focus for the next 48 hours so I will catch up at the weekend!!

p.s. great post pc - I second all of your comments and questions. particularly about MOAP coping so brilliantly and the fact that we have so much strength when we need it but can end up drained, depressed and emotional once the hot water cools off and we're left with the reality of the new lives that have been forced upon us.

Wishing that we can all have a fantastic 2008. I really hope we can.

Hallooo - yes I'm still here. A bit hectic at work as we break for Christmas tomorrow and this is my last day in the office till Jan 2nd, so haven't had a chance to catch up. Really sorry the men are being so wankerish over Christmas - and McD, so at yours & his incredibly crass comments!!! Fingers crossed for you for next week, - just concentrate on you and dcs.

Baffy, enjoy your parties . We had ours yesterday. Went to someone's house this year as it was more relaxed than going to a restaurant - and cheaper for the boss, who always pays. She was an hour late and she was bringing the plates, so we were well plastered before the starter. So began at lunchtime and had full meal, trimmings, crackers & played charades and guess who I am. Finally left well after 9, to meet dp & friends at a pub. Turned into a crawl as we were at one pub and the friends were at another - so we spent some time chasing each other around to catch up - and I drank rather more than I'd intended - feeling a bit tired today ...

At least dp is still being lovely - I feel a bit bad saying that, when most of the men on this thread are being SUCH plonkers - but i know he'll take his turn sometime ...

Hope all those men find HUGE lumps of coal in the bottom of their Christmas stockings! .

Oh, and we still have our lodger. She goes this weekend (Hooray!!) She's had a stinker of a cold, and so has dp - not great as they both need their voices - and I'm terrified dd and I will catch it just in time for Christmas. I'm surprised she hasn't had food poisoning from the state of her washing up - but that's probably because I've had to do it all again!

Hi I am still here too
Cjildren all on the mend and making lots of mess and noise - as they should of course.
Nowhere near ready for xmas though but cant be arsed either - i feel a bit down.

The ow has now been told about her promotion and it is at H expense to some extent. It makes me think that the firm have taken her side and it bloody well feels shite.

H is pretty cross about it too and so we both feel a bit down about it.

I just cant help feeling that if i had 'sorted' it all out by going in and having my say and even telling the truth to some extent she would have been too embarrassed to stay and then she would have been out of our lives. All this keeping my dignity has got me nowhere.
I bet she is laughing her knickers off now as she will probably soon have his job too as i dont think i can do this much longer.

H is being brilliant about it all though and i think he will now offer to do the wrapping!!!!!!!! Now there is a complete turn around.

HW I do see where you're coming from. Sometimes I (slightly) regret the way I dealt with things too because if I'd have flown off the handle, kicked off and made H's (and OW's) lives pure hell, as they deserved, at least they would have suffered.

As it is, I think that by rising above it, I did maintain my dignity and came out of it 'the better person' - but in some ways I feel that I let them both off lightly. And they're probably smug in the knowledge that me being the mature, adult, sensible one amongst us, meant that they never really had to deal with any major fallout or consequences from what they'd put me through.

Would I feel better now, if I'd kicked off and made their lives hell... right now... I think yes, I probably would

I'm not sure what to say really as I can imagine how hard it is for you. But at least in your case you and DH are together, stronger, and ultimately she is lonely and doesn't have your husband.
In the short term she may have this promotion. But in the long term she not only has to live with the fact that she almost ruined yours and your dc's lives. But she has to accept that the lies, deceit and betrayal was pointless anyway as the man she chosse doesn't want to be with her anyway.
No amount of money or status could make her feel any better about herself. And although she would never admit to being utterly ashamed of herself, lonely, rejected and embarrassed - I can bet you that she will be!

btw although I say I think I'd feel better if I had kicked off etc - I do know deep down that in the long term, I will be proud of how I dealt with things. Not only the strength and dignity, but the fact that I chose to put my ds and my marriage above everything else.

I'll never regret that.