New Fab & Glam (Part 2 - happy endings?!)

[Baffy]

Lets hope this is the thread where we all find our happy endings

Thanks you two. I have asked mum and dad to watch him this weekend and see how he behaves with them. School have not raised any concerns, so it is probably just me .

Dior it is not just you - this is normal not something to be ashamed or sad about.

I see a lot of similarities between us in that you are too quick to put yourself down instead of seeing the possitive things you are doing. I know how hard this is believe me i am my own worst critic.

Do you have others in rl to compare and talk over you concerns? I have a couple of close friends and we are often joking about our awful kids but then when we get the school reports our hearts leap and we know all this heartache is worht it.

It is because you want to do the best for you son but you feel you are not.

BUT YOU ARE - try and believe that - take care and have a great weekend.

Thanks HW

I second what HW says. CHildren do pick up on atmosphere, and lets face it, things have been tense at yours this year. He's probably attention seeking because he's subconsciously insecure - but that is NOT your fault - it's human nature and it will work its way out.

When exh and I split up, dd was so upset she used to go into the bedroom at rip a particular soft toy to shreds. I'd go in and it was like a snowdome in there. I'd gather up all the stuffing, stuff it back in, sew it up and leave it ready for her to tear apart again. It was a terrible time and she was so hurt & angry - but we got through with love and patience & I never lectured her or took her to task, except when she insisted on calling dp 'stupid b***d', which I let her do for a few months and then said I didn't like that word being used - so she called him 'stupid' for a bit longer, and suddenly after a couple of years, she started using his name - so she got through - and she's turning into an amazing young woman, mature without being dull and with a capacity to understand other people's peculiarities while still laughing at them.

So don't worry too much (having said that, of course you will, we all worry about our dcs).

Dior & Fubsy - I think we all feel like that about our dc from time to time. My two were absolute horrors last night. We went to my Mum's for tea and they were uncontrollable and I spent the whole time screaming at them and apologising to my Mum. In their case it is all the excitement of Christmas and too many late / interrupted nights (and probably the jaffa cakes they ate before I got there .
They do pick up on tension in the family too, there are a few things going on in the family that my Mum and I were a bit upset about yesterday and although we didn't talk about it in front of them, I wondered if they were picking up on the atmosphere.
Roll on January - I've had enough of Christmas already

Its funny - I was helping at school today, and one of the TAs asaid what a sweet tempered child DD was.

But it was nice to hear, also means perhaps her meltdown days are nearly over!

On a brighter note re puppy, I have spoken to a local trainer who does puppy classes, and she says DD can come too. That makes it much easier, as otherwise it would be hard to do a course as X wouldnt be able to have DD every night the classes are on.

Another brighter note - all the stress and extra exercise means that I have magically lost 4 lbs this week!

oh help! dd is pretty sick. have been really worried about her breathing tonight.

nhs direct dr is calling me back.

text h and he has left his work xmas party to being the humidifier over.

am cacking myself at his coming here but i need the humidifier.

of course now dd is breathing easily and not coughing at all.

am desparate not to lose the plot with h and have a go and ask all sorts of questions etc........

arg

Hi PC, how is DD now? Is she prone to breathing difficulties?

Youve done the right thing getting the humidifier, and at least H is bringing it over for you.

Dont be afraid to call out the on call doc, thats what theyre there for.

Hope youre both ok,

xxx

PC hope DD is ok...text/ring me happy to give phone advice if it will help ....
My H is PRICK PRICK PRICK

hi all

fubsy, yes dd has had weird breathing since she was pretty small. been admitted several times so it always makes me even more concerned.

mac, thanks so much. i'd forgotten your speciality and that i had your number!

h arrived about 10:45 after coming from the west end to get the humidifier here. dd was doing okay by that point after nhs direct nurse suggested warm milk with some honey in it.

actually it was fine seeing h altho he was a bit touchy feely which i said wasn't on etc. he admitted to being a bit drunk which made it easier for him to say the things he wanted to

he slept on the lounge and dd was overjoyed to see him this morning. not exactly how i intended him to regain contact with her.

he came to the outpatient appt with me this morning where the dr has just advised keeping her indoors for a few days and keeping the humidifier/calpol going.

dd handled dropping him off fine and he promised to call her at 5pm tonight.

mac, what's H done now? hope you're okay?

oh another long story typical behaviour... he asked me to ring him when I got home from xmas do last night (as he was worried I was driving myself at 39 weeks pregnant not that he offered not to go out and drive me himself, my sis was down babysitting DD)...so when I rang him from 10:30pm no answer to calls or texts at all eve popped in his flat on way home at 1am (not there obviously)...got home went to bed about 11:30pm - still no response - woke up this morning he rang at 12:40am ...
He can't understand why I am angry and upset (ummmmm maybe because I might have been in labour and he was not contactable in any way)...my IL's are great and would come over any hour but point is I haven't really made alternative arrangements for DD (am expecting him to take me to hospital and stay with me and them to come and be with DD)...but now I think am I going to be trying to juggle everything whilst in labour with no birth partner because he thinks drinking money we do not have (our debt is spiralling) is more improtant than being around for me the birth of his child and his DD.....I am just so tired of all of this
Sorry another rant I am a real mug for putting up with this for so long!!
2008 NOT my year the year of the divorce and a new life

that was way home at 11AM not 1AM was too knackered to stay out late

PC, glad DD is better now. Sounds like she handled the situation with H very well. But children often do.

Mac, I hope youre not going to have to give birth alone Do you have a friend who would be willing to hold your hand, or would you prefer it if H was there?

Its an awful situation. Youre doing brilliantly though, even if you dont feel it.

Is your internet ok now, or do you want more mobile numbers?

hi everyone

hope you're all ok

pc - is dd any better now? and how do you feel about H after seeing so much of him (compared to the last few months that is!) did he ring back at 5 like he was supposed to?

macd not surprised you were he said to ring you and then wasn't contactable! I see how that concerns you because what will happen when you need to get hold of him unexpectedly - i.e. when you go into labour!

can you arrange with IL's in advance that they will have dd and you'll contact them directly regardless of whether you can get in touch with H?

did he explain where he was?

IL's are great and will come over any time day or night either to take me to hospital or look after DD (they are great )...BF lives over road and has said she will do whatever needed have DD or come with me if can't get H (would prefer her to MIL in labour)..but she has her own family 3 kids and works full time and it is bloody xmas after all
Bit calmer today he is amazingly upstairs decorating babies room - painting and flat packs...will probably last a few days before he slips again...
Was very cagey as to where he was various pubs etc...find I really don't even care that much any more

Glad he's there doing something useful!

Great that you have such good IL's too

PC i hope your dd is better, my dd has come down with a very bad cold now but she slept really well last night and didn`t wake up once

macd im glad hes doing stuff for you, my xp isnt bothered at all with this LO so might have to ask my dad to help me out later on when i buy the cot etc.. This one will be sharing the room with DD, hope DD doesnt mind

She might get woken up a few times a night though lol well hopefully i`ll have LO in with me for 6 months anyway (in his/hers moses basket or crib)

hope everyones ok

Gonna have babe in with me too to start...as third bedroom small box room but had become mancky junk room so trying to just have some storage and tidy place for LO...also DD ends up in with me most nights so will help if can take LO into "her" bedroom to feed/change etc....flitting between excited and terrified of doing it alone....am forcing him to help me with baby stuff !!
DD is great told me last night was lucky she was around to help me as otherwise I would be all alone - bless her
Where are you MOAP ??

awww how sweet macdoodle

i`m from walsall in the west midlands

Quick question on facebook group girls can I have some advice ??

will have a quick look now xx

Im at work, FB blocked here

Can anyone lend an ear here?

Ages ago i asked XP to spend Xmas day with me and DD. I thought it would be the best thing for her, and we were getting along reasonably well, so it should be ok.

Yesterday I asked him when he wanted to come round.

Of course I should have seen it coming. Im feeling like shit at the moment, of course it can only get worse.

He's only going to come round am to see DD get hr presents, and isnt going to stay. He said it would be best. Best for who I asked him.

He said he couldnt face it, so I asked why he hated me so much now. He said he didnt hate me, but he was just starting to feel happy again for the first time in ages.

Which of course means he's seeing someone.

I just dont understand why he cant be honest with me.

Im so angry that his happiness is so important that he cant spare a bit for his daughter onXmas day. But he's no different from all the others is he, life cant be right unless he's got someone in his bed.

And I cant talk to anyone without crying. I just feel like shit.

Fubsyyinapeartree your lot alone.

My xp didnt give me chance to ask him if he wanted to stay with us on xmas day and enjoy the time he would get with DD, Oh no he just came right ou and said ill pop on christmas day for an hour with my mom and dad

I should have know really!

I just feel like he doesnt want to see DD anymore and when he does its on an hour here or there if hes not busy with OW!

All this and we have only been split up 3 weeks god knows what its going to be like when LO is born

Hugs for you x

Fubsy

I don't know what to say. Did part of you want to spend time with him on Christmas day too?

I can't believe that he would put a new girlfriend before his daughter, but having seen it first hand with H, I know only too well that that's exactly what they do.

As for why he continues to lie - I am having exactly the same problem right now. Exactly. It's as though his first instinct now is just to lie, even when there is no real need to. It's become a way of life for him.

And I know how heartbreaking it is. Part of me thinks that they lie to try and protect us in their own stupid way. They don't want to hurt us anymore.

I wonder when the day will come when they realise that lying only hurts us more in the long run as we're constantly on edge waiting for the truth to come out.

Can you make some special plans for you and dd on the day? Anywhere you can go or people to visit?

It may not hurt so much if you have your own plans that revolve only around you and dd.

Make him fit around you. Don't make your day revolve around him coming to spend time with you. Try to make him an insignificant part, and don't base any of your happiness on him or his actions. That way you can't be let down.

That's how I'm getting through this year. Protecting mine and ds's hearts by not allowing him to be in a position to let us down.

I hope that makes sense.

Rushing as have to do an interview now, but I'll be back soon xx