Weak to Stay or Weak to Leave

[Tamara125]

Blurgh. I need some advice, and have exhausted all other options.. please help..!

So let me set the scene. I have been with my Fiancé since 2016, engaged last year, getting married Autumn 21.

We live in my house, his three children stay every other weekend, and one night in the week. House is getting too small, children getting bigger.

I suggested exploring to move, and had put my home on the market (with his support and consent) and it went under offer at full asking price on the first viewing... result!

We arranged some viewings at some houses in the area, and booked an appointment with our friend who is a financial advisor.

During the appointment, I discovered he has £11,000 worth of loans and credit card debt from what he says built up in his last relationship, and when we first got together. He has lied his way through our whole relationship, me forgiving him each time he has failed to come up with the truth. I feel he has lied, he feels he was ashamed. I had to remove my property from the market, tell all friends and family we aren't actually moving... they obviously asked why - my parents are completely gutted that he's been deceitful yet again.

We call it his 'annual screw up' as every year around this time, something comes to light, whether he's been deleting text messages, lying about seeing his ex etc etc. He just doesn't give up with his deceit.

Heres the issue. He's sorry. He won't do it again. Worst part of all, he's a charmer. He goes to the end of the earth to charm me, but not the end of the earth to just be a decent human being.

One of my sisters says walk away, you're weak.. the other one says think about the bigger picture, anybody would be humiliated and he is so ashamed.

We love each other, of course we do. I own the house, I have the car, and I can walk away pretty much unscathed. He however, has little family contact, not a great support network, a bad credit rating and no deposit. I pick his kids up from school, take them here there and everywhere. He has SO much to lose. Why does he keep screwing this up..?

Whether you do or do not stay together, do not get married. Remain independent. Keep him away from your assets

Jesus. Why would you shackle your one and only life here on planet Earth to an irresponsible loser?

Of course he loves having a sugar mama to take care of everything.

If you don't want to fully break up, insist on living separately. Let him shoulder all responsibility for his household and see how that goes.

Well done, @Tamara125 for getting rid of this person from your home and your life. The fact you now sleep so much better now he's gone days a lot about how much stress you've been under.

I know you were going to have the locks changed- hope that's complete now? Also, remember, if not already done, to change any passwords you have which he might have had access to including social media as well as financial..

Onwards and upwards, to a better life. 🌹

@Ohdobequiet

Woohoooooooo!! 🎉 👏 so pleased for you

Thank you @Ohdobequiet ... broke the news to some close friends tonight (he landed up there Friday) and they were sad, but understand my decision. They're due to be getting married in Aug and I'm doing the cake and he's best man, agreed we'd both be attending but just separately

@Newestname001

Well done, *@Tamara125* for getting rid of this person from your home and your life. The fact you now sleep so much better now he's gone days a lot about how much stress you've been under.

I know you were going to have the locks changed- hope that's complete now? Also, remember, if not already done, to change any passwords you have which he might have had access to including social media as well as financial..

Onwards and upwards, to a better life. 🌹

I haven't had them changed yet, but I'm the only one with a bottom key lock, so have been locking the bottom when going out and coming in, I haven't heard anything from him today, but I will be changing them as a priority..

He's not the social media type, but good idea! Thank you xx

@PerveenMistry

Jesus. Why would you shackle your one and only life here on planet Earth to an irresponsible loser?

Of course he loves having a sugar mama to take care of everything.

If you don't want to fully break up, insist on living separately. Let him shoulder all responsibility for his household and see how that goes.

He's gone..

@flaminjo

Whether you do or do not stay together, do not get married. Remain independent. Keep him away from your assets

He's gone ...

@SortingItOut

Read the full thread before posting, even just reading the OPs posts would help and you'll see things moved on.

Lol, it did take me a minute to realise that they possibly hadn't read the thread

Ten to one she'll cave and let him back into her life. They generally do.

@PerveenMistry

Ten to one she'll cave and let him back into her life. They generally do.

Rude!

Thanks for your input, but I’m doing just fine thank you.

You forgive him each time so he isnt interested in being decent. Please do not marry him.

If you stay I would tell him straight. He ferries his kids around, he pays for them as there is only one of you so that's all you pay for.

Wow I'm sorry I've just caught up properly. You are an incredible woman! Very well done!

@user1471538283

Wow I'm sorry I've just caught up properly. You are an incredible woman! Very well done!

Thank you... I had a bit of a cry this morning, but I think I knew that would come at some point! Afterwards I was like righty, that's done now lets get up and get out. I've been waking loads during the night and then I struggled to get back to sleep just thoughts looping through my head, so I think the tiredness has caught up. I bought some herbal sleep remedy tabs, so I hope I can sleep a bit better. But I've been doing OK. Luckily I have the greatest people around me, and am keeping myself nice a busy.

I've still not heard from him. I am thinking of moving the furniture from the children's bedroom into storage along with their bits other than clothes like football stuff, bikes scooters etc, and dropping they key in to his Mum's whilst he's at work... otherwise it'll mean he'll be wanting to come over and I just don't think its needed.

Also, do I let the children's Mum know? I know he wouldn't have told her, as he'll be hopeful. As much as I don't want to contact her (we do text RE drop offs/pickups/clubs etc if he's at work) and I know it isn't really my responsibility, but I know he won't be actively doing anything right now to sort himself out.

I would drop the DC stuff off at his Mums bit by bit. He needs to be the one to organise and pay for storage otherwise you could end up with a huge bill!