DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

[DataColour]

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

I’m usually in loungewear by 7pm too. I’ve I’ve been for a run after work and had a bath, I’m not getting properly dressed again.
I don’t wear PJ’s and don’t like lounging around in them but my loungewear is just a slightly pimped up version that I could nip out in in an emergency.
I live with my kids and my cat though and they don’t give a shit.

My ex h was a cheating bastard but he never commented on what I wore. In fact we’d both have a little joke about getting our comfies on if we weren’t going anywhere in the evening.

I'm home, showered and in my PJs by 5pm 😂 DH would get very short shrift if he dared complain! I like being comfy and find work clothes uncomfortable

Tell your 'D'H to fuck right off and keep wearing your joggers

I'm another one who doesn't change into PJ's until bedtime. Although I will stay in them all morning on a weekend. I just can't be bothered with getting changed in general

OP you should be able to wear what you like without being moaned at. But it seems like this is part of a vicious cycle of him not feeling like you pay him attention, and you feeling controlled. I think you need to think long and hard about whether you want to save this relationship? Is he generally unkind, or is he a good partner who's struggled to adjust to the awful year we've all had? If you want to save it, I think you need to start making some couples plans with him, and both make an effort to get the relationship back on track, otherwise things will just stay in this spiral of miserableness.

@DataColour

Together for 21 years. It's the only relationship he's had, but he claims that no other women change out of day clothes before bedtime.

Virtually everyone woman I know does this.

Ridiculous attempt at trying to support why he is being very controlling.

Do what you want to do and what makes you comfortable. You weren’t put on the earth to look pretty for a man.

@LifeinPieces21

Do some people really have to be dressed up to get their OH's approval or turn them on?

Apparently so........

@DataColour

Together for 21 years. It's the only relationship he's had, but he claims that no other women change out of day clothes before bedtime.

Loads of women change out of day clothes. But, its irrelevant anyway. Even if you were the only woman in the whole wide world that does it, it shouldn't matter to him as long as you're comfortable in your own home. It's none of his business. He sounds like an arse!

Another one here who changes into comfies as soon as I get home and know I'm not going anywhere else for the evening - usually leggings or joggers and big sweatshirt of DH's. Shower, makeup off, hair washed/tied up depending on the day.

I don't know anyone who sits around in their outside clothes all evening. I was going to say 'fair enough if he wants an at-home date night dressed up' but actually, no - if you're spending quality time together it should be more important than you're comfortable and happy in what you're wearing than that you're visually appealing to him (and my DH fancies me most when I'm in an old t-shirt of his with my hair in a big bun on my head, so bollocks to the idea that comfy clothes can't be attractive).

It's not your job to look amazing all the time for him. Do what feels right to you! He needs to grow the f up!

I put leggings or joggers on almost immediately after coming in the door. Life's too short to be uncomfortable in your own home!!

I am struggling to understand why it's OK to spend all your evenings with DH in clothes you wouldn't be seen dead in the supermarket in. Why are the people there more important than those at home? I do change when I get home from work, if I'm wearing something constraining, but into casual clothes, not PJs or saggy bottomed joggers, which they all are once you've "lounged" in them.

OP's situation isn't about the clothes though.

*Has become controlling
*Doesn't let you shower when you want to
*Dictating what you wear
*Making demands your not comfortable with
*Storming out over something which is actually trivial.

Has he developed mental health issues eg depression/anxiety and possibly be very stressed?;he seems to be projecting onto you.

Anxiety can appear as controlling behaviour eg their environment/people around them.Is he easily irritable?,not sleeping well?,change in normal behaviour?,uninterested in normal everyday things?very tired?,complaining he feels ill eg headaches/aches/pains?,distant?

Is he having issues at work?

Having a go at you for changing later in the evening from work clothes to loungewear is really odd behaviour and storming out because you put them on is a massive overreaction.

I couldnt live like that! Im straight im my lounge wear the moment I come home, make up off, bun up. I would hate to stay in workwear its not.comfortable at all. Its ur home u need to be cosy and relaxed!

I was in my ohs until 1 ish today as i had an interview at 2 pm so didn't want to put nice clothes on too early as wasn't putting other clothes on
Sometimes i keep day clothes on other times i put on my pjs
Ny dh is same , mostly he has a bath and then puts on shorts and t shirt as thats what he finds comfy
We don't have to dress up for each other, if we go out we make an effort
I don't feel jealous if him going to work in a shirt and tie as he does it because he has to , if he could wear shorts he would

@cresside

I'm going to go against the flow and say that I can see where your husband is coming from. Mine would definitely not like it if I wore jogging bottoms every evening. And if he's been doing sport (which he does a lot) he changes out of sports gear into something a bit smarter for the rest of the evening.

Being "comfy" isn't the most important thing in the world. It's also important to wear clothes that your other half likes. My DH has certain clothes that I hate, and I've told him, and he doesn't wear them in front of me any more. Same with me and a particular pair of jeans of mine he dislikes. It's fine! The idea of dressing up to look nice for everyone else, and not for your partner, is a bit sad to me.

Having said that it sounds as if there's a distinct lack of respect in your relationship, and you both need some help in expressing how you feel about things.

I really dont see what is wrong with being comfortable? As long as the clothes are clean and presentable, what on earthis wrong with joggers? For those few precious hours when you are in the one place where you should be able to truly relax, your home?

Being comfy, feeling relaxed, away from the stresses of the day is so important to physical and mental health.

I was having this conversation with my younger teen this afternoon. He gets home from school at 3.15 and by 3.20 he's in his boxers and dressing gown. I make it until around 6pm when I put my pjs on. I wear trousers in the day and shirts for work and I cannot relax in them.

I don't even wear outdoor clothes in the house. I wear pj's, as soon as I come in I get changed into them.

However I will say I think lock down is affecting everyone mentally. It feels like there's no way out. Dp and I are very laid back and even we've been bickering as we've both become controlling over silly things. We've had to compromise.

In your case no, I wouldn't stop doing what I'm doing....... But I would talk about it. Discuss the fact that normal seems so long ago. Even suggest both dressing up once a week to have a date night at home. I think everyone's feeling overwhelmed right now, more so with lock down ending. And I think that's what's happening here.

It strikes me, apart from anything else, as a very old-fashioned outlook. My PILs are fully clothed till bedtime and I can't imagine them in anything as casual as jogging bottoms, but they are in their seventies.

I am struggling to understand why it's OK to spend all your evenings with DH in clothes you wouldn't be seen dead in the supermarket in. Why are the people there more important than those at home?

That's backwards to how I'm thinking... In my marriage, our ability or willingness to "slob out" in front of one another is one more proof of the closeness of our relationship. I have to really trust someone to be comfortable enough to be myself in front of them.

He is relating to you like a possession. Really disturbing.

I have a friend whose husband tells her to wear a skirt or dress all the time. He also paints her nails and likes her to keep them long. And she isn't allowed to cut her hair. She also has to wear red lipstick. And he's stopped her seeing me (or any female friends) alone. No Internet. No TV. No work. No childcare. He talks about her tits all the time. She's also conveniently fallen out with her family. It's a fucking nightmare. She once showed me letters he wrote to her where he wrote about them in the third person, "Claire doesn't give Derek enough love and support" (Names changed). He's so charming. The life and soul. Always cracking jokes. Always putting on this front. I often wonder how I can help her. Keep your wits about you, OP. It was all poetry, holidays, flowers at first for my friend. Now she's just a maid.

Wow, what an arsehole. We alm change into comfy clothes at home

Coming at it from the perspective of a parent of two young daughters, and given that your OH is a teacher, why is it wrong for females to be comfortable in their clothing?

Dressing up in the evening after a hard days work to make you uncomfortable but your partner happy 🤯

OP - wear what makes you happy. Smarter clothes do not make a happy marriage. DH and I have been together for 25 years and both change into ‘comfies’ after work/clubs/stuff, it hasn’t impacted how attractive we find each other, in fact, I prefer it if we are both relaxed and not feeling the need to change who we are to be attractive.

‘ Together for 21 years. It's the only relationship he's had, but he claims that no other women change out of day clothes before bedtime.’

How quaint.
Of course he is right & every woman but you farts rose petals & pees glitter.