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Original poster

DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

953 replies

DataColour · 05/05/2021 21:34

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

OP posts:
Lightswitchesoffatnight · 05/05/2021 22:58

@DataColour

Together for 21 years. It's the only relationship he's had, but he claims that no other women change out of day clothes before bedtime.
I’m in my nightie by 8 most evenings.
worriedatthemoment · 05/05/2021 22:59

My parents are in their 60's and they bath and put on pjs or loungewear type clothes in the evening as well

thelightishere · 05/05/2021 22:59

I'm pretty much in joggers, pjs or active wear from morning to night (WFH). And haven't worn a bra in well over a year... tell him to sod off Grin

lucy5236 · 05/05/2021 23:00

@worriedatthemoment mine too! OPs DH is still working so assume he's not any older than them 🤷🏻‍♀️

PurpleMustang · 05/05/2021 23:00

I think him complaining about the shower was a red herring. Whilst yes the water, skin, environment are all fair points, I think as it was a precursor to you getting changed. So rather than complain about you getting changed, he went for the shower to try to break the cycle of you changing. But it didn't work. With him also having an issue with the kids on a weekend, I'd say it might be something from childhood about how is parents were.

ILikePizzaAndWine · 05/05/2021 23:02

@MusicMenu

I am struggling to understand why it's OK to spend all your evenings with DH in clothes you wouldn't be seen dead in the supermarket in. Why are the people there more important than those at home? I do change when I get home from work, if I'm wearing something constraining, but into casual clothes, not PJs or saggy bottomed joggers, which they all are once you've "lounged" in them.

OP's situation isn't about the clothes though.

Because your clothes aren’t actually they important? Chilling together, enjoying what time you have together is more important.

But also, I go to the supermarket in my running gear post run and don’t give a toss what people think about me, because really those who judge your outfit aren’t really worthwhile. And this is somebody who does zoom with lipstick and does meetings in suits. Not for anyone else, but for me. Which sounds contradictory but really this is key. Be happy in you, for you, not for anyone and their expectations.

Lucia574 · 05/05/2021 23:03

I don’t like the look of joggers, so wouldn’t wear them. I don’t like hoodies either and don’t own one. I do change, but into jeans or palazzos. I wouldn’t like it if DH slobbed round in joggers either. He just wears them for gardening.

DADZ · 05/05/2021 23:08

Chill ladies. Think about the mans POV. He sees it as a message that how she looks to her co workers is more important than how she looks to him, right wrong or neither, thats what is upsetting him.
HEY, I GOT AN IDEA! COMPROMISE.
Now, most would expect the "F you attitude", but the next evening, change into sometime extremely provocative, then ask him if its ok that you changed when you got home

ElaborateSalad · 05/05/2021 23:08

He's an arsehole. I'm not quick to slag partners off as a rule, but he's being a grade A dick

StillMedusa · 05/05/2021 23:09

My dh remarked one evening recently that I looked nice...
I was in my regular work clothes (casual trousers, stripey top ..nothing posh)
I realised it was because by the time he gets home I'm showered and in my pjs and manky old dressing gown every night Shock Oops...

But then he comes home and wears shorts,, ancient t shirt and Crocs with fluffy socks so he can't really complain Grin

TheMoth · 05/05/2021 23:09

I'm a full makeup and heels person in work. Soon as I come home and I'm in for the night, it's: lenses out, makeup off, bra off, comfy pants on. I look s complete mess. If dh is lucky, I wear matching pjs at the weekend. During the week, I just need something to get me from 6-9.

wingsnthat · 05/05/2021 23:10

loungewear does not have to be scruffy, tatty or unattractive

Casual clothing has been in fashion for quite a while now, hasn’t it? The majority of people I know wear gymwear or joggers as the default and look amazing doing so. You just need to buy fresh and flattering items, you can be both comfy and attractive if that’s his problem. Though I don’t think I’d want to be in a relationship with someone who demanded I dress up at all times for him

CaviarAndCigarettes · 05/05/2021 23:10

Oh crikey. We start the kids bedtime anywhere between six pm and half past seven.
This is also my free pass (in my head) to take my bra off and put my pjs on and relax! I'm sorry OP I couldn't live in your boot camp x

TheQuaffle · 05/05/2021 23:11

Home. Bag down. Coat off. Comfies on. Makeup off. Proceed with evening. Zero fucks given to anyone else’s preference for what I wear in my own bloody home.

Postern · 05/05/2021 23:11

@DADZ

Chill ladies. Think about the mans POV. He sees it as a message that how she looks to her co workers is more important than how she looks to him, right wrong or neither, thats what is upsetting him. HEY, I GOT AN IDEA! COMPROMISE. Now, most would expect the "F you attitude", but the next evening, change into sometime extremely provocative, then ask him if its ok that you changed when you got home
You’re not actually serious, right? Hmm
lucy5236 · 05/05/2021 23:12

@DADZ

Chill ladies. Think about the mans POV. He sees it as a message that how she looks to her co workers is more important than how she looks to him, right wrong or neither, thats what is upsetting him. HEY, I GOT AN IDEA! COMPROMISE. Now, most would expect the "F you attitude", but the next evening, change into sometime extremely provocative, then ask him if its ok that you changed when you got home
Changing into something provocative for his pleasure is in no way shape or form a compromise????

It's rewarding his controlling behaviours and encouraging him to continue 🤯🤯

I actually can't believe some of these posts

whyhell0there · 05/05/2021 23:13

@DADZ

Chill ladies. Think about the mans POV. He sees it as a message that how she looks to her co workers is more important than how she looks to him, right wrong or neither, thats what is upsetting him. HEY, I GOT AN IDEA! COMPROMISE. Now, most would expect the "F you attitude", but the next evening, change into sometime extremely provocative, then ask him if its ok that you changed when you got home
Nobody should have to consult their partner about their clothing choices Hmm

The guy's POV is obviously one of insecurity and a desire to control... Not cool!

Homehaircuts · 05/05/2021 23:13

Thank goodness most people are normal. We all should wear what we want and what we feel comfortable in, in our own homes. You shouldn't need to impress your partner wife/husband everyday for goodness sake. Your relationship should be secure enough to feel comfortable wearing whatever you like at home. Yes going out or having a date night (even in doors (since covid I will make an effort) but you should feel comfortable in your own home and no jeans are not comfortable to snuggle up in the sofa and mine fit me perfectly to! I LOVE my joggers and PJs!

TooMuchAndNotEnough · 05/05/2021 23:13

@DADZ

Chill ladies. Think about the mans POV. He sees it as a message that how she looks to her co workers is more important than how she looks to him, right wrong or neither, thats what is upsetting him. HEY, I GOT AN IDEA! COMPROMISE. Now, most would expect the "F you attitude", but the next evening, change into sometime extremely provocative, then ask him if its ok that you changed when you got home
Oh, dear God.
PickAChew · 05/05/2021 23:15

You're not an ornament. He can go fuck himself.

Wearywithteens · 05/05/2021 23:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

wingsnthat · 05/05/2021 23:16

The dad poster is probs a troll, let’s not feed it

TooMuchAndNotEnough · 05/05/2021 23:17

Honestly, OP. Who the hell does he think he is? He has no right to dictate what you wear or when you take a shower. It’s actually quite disturbing. And he’s a teacher? I hope he isn’t as rigid and controlling with his students.

PickAChew · 05/05/2021 23:18

@DataColour

Together for 21 years. It's the only relationship he's had, but he claims that no other women change out of day clothes before bedtime.
If I'm not going anywhere, I wear joggers all day. If I'm going out locally, I simply make sure I'm wearing respectable ones!
skodadoda · 05/05/2021 23:20

I tell him to f off everyday. But I hate the tension it creates and I feel pressured to succumb to his wishes to keep him happy. Fortunately Id rather be comfy so despite what he says I wear what I want

How about him trying to keep you happy 🤨

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