DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

[DataColour]

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

What age does he teach? He sounds like he spends too much time in the playground.

Seriously, OP. You need to think about this man. How would he cope if you had to wear comfortable clothes all the time due to illness or disability? My ex is my ex because his controlling behaviour became worse and more abusive over time but it started with sulks if he didn't get his way over minor things.

I change as soon as I get in. I don't want to risk messing up my daytime clothes. My partner also does this as he's the messiest man on the planet!

I also only shower once a day, usually before bed. My skin wouldn't tolerate twice a showers, nor would my water/gas bill. Before bed as I wouldn't have time in the morning!

Ask him to change into black tie for dinner - it is what Mr London does obviously....

@Mum2jenny

I’ve got really comfy velour type top and bottoms that are nice to change into once I’ve had a shower after work. My dh calls them my ‘Karen outfit’ and he will call me Karen when I’m wearing them. I just ignore him at this point which drives him nuts.

Pissing myself love it.

I too shower and get changed into comfies as soon as I’ve got dinner cooking, and so does my OH, no way would I sit in my work clothes all evening, tell him to piss off

I change into "comfies" as soon as I get home. Even if I'm leaving the house again - I will just change back into my jeans etc.

Being totally honest, it sounds a little bit abusive as he's trying to control you.

I dress smart casual for work but do change into lounge wear when I want to chill in the evening and so does DH. He still looks lovely to me and I think I do to him.

I don't see what the issue is regarding comfy wear it's your choice .. tell him to fuck off like others have said..I change straight into my Pjs after work and on my days off I stay in them.. my husband doesn't even care what I wear..

@MusicMenu

I've never seen my mum or dad in PJs downstairs, ever, even growing up. It really can't be that unusual.

Lounge wear that's clean is still scruffy and whilst there's definitely a place for comfort, never making an effort on an evening when you're at home with your husband is a bit sad. However, there are clearly a million other issues here.

I'd disagree that even loungewear is scruffy?! You get some really cute sets these days and most online stores now have a specific section, and it's not always cheap!!

Plus nobody is saying they NEVER dress up and make an effort for their partner....it just doesn't need to be every day. Maybe her DH should give her something to dress up for?

I actually think the relationships where one partner feels they can't relax and be comfortable around the other without trying to impress them must be more miserable than the ones putting on a 'show' to keep their partner happy. There are more ways in a relationship to make an effort than your appearance

@Stickyjamhands

I'm a teacher and I put on my 'day pyjamas' as soon as I get in. Jeans and hoodies at the weekend. Most colleagues are in comfies when they get home, unless doing an online parents' evening. Why does he think he can tell you what to wear? I would hand him a dress and heels and tell him to wear them for the evening! And he'll need to 'put his face' on too!

Agree With the sentiment. Find him a bra and tights and see how he gets on after 10 hours of wear

Loungewear as soon as I get in on an office day, into pjs at the same time as the kids on a wfh day!

@DataColour

I've stopped having a second shower in the evening now as he always complains ( I guess it's not good for the environment or my skin) that I'm being ridiculous and it's always a precursor to getting into my lounge wear.

noooo dont back down, double down, give him something to complain about, have the shower then change into the roughest shabbiest clothes you have, etc stop obeying this idiot!

If DW or I put PJs on before about 9 it would be like when one of us is poorly.

I'd talk to him about how his attitude is affecting you. Some may find that it kills attraction to see your spouse dressed in a way you find unappealing or slobby. You begin to feel that they don't care about your opinion and don't find it worth the effort to look nice for them.

On the other hand, he's sending the message that he doesn't care about your comfort and would rather you look nice for him than be relaxed in your own home. That can kill attraction and affection, too.

Maybe you could agree to both make an effort for one another. He needs to stop pestering you about how you dress. Once there are opportunities, you can start going out together again, and you can look your best just for him on those occasions.

But if he ultimately cares more about how you look than how you feel, that's a problem!

I'd be telling him he's got a choice. Either he goes to the doctor about his anxiety over covid which has turned him into a control freak wanker and sorts it out instead of taking it out on his family, or he can fuck off for good and have a divorce.

But, you said covid has made it worse, I think? So was he controlling before covid? If so, it might just be who he is. In which case I'd kick him out. Life's too short to be living with a control freak.

Lots of people have reassessed their lives and what they value this past year. Could be hes decided he wants a smarter dressing wife and has decided to try to change you into someone you're not. Unacceptable and I'd get rid, if that's what he's upto.

It's your body, shower when you want, dress how you want. It's not upto him. You're not skanky for wearing the same tracksuit a few days, it's only being worn for a few hours at a time so it's no different to wearing one outfit all day long. You wouldn't normally wash your clothes at lunchtime and have fresh ones for the afternoon.

You've told him over and over that you disagree with his opinions on the subject and he's still pressurised you. He has no right to do that. Time to tell him to stop pressuring you and sort himself out or fuck off permanently. Good luck OP

Do some people really have to be dressed up to get their OH's approval or turn them on?

WTF. Tell him to do one, give him your day attire to dress up in if he wants too.

I walk through the door take my hair down, take my bra off and change in to either joggers and hoodie or pjs. DH thinks it’s funny but he does the same.

@DataColour

He's a teacher and is in a suit all day or cycling gear as he cycles to work. Then he changes into jeans/trousers and top till bedtime. I wear the hoodie and jogging bottoms perhaps 2/3 times before washing, is this skanky of me? But his main objection is that I get out of my day clothes. Utterly fed up with it. Everyone I go to put my evening clothes on I have to listen to him complain. He's an idiot.

But he changes out of HIS day clothes!

He command about you having a shower??! WTAF!!!!!

I'm missed this post originally. Why is it HIS business if it's bad for YOUR skin? I'm sure your adult enough to make your own mind up about that.
And the point about the environment is BS unless he never drives or uses electricity for non-essential purposes like watching tv

Hvnrtwt....but it is normal for most people to change out of work clothes in the evening and wear PJs etc to relax.What is his problem?

The issue isn't what you are wearing it is that he is harassing you every day about it.

I find that very troubling.
He is entitled to give his opinion...once.

What you wear for comfort is your business.

Watch out OP, he doesn't sound like someone most women would like to be married to.

Protect your children.
You have a shit storm coming your wsy as they grow if he doesn't calm down.

Push back majorly.
Do not accept this.

@DataColour

Together for 21 years. It's the only relationship he's had, but he claims that no other women change out of day clothes before bedtime.

😂 what a load of bollocks. I most definitely get in my PJs at around 7/8 every single evening as do most of the other women I know.

Tell him he knows fuck all about women otherwise he'd know how to treat one.

You do you and if he has a problem with it, he knows where the door is.

The idea of dressing up to look nice for everyone else, and not for your partner, is a bit sad to me.

Dressing up for anyone is a bit sad to me.

never making an effort on an evening when you're at home with your husband is a bit sad.

Come again, I'm supposed to get dressed up for my husband, just to sit in the house looking at each other across the lounge?

Your update suggests it about sex (or lack of) & your comfy clothes signal to him that you’re not in the mood.

Well he does also put lounge wear on as well as he puts jeans and t shirt on , he doesn't stay in bis suit or cycling gear so is also changing .

@DataColour

Jeans/trousers and top ok by him - he detests jogging bottoms etc.

I'm 100% with him in this. I always get changed but not into joggers; jeans and jumpers or hoodies are fine!

Joggers look awful really quickly whereas jeans can basically be worn until you spill on them or they smell. I'd not be at all happy if DH took to wearing joggers, increasingly saggy and baggy kneed as the week went on. Massive turn off; slovenly. I think maybe people who find their clothes so uncomfortable that the only thing they are comfortable in are joggers or PJs need some better fitting clothes!

The drip feed about more general controlling tendencies not great but he's not wrong about the joggers.

ducks out before flaming