DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

[DataColour]

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

He sounds awful. So sorry op. I change into pjs basically as soon as I'm in the house. With wtf I've been known to sit in pjs and dressing gown all day (and I have a highly professional job, but luckily no webcam!!) In fact sometimes in periods of depression or illness DP will ask after a few days if I've showered, tell me i need to at least change my jammies. It's always a joke in our house that he never sees me in anything other than a dressing gown. But he loves me anyway and would never put me down about it. He also only wears sports shorts/T-shirt's around the house. We both have house clothes (or me more likely pjs) and change only when going out. I feel like this is fairly normal especially with covid. Who lounges about in jeans?!

How the FUCK does this affect him?!

What you do?!

He may not do change into loungewear, other people might not do it but you do it, it's not harming anyone.

He sounds completely unhinged.

I'm going to go against the flow and say that I can see where your husband is coming from. Mine would definitely not like it if I wore jogging bottoms every evening. And if he's been doing sport (which he does a lot) he changes out of sports gear into something a bit smarter for the rest of the evening.

Being "comfy" isn't the most important thing in the world. It's also important to wear clothes that your other half likes. My DH has certain clothes that I hate, and I've told him, and he doesn't wear them in front of me any more. Same with me and a particular pair of jeans of mine he dislikes. It's fine! The idea of dressing up to look nice for everyone else, and not for your partner, is a bit sad to me.

Having said that it sounds as if there's a distinct lack of respect in your relationship, and you both need some help in expressing how you feel about things.

Does he genuinely believe that few women (or men, for that matter) change into comfortable clothes when they come home for the evening? Very strange, considering that he himself changes clothes!

I'd want to suggest some therapy to search out the root of his hatred for hoodies and tracksuit bottoms. He sounds like a grumpy (and snobbish) stick-in-the-mud, with his attitude toward loungewear and his insistence that the children dress immediately after breakfast on weekends.

What odd behaviour from Dh, he should count himself lucky you are waiting till later in the evening . As soon as I'm home it's shower and pjs. Even the bra comes off x

When I worked in the office, I'd get changed as soon as I got home into jogging bottoms and tshirt. I would'nt feel relaxed and comfortable if I didn't change! Most people I know, change straight into their pyjamas after work! Your husband is being massively unreasonable.

@DataColour

Together for 21 years. It's the only relationship he's had, but he claims that no other women change out of day clothes before bedtime.

He'd hate this this then. What a douche.

The only person who does out of hours things in work clothes is James Bond when he shimmies up an elevator chord in an Armani suit and looks neither shaken or stirred after.

(Also hoodies can be really attractive tbf!)

What odd, and controlling behaviour.

I mean, if he doesn't want to change, then fine, he could stay in his suit, but you say he does get changed

However, whether or not he gets changed has no baring on whether you should, or do.

He'd like me though. I haven't got changed this evening.

I've been wearing jogging bottoms and a hoodie all day, as I've been wfh

@Crimsonripple

If I'm working from home I'm in joggers all day!!! If I'm in the office, I get changed as soon as I'm home into comfy joggers. Then pjs by 7.30pm!

Who on earth sits of an evening in their 'day clothes? I can't sit in jeans at home for any length of time!!

I do. I’m wearing jeans and a Breton right now that I’ve had on since 7.30 this morning! I must admit I don’t get the th8ng I only really encounter on Mn, where you get into pyjamas as soon as you get home from work — to me that closes down the possibilities of the evening, and says I’m not going out again. . But that’s my choice, not DH’s, and the OP is clearly quite right to wear what she wants in her own home.

Oh god. I went camping one year and was pitched beside a family we dubbed 'the greens'. Their tent was green, the sleeping bags were green, the cookware, chairs and crockery were green. They had (I kid you not) a tent hoover and a doormat (green). Every evening at 7 on the dot the kids were marched to the shower and came back in pjs with heads wrapped in towels (also green). Mr Green was a teacher. Is this you?!

Thanks everyone. It's good to know that I'm not the unreasonable one. He has become increasingly controlling recently. He's frustrated at the lack of couple time we have but I don't feel like doing anything with him because of his behaviour.

@Passthecake30

Wow. If you can’t get comfy in your own home where can you? He sounds really superficial. Dp and I put joggers on as soon as when we’re home. Then I go one better and put my nightwear and dressing gown on by about 8pm.

This!

When I worked in an office I'd change my bra from underwire to soft when I got in. Also dress off & jeans on. I don't feel comfortable putting pjs on until bedtime.

Now I'm wfh the underwire bra doesn't get a look in.

You're totally normal. He on the other hand is odd. And nasty with it!

I’m still in my work clothes but I’m pretty sure Dh doesn’t have any strong opinions on it. Sometimes I put comfy clothes on - old maternity joggers I love that are stretched and have holes 🙈

I don’t change after work. But then I don’t wear uncomfortable clothes for work. I do get into my PJs if I have a bath before the evening meal. I don’t wear gym wear when I’m not exercising either.

I have to confess I would hate if my husband only wore joggers at home - he looks great in a suit but often changes into more casual wear. But not joggers. That said he shouldn’t be having a go. Or “storming” anywhere. That’s very immature.

He's nuts, crikey, I flip the kettle on then I'm in joggers or pj's approx 2 minutes after I walk in the door.
OH does too, we get comfy as soon as we're in.
Sounds like your H wants a Stepford wife

I've never seen my mum or dad in PJs downstairs, ever, even growing up. It really can't be that unusual.

Lounge wear that's clean is still scruffy and whilst there's definitely a place for comfort, never making an effort on an evening when you're at home with your husband is a bit sad. However, there are clearly a million other issues here.

Jeez, used to have a friend who left work at 5, went to the gym and after showering there put on her pjs to go home! Good thing he is not married to her, his head would explode!

Who on earth sits of an evening in their 'day clothes? I can't sit in jeans at home for any length of time!!

Since you ask, DP and I do! I'm lucky enough to wear jeans and a top all day, except for exercise, and I never feel the need to change in the evening.
Of course OP is entitled to wear what she wants, but we can't be the only people staying 'dressed' surely?

@cresside

I'm going to go against the flow and say that I can see where your husband is coming from. Mine would definitely not like it if I wore jogging bottoms every evening. And if he's been doing sport (which he does a lot) he changes out of sports gear into something a bit smarter for the rest of the evening.

Being "comfy" isn't the most important thing in the world. It's also important to wear clothes that your other half likes. My DH has certain clothes that I hate, and I've told him, and he doesn't wear them in front of me any more. Same with me and a particular pair of jeans of mine he dislikes. It's fine! The idea of dressing up to look nice for everyone else, and not for your partner, is a bit sad to me.

Having said that it sounds as if there's a distinct lack of respect in your relationship, and you both need some help in expressing how you feel about things.

This is my dh's pov too.

@AnaViaSalamanca

Hmm I am not English so maybe it’s that, but I can’t dream of wearing pajamas outside bedroom. I find it a bit odd if someone does unless they are unwell.

Maybe he grew up this way and finds it disrespectful

What do you do if you need a wee in the night or your child (if you have them) needs you or there is a fire? Do you change out of your pjs before you leave your room? What about in the morning? Do you get dressed before washing and having brekkie?

@DataColour

Thanks everyone. It's good to know that I'm not the unreasonable one. He has become increasingly controlling recently. He's frustrated at the lack of couple time we have but I don't feel like doing anything with him because of his behaviour.

Is it just this he's controlling about?

I think we’ve established 2 things:

1. Most people who have to ‘dress up’ for work get changed into something comfortable when they get home.
2. Your DH is a being controlling, & hypocritical, as he doesn’t stay in his suit in the evening.

However, to look from the other point of view, my DH has an old pair of old, saggy tracky bottoms that he wears occasionally (eg washing the car) and they are so repulsively unattractive that I would probably say something if he wore them every day. So I’m just wondering if your joggers give your DH the ick in the same way?

Is he controlling over in other ways or over other clothes you wear? Would he throw a tantrum if for example you changed into leggings & a baggy jumper?