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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

953 replies

DataColour · 05/05/2021 21:34

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 06/05/2021 19:12

He sounds slightly on the spectrum

FFSHmm

justlliloleme · 06/05/2021 19:18

He’d hate living with me then - I’ve been working from home for a year & live in joggers & hoodies. I only put ‘proper’ clothes on if I’m going to the shops or the pub.

My other half wouldn’t dream of commenting on what I’m wearing, I think there are deeper issues here op & I hope you can get them sorted x

gardenflowergirl · 06/05/2021 19:20

I've never changed into sweat pants and hoodies or PJ's when I get home and I don't know many people that do. My work clothes are fairly formal but also comfortable, so I'd never think of it for comfort reasons.
I'm wondering if this is a class thing? A north south divide thing?

tentosix · 06/05/2021 19:24

This is ridiculous. If it wasn't so abusive I would laugh. Controlling, aggressive, demanding plus lots of other nasty stuff. Do not put up with this.

Lois345 · 06/05/2021 19:24

@gardenflowergirl not trying to be rude, but curious: which class do you define yourself as a part of? and which region? If anything, I would think that it was generational

HeraInTheHereAndNow · 06/05/2021 19:24

He realises you’re a living breathing person, not a doll? That you’re an adult who can decide what to wear and when to wear it?

Go with your first thought. Tell him to “F” off.

CervixHaver · 06/05/2021 19:27

@ForeveronEtsy

I’d be ordering lots of velour tracksuits in different colours. On a serious note though, he sounds like a nob and not surprised you are sucking of him. Storming out over loungewear??? Does he know there is a pandemic on?
Grin
DelBocaVista · 06/05/2021 19:29

I'm wondering if this is a class thing? A north south divide thing?

Really???

LST · 06/05/2021 19:31

@gardenflowergirl

I've never changed into sweat pants and hoodies or PJ's when I get home and I don't know many people that do. My work clothes are fairly formal but also comfortable, so I'd never think of it for comfort reasons. I'm wondering if this is a class thing? A north south divide thing?
What tosh. Christ almighty
RockingMyFiftiesNot · 06/05/2021 19:33

I'm wondering if this is a class thing? A north south divide thing?

WTF?!

gardenflowergirl · 06/05/2021 19:34

I'm in North London, professional job, middle class. It doesn't enter my head to change.
I guess it could be an age thing.

WhyNotNow21 · 06/05/2021 19:34

Oh! Am I posh or not? I live in the South and change into tracksuit stuff after work.

What a strange thing to say!!

TheCrowening · 06/05/2021 19:34

@SinkGirl

*I'm amused by all these people that HAVE to change into comfy clothes as soon as they get in. My usual clothes are comfy (without being joggers or lounge wear) as why would I wear uncomfortable clothes? Are you all wearing Guardsman uniform complete with bearskin hat? The only thing I change is shoes for indoor 9nee.*

Can’t speak for others but the only thing I change is trousers - I basically only wear long sleeve t shirts and jumpers anyway, unless I’m dressing up for something special.

I have endometriosis and adenomyosis and any trousers that have a restrictive waistband / are tight on the tummy really bloody hurt. I’m yet to found outdoor trousers that don’t hurt, unless I’m wearing my stretchy harem pants outdoors (which I do in summer). I do have one pair of elasticated waist linen cropped trousers that are really comfortable so I wear those in summer but I don’t need to change out of them at home.

I don’t wear jeans or restrictive trousers for the same reason.

Quite surprised by the number of people who say “oh I can’t understand why people find jeans uncomfortable!” Use your brains, that’s what they’re there for.

LST · 06/05/2021 19:36

@gardenflowergirl

I'm in North London, professional job, middle class. It doesn't enter my head to change. I guess it could be an age thing.
Its a preference thing. Why does it need to be class or age related or have anything to do with what job you do
Grumpylate20s · 06/05/2021 19:37

Your DH sounds like a douchebag

brighthouse · 06/05/2021 19:39

gardenflowergirl wtf a class thing

LST · 06/05/2021 19:42

@brighthouse

gardenflowergirl wtf a class thing
Or an age thing apparently HmmConfused
EggysMom · 06/05/2021 19:45

Everybody I know gets changed into lounge wear when they get home, surely it's just what you do?!

No. It's what some people do. Most Mumsnetters it seems. But not everybody.

Those of you who change into pyjamas within minutes of coming through the front door (or after a shower, obvs) - do you then cook dinner wearing your pyjamas? That to me would be most odd.

LST · 06/05/2021 19:47

@EggysMom

Everybody I know gets changed into lounge wear when they get home, surely it's just what you do?!

No. It's what some people do. Most Mumsnetters it seems. But not everybody.

Those of you who change into pyjamas within minutes of coming through the front door (or after a shower, obvs) - do you then cook dinner wearing your pyjamas? That to me would be most odd.

@EggysMom yep. Sometimes I dont get out of my pjs at all! Just change into new ones before bed
Changechangychange · 06/05/2021 19:49

Everybody I know gets changed into lounge wear when they get home, surely it's just what you do?

Maybe if you have to wear a suit and heels for work, but if you are in a casual dress already, why change?

None of which has any bearing on OP - her DH sounds like a twat.

Zzelda · 06/05/2021 19:52

OP, you should take the piss by changing into a long ballgown, preferably accessorised by long gloves and every piece of jewellery you own. If you can find a pair of those 50s upswept diamanté glasses, so much the better.

WeWantAMackerelNotASprat · 06/05/2021 20:04

@PattyPan but if I did that I'd end up getting my dinner down my clothes and then they'd be stained 🤣. Are your suits dry clean only? Surely they'd last longer if you didn't wear them all the time

jaundicedoutlook · 06/05/2021 20:06

Some odd comments and attitudes on this thread.

Lockdown aside, and if staying at home, when we get back from work we’ll change partly out of work clothes. DH will probably keep work shirt on, but remove tie and suit and put on a pair of casual trousers, but not pyjamas or jogging pants - that would just be slobbish. I’ll take off work clothes and put on similarly casual attire. The point being, don’t want to stay in clothes that have been worn all day and on the train, but equally don’t want to get ready for bed in the early evening.

There’s a balance here between having a bit of self respect/ not looking like slobs in front of the children vs not living in Edwardian England.

Barney60 · 06/05/2021 20:09

PJ,s the second i walk through door, cant wait to remove bra tights ect, all my family do it, men included.

Blueskytoday06 · 06/05/2021 20:09

It's a good job he doesn't live with - leggings and hoody are my life 😂😂