DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

[DataColour]

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

In my office it's smart dress. Yes I buy comfortable clothes but I'm not keeping them on once I get home for the following reasons:

• it's nice to whip the bra off and get the comfies on.

• I have a dog. There is no way I am letting the dog (English Bull) drool on my work gear.

• dog hair.

• my work clothes are expensive. I'm not sitting eating a chicken balti in a £100+ blouse.

It's not a case that I make an effort at work and not at home, believe me - if they allowed leggings and fluffy socks then that's what I'd be rocking up in.

I now WFH and have a few tops handy that I whip on when cameras have to be switched on. I just angle the camera so they can't see my nips through my comfy non-wired bra

I work nights so am in pjs all day 🤣

What an arse. When he comes back tell him he’s got two choices. He can go and find himself a 1950s wife who’s always beautifully manicured, keeps a spotless house and has dinner on the table when he gets home from work. Or he can get real. I was going to suggest that you invest in a couple of sets of nice PJ’s instead of sweats, but why should you ? It’s your home, where you’re supposed to be comfortable and after a long day at work you need to relax and unwind. And I wouldn’t wait until the kids are in bed either. I’d change the minute I got home. No YANBU - he’s a dick.

Why have the extra clothes? If I want to change, I usually go straight for nightwear...

OTOH...maybe he's saying that he likes seeing you in work clothes and you reaching for joggers the minute the kids go to bed means he doesn't get the chance to see you like that. My DH wears a suit very rarely for work and I love seeing him it. I'm always disappointed when he gets back and goes straight into jeans...

@WorkWorkAngelica
What? Of course it is. My kids are 3 and 5 and if we're not going anywhere they choose what they want to wear in the house. 5 year old chooses his jammies, 3 yo usually a dress. Why would you force them to get dressed for no reason but not an adult?

It’s not for no reason - getting dressed in the morning is what people do. It’s a good habit to have IMO. On a more general note, parents encourage their kids to do many things which they’d not raise with an adult.

@Fixitup2

PJ’s and dressing gown as soon as I get in here, with no bra. Can be anything from 1pm-6pm. The husband doesn’t comment as it’s none of his business.

Ditto. I wear a uniform, but I change out of normal clothes at weekends as soon as I know I'm not leaving the house /seeing people other than DH, DCs or the neighbours who I happily visit in my dressing gown.

my hubby would be shocked if he seen me dressed, last 12 months lounge wear and no make up is my bff

My husband hated me wearing glasses when out with him and wanted more makeup. Apparently going to the pictures with glasses and not contact lenses was very annoying. Candy on his arm!
OH EX HUSBAND NOW

@Gilld69

my hubby would be shocked if he seen me dressed, last 12 months lounge wear and no make up is my bff

Snap haha 😄

It sounds horribly sexist.

@DataColour He doesn’t realise, and probably won’t understand or accept, that this is controlling behaviour. You’re an adult, you can wear what you want. His attitude is unhealthy.

I find it very suspicious if a man ever gets annoyed about what a woman wears. It's not just ignorance it's an actual control tactic. Nasty stuff

His attitude to your parents is offensive. He has boundary issues over things that shouldn't be his business (what you wear in the evening at home, what you do with your own clothes in the wardrobe, what you watch in TV...) He shows black-and-white thinking - the way he does things is right so everyone else must be wrong, there is no "some people think this, some people think that" or "this could be right or that could be right" or even "lets agree to differ".

And he presents arguments that he makes up on the spot and that you know must be made up ("all women do this", well how could he possibly know?) with exactly the same conviction as things that he genuinely knows for a fact. I know people who do that and it can be very hard to keep a sense of normality around them.

He has no business "telling you off" about anything at all. Or going on and on at you.

His behaviour is grim.

I have to change when I get home from work, as I'm provided with a uniform, hubby generally wears a suit all day. Of an evening we both feel more comfy and relaxed in comfy clothing, tracksuit bottoms, casual tops, leggings or even nightwear. Both of dont care what the other wears in the evening. Even my daughter changes out of her uniform after school and more often than not, changes into her pyjamas, her choice.

Also it's sexist and misogynistic

Actually I will suggest that you look into the freedom programe

That’s exactly what I do. Hoodie and leggings as soon as I finish work. I want to be comfortable in my own house. My husband was dressed up fully until bed for a long time until I persuaded him to try lunge wear. Now he loves it too.
Perhaps point out to your husband that in addition to wanting to be comfy you also don’t want to bring the germs (Covid!) from your work to your sofa. It’s a win win.

I’d be fuming.

Buy yourself the tackiest joggers and hoodie you can find and wear them with no make up and chew gum, talk to him in a common accent, real scouce and swear a lot, have no manners, be real rough 😂

Wow, just wow! That's not normal. You should be able to wear what you want when you want in your own home. I change as soon as I get in always, as does my DH. We just want to be comfy. He sounds awful

but is it ok to dislike your partner being scruffy all the time or not?
I think there is a difference between “scruffy” and loungewear / comfies. Scruffy is dirty, unkempt. Loungewear isn’t, it’s perfectly normal clean clothes that are most likely softer material, oversized etc.

What’s up with him? Is there something else going on underneath? What does he want you to do? Change into an Anne Summers Nurse’s outfit? Stay in work clothes all evening? Does he get changed? He sounds a right PITA.

my work clothes are expensive. I'm not sitting eating a chicken balti in a £100+ blouse.
This is enough of a reason for me ... I’m the sloppiest twat on the planet and I couldn’t afford to be buying new work clothes all the time, when my comfies are stained they get tied dyed to cover it up I imagine that sentiment has some of MN aghast though!

One thing though, it makes sense now how people on here end up doing some much washing and never rewearing clothes. If they’re wearing one outfit for 16 hours it’ll be a lot dirtier and smellier by the end of the day, at least by taking it off after 8hrs they have lots of time to air out and be reworn again, not as much opportunity for dog hair / curry slop, less transfer of body fluids etc.

Everyone should be allowed to wear what they want, for how long they want without anyone else’s input or being called a stepford wife / slovenly. Different strokes for different folks. But you should not be dictated to about what you’re wearing in your own home.

Your husband sounds controlling and utterly vile tbh op. I feel sorry for the kids too, they must feel like they walk around on eggshells, wondering what daddy will shout at them for today.

@MikeWozniaksGloriousTache

but is it ok to dislike your partner being scruffy all the time or not? I think there is a difference between “scruffy” and loungewear / comfies. Scruffy is dirty, unkempt. Loungewear isn’t, it’s perfectly normal clean clothes that are most likely softer material, oversized etc.

I agree, there is some lovely flattering stuff out there. Especially in Summer my DH loves some of the short sets I have.

Absolutely agree with everyones comments. It is normal. I change the second I enter the house after work.

He sounds slightly on the spectrum. Very controlling about little things and like everything in its place. Does he have any obsessional thoughts? OCD?

Ask him where his need to have you looking smart all the time comes from?

It comes from somewhere? Who instilled in him the idea that a person must always look smart?

What happens when a person doesn't look smart? What comes up for him when he thinks of casual dress? Is he being objective or fair? Or is it more about his need to meet a certain standard, rather than yours?

He sounds like he's got a lot of preconceived ideas around clothes and what they mean about a person's character and attractiveness that have come from somewhere.

Also, what about you and your need to relax? Why does his need to see you in smart clothes trump your need to relax?

it's your body after all. He sounds very judgemental. It comes from somewhere. Find out where and then gently challenge it.

Very trying.