DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

[DataColour]

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

How weird. I could understand if he said the opposite. It's a bit unhygienic to wear work clothes at home, especially because of Covid. I always change because I don't want to wear a skirt in the house- v uncomfortable.

Em excuse me... WTF... is he 80? Even then they have more respect for their wives..

Id tell him to F off. You do you. Put what you want on. Id even make a point of doing it at 5pm.

Omg really? How old is he? Why does he think he can dictate what you wear? Why is it so important for him for you to remain dressed up and uncomfortable? Does he find you less attractive when dressed down or does he just want to control you? Whatever the answer though, he sounds like a complete dick!

I’ve been living in my loungewear since working from home since start of covid. And before then, when I used to work in an office (also smart casual) I would get changed soon as I got home. It’s nice to relax and change into something more comfortable when you get home. Why does he not get that?

What attire does he remain in? My OH tends to keep his jeans on till bedtime but he would never keep a suit or shirt/trousers on. And he would certainly never tell me what to wear.

I feel sorry he’s made you cry over something so tedious. If I was you I’d be tempted to laugh at him hysterically but I guess that would make things worse for you 😔

Just calmly tell him you like to relax when you come home and changing into something more comfortable helps in doing that. Also that you are a fully grown adult and can decide for yourself what to wear.

@LolaSmiles

Thewinterofdiscontent On the days I get changed, I would wear my evening confy clothes for several days before they get washed. Of course I should confess that I make the Mumsnet sin of not washing every item in baths of dettol after every wear. Clothes are worn until they are marked or are sweaty/smell.

I'm the same. My home clothes/ taxi service to swim training clothes get worn for a few days.

My work clothes are clean daily though as I'm in them all day in a classroom and it's sen school so there's always bodily fluids that i know will be on them!

Wtf? Dh and I change into pjs as soon as humanly possible. I have done since the pandemic as I take off my work clothes when I get in. Dh just likes to be comfy I guess....and nap.

I think it is time to ask your Dh if he’d prefer to be married to a woman who wears hoodie and jogging bottoms after work, or divorced and on his own, @DataColour.

And I’d point out to him that his over-controlling ways will ensure that his kids won’t want anything to do with him either.

Loads of posts saying he’s a controlling twat. A fair few posts from women saying the don’t like their partners permanently in scruffy clothes. No disagreement with them.,,

I get that it might be how he expresses it, but is it ok to dislike your partner being scruffy all the time or not?

I think it's a Covid thing, so much else he can't control so he's picking on something he thinks he can. You putting your loungewear is no different to him shedding off his working day by changing into his jeans though really, but would you wear your lounge stuff if you were leaving the house? . Possibly he thinks your lounge wear represents the restrictions, having no reason to make an effort etc. My dad refers to tracksuits etc as 'nursing home clothes' and won't entertain them. He is 90.

Tell him to get f**ked!
And that there is plenty of stuff he can get out and do, and to shut the door behind him on the way out

This is domestic abuse.
It is coercive control.

itsgettingwierd
I've always wanted classroom clothes, but your description of them now makes me worry about the level of grime on my blazers that definitely don't get washed regularly.
🤮

@BillMasen

Loads of posts saying he’s a controlling twat. A fair few posts from women saying the don’t like their partners permanently in scruffy clothes. No disagreement with them.,,

I get that it might be how he expresses it, but is it ok to dislike your partner being scruffy all the time or not?

I've disagreed. I don't think anyone has the right to dictate what someone wears or how someone looks. And besides , she's not wearing scruffy clothes just loungewear and she's made it clear it's not every day or all the time.

@Fixitup2

PJ’s and dressing gown as soon as I get in here, with no bra. Can be anything from 1pm-6pm. The husband doesn’t comment as it’s none of his business.

Absolutely this

As soon as I get it, it’s make up off, hair up, contact lenses out, glasses on, change into comfier clothes.

He sounds very weird. We change our clothes right away because of Covid and put on something comfortable.
9pm is bedtime.
Does he wear a suit and bowler hat in bed?

Yes, it’s perfectly normal!!

I’d be telling him to stop policing your clothes and start policing himself!

Washed! Washed classroom clothes.

That is one unfortunate autocorrect

HIBU YANBU

@BillMasen

Loads of posts saying he’s a controlling twat. A fair few posts from women saying the don’t like their partners permanently in scruffy clothes. No disagreement with them.,,

I get that it might be how he expresses it, but is it ok to dislike your partner being scruffy all the time or not?

I think it's one of those things where you can want what you want, but your options are only to take it or leave it, not to try and manipulate someone into your idea of how they should conduct their life. If you don't want a partner in jogging bottoms all the time, you can think it and you can even voice it, but you can't storm out in a huff if you don't get your way, you can't gaslight your partner into thinking they're the ones being unreasonable and your partner reserves the right to kick your judgemental arse to the kerb (metaphorically) for your narrow-mindedness.

I go one step further. Shower and PJs as soon as I get home. It is more hygienic for not bringing any germs home and save on laundry. I don't like track suits but his behavior is absurd.

This is domestic abuse.
Dictating what you wear comes under Controlling and Coercive Behaviour.

Being able to feel comfortable in your own home without the fear of being complained at is something everyone deserves to have. Ok sometimes it’s nice to make a bit of an effort to look nicer but it’s equally nice to sometimes wear more comfortable clothes. I would have an honest conversation with him and maybe agree that on X and Y nights you will make the effort and perhaps everyone will make a bit more effort to have a nice family dinner looking a bit nicer and spending time together etc. And on the rest of the nights you will wear your leggings or joggers and he isn’t allowed to make you feel bad about that because it’s your home and your body.

@LolaSmiles

Washed! Washed classroom clothes.

That is one unfortunate autocorrect

You'd have gotten away with it- I just read it as you wanting to purchase some specific classroom clothes and assumed that you just wear your regular clothes in. I was a bit 🤢 at the idea of your unwashed blazers though!

This is extremely controlling, not healthy for you or the children. What you wear is not his choice so tell him not to worry about it, equally children should get some say as to what they wear too (especially on weekends), it’s good for their expression/ independence. I would be deeply hurt by this comment, can you have a conversation about how this seriously upsets you, that you feel he’s judging you and your appearance. His love and affection should not be conditional.

Just to add to the chorus of this isn’t normal. My DH actively encourages me to change into a sleeping bra/joggers and comphy clothes as he respects me and wants me to be comfortable and finds me attractive like this minus makeup. That’s love. To the person who said being comfortable isn’t the most important thing, eh?