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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

953 replies

DataColour · 05/05/2021 21:34

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 06/05/2021 16:08

@BruceAndNosh

I'm amused by all these people that HAVE to change into comfy clothes as soon as they get in. My usual clothes are comfy (without being joggers or lounge wear) as why would I wear uncomfortable clothes? Are you all wearing Guardsman uniform complete with bearskin hat? The only thing I change is shoes for indoor 9nee.
My outdoor clothes aren't uncomfortable, they're just not as comfortable as PJs -shrug-
IndiaMay · 06/05/2021 16:11

We both put on loungewear in the evenings, admittedly I have 'nice' loungewear. Pretty, matching organic cotton joggers and hoodie that are pastel colours and well cut, soft cotton floaty jumpsuits, sexy high waisted joggers and crop tops etc. So he does find me attractive in them still.

We both say "urgh you're making me feel uncomfortable" to the other if one of us hasnt changed yet in the evening.

Hes in construction so has to change as soon as hes home as hes filthy. I would find it bizarre if he put on Jean's and a tshirt to chill in the evening and a bit of a waste of washing because we'd have to then wash stuff for the weekend whereas wearing the same joggers and jumper a few hours a night for a week isnt so bad

iamcracking · 06/05/2021 16:11

We are in a pandemic. I would not be sitting around at home in clothes that I had been outside/shopping in. I have a shower and get changed when I come home into my scruffy relaxing clothes. Good job your DH cannot see me, I look like a trampGrin

I would just laugh at him and tell him to do one!

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 06/05/2021 16:13

*We are in a pandemic. I would not be sitting around at home in clothes that I had been outside/shopping in. I have a shower and get changed when I come home into my scruffy relaxing clothes. Good job your DH cannot see me, I look like a trampgrin

I would just laugh at him and tell him to do one!*

God really? People are doing this? I didn't even shower and change after going out when we were at the height of the pandemic, and I'm still alive!

swimlittlefishy · 06/05/2021 16:26

@BruceAndNosh

I'm amused by all these people that HAVE to change into comfy clothes as soon as they get in. My usual clothes are comfy (without being joggers or lounge wear) as why would I wear uncomfortable clothes? Are you all wearing Guardsman uniform complete with bearskin hat? The only thing I change is shoes for indoor 9nee.
A lot of us do wear uniforms, yes. And want to take them off when we are no longer at work. Mine is not comfortable and I would no more wear it around the house than I would go shopping in pyjamas.
inmyslippers · 06/05/2021 16:29

Reading this thread makes me soo happy I'm single

SinkGirl · 06/05/2021 16:31

I'm amused by all these people that HAVE to change into comfy clothes as soon as they get in. My usual clothes are comfy (without being joggers or lounge wear) as why would I wear uncomfortable clothes? Are you all wearing Guardsman uniform complete with bearskin hat?
The only thing I change is shoes for indoor 9nee.

Can’t speak for others but the only thing I change is trousers - I basically only wear long sleeve t shirts and jumpers anyway, unless I’m dressing up for something special.

I have endometriosis and adenomyosis and any trousers that have a restrictive waistband / are tight on the tummy really bloody hurt. I’m yet to found outdoor trousers that don’t hurt, unless I’m wearing my stretchy harem pants outdoors (which I do in summer). I do have one pair of elasticated waist linen cropped trousers that are really comfortable so I wear those in summer but I don’t need to change out of them at home.

toffeebutterpopcorn · 06/05/2021 16:33

I would change out if my suits and shirts because - well they were expensive and I am a messy bessy and likely to get them covered in food when cooking, or crumpled to death when I conk out on the sofa with a glass of wine balanced on my belly...

IEat · 06/05/2021 16:44

Does he dress nicely in a suit every waking hour of the day , I’d be asking him to if my dh bullshit like this

Thewinterofdiscontent · 06/05/2021 16:45

I’m amazed at all the people that change too!. Your laundry bills must be bloody massive.
I get changing out of a suit but I even went to the tip in my work dress last week because all my work clothes are wearable and comfortable. No way am I getting dressed three times a day.

Gwenhwyfar · 06/05/2021 16:45

@BruceAndNosh

I'm amused by all these people that HAVE to change into comfy clothes as soon as they get in. My usual clothes are comfy (without being joggers or lounge wear) as why would I wear uncomfortable clothes? Are you all wearing Guardsman uniform complete with bearskin hat? The only thing I change is shoes for indoor 9nee.
I can't lounge around in work trousers or jean so if I wear trousers for work, I'll change to PJ bottoms when I get home, I don't change my top half and if I'm wearing a dress I keep it on unless it's the kind that'll crease very easily if I lie on the sofa in it.
Gwenhwyfar · 06/05/2021 16:47

@Thewinterofdiscontent

I’m amazed at all the people that change too!. Your laundry bills must be bloody massive. I get changing out of a suit but I even went to the tip in my work dress last week because all my work clothes are wearable and comfortable. No way am I getting dressed three times a day.
Why would it change the laundry bill? If I only wear something till 6pm, it doesn't mean I can't wear it again, does it? Apart from underwear, I wear all my clothes until they're actually dirty or smelly. Makes no difference whether I get changed after work or not.
Gwenhwyfar · 06/05/2021 16:48

"God really? People are doing this? I didn't even shower and change after going out when we were at the height of the pandemic, and I'm still alive!"

Only health workers in close contact with people who had Covid were ever advised to do this.
Ordinary people were never told they had to change clothes every time they come through the door, just wash hands.

LolaSmiles · 06/05/2021 16:49

Thewinterofdiscontent
On the days I get changed, I would wear my evening confy clothes for several days before they get washed.
Of course I should confess that I make the Mumsnet sin of not washing every item in baths of dettol after every wear. Clothes are worn until they are marked or are sweaty/smell.

squidgle · 06/05/2021 16:55

I wear clothes until they're dirty. Why not

BeepBoopBop · 06/05/2021 17:14

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

Maybe he is at storming out point because he has made his point repeatedly and his partner is taking no notice of him? We're so keen to attribute bad behaviours/ malicious to men on here when sometimes it is not deserved.
Wow! He's storming out because she has the bad manners not to do do as she's told? Repeatedly. Maybe she doesn't want to do as she's told and wear something she doesn't want to. Like, she's a grown women with kids FFS.
BeepBoopBop · 06/05/2021 17:16

@CoolCatTaco

I think Antiqueannie has a dose of Stockholm Syndrome.

I thinks so too... Confused

Musmerian · 06/05/2021 17:28

Bloody hell! I have a bath and then my dressing gown on after work. He’s nuts and I would absolutely not give in on this.

LowlandLucky · 06/05/2021 17:30

I have just completed all of my outside jobs, i have had a shower and i am now in my P.Js and have been since just after 4 o'clock. He is a arse, tell him him you are a big girl now and you don't have to ask to change your clothes.

LST · 06/05/2021 17:30

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow you need to give your head a wobble. I hope to god you've not got kids you're passing your ridiculous views on to.

FreddieMercurysCat · 06/05/2021 17:34

Screw that! I where work uniform which is scruffy as during the day. My loungewear is actually nicer. I get changed as soon as I get home. If my DH said anything like yours I’d tell him to fuck right off and carry on fucking off until his head had a wobble.

dizzy125 · 06/05/2021 17:34

Yep. Been there. My ex got annoyed when I wore a dressing gown, even if it was just to keep warm and over normal clothes. But he could slob about in trackie bottoms.

FreddieMercurysCat · 06/05/2021 17:34

*wear

Shona52 · 06/05/2021 17:35

He would be told to F off. When I put my son to bed I get into my comfy clothes. Never has my husband ever said anything to me about anything I wear (he wouldn't dare)

It's perfectly normal

Whenigrowupiwanttobea · 06/05/2021 17:38

Sounds like he has been watching The Stepford Wives too many times!

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