DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

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Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

Being "comfy" isn't the most important thing in the world. It's also important to wear clothes that your other half likes.

WTAF??

@HarebrightCedarmoon

Sometimes I change into my pjs (that I sleep in) straight after dinner if I'm tired. Quite often after my evening yoga class as it seems silly to put normal clothes on again for an hour or so when I'm in bed at ten. Plus if I changed into loungewear after yoga it would mean wearing four sets of clothes that day which seems bonkers.

I work from home and do online yoga classes after work two days a week. I wear yoga gear all day at home on those days and don't have to change. Would be different if I was on Zoom in the day though. And there's only me and several cats.

Obviously, he is going about this the wrong way, if he wants to see you dressed nicely he needs to make an effort and ask you to go out to a pub garden or for a walk, or to a restaurant when they reopen, or he can plan a date night at home.

Since Covid and WFH I've started wearing quite ugly baggy joggers the whole time I'm at home (workday, evenings, weekends). I tried to buy nicer ones but stupidly kept some that I now find are too tight around my middle. I've ordered others that also look terrible.

I know that both my DH and I think I look dreadful in them, but he would never tell me not to wear them, he knows I'm comfortable. I know that he'd love to see me more dressed up, in the past he's commented on how hot I look dressed for work (in a yearning way that indicated 'why doesn't she dress like that for me'). He always compliments me when I do actually get dressed properly.

We've been together 21 years, obviously, I don't need to impress him, but sometimes for both myself (sick of the sight of me in slobby joggers) and him, I make an effort, e.g. at a weekend I'll wear jeans and do my best to stay in them all the way through and after dinner - then by 8 or 9pm I give in and on go the joggers! Or some working days I get inspired and put on my jeans for when he comes home (for about an hour).

I do feel a bit like I've 'let myself go' wearing my ugly baggy joggers the whole time. I wish I could find real clothes that are super comfortable but also look good.

So really he tries to insert himself into everyone else's process. A factor could be to bring people's attention to himself. Do you find might find he 'cares' a lot about some things but other things he couldn't care less.
He also gets jealous of the TV and wants your attention so will either complain about what's on or 'huff' off to the other room to 'punish' you for ignoring him.
You and the kids have to act 'proper' not because it's good for you but because if you guys are sloppy it might reflect badly on him.
He can't allow people be people, because another factor could be that he sees you and the kids not as separate but as part of him. This might get worse or better depending on how stressed/anxious/angry/annoyed at the world he is on a particular day.
Do you find if you remark about something, his next remark is about himself, not about you and what you have said.
So you say 'oh my great uncle was in the Navy for a while' he won't say 'oh that's interesting' he'll say 'I won in a table quiz when I was 12'. Because the focus of attention must be swung around back to him. (or is it only my DH that does this )

You need this matching set. Or failing that, some serious ground rules. I don't know how you live with him, I really don't.

This issue is not whether it's right or wrong to wear lounge clothes. It's about an individuals right to choose.

I've got a zebra onesie.

Seriously why is it OK for guys to demand their partners dress up for them whilst they often waltz around looking like Catweazle?

What on earth? That sounds abusive.

As soon as I’m in the door I’m in to a huge baggy tshirt, bra less!

Also womens clothes tend to be more uncomfortable and less practical than men's. He obviously doesn't wear a bra or skirt.
I'd suggest you get your pj's on even earlier. Fuck him and his controlling behaviour

We all have house clothes, get changed when we get in or pjs straight on

I have to admit, I don't particularly like the jogging bottom look on men. But if DH did choose to wear that hell will freeze over I don't think I'd be commentating and throwing a huff.

Like a lot of posters have said, it's the right to choose what to wear. I wouldn't dream of telling him or anyone else what to wear. My DD 10 year, puts on the weirdest outfits sometime, but I never comment unless it's weather inappropriate, as it's her choice.

He's definitely got worse during the pandemic. He always seems frustrated by one thing or the other.

I’m relieved I’m not the only woman in the world who is already completely comfortable in jeans and finds plates useful. I eat my food at a table as well.

The only time I felt I wanted to get out of my normal clothes is when I gained a few pounds in lockdown 1 and the waistband was a bit tight. Everyone can do what they want - but I know one friend who “gets into comfies” when she gets through the door and her clothes don’t fit, which is likely why.

And there's only me and several cats.

You mean you don't dress up for your cats?!!! Do they not deserve to see the "best you"?

@Moon90

I don't think both of you are wrong and I can see the two points, you want to be comfortable at home after work but he wants to see you in something other that lounge wear, maybey compromise a little so both are happy. He might just want to see that you still care enough to make an effort (in his eyes) to look nice for him and not in a sexiest way just so he can see that you want to look good for him still. I'm not good at explaining things 😂. Maybe a couple of time's a week dress nice for him and he will probably stop complaining and you can happily dress as comfortable as you want the rest of the week.

oh OK, I shall dress in clothes I don't like/feel comfortable in for the sole reason to keep the man of the house happy...

Or how about the man of the house accepts me for who I am and what I wear without whinging and making out that I'm doing something wrong?

@MarshmallowAra

*Yes? They’re comfortable enough to spend 10-12 hours in for the work day and commute so they’re comfortable enough to spend a few more hours in at home. I eat lunch and usually breakfast in them so don’t see the need to change for dinner. I don’t have a tv but my clothes are just as fine on the sofa as on a chair. I don’t have children yet but like I said my parents never changed either and they coped fine. Being splashed with water is not going to ruin my clothes (they are not dry clean). I wear an apron if I’m cooking something particularly messy - but I would at the weekend too, wearing jeans or a dress!*

They're not often comfortable but are tolerated for a working day, that's the point.

It's says a lot that you don't have kids yet .... Kids are sticky, messy, splashy etc etc. Did your mum work outside the home? In an office?

No TV.

Wear an apron to cook in.

Cook and eat and relax watching TV wearing a suit without jacket; sorry but you're quite unusual.

Doesn't your suit end up absorbing cooking smells even if you wear an apron? Perhaps you're unaware of it but it's usually v conspicuous to other people outside the home.

I have children and amazingly, managed to look after them, cook, bathe them, play with them including up and down slides etc in things other than joggers, leggings, or pyjamas. Like you know, most people have done forever and still do outside the world of mumsnet. I wouldn't necessarily do those things in a formal worksuit, but certainly would in dresses/skirts with tights and flat boots, in chino types trousers or jeans. I was able to be a very active parent while also looking like a person who cared what they looked like. To be honest, around here it's the lazier parents that are the ones in the joggers, pj pants etc. Theyre not in them because they want to spring into life with their kids so far as I see.

Is it just me or do sometimes the threads on here make me grateful for what I have got warts and all ?

If my bloke dared to tell me not to wear my pyjamas in the evening I would think he had lost the plot

The correct reply every time he says anything in future is
Fuck off dickhead!

There is no way I would have my clothes dictated by somebody else. I'm a Sahm & live in jeans & tshirt but still change into joggers or pj bottoms as soon as I'm home.

God he sounds exhausting, I don’t know how you do it. I just couldn’t live like that, everyone should be allowed to be comfy in their own home.

I beg you to buy some hot pink velour loungewear today, next day delivery for his viewing pleasure 😂😂

'This bloke sounds like a stiff.

Also I don’t need to wear ‘nice clothes’ for my husband to find me attractive, fucking hell.

I’d be more comfortable lying around naked anyway than in clothes I’ve been wearing for 10 hours.'

This made me chuckle!

Pre-covid I would chance out of office wear as soon as I got home to be more comfortable.

Now I'm WFH I stay in jeans and jumpers all day until I get into bed.

What you wear is not his concern. Tell him to grow up.

My ex was like this too .
Note he is now an ex.

It's not about what the Op wears - it's about her partner wanting to dictate her clothes and sulking.

I cant decide what’s worse

A man dictating what his partner wears when she’s relaxing around the house or

Posters on this thread judging other women as lazy and bad parents for not wearing a dress and high heels while doing housework.

It’s like I’ve slipped through a hole in the space/ time continuum and landed in 1950.

'I have children and amazingly, managed to look after them, cook, bathe them, play with them including up and down slides etc in things other than joggers, leggings, or pyjamas. Like you know, most people have done forever and still do outside the world of mumsnet.'

Most Mums i know wear jeans and leggins, I'm very active with my young dc but don't wear a ball gown whilst doing it. i also wear a lot of leggins as they are comfortable and easy to stick on for the school run so shoot me now! Infact i have leggins on right now 😂