DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

[DataColour]

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

This bloke sounds like a stiff.

Also I don’t need to wear ‘nice clothes’ for my husband to find me attractive, fucking hell.

I’d be more comfortable lying around naked anyway than in clothes I’ve been wearing for 10 hours.

@MarshmallowAra

I wear my suit (minus jacket) until I get ready for bed

You wear tailored trousers or a skirt and a shirt/top until bedtime, eat dinner in it, watch TV on the sofa on it?

See I find that weird.

Would only do that if too busy/lazy to change l.

Yes? They’re comfortable enough to spend 10-12 hours in for the work day and commute so they’re comfortable enough to spend a few more hours in at home. I eat lunch and usually breakfast in them so don’t see the need to change for dinner. I don’t have a tv but my clothes are just as fine on the sofa as on a chair. I don’t have children yet but like I said my parents never changed either and they coped fine. Being splashed with water is not going to ruin my clothes (they are not dry clean). I wear an apron if I’m cooking something particularly messy - but I would at the weekend too, wearing jeans or a dress!

@denverRegina

"I’m 26 so this was not half a century ago. I am more comfortable with a bra on, very confused by people saying jeans aren’t comfy clothes, don’t own joggers and I don’t even really know what loungewear is"

@PattyPan it's because you're 26 lucky bugger

Give it 10 years and you'll be ripping that bra and jeans off at the first sign of a pyjama bottom.

Well Im 46 and it hasn't happened yet

I also don’t think his rule that you can’t eat on the sofa and need a plate to eat is weird, that’s normal!

@Abouttimemum

This bloke sounds like a stiff.

Also I don’t need to wear ‘nice clothes’ for my husband to find me attractive, fucking hell.

I’d be more comfortable lying around naked anyway than in clothes I’ve been wearing for 10 hours.

Exactly and vice versa, we do get dressed up together when we go out but at home I love how we're both so relaxed and comfortable. Also, I'm more inclined to get excited about seeing a a nice lounge wear/Pajamas set, or a comfy looking cardi/jumper than a dress or smart top

@denverRegina I would have thought that as I aged I would be relying more and more on the support of a bra

Nah @PattyPan you just won't give a shite. Let it hang free

I think the whole point is that everyone should be allowed to have what is comfortable and normal for them. All of these choices are valid and ok for individuals to make. That shouldnt be a discussion as both are completely acceptable choices for someone to make.

But they are individual choices and not ones that you have the right to put onto other people. If his children fancy staying in pyjamas on a Sunday morning after breakfast because they have no plans, they then have an absolute right to. He shouldnt be able to dictate that to them or to the OP that his choices are more valid than theirs. At that is the issue here

OP have you told him how he's making you feel? Whether he agrees or not, he's being being disrespectful to your feelings & setting the scene for a really unhappy household when your DC get older & he tries the coercive bollocks on them.
And to all those arguing about making the dinner/cleaning/lounging in your best gear - if you choose to do that, knock yourself out but it's not relevant. OP's DH is trying to force her to wear his choice of clothes. It really isn't the same.

It really doesn’t matter which clothes other MNers wear, when they change clothes, whether they find jeans comfortable or not, etc. That is entirely irrelevant to the OP. What matters is that she wants to wear clothes she finds comfortable, but her husband tries to dictate and control her choices. And then storms off in a huff when she stands up for herself. That does not bode well for this relationship.

I think it may be significant that his controlling behaviour has increased in the past year. Is he trying to assert control over things at home because he feels anxiety about all that he can’t control due to the pandemic? That doesn’t excuse his behaviour but may explain it. Unfortunately, he doesn’t sound very introspective or willing to alter his actions. But maybe pointing out this possible explanation to him would get him thinking.

Sack that shit. Get your comfies on - as soon as I’m home for the day I get into mine.

I can’t believe he has an issue with this. What a knob.

I spent the first lockdown last year working from home in pj bottoms / leggings / yoga pants and i realised it really made me feel very low and bad about myself. I also gained weight that time too (elasticated waists were not my friend!)
I've worked hard to lost 1 & 1/2 stones since then and I now am still working from home and I get showered every morning, put on my make-up , perfume and jewellery and I get dressed in jeans or casual trousers and a top. I feel 100 times better and I've also done a HUGE clear out of my wardrobe and got rid of all the old stuff I was hanging onto for years. It was all good quality so I sold lots of it and invested the money I made in everyday, really nice things mostly from whistles or Seazane. My aim is to build up the everyday lovely things that make me feel good to wear.

It dawned on me that I'm naturally drawn to buying gorgeous 'going out' clothes or tailored work stuff but I had very little for weekends etc so I'm focusing on that.

As I loose the weight the jeans etc are more comfortable to wear too.

So I stay dressed like this until after dinner and I want to sit down and watch tv so perhaps 8.30 / 9pm. Then I get changed into pj bottoms and a vest and a sweatshirt and fluffy socks.

My dh does pretty much the same - casual, smart clothes by day - jeans / chinos with polo shirt / tshirt and wool jumper working from home and he changes into pj bottoms after dinner too.

We're both very happy doing this and have been together 23 years! We love to snuggle up together on the bed or sofa to watch a series or a movie. And soft clothes are far more conducive to this than a suit / tailored trousers.

A lot of my work in the office clothes are semi formal - tailored trousers from Paul Smith, Whistles, Jigsaw with silk shirts and jackets and there is no way I would like to lounge around in them, or cook or clean in them. A lot of them are dry clean only and I really look after them. They'd get really slumpy very quickly if I wore them all day every day!

Dh and I also love to dress nicely to go out together when we can.

I think the OP's husband is wrong to control her though and I would not like that one bit.

@denverRegina

Nah *@PattyPan* you just won't give a shite. Let it hang free

Again, not everyone feels that way and it is ok not to feel that way!

Yes? They’re comfortable enough to spend 10-12 hours in for the work day and commute so they’re comfortable enough to spend a few more hours in at home.
I eat lunch and usually breakfast in them so don’t see the need to change for dinner.
I don’t have a tv but my clothes are just as fine on the sofa as on a chair.
I don’t have children yet but like I said my parents never changed either and they coped fine. Being splashed with water is not going to ruin my clothes (they are not dry clean).
I wear an apron if I’m cooking something particularly messy - but I would at the weekend too, wearing jeans or a dress!

They're not often comfortable but are tolerated for a working day, that's the point.

It's says a lot that you don't have kids yet .... Kids are sticky, messy, splashy etc etc. Did your mum work outside the home? In an office?

No TV.

Wear an apron to cook in.

Cook and eat and relax watching TV wearing a suit without jacket; sorry but you're quite unusual.

Doesn't your suit end up absorbing cooking smells even if you wear an apron? Perhaps you're unaware of it but it's usually v conspicuous to other people outside the home.

If my h and I tried to bathe a toddler with office clothes on, they'd end up soaked and have to be dried etc. I don't know how your parents managed - more aprons?

It's easier to just change into practical comfortable "around home" clothes.

No no and no. I wear an airline uniform for work and as soon as I get home it comes off and the pjs or comfy gear comes on. No chance would I cook in it or do other things it would ruin it.

@MarshmallowAra yes both my parents worked in offices. My clothes don’t smell because I wash them!

I am in my pajamas as soon as physically possible and I wear mostly yoga pants for work! I really like seeing friends and my bf (although you know shorts in the winter is not everyone's cup of tea!) in their inside clothes, a bit like some men like seeing women without make up - you get to see the real person more.

It's such a strange thing for him to get worked up about.

*Soaked, and probably with toiletries skirted over them.

To be fair, as a child I had a bath once a week and that idea is anathema to MN nowadays.

My ex used to constantly tell me to "put something nice on". I always dress up to go out of an evening (when we can of course!) and in the day when not working I'd wear jeans, Tshirts and Converse, or often a bit of a 50s look with tea dresses/sundress, Converse and occasionally a cardigan. He didn't like it and thought I had raided Laura Ashley's attic.

His idea of "something nice" was high heels and bodycon stuff that I felt like a Christmas turkey in. Occasionally I would wear that to go out in, but not for a trip around Waitrose.

I don't think both of you are wrong and I can see the two points, you want to be comfortable at home after work but he wants to see you in something other that lounge wear, maybey compromise a little so both are happy.
He might just want to see that you still care enough to make an effort (in his eyes) to look nice for him and not in a sexiest way just so he can see that you want to look good for him still. I'm not good at explaining things 😂. Maybe a couple of time's a week dress nice for him and he will probably stop complaining and you can happily dress as comfortable as you want the rest of the week.

[quote PattyPan]@MarshmallowAra yes both my parents worked in offices. My clothes don’t smell because I wash them![/quote]
Well you wouldn't have to wash them as often if you didn't wear office clothes them to cook in (!)

@Moon90

I don't think both of you are wrong and I can see the two points, you want to be comfortable at home after work but he wants to see you in something other that lounge wear, maybey compromise a little so both are happy. He might just want to see that you still care enough to make an effort (in his eyes) to look nice for him and not in a sexiest way just so he can see that you want to look good for him still. I'm not good at explaining things 😂. Maybe a couple of time's a week dress nice for him and he will probably stop complaining and you can happily dress as comfortable as you want the rest of the week.

Yeah don't do this.

He's absolutely in the wrong.

Sometimes I change into my pjs (that I sleep in) straight after dinner if I'm tired. Quite often after my evening yoga class as it seems silly to put normal clothes on again for an hour or so when I'm in bed at ten. Plus if I changed into loungewear after yoga it would mean wearing four sets of clothes that day which seems bonkers.