DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

[DataColour]

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

@cresside

I'm going to go against the flow and say that I can see where your husband is coming from. Mine would definitely not like it if I wore jogging bottoms every evening. And if he's been doing sport (which he does a lot) he changes out of sports gear into something a bit smarter for the rest of the evening.

Being "comfy" isn't the most important thing in the world. It's also important to wear clothes that your other half likes. My DH has certain clothes that I hate, and I've told him, and he doesn't wear them in front of me any more. Same with me and a particular pair of jeans of mine he dislikes. It's fine! The idea of dressing up to look nice for everyone else, and not for your partner, is a bit sad to me.

Having said that it sounds as if there's a distinct lack of respect in your relationship, and you both need some help in expressing how you feel about things.

Being "comfy" isn't the most important thing in the world

Speak for yourself sweetheart

Does he have a big cock? Because, if he doesn't, I would be putting him in a taxi to the local YMCA.

Some men use creating friction then 'storming out' to gain fee time to contact the OW (or potential OW). Any chance he's had his head turned? Part of the script is to criticise the DW, thus 'justifying' him looking elsewhere.

@DataColour

Catching up on all the replies this morning. Didn't expect such a response! He won't be told he's wrong though. He can never do wrong.

I don't think his family are like this. I've known them for over 20yrs of course, although we do live in different areas of the UK. I have often seen his mum and dad in their dressing gowns. They are not as rigid as him.

His other rigid ideas controlling habits
Not allowed to eat on sofas
Always need a plate for food
Kids MUST always use both knife AND fork for all meals
He's not that into watching TV but tries to control what I watch in the evening/sulks if I'm watching something he's not into (which is most of TV). We have another room he can go to and read his book, he dones't have to be in the same room as the TV.
Constantly tells me off for my dumping my clothes in the warbrobe without properly hanging them up, folding them away - this only applies to a few clothes at a time, everything else is shelved and hung up neatly.

I'm sure there's more, but I'm off to catch up on the replies.

Bloody hell, that must be tough going. You shouldn't have to live like that

"he claims that no other women change out of day clothes before bedtime."

Yet he's never had another woman. He's fucking nuts.

I get into my pjs and don't care even if they match whenever I want to!

When I was a child, we always changed into our home wear the minute we got home. So now, even if my mom home wear is comfortable, I change into my home wear as I can't relax otherwise. It is comfortable clothes that I don't mind staining, sitting scrunched up and I don't have to look after.

My ex used to keep his suit on until bed and it made me uncomfortable looking at home. Plus meant that his suits always ended up looking saggy in places and not quite right. Staining hi white shirt with food etc.

There is lots of really nice lounge wear now anyway.

My boyfriend and exes have never been bothered by what I wear at home.

Cresside - Speak for yourself, some of us work manual jobs for long hours, and am I fuck sitting around in my work gear or casual clothes after a 10 hour shift lugging stuff about, climbing up and down step ladders and unloading delivery wagons (HGVs). As soon as I am in my room, that's all coming off and I'm getting into my comfy clothes. I don't slog my guts out all through the week to come home and not feel how I want to feel for fear for my boyfriend finding it unattractive. I'd understand if it was 24/7 and someone was making zero effort (even then, that's fine unless it's due to something like depression etc), but we can't all walk around looking 100%, 100% of the time.

This thread has honestly blown my mind! I had no idea people normally got changed after work unless they wore scrubs or something. I wear my suit (minus jacket) until I get ready for bed and my parents always did the same - I’m 26 so this was not half a century ago. I am more comfortable with a bra on, very confused by people saying jeans aren’t comfy clothes, don’t own joggers and I don’t even really know what loungewear is how do you all focus on your work if you’re so uncomfortable?

"he claims that no other women change out of day clothes before bedtime."

I must have missed that survey through my door.

Clearly from this thread alone, lots do.

Also ppl on here are starting to refer to PJ's etc but that's not even what op said she changed into ; it s hooded sweatshirt, tracksuit bottoms etc, isnt it.

That is actually dayware, it's just relaxed, casual, sporty day wear.

I wear my suit (minus jacket) until I get ready for bed

You wear tailored trousers or a skirt and a shirt/top until bedtime, eat dinner in it, watch TV on the sofa on it?

See I find that weird.

Would only do that if too busy/lazy to change l.

I'm old and I'm not comfortable sitting around in 'loungewear'. It's the way we were conditioned when I was young. I would, however, be very irritated by someone telling me what to wear in my own home and if he didn't like it I'd be pointing him in the direction of some expensive counselling. He really doesn't sound worth the effort.

Sounds quite uncomfortable and likely to get good stains etc on it.

I forgot cooking ; you cook in a suit (minus jacket)?

I mean ...

What about bathing children,do you do that in suit too (or do you not have any)?

Most women on here have them and may need to help them bathe dud they're older.

He's domineering and arrogant, I would not accept being treated like that, I'd be taking the piss out of him remorselessly until he dropped the attitude, and if he didn't then I would drop him

how do you all focus on your work if you’re so uncomfortable?

I like that separation from work and home. I don't enjoy wearing uniform/work clothes, but I have to due to my job. I don't like the idea of sitting around in my own home, with that attachment to work physically still hanging on to me. It comes off, gets washed and I leave that part of my life in the cupboard until the next day when I get it out again.

😂 tell him to f off he doesn't own u! Why does it even bother him I just don't get it.

I usually change in to my pjs as soon as I'm home 😂 more so in winter sometimes in summer I'll be in clothes until I go to bed so long as they are comfy.

I usually change into casual wear when I get home, but it is newish and clean and tidy. I would never put on PJ's until later in the evening after dinner. I buy casual wear specifically for the purpose, I don't relegate clothes to wear. Nor would I wear pj's until late in the day at weekends unless I was ill.

All that said, I cannot imagine being in a relationship so controlling that what I wear, or when I wear it, was an issue.

I actually know someone who wears an apron on top of her dress at home for housework and cooking.

I have 2 cats and 3 kids. I get changed into yoga pants and a tshirt or fleece in winter. I don’t want to get cat hair or juice stains on my work clothes. I also make my kids change out of their school uniform and hang up their blazers and trousers/skirts.

"I’m 26 so this was not half a century ago. I am more comfortable with a bra on, very confused by people saying jeans aren’t comfy clothes, don’t own joggers and I don’t even really know what loungewear is"

@PattyPan it's because you're 26 lucky bugger

Give it 10 years and you'll be ripping that bra and jeans off at the first sign of a pyjama bottom.

The thread seems to have turned into debate over whether OP is right or wrong for changing her clothes.

Everyone is different, I find jeans comfy and happily lounge around in them but my DP is straight into comfies when we get home if he’s been out and about in jeans or smarter clothes.

The important point is not whether this is normal or not normal (it’s both depending on your personal presence) but that her DH feels the need to comment and critique a grown woman and her choices of which clothes she wants on HER body.

He stormed out the room because she put a hoody on FFS.
He has massive fucking issues.

Who is this man??? Where did you find him??! I can’t fathom someone storming out the room because I was wearing a tracky.

He sounds utterly deranged.

He also sounds controlling and rigid and that your house is potentially a very formal and unforgiving environment for your kids to grow up in.

I wouldn’t stand for this bullshit. OP don’t back down for your sake and the sake of your kids who are growing up believing this is acceptable behaviour

Some of these remind me of Barney from How I met your Mother who even sleeps in a pyjama suit (the DC love this programme so probably been made to watch it too much)

But that i think is detracting from the OPs real issue which is that her home is run with her DH in charge like a military sergeant. Everyone should have the right to choose what they find comfortable

I don't want to lounge around in my nice clothes making them look scruffy before their time, sagging knees etc.

Nice joggers, t shirts and tops etc are fine for around the house. I even dress my three year old in comfy clothes because he has a lifetime of uniform or suits ahead.

I get home at 2.30 every day I am at work and by 2.35 my joggers hoodie and slippers are on . Yes it's unreasonable. Completely.

@PatsyStone39

Does he have a big cock? Because, if he doesn't, I would be putting him in a taxi to the local YMCA.

Howling

You have a point. He must either have a massive cock or a big wallet because I cannot fathom any other reason to entertain such absurdity from a man