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Original poster

DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

953 replies

DataColour · 05/05/2021 21:34

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

OP posts:

IrmaFayLear · 06/05/2021 10:17

I'm a bit conflicted on this.

Yes, it is good to be comfy in your own home. I'm in my pjs at 6 on the dot!

But... I suppose - and this applies to both partners - if you see your dh/dw dressed up with make up/hair done for work, but in your company they never bother, then you could think that although you are best pals, romance has definitely died.

I think particularly in the last year a lot of us have given up. What's the point in suffering a waistband or a nice shirt when you are sitting slumped at home or at risk of getting cooking splashes/food smells on things. It's also a slippery slope into wearing pjs all day and thinking it's never worth putting anything decent on.

I have actually made a spring resolution (luckily for me it's freezing outside!) to make more of an effort - for my own self esteem (although no doubt dh will appreciate the demise of my most holey leggings...).

talesofginza · 06/05/2021 10:17

He sounds rather control-freaky, and shouldn't begrudge you wanting to be comfortable at home. Let's face it, male outdoor clothes, including jeans, tend to be a lot looser and more comfortable than female ones. I've really noticed during covid just how uncomfortable bras, jeans and various trousers and skirts which are figure-hugging are, and I can't wait to get out of them when I'm at home. If my DP told me to wear jeans until bedtime I'd tell him to piss right off! (But then, it's also because it would be very hypocritical of him, as he is a loungewear-wearer too :) )

That being said, I think there is a big range in how stylish vs slobby loungewear can look. I definitely prefer it when my DP is wearing his nice, well-fitting and colour-coordinated lounge or sports wear around the house rather than items he's had for 15+ years which are baggier, have holes, are weird colours, etc. I would never ask him not to wear the latter stuff, but I do like it and feel more attracted to him when he's wearing the nicer stuff.

Maybe you could invest in some items which are comfy but also a bit more stylish?

Miriam101 · 06/05/2021 10:21

I mean, he sounds like a massive arse and I absolutely couldn't be doing with him BUT this thread is quite eye-opening for me: I genuinely had no idea this was a thing, that people change out of their clothes in the evening? Noone I know does this (I don't think, although of course I'm not in their house with them so maybe they do!) I have to say I don't love the idea of hanging out in my PJs, feels a bit...slovenly. So I do sort of know where he's coming from on that front.

But he obviously has no right to tell you what to wear and the idea he's storming out of the house about it is just absurd.

FoxgloveBee · 06/05/2021 10:21

I put clean PJs on at the same time as my daughter does (around 6.30pm) - after she has had a bath and I have had a shower. I didn't think it was a bone of contention for anyone!

I don't dress for anyone else and if my partner took issue with my PJs, I'd wear my period PJs (older, more worn) instead to piss him off.

thebeachismyhappyplace2 · 06/05/2021 10:21

cresside
“I'm going to go against the flow and say that I can see where your husband is coming from. Mine would definitely not like it if I wore jogging bottoms every evening. And if he's been doing sport (which he does a lot) he changes out of sports gear into something a bit smarter for the rest of the evening.

Being "comfy" isn't the most important thing in the world. It's also important to wear clothes that your other half likes. My DH has certain clothes that I hate, and I've told him, and he doesn't wear them in front of me any more. Same with me and a particular pair of jeans of mine he dislikes. It's fine! The idea of dressing up to look nice for everyone else, and not for your partner, is a bit sad to me.

Having said that it sounds as if there's a distinct lack of respect in your relationship, and you both need some help in expressing how you feel about things”.

Cresside - you sound like an incredibly insecure person if you can’t be comfortable in your own home!

nitsandwormsdodger · 06/05/2021 10:26

I change for comfort and because I have a dribbling baby who wipes her snot on me , don't want to have to wash and iron work wear everyday

Storming out the house!! Book therapy if you still love him , solicitor appointment if you don't

GADDay · 06/05/2021 10:27

Lol. Tell your precious DH that some women wear their leisure wear in the evening, go to bed in it and wear it the next day (with fresh knickers).

I do this often.

Alternatively tell your DH that he needs to hop in his time machine and bugger back off to 1950.

inmyslippers · 06/05/2021 10:30

I shower and get into pjs when I get home for day. No matter the time 😆

Quartz2208 · 06/05/2021 10:38

Loungewear is a huge thing at the moment and you can get designer stuff if you want as well Harrods even do it

www.harrods.com/en-gb/shopping/women-nightwear-loungewear

So it doesnt mean that you have to been in tatty horrible stuff - you can look actually really nice if you want in loungewear (if that is your thing).

I am trying to get better stuff than my holey leggings as well!

That aside OP he sounds as if he is taking it too far and trying to run the household to his rules. I am not sure I would want to live in a world where he is in charge so much of everyone else

theleafandnotthetree · 06/05/2021 10:44

@Fifipop185

DH has to wear a very formal uniform for work and the second he is home he showers and changes in to his fluffy onesie and slippers. He looks a total sight but is comfy and doesn't care about his appearance at that point. I don't care either! Your DH is being a nob OP, wear whatever you like.

I am sorry but a grown man in a onesie, how can you find someone sexually attractive if that's their regular attire?

osbertthesyrianhamster · 06/05/2021 10:45

@DataColour

Yes, i do worry about my kids living in a regimented household. My parents were the opposite of this - which DH reminds me about in a negative way quite regularly, lacking in etiquette/manners etc etc

The only conversation I'd be having with him is that I'd seen a solicitor. The fuck I'd bring my kids up like that.

theleafandnotthetree · 06/05/2021 10:49

@EggysMom

Reading this thread, I'm beginning to feel as though I'm the only Mumsnetter who is slouched on the sofa yet still wearing a bra by 9pm ...

No, you're not alone. And most people I know are the same as us.

tillyandmilly · 06/05/2021 10:52

Surely this is a joke?

FiveShelties · 06/05/2021 10:52

@theleafandnotthetree - me too, and often in jeans.

OrlandointheWilderness · 06/05/2021 10:55

WTF?! There is no way, and I mean NO WAY, I wouldn't be getting changed into comfy clothes in the evening to keep a man happy!

theleafandnotthetree · 06/05/2021 10:55

@Morgan12

What a dick.

Hes a weirdo for sitting around in his clothes till bedtime!

I change as soon as I'm through the door. Clothes are uncomfortable to sit around in at home.

He is most definitely not a wierdo for continuing to wear his day clothes in the evening, what a ridiculous thing to say. In fact his way was absolutely the norm for most of human existence up until a few years ago. And for all I know, is still the norm in many countries and cultures.

Dartsplayer · 06/05/2021 10:59

I out my pjs on at about 7pm, my DH doesn't get changed until he goes to bed. He has no problem with it whatsoever. Your H is an arse

Mummytemping · 06/05/2021 11:01

@Betalife

Tell him to F off.

Or provide for you so you can be a housewife. Can’t have it both ways.

I feel I just have to pull you up on this... as someone who has been a sahm (now working again) it would absolutely not be acceptable even if you never worked. We don’t buy control over people we love with finances. That’s coercive control.

@DataColour as everyone else has said, it’s totally abnormal and out of line. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

Tal45 · 06/05/2021 11:05

Does he own any jogging bottoms? Does he have any idea how comfortable they are compared to jeans.

He's being a dick but I'd see it as a challenge and work really hard at tempting him over to the dark side.

tenredthings · 06/05/2021 11:16

Fuck that ! Your husband has every right to prefer you to be smart but he doesn't own you and has no right to tell you how to dress or be moody if you choose to be comfortable. I'd go total grey rock on the whole subject. Be comfy, ignore his moods and don't engage in this controlling madness. Though I might be tempted to buy some crimplene, stretchy black 70's slacks with the crease sewn in just to take the piss.

AnnPerkins · 06/05/2021 11:16

I think the issue has moved on from loungewear now.

His behaviour is controlling towards you and your children. And he slags your parents off.

Does he have any good points OP?

SpringlikeBunk · 06/05/2021 11:18

onesie or slanket.

AryaStarkWolf · 06/05/2021 11:25

Yeah this would actually make me consider leaving and I'm not even joking. Home is where you're supposed to be the most relaxed and comfortable, literally the minute I get home from work I change into my lunge wear, DH does too, I love being comfy with him and I think he looks great whatever he wears. I know that actually sounds extreme but I love being comfy, someone trying to police me on this issue would seriously be a deal breaker for me, in fact anyone telling me what I can or can't wear ever would

AryaStarkWolf · 06/05/2021 11:26

*lounge

theleafandnotthetree · 06/05/2021 11:26

@thebeachismyhappyplace2

cresside “I'm going to go against the flow and say that I can see where your husband is coming from. Mine would definitely not like it if I wore jogging bottoms every evening. And if he's been doing sport (which he does a lot) he changes out of sports gear into something a bit smarter for the rest of the evening.

Having said that it sounds as if there's a distinct lack of respect in your relationship, and you both need some help in expressing how you feel about things”.

Cresside - you sound like an incredibly insecure person if you can’t be comfortable in your own home!

It's not about insecurity FFS, for a lot of people it's about self respect and WANTING to look and feel presentable and attractive and not like some sort of human blob. That is still allowed right? I'm a single parent so Im either just in the house with the children or on my own and FOR MY OWN sake and because it is better for my sense of self I only very rarely get into ultra comfortable clothes and more rarely still into pyjamas. It doesn't make me a wierdo or a surrendered wife or any of the other things which are being implied here. If that were the case, every generation of humans up until about 10 years ago were wierdos and freaks.

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