Page 17 | DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

Puntastic · 06/05/2021 07:56

He's completely wrong. EVERYONE puts their PJ's on in and evening if they're not going anywhere.

I wouldn't say that. If I put my PJs on in the early evening with no intention of going to bed, it signals that I've had a really tough day, feel ill or have a ton of work to do that evening. I do always get changed when I get home though, because I work in a school and schools are basically Petri dishes. I just change into a fresh set of day clothes. I get my toddler changed out of her nursery clothes when she gets home for the same reason.

ineedaholidaynow · 06/05/2021 07:57

@safiya7 a silk wrap/ pyjamas are your idea of loungewear, joggers and hoodies are the OP’s. What’s the difference, apart from probably the cost?

WorkWorkAngelica · 06/05/2021 07:57

Everyone is different though: jeans, silk pyjama shorts, these are both horrifically uncomfortable to me and I would never choose to wear them. Some people don't like joggers or pyjamas, either the look or feel of them. That's fine. The point is that it is up to the wearer to choose what to place on his or her own body, in their own home, when they are relaxing.

toffeebutterpopcorn · 06/05/2021 07:59

I have the most ratty dressing gown that is incredibly snuggly and cozy. I will wear it in bed when I’m feeling poorly. Yes it’s not pretty but it’s very comforting.

starfish4 · 06/05/2021 08:00

A home is for relaxing in and you need comfy clothes for that. As soon as we've eaten and washed up (with the exception of the summer when we might go/do something outside), I often go and change into my pjs and DH goes for a shower, then changes into pjs to he can relax.

EggysMom · 06/05/2021 08:00

Reading this thread, I'm beginning to feel as though I'm the only Mumsnetter who is slouched on the sofa yet still wearing a bra by 9pm ...

MariLwyd · 06/05/2021 08:01

Leave him and find yourself a man who thinks you’re still sexy in scruffy joggers!

My ex was incredibly controlling, tried to dictate how I had my hair, what makeup I wore, my clothes etc.

My current partner will give opinions on my clothes and new haircuts or whatever but won’t expect me to change them for him and seems to find me attractive anyway

BrownEyedGirl80 · 06/05/2021 08:02

I wear lounge wear/pjs from the minute I get in the door.Only wear proper clothes when I'm out.

EggysMom · 06/05/2021 08:03

Also, what are these UNcomfortable clothes that you all cannot wait to shrug off? I can understand not wanting to stay in blouse, smart skirt and heels; but I work in an office and wear tops, smart trousers, smart shoes - and only the shoes get removed at home because the tops and trousers are bought to be comfortable.

Livpool · 06/05/2021 08:05

I do this too and DH has never commented - why would he?!

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 06/05/2021 08:07

Stormed out of the house? That is the issue here ....not what random women on the Internet choose to wear in the evenings .
He's stormed out of the house to get you to comply to something, no matter how trivial it is , he needs to get his own way.
My ex was like this
EX.

SinkGirl · 06/05/2021 08:07

@cresside

I'm going to go against the flow and say that I can see where your husband is coming from. Mine would definitely not like it if I wore jogging bottoms every evening. And if he's been doing sport (which he does a lot) he changes out of sports gear into something a bit smarter for the rest of the evening.

Being "comfy" isn't the most important thing in the world. It's also important to wear clothes that your other half likes. My DH has certain clothes that I hate, and I've told him, and he doesn't wear them in front of me any more. Same with me and a particular pair of jeans of mine he dislikes. It's fine! The idea of dressing up to look nice for everyone else, and not for your partner, is a bit sad to me.

Having said that it sounds as if there's a distinct lack of respect in your relationship, and you both need some help in expressing how you feel about things.

You absolutely must be joking. Lack of respect? From him to her, clearly. Wearing comfortable clothes is not a lack of respect. How depressing.

Neither DH nor I dictate what the other wears, or think we have to dress in clothes the other likes. I might put on an outfit I know he likes if we are going out for dinner (rare occurrence even before covid). For us, being comfortable in our own home absolutely is what’s important. I would never look at DH in comfortable clothes at home and think he looks unappealing, and even if he did it’s not his duty to dress to impress me anyway, and vice versa.

If I’m not leaving the house, I wear loungewear all the time. It’s very nice stuff, probably the nicest quality stuff I own since it’s what I wear all the time. This is for a combination of reasons - we work from home, we have autistic twins to wrangle and chase around, and I have health issues which means tight clothes can be painful especially on my abdomen. Even stretchy jeans / jeggings / leggings hurt. I have some really lovely quality harem trousers that put no pressure on my stomach and a wide range of long sleeved jersey tops, comfortable jumpers, a few hoodies etc. The only real difference between what I wear at home and going out is I force myself into jeans. No way am I putting myself through pain and discomfort at home for no reason and DH would never expect me to.

I find this so strange OP. From all your posts he sounds like a bloody nightmare.

Hadjab · 06/05/2021 08:07

@cresside

I'm going to go against the flow and say that I can see where your husband is coming from. Mine would definitely not like it if I wore jogging bottoms every evening. And if he's been doing sport (which he does a lot) he changes out of sports gear into something a bit smarter for the rest of the evening.

Being "comfy" isn't the most important thing in the world. It's also important to wear clothes that your other half likes. My DH has certain clothes that I hate, and I've told him, and he doesn't wear them in front of me any more. Same with me and a particular pair of jeans of mine he dislikes. It's fine! The idea of dressing up to look nice for everyone else, and not for your partner, is a bit sad to me.

Having said that it sounds as if there's a distinct lack of respect in your relationship, and you both need some help in expressing how you feel about things.

The idea of being such a controlling weirdo, that you’d actually take offence at your partner’s clothes, for indoor use, is a bit sad to me. So your partner should be uncomfortable, at home, merely because you miss the strictures of the 1800s?

Confusedandshaken · 06/05/2021 08:08

@LawnFever

How bloody weird! Tbh I often just put my PJs on around 9pm if I want to feel more comfy - you’re a grown woman he doesn’t get to tell you how to dress!

I'm impressed you don't put your pyjamas on until 9pm. I've often been in mine 2/3 hours by then!

OP - YANBU. Your husband sounds very odd for getting into a strip about something so normal. I think most people like to change out of work clothes when they get in. It's not just about comfort, it's about marking the division between work and home. My DH has been WFH for over a year now. After 44 years of wearing a suit every working day he now wears trackie bottoms and a smart casual top. He still changes his top at the end of the working day!

safiya7 · 06/05/2021 08:09

ineedaholidaynow and WorkWorkAngelica- yes, of course and I agree. I’m just thinking there must be a way of compromise, that’s all. Maybe he doesn’t mind her getting changed as such, but just wants to see her in something still comfortable, just different. It doesn’t sound like he’s nagging her to wear full-on lingerie, maybe just a change?

senua · 06/05/2021 08:12

100% of people will say they change in the evenings!!!
Er, no. I don't change.
Why on earth would I want to make two sets of clothes dirty? I choose my own workclothes (i.e. not a uniform) and I choose stuff that is smart but not uncomfortable. I have no problem continuing to wear it in the evening.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 06/05/2021 08:13

@BrownEyedGirl80

I wear lounge wear/pjs from the minute I get in the door.Only wear proper clothes when I'm out.

Yup, same here. I'm surprised so many people sit around in their clothes all night. Must be really uncomfortable. As for the people who keep dressed up for their parnter, what a depressing way to live. I don't always want to be thinking what I look like around dp. He really couldn't give a shit, and if your partners can only find you attractive if you wear certain clothes, and moan when you don't, you may want to to think about finding someone that isn't so shallow. I can not fathom why anyone would come home from work and change into a new set of "day clothes" to sit around the house. You must go through clothes at some rate.

nevernotstruggling · 06/05/2021 08:15

We both do it in my house. Dp as soon as he arrives. We don't live together but he keeps trackies here. The ones he bought in Morrisons look dreadful. I call him onslow when he wears them 😂

I have a scale of skanky trackies the worst ones only get worn to cook the roast because of grease splatters 😂

I wear skinny jeans to go out usually I can't wait to get them off when I get home. I also wear court

neveradullmoment99 · 06/05/2021 08:16

@DataColour

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

Yeh. Tell him to f off. Stand your ground.

neveradullmoment99 · 06/05/2021 08:17

The point he is telling you what to do, wear etc. It's not on.

Eatingsoupwithafork · 06/05/2021 08:18

If I’m in for the night then my PJ’s are on as soon as I am through the door. He’s being ridiculous.

DastardlytheFriendlyMutt · 06/05/2021 08:18

I change as soon as I get home as well. It's gross to sit on your own sofa with the same pants you had on, on the bus or the train (if you commute) or in the office . Plus you are home and should be comfortable, I'm amazed you wait until the kids have gone to bed- thats more than enough. Your DH is weird.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 06/05/2021 08:19

@safiya7

ineedaholidaynow and WorkWorkAngelica- yes, of course and I agree. I’m just thinking there must be a way of compromise, that’s all. Maybe he doesn’t mind her getting changed as such, but just wants to see her in something still comfortable, just different. It doesn’t sound like he’s nagging her to wear full-on lingerie, maybe just a change?

It's really got sweet fuck all to do with him what she wants to wear at night time. She does not need to compromise. It's just not important.

Popcornbetty · 06/05/2021 08:19

Op I'm one step further along than you because you put loungewear on at 8 or 9pm? i would be in pyjamas at that time! Loungewear id be wearing sbout 4pm when back in with the dc!
Your dh is being totally unreasonable as nothing wrong with being comfortable. My dh couldn't care if i was wearing a plastic sack bless him but i guess that is the way it should be.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 06/05/2021 08:21

I actually can't believe he stormed out of the house because you stu know a hoodie on. How pathetic!