DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

[DataColour]

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

My exH did this. Its marvellous now he's gone I wear PJs all evening and in bed.
Some men just want eye candy l the time.

Crickey, that is not nice!
My husband and I have a shared pyjama/joggers/baggy t shirt drawer as I find men's lounge wear even more comfy than ladies. Whatever is at the top of the drawer is what I'm wearing when I get in from work.

@JetBlackSteed

He's the odd one not changing, surely? Everyone does. What does he stay "dressed" in? Office wear or jeans?

There's nothing odd about NOT changing. No, not everyone does.

But her DH has no right to object to her changing

@Crimsonripple

If I'm working from home I'm in joggers all day!!! If I'm in the office, I get changed as soon as I'm home into comfy joggers. Then pjs by 7.30pm!

Who on earth sits of an evening in their 'day clothes? I can't sit in jeans at home for any length of time!!

Well, I do None of my clothes are uncomfortable (wear dresses for work) and I don't own lounge wear.

But, OP, he's being ridiculous! You can wear what you want!

I stay in my day clothes all day. My DH wears a suit to work and gets changed into jeans when he gets home.

I must admit I wouldn’t be swept away if my partner only ever wore jogging bottoms and hoodies around me.

Sorry op but what a controlling prick.

I'm going to go against the flow and say that I can see where your husband is coming from. Mine would definitely not like it if I wore jogging bottoms every evening. And if he's been doing sport (which he does a lot) he changes out of sports gear into something a bit smarter for the rest of the evening.
Being "comfy" isn't the most important thing in the world. It's also important to wear clothes that your other half likes

oh god - have only read the OPs posts - but jeez. Nope nope nope. Being comfortable is pretty much the entire point of clothes. The idea that anyone thinks that anyone else should dress uncomfortably just to please them should get in the sea. Do you also advocate greeting your Husband at the door with a cocktail when he gets home from work?

My DCs think it's hilarious that "old people" (over 30s) wear jeans so much because they find them uncomfortable for lounging around watching TV etc.

OP sounds like your DH is having a bit of a Covid related stress attack? Even so - just tell him to butt out of how you dress.

My DP would never tell me what to wear.

Or how to have my hair styled.

Or how to conduct myself.

And I would never tell him either.

How very strange, of course YANBU. Is he this controlling in other areas of your life? What an OTT reaction to storm out the house.

Pjs and dressing gown on as soon as I can! Sometimes 4pm after school run, sometimes 6pm after I get home from work.

Net-A-Porter has this little number which might be what your husband is after. It's a little expensive (£1,500) but the great thing about that is how much effort it will convey (eg an entire month's wages)

A compromise as it is categorised as nightwear.

I get changed too, so does dh.
Op-ed does your dh wear a smart suit for work or is he more cadual, jeans etc?

Only read the OP but...Jesus, what a controlling wanker. How on earth do you live like this??

My father in law says if women are going to wear flat shoes, 'they may as well wear wellies'

I'm a Londoner and haven't worn heels for probably a decade.

Heels and dressing up is sexist and dated.

@DataColour

Together for 21 years. It's the only relationship he's had, but he claims that no other women change out of day clothes before bedtime.

Show him this thread if you're brave enough!

Or start an innocent poll in style and beauty and show him that.

100% of people will say they change in the evenings!!!

A few people have made the point that you should make an effort for each other. Well, that’s what you do when you’re having an evening out together or a “date night”. ExH and I always used to change into comfies after work, so then when we dressed up for dinner out etc, it made it more special. It wouldn’t have been a “treat” to see him in a nice shirt or whatever if he did it daily, and vice versa. There’s nothing wrong with dressing up for each other, but not as a daily requirement!

Wow. I'm not usually a LTB type but honestly this is absolutely crazy and I could not cope with it.

My DH looks incredible in a suit, and gorgeous in joggers, sexy in jammies. He just is (to me) because I love him. I'd never dream of dictating what he wore in his own home just to make me happy.

The thought of chilling on the sofa in my work clothes is making me feel tense. Yer man is a prick soz.

He would hate my family, we love a pj day!

Myself and my husband love and a wept one another for who we are, not how we dress.
The idea of staying in uncomfortable clothing just to “look nice” for your other half baffles me, no one could ever tell me what to wear just as I would never tell someone else what to wear!
Myself and my husband will wear pj bottoms or joggers in the evenings or if we aren’t going out at all for a day, neither of us have an opinion on what the other is wearing, we are both comfortable and the most important thing is spending time together!

I thought that one positive that came from Covid was that it is quite acceptable to go with the lounge look whilst at home. And not everyone looks frumpy in comfortable clothes.

The first thought that came to me was if you had a pair of those jean look leggings....... if jeans are fine for him to change into, why would the jean jeggings not be the same.

Jeans can look awful on some too btw. Are his making him look a million dollars or are they slouchy jeans.

I am a change into comfy clothes person too OP. I dont think there are many that are not. Home is where you should feel comfortable after all.

I don't know anyone who 'stays dressed' in day clothes when they're home! He's being odd!

A friend of mine won't get her hair cut because her husband "likes it long". I always inwardly roll my eyes a bit when she says it.

Ok, trying to think through what might be going on here. OP, you say lockdown has really got to him. Maybe he just feels a bit like Groundhog Day as you’ve both been stuck home with kids for a year and he sees you (in his mind) in the same old jogging bottoms all the time. He wants a change. This is probably why he’s talking about you going away for some time together, etc.

Storming out of the house is ridiculous and telling you not to have a shower is most peculiar.

Having said this, I have never owned jogging bottoms or hoodies - this is not inevitable “round the house” wear. To be perfectly honest, I would feel a bit frumpy myself in that if it was every evening and I wouldn’t have that kind of thing on when DH comes in. I’m just being honest. I guess I do (subconsciously) factor in the way he sees me, even casually.

As it’s getting warmer, I wear dresses most days and these are more comfortable than joggers in the evenings as well. If I’m wearing skinny jeans or more formal clothes in the day, I’m more likely to get changed as I find this kind of thing less comfortable round the house. But I just wear something like a silk wrap or some silk pyjamas with shorts. It’s about as comfortable as you can get. Hoodies and joggers are obviously fine, but I can see why he might not want to see you in this all the time. In his mind, he might see this as you not being bothered about him enough to make the effort? I’m sure you can compromise here. I’ve told my DH I really don’t particularly like the look of his cycling gear and also when he’s been boxing he doesn’t sit around in those clothes either because I really don’t like it. You do have to factor in your partner (even just a little) because things can start to grate otherwise.

I have no problem coming home from work and being in leisure wear / joggers but I do find getting into jammies at 6pm a bit depressing! It reminds me of when you are sick and/or it's just a a short run in to bed time as opposed to free time after work and before dinner. DH grew up in a house where his mum wore bedclothes all the time unless she was going out which I find depressing. I did ask my DH not to change into jammies when he comes in from work - no problem with joggers though!

Is he controlling in other ways too?