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Original poster

DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

953 replies

DataColour · 05/05/2021 21:34

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/05/2021 08:21

DataColour

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

Sadly here he is not just controlling you, from your writings he has now started on your kids too. This is no relationship model for them to be learning from either. I would seriously consider now making him your ex husband. Re him too, it is likely that one of his parents behaves the self same as well; such behaviour is often learnt from home.

LadyCatStark · 06/05/2021 08:21

It’s not about looking nice for your husband like you’re a 1950s housewife, it’s about being comfortable in your own home! He’d hate me, I’m in my Oodie by half 8 😂.

Popcornbetty · 06/05/2021 08:24

Infact to make a point change into lounge wear as soon as you get home. Everytime he complains make a drastic change to the opposite. What a cheek he has! What on earth does he wear around the house? A shirt and tie?

Christmasfairy2020 · 06/05/2021 08:24

Tbh I stay dressed until I have a bath then either put sexy nightie on or pj's and dressing gown depending on what the.plan is

PyjamaFan · 06/05/2021 08:24

I'm another one who gets changed after work; into either tracksuit or pyjamas.

My OH doesn't give a monkeys.

BeeDavis · 06/05/2021 08:26

He’s a knobhead! My fiancé loves me in leggings and loungewear, because it’s natural! Although he did say my bra I had on yestyeas disgusting - it is, it’s one of those I just can’t throw away even though it’s discoloured as it’s comfortable 😂😂 I’m currently pregnant so told him to fuck off and we just laughed! You should be able to have that banter with your other half!

supermoonrising · 06/05/2021 08:28

He is controlling with the DC's too. I'm happy to let them wear their pyjamas at the weekends till midmorning but he insists on them getting changed soon after breakfast. It's like being in the army.

He’s totally unreasonable to boss you around, but I think with regards small kids this isnt controlling at all - unless they are already 10/11+ ?

DorisLessingsCat · 06/05/2021 08:28

Being "comfy" isn't the most important thing in the world. It's also important to wear clothes that your other half likes.

I like my other half to be comfortable and happy. They are not an ornament for my visual satisfaction. Isn't that normal for a caring partner? As long as they are not stinky, stained or threadbare there should be no problem.

Sulking, storming out, controlling behaviour is all abusive behaviour. I'd seek counselling if I wanted the relationship to continue.

Aquagirl19 · 06/05/2021 08:29

He sounds like a prick. I change in to loungewear as soon as I get home. There's no way in hell my husband would tell me what to wear and if he did I'd tell him to f off.

donkeymcdonkface · 06/05/2021 08:30

Good grief - thats my favourite part of the day getting changed out of workwear.

DelBocaVista · 06/05/2021 08:34

Being "comfy" isn't the most important thing in the world. It's also important to wear clothes that your other half likes.

I despair....

My ex started by dictating what I should wear and when. Then it moved to how much I ate, my weight, my hair and make up.

It's controlling and out of order.

Middersweekly · 06/05/2021 08:34

He sounds unhinged! As soon as I’ve done the afternoon school run and any other runs I need to do I’m straight out of normal clothes and into lounge wear/ PJ’s/ dressing gown. Once the bra comes off it’s off until the next day. If your DH wants to sit there all uncomfortable wearing work clothes in his own home then more fool him! My DH often keeps his shoes on until evening time! It drives me round the bend him clopping about the place when he’s not going anywhere!

osbertthesyrianhamster · 06/05/2021 08:34

What's uncomfortable about jeans though? confused Jeans and a jumper is what I wear to chill out when I change out of smart clothes because those are casual, comfortable clothes. Or in summer, if it's hot, a dress.

You really can't imagine that some people do not like or find jeans comfortable Hmm? Sure you can't. I hate jeans. Prefer shorts to a dress in hot weather.

AlmostSummer21 · 06/05/2021 08:36

Second shower?? What do you do that's so dirty you need to shower twice a day??

Are you her husband??

You don't need to be 'dirty' to shower.

honeylulu · 06/05/2021 08:37

This is depressing to read. Not so much that he prefers you in certain clothes but that he thinks he has the right to demand that you wear what he wants, not what you want, and that when you don't he "punishes" you with criticism and storming off.

I also picked out of your posts his stropping about "lack of couple time". Is he effectively moaning and sulking about not getting the amount/quality of sex he feels you owe him as a wife? Boak.

I get changed out of work clothes after work. if I am doing exercise I put on gym gear and if I am not doing exercise I usually put on ... er.. gym gear because it is comfortable and practical and can be washed and dried easily. My work clothes are not uncomfortable per se but a lot of them (fitted wool dresses or suits) are dry clean only. When I cook my clothes usually end up smelling of what I cook so the gym leggings/tops that can be chucked straight in the laundry are ideal.

I find it a bit bizarre that your husband changes into casual clothes of his choice after work but thinks it is not OK for you. A lot of older people including my parents (age 75+) think jeans are "scruffy" and "awful" because in their day they were worn mainly by manual labourers. Tell him that!

Personally I don't find jeans very comfy for lounging or cooking/housework. Too restrictive of movement and too cold in the winter and too sweaty in the summer.

Yellow78 · 06/05/2021 08:37

Wow this insanely bizarre, my husband and I both change into our comfort clothes as soon as we get home. This is so controlling of him.

AlmostSummer21 · 06/05/2021 08:39

@DataColour

Together for 21 years. It's the only relationship he's had, but he claims that no other women change out of day clothes before bedtime.
How many other women does he spend the evening with.

He's beyond fucking annoying. Why do you stay with him?

Skyla2005 · 06/05/2021 08:39

Tell hiM to fuck off. His stormed out so lock the door

WorkWorkAngelica · 06/05/2021 08:41

He’s totally unreasonable to boss you around, but I think with regards small kids this isnt controlling at all - unless they are already 10/11+ ?

What? Of course it is. My kids are 3 and 5 and if we're not going anywhere they choose what they want to wear in the house. 5 year old chooses his jammies, 3 yo usually a dress. Why would you force them to get dressed for no reason but not an adult?

safiya7 · 06/05/2021 08:41

What time did he come back after his storming out OP? What’s did he go - the Tesco local for 20 mins?

PussGirl · 06/05/2021 08:42

I wear casual clothes to/from work and change into a uniform. Jeans and a top, never smarter than that. I don't change again when I get home.

Previously I have been a lot smarter for work and would always change on getting home into jeans and a top - I've never really worn loungewear.

Up to you though - not for him to dictate. My DP would never dream of doing that.

ExH (Ex notice) used to tell me I looked scruffy if I wasn't dressed up (with himself in tattered jeans, however) & also mentioned I wasn't tall enough to look elegant - I'm 5'4" so hardly a titch especially in heels when going out Hmm

SinkGirl · 06/05/2021 08:44

He has some serious issues IMO to link your choice to wear comfortable clothes to “disrespect”. It’s just such a bizarre attitude.

BlackCatShadow · 06/05/2021 08:44

I really hope he’s gone to the pub or a friend’s house and has relayed to them why he has walked out of the house in a huff, because I feel certain whoever he relays this story to will think he’s an arse.

SelkieFly · 06/05/2021 08:46

I'd hate that! obviously i'd wear comfortable clothes despite his going on about it, but the fact that he's said it now makes you feel tense. It's weird to not want your family to feel relaxed in their home! But what he WANTS is for you to dress UP at home.

Somebody said something about it being like you're in the military and I would feel like that. Others might say, oh come on just jeans and a top you can do that! But it's having to meet somebody else's high standard when you're at home is not on.

Foodisascience · 06/05/2021 08:47

The only comment DH has said about my clothes is he cannot fathom how I can manage to wear shorts almost all year round. He is someone who feels the cold and I’m the opposite, I have been swimming in January in the sea before and it started snowing.

My DH changes in to jeans after work and a hoodie, he only wears joggers for actual jogging.