DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

[DataColour]

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

Don't let him come to my house then. I've been known to do the school run at 315 and be in my pjs and dressing gown by 330!

@winched

Exactly, why should the person you love most be the person you make the least effort for?

I'm not sure how it's making any less effort though?

I used to be guilty of getting rid of clothes but instead of getting rid they'd actually just get relegated to "loungewear"... and that was kind of scruffy. I could maybe see the point if it was the same bleach stained, warped, bobbled set with random dobs of hair dye bullseyeing your nipples, day in, day out.

But if you just "commit to the lifestyle" () and get decent loungewear and PJs I don't really see the problem. Just buy nice stuff! As a pp said joggies are pretty flattering for most women's figures I think.

Plus, if we really have to turn this into WHAT THE MALE GAZE WANTS because it somehow makes people feel better about... themselves? Their poor neglected husbands? Then I think it's pretty fair to say that Secretary is all a bit TheSecretary(2002) and there's a fair percentage of men quite pleased that yoga pants are on the rise, and they don't have to follow their partners to the gym to see them... "I bought my GF the tiktok leggings" etc etc.

Do you see that you're contradicting yourself? On the one hand some posters, including you, are saying women look good in "loungewear" or it makes them look "hourglassy" (struggling to see this tbh based on seeing people dressed in this stuff walking around, most look like they've just rolled out of bed. But even if we were to accept that it apparently looks great...) simultaneously you're saying MALE GAZE etc, fuck that, who cares? It doesn't make any sense to hold both views at once. 🤷🏻‍♀️

To me, I hate "joggers" and think they look awful, on everyone. And it would feel slobby to wear them in the house. Fine for running on a cold morning in winter I guess (I hate mornings so never run then so have never felt the need to buy any for that reason 😂) but I'd not consider wearing them in any other context. But if people want to, obviously it's fine. We all have different tastes. The issue here in my view is that the OP's husband is telling her how to dress. Her taste in clothes is not really the point of the post. It's that somebody is telling her how to dress:

Speechless. He'd hate me. I change the second I get in the door, if not going out again, into comfy (absolutely non-sexy) pj's. If I know I have to dash out to pick up milk or something then it will be ratty trackie bottoms and old top until I can get back and throw the pj's on. If my DH acted like this I would have booted him long back.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does)

1. Yes is completely normal 2)Tell him to get to fuck, however bluntly you feel like saying that.

Tell him to F off! There is nothing better than coming home after a long day, freshening up and skipping in to your PJ's or loungewear, sounds like he is ogling you.

@DataColour

He's a teacher and is in a suit all day or cycling gear as he cycles to work. Then he changes into jeans/trousers and top till bedtime. I wear the hoodie and jogging bottoms perhaps 2/3 times before washing, is this skanky of me? But his main objection is that I get out of my day clothes. Utterly fed up with it. Everyone I go to put my evening clothes on I have to listen to him complain. He's an idiot.

Tell him his pupils are at school not at home, no uniform policy at home.

Exactly, why should the person you love most be the person you make the least effort for?

Because if I can't fart - hold your head under the covers - wear what the fuck I like and never wear make up, when can I?!
I don't even understand the male gaze bollocks comments I see upthread.
I'm swinging by as that can get to fuck

Im shocked at the responses telling OP she is unreasonable for not making an effort.

This is not the1950's. Tell HIM to wear a dress til bedtime, if it bothers him so much.

COMFORT WINS every time. 🌸

I hope you leave this man. Controlling the kids will have such a bad effect on them.

Being "comfy" isn't the most important thing in the world. It's also important to wear clothes that your other half likes. My DH has certain clothes that I hate, and I've told him, and he doesn't wear them in front of me any more. Same with me and a particular pair of jeans of mine he dislikes. It's fine! The idea of dressing up to look nice for everyone else, and not for your partner, is a bit sad to me

I wear certain clothes for work because that's what they demand of me. I think it's stupid but hey, I need the money! Luckily my husband isn't so demanding and doesn't give a toss what I wear, so I get to wear whatever I want at home. I don't need to worry about "dressing up for him", and if I did, I probably wouldn't be in the relationship in the first place!

He is concerned about the environment, while getting through three outfits per day...

Same. I'm confused by people saying jeans aren't comfortable! The whole point of them is that they're comfortable causal wear

Have you ever worn jogging bottoms? They're ten times comfier than crunchy stiff horrible denim.

I wore jeans for the first time in a long while the other day and when I got home I couldn't wait to get out of them. They're SO uncomfortable.

Ive not worn jeans in over 15 years 😂

@Ridgere

Same. I'm confused by people saying jeans aren't comfortable! The whole point of them is that they're comfortable causal wear

Have you ever worn jogging bottoms? They're ten times comfier than crunchy stiff horrible denim.

I wore jeans for the first time in a long while the other day and when I got home I couldn't wait to get out of them. They're SO uncomfortable.

I've worn leggings etc when pregnant and found them no less comfortable than jeans, except when massive and expecting a baby! I find jeans very similar in how they feel if they fit properly, I don't notice I'm wearing them. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Likewise with bras etc. Tights are uncomfortable but I ditched them years ago for stockings. I don't really wear any uncomfortable clothes much so I don't get this I suppose. If clothing is uncomfortable then probably isn't well fitting? I am very sensitive to certain fabrics or scratchy labels (I'm autistic) so hypersensitive about things touching my skin. Don't ever wear wool etc. But people describing jeans as uncomfortable was a shock to me, those are my comfy, chill-out casual clothes for "slobbing" at home, as another poster put it!

@Quaagars

Exactly, why should the person you love most be the person you make the least effort for?

Because if I can't fart - hold your head under the covers - wear what the fuck I like and never wear make up, when can I?!
I don't even understand the male gaze bollocks comments I see upthread.
I'm swinging by as that can get to fuck

Eeeewwwwww 🤢

If clothing is uncomfortable then probably isn't well fitting?

I'm not sure about that. Otherwise I could make you a pair of cardboard trousers and argue that if they're uncomfortable, it's only because they don't fit properly.

Denim isn't a "comfortable" fabric, regardless of fit. It's stiffer than both jogging bottoms and leggings. Cotton shorts or skirts are also infinitely softer and less restrictive.

If he can’t bear to see you in loungewear for an evening, how on earth did he cope with you being pregnant? Did he expect you to not wear comfortable joggers when heavily pregnant too? I gave birth 5 months ago and still wear my maternity pants because they are comfy and I’ll wear what the hell I want in my own home. DP has suggested it might be time that I start wearing sexier underwear again,but it’s a running joke between us. He would never dream of insisting that I wear anything other than what I was comfortable in. And I’m not saying that to brag, I just don’t think what your DP is expecting is realistic in a long term relationship. He sounds really shallow, immature and controlling tbh. How old is he? It’s completely ridiculous to have a temper tantrum over it as well. He needs to grow up!

@Ridgere

If clothing is uncomfortable then probably isn't well fitting?

I'm not sure about that. Otherwise I could make you a pair of cardboard trousers and argue that if they're uncomfortable, it's only because they don't fit properly.

Denim isn't a "comfortable" fabric, regardless of fit. It's stiffer than both jogging bottoms and leggings. Cotton shorts or skirts are also infinitely softer and less restrictive.

That's silly though. There are reasons we don't make clothes from cardboard, or metal, or ceramics. Jeans have persisted as a form of clothing for a long time precisely because they are durable and comfortable.

Like I said nobody should be telling anybody else what to wear so the OP's husband is a dick. I was just surprised that so many people find jeans uncomfortable when I am so sensitive to tactile stuff and get sensory overload from silly little things and have always found jeans a comforting, casual thing to wear for comfort. 🤷🏻‍♀️ We are all different.

OP It does sound like maybe some of this is anxiety. When you lose control of your inner world, you try and control your outer world. No one likes feeling out of control and so they see what they can control. Likely the clothes is just a symptom of the issue. Your DH also seems upset he can't go out and do things and it could be that just slumming around in the house is getting to him. I know for me, for the first few months I didn't always get dressed as my work doesn't require me to be on camera but it actually wasn't good for my mental health. I now get dressed and get out of pyjamas and joggers every day. I don't dress up but I put on jeans or some other non spandex kind of pants and I put on an actual top. It makes me feel more human in a year that has been really hard.

I think the two of you need an actual conversation. Go for a long walk and see if you can figure out what is under his controlling attitude and hash out a plan. You are now in a cycle or dynamic that is going no where and helping no one. Get out of the house and hash it out.

Next time he storms out of the house, have a bag waiting by the door for him. Fill it with lounge wear.

He's a teacher and is in a suit all day or cycling gear as he cycles to work.

Cycling gear? Oh he's leaving himself wide open to a whole load of comebacks when he kicks off about you being in joggers and a hoodie.

I usually have a shower, get into fresh loungewear, hair in a towel turban and stick stuff on my face (my husband keeps getting stuck to me- he finds it amusing). DH doesn’t bat an eyelid, but then he’s in PJ’s as fast as possible too (still smells lovely). If he wanted to stay in day clothes I wouldn’t care.

I find it odd, your home is a place for you to relax too, it sounds stupidly controlling. It would really piss me off if my DH started telling me what to wear or expecting me to make myself feel uncomfortable to keep him happy.

He’d hate me. I’m in lounge wear the moment I get in the house. Can’t imagine my husband giving a toss, generally he does the same.

Yeah, I don’t think I’d put up with that.

I get home and put pjs on.
I've been known to take online supermarket shopping in my pjs- your dh would be so cross!

He has no right to tell you what to wear

When are you allowed to wash your makeup off?