DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

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Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

Maybe he is at storming out point because he has made his point repeatedly and his partner is taking no notice of him? We're so keen to attribute bad behaviours/ malicious to men on here when sometimes it is not deserved.

He doesn’t have a point, he has an opinion and a ridiculous one at that. He’s stomping out like child because OP is standing her ground and not giving in to his demands, and nor should she.

Exactly, why should the person you love most be the person you make the least effort for?

Why should people at work get the benefit if you looking smart with nice hair and clothes and your life partner only ever get pjs?

@Judystilldreamsofhorses

Bloody hell, *@lucy5236* I am glad - I am 100% in OP’s corner!

Sorry 100% agree with your post!

PJs only as I get into bed here but lounge clothes straight after work. The risk of Bleach/ household chore products on lounge wear rather than work wear is preferable to me. Can you tell DH you’ve taken his comments on board & have upgraded to pure cashmere top/joggers x 2 sets from his account? Seriously he’s being a twat & needs to get over himself

It is nice to make an effort for your partner, and it’s OK to bring this up as her husband.

What is not OK is storming out of the house and expecting her to stop doing it! She doesn’t have to. I presume they have occasional nights out where they do make the effort for each other.

What a dick!

Getting into ‘loungeware/dressing gown’ is one of the highlights of my day evening.

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

Maybe he is at storming out point because he has made his point repeatedly and his partner is taking no notice of him? We're so keen to attribute bad behaviours/ malicious to men on here when sometimes it is not deserved.

His partner is taking no notice of him because she has already made her position clear. No matter how often he harangues her, it still isn’t up to him to dictate what she wears. He is the one who is clearly in the wrong here. And storming out because she won’t bend to his will is truly pathetic behaviour.

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

Exactly, why should the person you love most be the person you make the least effort for?

Why should people at work get the benefit if you looking smart with nice hair and clothes and your life partner only ever get pjs?

I'm kind of with you there. No harm the odd evening to throw on loungewear type things but if I only ever saw my other half in the house in these hideously unflattering outfits I'd think he was complacent or lazy or didn't much care what I thought of how he looked. A pair of comfy jeans and jumper or soft cotton dress is hardly Victorian corsetry is it? There are older farmers around where I live who wear a proper shirt and trousers out doing very active farm work. If they can manage that, I dont know why those of us who are mostly called upon to nothing more strenuous than sit on our asses have to be dressed like telletubbies.

But some comfy pjs and get changed into them in the evenings as that is getting ready for bed and surely he can't reasonably object to that??

And while she has every right to make her position clear, he has every right to find it really unattractive and unappealing that he only ever sees her in slobby clothes.
If she is ok with that, then that is fine.

I think Antiqueannie has a dose of Stockholm Syndrome.

Why do you think that?

I'm with you @Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow.

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

Exactly, why should the person you love most be the person you make the least effort for?

Why should people at work get the benefit if you looking smart with nice hair and clothes and your life partner only ever get pjs?

Where are you getting “only ever” from?

OP wears joggers after she’s been at work all day, so loungewear on from say 6pm - 10pm on weekdays. Presumably she wears other clothes when they actually go out or on weekends when she’s not exhausted from work?

If OP just wants to relax after work and not be a mannequin, he should respect that. Sometimes people get tired, both physically and mentally 🤷🏼‍♀️ Alternatively he should put in some effort to have a date night at home and give her a reason to make an “effort” and get dolled up if that’s what he wants

I’ve done the school run in my pyjamas

I sometimes spend the weekend in my dressing gown

Haven’t dressed up for OH in months

Your husband would divorce me!

@tenpast10

I'm with you *@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow*.

Me too!

He hasn't said he wants her dolled up though has he? Just not in slobs as soon as she gets home.

OP never said he “only ever sees her in PJs” or that she makes the least amount of effort from him either yet you’ve ran with that

@Porchie

I don’t change after work. But then I don’t wear uncomfortable clothes for work. I do get into my PJs if I have a bath before the evening meal. I don’t wear gym wear when I’m not exercising either.

I have to confess I would hate if my husband only wore joggers at home - he looks great in a suit but often changes into more casual wear. But not joggers. That said he shouldn’t be having a go. Or “storming” anywhere. That’s very immature.

Same. I'm confused by people saying jeans aren't comfortable! The whole point of them is that they're comfortable causal wear. To me jeans are my normal relaxed stuff to wear at home or on walks etc. If I have been to work meetings then I'd change from my smart clothes to jeans and a top/ jumper once I got home. At weekends I'd wear similar if not going out. PJs for bed or duvet days (rarity now with children!) and sports clothes like leggings/ hoodies/ sports tops I wear only for gym/ running etc, not around the house.

But each to their own though and nobody should be telling anybody else what to wear! What a douchebag. You're a person not an object.

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

And while she has every right to make her position clear, he has every right to find it really unattractive and unappealing that he only ever sees her in slobby clothes. If she is ok with that, then that is fine.

Of course it’s fine. She knows he doesn’t like what she wears. What is not fine is his incessant complaining about her choice of clothing (which evidently happens daily). Not to mention his immature storming out of the house. That sort of behaviour is quite troubling.

DH has to wear a very formal uniform for work and the second he is home he showers and changes in to his fluffy onesie and slippers. He looks a total sight but is comfy and doesn't care about his appearance at that point. I don't care either! Your DH is being a nob OP, wear whatever you like.

@MyDogIsDrivingMeMad

I am struggling to understand why it's OK to spend all your evenings with DH in clothes you wouldn't be seen dead in the supermarket in. Why are the people there more important than those at home?

That's backwards to how I'm thinking... In my marriage, our ability or willingness to "slob out" in front of one another is one more proof of the closeness of our relationship. I have to really trust someone to be comfortable enough to be myself in front of them.

But you see your "real self" as a slob? 😂

Seriously though it is very interesting how different people are. I don't own jogging bottoms and never have, I honestly don't get how jeans could be uncomfortable unless they are the wrong size? Really surprised by the responses. I would be disappointed if a partner always wore jogging bottoms in the house but wore nice clothes to go out. But then I have no intention of ever living with a partner again so this is not going to be an issue for me. 🤣

'Exactly, why should the person you love most be the person you make the least effort for?'

Why should the person you love not be ok with you being comfy and happy and relaxed in your own home?

It's not like she's never washing and dressing in clothes that she never washes either.

I would not like a partner who wanted me to dress in a certain way that I didn't want, in my own home, to look nice according to him.

If you love someone generally it's warts and all, surely. As the saying goes.

I ALWAYS change out of jeans into leggings/trackie pants/PJ’s when I’m hanging around my house in cooler weather. If it’s hot I wear loose shorts or a comfy dress or playsuit.
I have never known anyone who does sit on their own couch in jeans. Your DH is so weird.
What happens if you tell him he is controlling?

He sounds quite controlling! My work clothes are really formal... once I’m in the door at home it’s straight into loungewear/pjs for me .. now that I’ve been wfh I’ve honestly had days where I’ve been in pjs all day
my Dh Has never said anything about this, he frankly doesn’t care.
If you’re unhygienic I see why he might comment, but comments about appearance/style is overstepping the line!!!