DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

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Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

@Iggly

Does he think you’re an ornament?

This is the best reply!

He is unreasonable everyone knows once you are home its loungewear on and bra off once it's feasible!

I don't change out of day clothes when I get home but that's because my work dress code is very casual think social work, so leggings, soft dresses etc so very comfortable anyway and I cba getting changed once to get changed again into my pyjamas before bed, DH often changes out of jeans or trousers into pyjama bottoms or trackies , mostly after he's bathed DS and taken a soaking. I usually shower in the morning but if I have a bath in the evening I put clean pyjamas on after

Sorry OP that’s hard and really upsetting. My husband calls my evening clothes ‘road kill’ (basically a mismatch of old joggers / hoodies). However he totally gets that I want to be comfy and his reaction was to buy me some smarter (but equally comfy) lounge wear. I don’t think the sentiment is unreasonable (my DH much prefers my day clothes) but I do think his approach is not ok at all. Making you feel uncomfortable for what you wear is not acceptable - in fact, anything that upsets you repeatedly in a relationship isn’t acceptable really. I don’t say this on my high horse of perfection (my relationship is faaaar from it), but more to say that your feelings are totally valid. I would guess there is something else going on and he is directing his frustration / anger etc at you. It definitely needs talking through - head on and without letting him diminish the value of how you feel.

I actually find it yucky to stay in rthe same clothes as I’ve used out and about in the house, I always change as soon as I get in, as does dh.

Showering and getting clean for the evening and for each other is much more important to us than looks. We feel homey in our evening clothes.

I couldn't cope with this.

I'm changed into some form of leggings + housecoat or tracksuit combo the moment I get in the door. Even if I'm going back out in a couple of hours. It's just a habit now. Plus the pandemic probably made this worse because I realised just how uncomfortable most normal clothes are.

Then I get changed out of my lounge stuff and into my pyjamas after my shower, whatever time in the evening that is.

Sitting around the house in jeans seems like such a foreign idea to me now. I think fashions will change over the next decade and we'll be one step closer to space suits, which will actually just be fancy loungewear.

Our time is coming 🙏🏻

I can’t relax until I have put on my ‘chill clothes’, which I do as soon as I get home. Usually an attractive combination of fleecy joggers and a men’s wool jumper. Then pyjamas at bedtime. It’s part of the process of winding down for me. I have to look smart at work all day so helps separate work and home modes. How dare he tell you what to wear? How does it affect him in the slightest?

Going against the grain here.
My dh has been working at home for the last year and i am sick of the sight of him in joggers and a hoody.
I liked it when he wore a smart suit for work, a crisp shirt etc

Just him wearing jeans and a shirt is a huge improvement.

Surely there a compromise you could come to? Comfy jeggings and a t shirt or loose shirt maybe?

The only reason I don't change into PJs the second I'm through the door is because I have to give DS his bath and don't want them to get wet. The minute after his are on, mine go on.

So not OK to try to control what you wear in your own home.

I agree we should all be able to choose what we wear and it’s not anyone else’s business to dictate that

However, there is something about permanently being casual/scruffy around a partner and never actually seeing each other as anything else. Loads have said they don’t like their male partners in scruffs all the time, and I can see that it might make someone feel a bit fed up of all they ever get is the pj version of you.

DP and I are both WFH at the moment - I change as soon as I shut my laptop, into joggers, jumper, Ugg boots. Makeup off, contact lenses out, glasses on. I wear a nightshirt to go to bed.

DP actually used to change into jeans after work (from suit trousers, shirt, tie) but now he wears those all day and doesn’t change.

Often on a weekend if we are not doing anything I don’t get “dressed” at all, just a bath/shower then fresh house clothes. I am presentable enough if someone comes to the door, and could nip out to the corner shop for milk if we were desperate.

This is surely a wind up. If not what're you doing together? This can't be yhe first time he's shown this side.

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

Going against the grain here. My dh has been working at home for the last year and i am sick of the sight of him in joggers and a hoody. I liked it when he wore a smart suit for work, a crisp shirt etc

Just him wearing jeans and a shirt is a huge improvement.

Surely there a compromise you could come to? Comfy jeggings and a t shirt or loose shirt maybe?

Not unreasonable, and lots have said this. If it’s ok for people to be sick of the sight of men in joggers can’t men also feel women in joggers all the time might be a bit unattractive?

When I worked out of the house I changed the second I got home.

Do what you want but personally I don't bother because I wear comfortable clothes to work, they invented jersey dresses for a reason

Me and my DP literally put our pyjamas on as soon as we get home from work. If we’re going out afterwards we’ll wear our pyjamas until we’re getting ready to go out. Literally everyone I know has comfy lounge clothes or just chills in pyjamas. I can’t imagine how sitting around in jeans all evening would be comfy at all?

@Judystilldreamsofhorses

DP and I are both WFH at the moment - I change as soon as I shut my laptop, into joggers, jumper, Ugg boots. Makeup off, contact lenses out, glasses on. I wear a nightshirt to go to bed.

DP actually used to change into jeans after work (from suit trousers, shirt, tie) but now he wears those all day and doesn’t change.

Often on a weekend if we are not doing anything I don’t get “dressed” at all, just a bath/shower then fresh house clothes. I am presentable enough if someone comes to the door, and could nip out to the corner shop for milk if we were desperate.

But storming out in a huff over it and telling her not to shower??? He sounds like a complete control freak and I'd be shocked if this was the only issue.

Even the shower thing would be massive for most people but for OP it's a minor add on issue so who knows what other controlling behaviour he has. Some of which OP could be so Conditioned to that she doesn't even realise

He is being controlling. He's controlling when you shower and trying to control what you wear- by storming off he's making himself the victim ("look how much you've upset me".) This isn't normal, you shouldn't stand for it.

Wtf

Sorry @Judystilldreamsofhorses I meant to reply to the post from @Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow, not yours! This thread is moving so fast q😂

Maybe he is at storming out point because he has made his point repeatedly and his partner is taking no notice of him?
We're so keen to attribute bad behaviours/ malicious to men on here when sometimes it is not deserved.

Your DH is a numpty. Since I can remember I've changed into comfy home clothes as soon as I get in, as does DH. Even more reason to now with covid as it feels unhygienic sitting around if you've been out and about. Tell your DH to naff off.

The problem is definitely with him and not with you!!! Is he controlling in other areas too?

Not normal behaviour at all. Worrying in fact as it’s so controlling.

I LOVE fashion. I spend a lot of money on clothes and pride myself in my appearance - when I’m out of the house!!! The minute I get in the door for the day my make up comes off, wedding rings off, hair tied up and into a pair of sweats and my 5 year old baggy Dunder Mifflin sweatshirt!! Absolute bliss!!

My husband tells me I look nice when I dress up but he doesn’t give a toss what I wear when I’m lounging about the house.

Your husband shouldn’t care either. Tell him to do one.

Mmm, he sounds a bit of a dick and controlling to boot but I really don't get this obsession with what I'd call extreme comfort, as if anything other than a pyjamas or pyjama like outfit is the equivalent of chain mail. And it has seeped out of the home and into public life. A year into this pandemic and I am heartily sick of seeing men and women in the most God awful soggy baggy ugly clothes and long to see people make a bit of an effort. I wore a nice summer dress last summer around the village and felt like people were staring at me. I just think we have to maintain some kind of standards for our own self respect, out of respect for the people around and yes, to look attractive for the person we love. He is not looking for her to dress up, just not dress down so much. As an aside, all this comfort is a bugger in terms of not letting you know when you've put on a few pounds.

Bloody hell, @lucy5236 I am glad - I am 100% in OP’s corner!