DH taking pics without asking

[sierrahotelindigotango]

Long term lurker, first ever post. Been happily married for nearly ten years, together over 15 years. I've noticed recently that DH will sneakily take photos and or videos while we're having sex without asking or telling me. Is this normal / okay? No other issues in our relationship really. He's very respectful and loving generally. We have four kids and full on jobs running our own business so sex isn't as often as we'd both like... I don't know if I'm just being a prude or not.

Of course it’s not okay.

@Anothernick

I completely agree that taking photos without permission is absolutely wrong (and illegal). But you have done it before and there are no other problems in the relationship and IF you can prove he has only kept them for himself and not uploaded them anywhere then maybe a way forward might be found?

But serious words need to be had and he need understand the seriousness of the situation.

So you agree it's illegal but...

They've done it before so...

You get that's not how consent works right?

Op I would seriously ask him outright why he was taking photos of you without your consent. If he denys it or refuses to show you all the photos I’d be straight to the police for them to sort it.

Please don’t trust him. I know he’s been nice etc to you all of this time but look what he’s doing to you. The niceness is a manipulation tool and is why many women stay with their abusive partners, because the switch of behaviour confuses them and they can’t understand the shift.

This is awful - you must confront him

Now you know, he isn’t respectful behind your back. He doesn’t ask you because apparently your consent is low on his priorities. He’s a creep, urgh!

He isn’t respectful of you at all
This is totally unacceptable @sierrahotelindigotango
Listen to your instinct if something makes you uncomfortable

Wow I feel sick. Yuk!!! What an invasion. Op I am so sorry.

I don't have any advice that hasn't already been said by others. He has completely violated you.
So you filmed yourself before. That's fine, you consented to that. You did not consent to this.
Whether he's uploading them online, sending it to a lads group of pricks or keeping them for his own wank bank - it is disgusting, illegal and never ever ever ok!

This is so bad op I want to believe it’s not true. It’s so wrong . I am wondering where the images are going. Scary , poor you .

So very sorry this has happened to you and it is not your fault, this is all on him. He is not at all respectful of you as a person.

I would contact the police as a priority.

I’m worried that your sense of what is acceptable is so skewed. You say the rest of the relationship is okay but I wonder if there are other red flags aside from these assaults.

It is an awful thing to do. Horrendous and I’d be furious and extremely hurt.

No it's not okay. You could end up in the position of someone I know who's "D"h was uploading them to a porn site without her knowledge, she only found out when someone she knew saw her online after the whole town had seen the shared footage. Surprisingly, she believed his bullshit about "being hacked" and is still married to him.

Thank you. I didn't know if this was something most men did or not. I didn't want to ask my friends. I have downloaded Reddit but am almost scared of what I might find and don't know where to start looking. All I can really hope is that what he has is for his own use and not something he's shared.

He's almost certainly uploading them to a site where men post videos of women having sex with them. Sometimes including the woman's face.

Very disrespectful and illegal, without your consent. Id be worried that he was up loading it on the internet. Tell him to stop.

He may be using 4chan.

That's not OK and I'm a bit concerned that you even have to ask this question OP.

Of course he can't take pictures of you having intercourse without your consent. If you're not comfortable, tell him to stop!

Why haven't you confronted him OP? Are you afraid of his reaction?

I don't think you will find anything on reddit unless you know his username, could you find it out? There are thousands of pornographic subreddits out there.

So sorry op, this is awful and a massive violation. I think given you feel its a secure good relationship otherwise its understandable to feel confused, but know that its absolutely not ok and not normal

Look for the images on his laptop, OP, if you can. Perhaps there's a folder with them. You really need to confront him over this, it's totally wrong and awful for you. Those pictures could end up anywhere online, I hope for your sake they haven't gotten that far yet.

He wouldn't have anything with my face on because of the way he's doing it without my knowledge - a sweep of the bedroom hasn't shown up anything untoward. I haven't confronted him yet because I need to think carefully about what I say and what I want to do.

In my experience - he’s not telling or asking you because he’s uploading them or sharing them somewhere.
If they were for a personal or private use then they wouldn’t be secret/hidden angles, they’d be more open and you would be giving consent.

WTAF have I just read!!!

Of course this is not OK and no where near normal.

How has he been doing all this without you knowing?

Why haven't you said something? Like what the fuck are you doing you pervy dick!! What did you say when you caught the camera between your legs?

Jesus you could be on any site like porn hub, xhamster or worse.......

but I didn't want to talk about it with him without knowing if I was over reacting or not.

I find that you would think this so disturbing. You are absolutely not overreacting.

Thank you. I didn't know if this was something most men did or not

Not in my experience. This is every kind of wrong, and an abuse of trust.

I think you realise now from all of the replies on this thread that what your husband has done is so very, very wrong.